


Retrograde

by Cascada92



Category: Life with Derek
Genre: Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:28:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 119,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27522304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cascada92/pseuds/Cascada92
Summary: When Casey finds herself heart broken, she seeks comfort with Derek, only to have the most passionate night of her life. She finds out she's pregnant, and they move in together to try to co-parent.***Reclaimed story*** I originally posted this story under dasey2020 and I orphaned it and deleted my account, so I'm just taking this story back.
Relationships: Casey McDonald/Derek Venturi
Comments: 106
Kudos: 58





	1. Baby Fever

**Author's Note:**

> ***Reclaimed story*** Hi guys, I originally posted this story under the user dasey2020 but I orphaned my works, due to sad circumstances. I am only reclaiming back the current WIPS but hopefully I can get back all my original material with time.I'm so sorry for disappearing, I hope to receive another chance. I am posting chapters slowly just to get this story out again. If you liked and were following the original story, please do so again, it would mean so much to me. Thank you <3

Holy Crap.

Casey stared down at the stick with horror, shock, and queasiness. It couldn't be true, this couldn't be happening. She slid down the wall, sitting down on the floor, gasping. She felt a wave of anxiety hit her. All her life, she had planned every day, week, month, and life in specific sequence. And in one moment, everything changed, she felt tears slip down her cheek. Nothing about this was simple, it was bad enough she got pregnant one year before University graduation, but she got pregnant with the one person that would make an already complicated situation, even more complex. Those two faint lines were brittle dreams crumbling around her. How could she have allowed this to happen? She was the responsible one, always abiding to the rules and yet here she was, contemplating what to do next. She couldn't contain it, she wept. She wept for what she couldn't control, wept because she had allowed this to happened, wept because she couldn't blame him entirely, and wept because she knew she wanted to keep the baby. She had been extremely emotional for weeks, and she thought it was because of him the entire time. Yet it seemed her emotions were wrecked through something much deeper. She was pregnant with Derek's baby, with her step-brother's baby. She felt devastated, and at the same time, she wanted to keep it. How could two opposite feelings meet in the middle? It made no sense.

For the past few years, her relationship with Derek was estranged. They weren't necessarily on bad terms, it just happened naturally. Derek's schooling ended up leading him to a life of hockey, he was quite popular around school, and had a different group of friends than her. As for her, as always she was odd and unrefined. She made a couple good friends, and had many acquaintances. She dated a couple guys, and from what she could see Derek had no problem finding dates. It still irritated her beyond belief to see him with anyone, he would walk around campus with that doofus smile, and would taunt her with his dates as per usual. There were a few times where Derek would come sit by her favorite study tree, and they would chat easily. They saw each other for family dinners, and would run into each other all the him. He would tease her as she barreled by him, for walking around with her nose in a book.

Truthfully, there was little to complain about, for years she whined about Derek's closeness to her. She wasn't prepared to ...miss him. It was only a little bit, but it was enough to make her ponder why she missed him. Derek's hockey fame had gone to his head a bit after getting discovered by a scout. She had congratulated at the dinner with the family, she was honestly impressed. It wasn't long before Derek became even more annoying and his jerk tendencies went through the roof. Derek had always been cocky, but the way he walked around school resembled a peacock, completely showing off. If he wasn't popular before, he was now. He was constantly followed by groups of girls, and that's when everything changed. She never got any time to talk to him, he was always busy. Derek finished his schooling, and started playing hockey professionally. He was like a ghost for an entire year, and then suddenly two months ago, everything changed.

* * *

Casey started a romance with a guy she met at the gym. His name was Vincent Dimarco, he was tall, blonde, and extremely attractive. Her dating life had been a mess the past few years, she had a couple long term boyfriends, but no one really got her attention until Vincent. He was in school to become a math teacher, he was kind hearted, goofy, and sweet. They dated for a whole year, and one day, she discovered him with another girl. She walked in on them when she wanted to surprise him one night. It shattered her to pieces, and she ran out of that room before she could form a word. Her phone rang again and again, but she hid in her room, crying her eyes out. She wasn't sure if it was the moment, but suddenly she was dialing a number she knew by heart, but never used. Normally she would have called Emily, or Lizzie, but as she dialed the number urgently, her heart raced wickedly.

As the phone rang, she sat listlessly. "Hello," came his velvety voice.

She gripped the phone tightly against her cheek. "Der," she said through hard sobs, "I'm sorry to call you like this, out of the blue. It's just I have no one else to turn to," she sniffled, annoyed at herself for being such a cry baby and towards Derek of all people.

"Case, what is it? I can come over if you want," his voice sounded so soothing and she was trembling.

"Yes, please," she heard a brief goodbye and hung up. She paced around the apartment, wrestling with herself. Why did she call him? Obviously heartbreak made all logic disappear.

About an hour later, she opened the door to find Derek. He looked different. Somehow, he looked more mature. His eyes looked tired, but that same deviltry existed behind them. He buffed out, his hair was short, and styled. He wore an expensive looking leather jacket. He brought coffee, and chocolates. It was so uncharacteristic and sweet, and he smirked at her slowly.

"Thought you could use some coffee," he handed it to her and coyly smiled, noticed her eyeing the chocolate. "I'm sure you will depress me, which is why I brought the chocolate for me," he said tauntingly.

Casey found herself laughing, she missed his teasing ways. She moved over to let him pass, and he laughed as he handed her the chocolates. She watched him silently as he went to her couch and put his feet up on the coffee table. It should have annoyed her, but it was so typical Derek it was hard to be angry. "So, long time no see," she said timidly. "What rock have you been hiding under?"

Derek smiled, as put his arms behind his back. "I guess I have been a little scarce, but what can I say, I'm becoming a hockey legend. It doesn't leave a lot of time for me to see anyone, I hardly see my shadow that's how busy I've been."

Casey sat on the loveseat across from him, and she just felt this fullness in her heart, she really did miss him. Not that she would ever tell him that. "I don't see why you can't text me or your family from time to time just so we know you're not dead."

Derek chuckled "Well, I'm not dead. And I'm here, now." The way he said it was so gentle, it made her do a double take.

"Would you like anything to drink? I have some wine," she said as cheerfully as she could.

Derek eyed her with surprise. "You're offering me alcohol? This can't be good news," he said with alarm.

Casey got up and went to the kitchen and poured a glass out for him, and one for her. "Must be worse than I thought, if you are also drinking," he muttered.

She tried not to sniffle or cry, but she couldn't help it. "Just I know how much you hate tears, and you will definitely be in the presence of me bawling." She handed him the glass and sat beside him.

"What happened?" He leaned in towards her, and the eye contact was too much for her.

Casey felt the tears well up again. She was flustered. She took a swig of the wine. "Vincent cheated on me. I just can't believe this, why does this keep happening to me?" Her voice cracked. "I mean is there something wrong with me?" She stared ahead, too embarrassed over letting all her emotions out to him of all people.

She waited for the laughter and onslaught of jokes, but Derek was surprisingly quiet.

"He's an idiot. A blind idiot. Don't blame yourself." She thought for sure she misheard him, and very slowly, as if moving through water, turned to face him. He looked concerned, angry, and shocked by it.

She shrugged defeatedly. "You don't really know that, I guess I was just so focused on school, he probably felt left out and rejected. Maybe I pushed him to that extreme. Or Maybe I'm too demanding."

Derek reached for her, holding on to her shoulders. The act made her freeze. "Case. He was obviously a loser that didn't know what he had in front of him. He's a moron," he said bitingly. "You don't deserve that, and let me tell you I'd love to pay this guy a visit. Who does he think he is?"

Casey sniffled, "You're just saying that because you're my brother," she said glumly. She met his gaze and he gave her a turbulent look.

"Step-brother," he said with a bit of annoyance. "There's a big difference and you know it."

Oh she knew it, no matter how many times she told herself Derek was her brother, it just didn't seem right. "Derek," she moved away from him. "Is there? You have always treated me as a sister. You teased me, made fun of me, did so many things to me that scream brotherly. How is it not the same?"

She heard him breathing in sharply, "It just isn't. And as your step-brother, I have no real reason to tell you any of that unless I meant it."

She felt herself flush, and thanked him. He leaned back on the couch, and he sipped on the wine. They ended up talking for some time, he told her all about his hockey and how amazing it was. She just lingered on his every word, the liveliness of his voice, his usual high spirited self. Was Derek always so captivating? After a long pause, he threw her a dazzling smile.

"Want to watch a cheesy movie? Maybe that'll cheer you up," he elbowed her playfully.

"You would stomach that for me?" She asked with surprise.

Derek sighed with agony, "Normally, no, I would run away if I could. Nothing sours my mood more than unrealistic gushing and sappy declarations of love." He shivered, and gave her a little smirk. "But, you clearly need cheering up, so I'll just die in silence."

Casey smiled tenderly. "As sweet as that is of you, I for once agree with you. Romance feels dead to me now, thanks to Vincent." She looked at her glass of wine, and drank it down. She felt Derek's intense gaze on her.

"Woah, take it easy Case," he warned with a crooked smile. "Trust me, Vincent is not worth you feeling all sick tomorrow with a hangover. I can't believe that jackass had the nerve to do that to you. And he messed you up bad on top of that, if it managed to kill your romantic nature. Do you want me to go find him and give him a talking? " He looked so angry for her, and it felt nice to have him care for her to that extreme.

"No, he's not worth it. I'm just ignoring his calls now." She said with a tight smile.

Derek moved a little closer to her and put his arm around her supportively. "What would make you happy tonight? It's killing me that you're so sad, and it's not just because I hate tears."

Casey felt warmth spread through her, maybe it was his attentiveness, but something needy and cloying with in her that started brewing. Maybe in the back of her mind, she just wanted to feel better. Or maybe it was that this scenario had played in her head begrudgingly for years. Derek was there, after a whole year of not seeing him. And he was present for once, and there he was, trying to cheer her up. And as she felt his arm around her, she suddenly became extremely aware of him, she wanted to kiss him. She wanted to pull him in closer to her, she wanted something too crazy to even consider. The thoughts went through her in unsettling jolts.

"I think I know what would make me feel better," She was choking on air. Her heart was racing a million miles per hour. She turned to look at him, and he was smiling at her. She took a moment to take him in, he was right there was a difference between brother and step brother. And as hard as she tried, she couldn't seem to see him as a brother. The brewing intensified in her stomach. She just wanted one night with him, she wanted to tear down that hovering tension that had existed for years. She was tired of fighting it, and she couldn't find a reason not to give in.

"Oh yea? Please don't tell me you're going to make me do a silly dance for you, or make me study with you?"

She shook her head slowly, and he laughed. "Fine, whatever you want, it's yours. Just for tonight though, you won't catch me any other time making a fool of myself."

Casey felt the tension boiling over, and suddenly it was as if he was so clear and in her line of vision. She could see every detail about him, the way he was smiling at her, those dark eyes surging with care and sweetness. It grappled at her heart, he was so...beautiful. "Just for tonight," she echoed back, and he looked at her with confusion.

She took a deep breath, and moved closer to him. Everything in her was screaming at her to just do it, take the plunge. His eyes went wide as her gaze dipped to his mouth. It looked so tempting, so inviting, and Derek didn't have a moment to say or do anything, because she closed the distance. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and pulled his head down with a force that she couldn't seem to mellow out. Nor did she want to. The moment she felt hip lips against hers, she was dying for air. As if Derek had taken her very essence from her, and she kissed him with intense longing. He was shocked momentarily, but she didn't ease up. She had taken the leap, and now she just couldn't hold back. Her hands gently soothed the nape of his neck, as her mouth chased for his kisses. And then he responded with a blinding ferocity. He crushed his body into her, wrapping her up in his arms and pulled her towards him. She felt comforted, secure, and the rampant need was surging through her. His hands were suddenly in her her hair, and as he deepened the kiss, she sighed. "Derek," She heard him trying to catch his breath, and could feel him trying to pull away.

"Please," she murmured, "Just for tonight. Pretend I'm not me, pretend we are not step-siblings." She looked him straight in the eyes, his lashes heavily rimmed his eyes intense like molten lava. She threaded her fingers through his hair, she was trembling. His hair was much more softer than she imagined. "Derek, please be with me tonight," she said with heavy emotion.

"Case," he said raggedly. He looked completely shaken up and surprised. "I can't just pretend you're not you, you're not like everyone else." His words seemed logical, but she could see the yearning emanating in him, could feel his arms move around her like manacles, holding her still. "You're upset, you're just trying to make yourself feel better, and tomorrow you'll regret this."

She shook her head adamantly. "I just want to live dangerously, for once. Please don't feel guilty, I just need this. Please." She moved in again, and kissed the side of his neck teasingly, she was going to use her persuasion skills to get what she wanted. Derek's was sighing harshly, and in a matter of seconds Derek's hands were in her hair urging on.

He breathed, "Oh, Fuck." She normally hated cursing, but she knew what it meant. He was going to give in to her request. She closed her eyes, just letting him touch her however he wanted. He cradled her face softly, the soft touch made her melt into him. She bit her lip in response. And the she felt his mouth at the corner of her eye, making his way down. The blistering kisses could be felt through her entire body, and when his mouth captured hers, she groaned deeply and he kissed like he was possessed. It took her breath away, and she was trying to pull him even closer. Derek pushed her back on the couch, and his body on hers made her lightheaded. He was like brimstone, hot all over, and kissed her so hard that he was pushing her deeper into the couch.

She writhed against him, nothing had ever felt so good in her entire life. She always expected Derek was a good kisser, but she wasn't prepared for this. Every kiss had a different meaning behind it, sometimes it was passion, sometimes it was longing, other times it was urgent and unrestrained. And then there were the sweet and tender kisses, those made her brain short circuit because a tender kiss had never felt more lustful in her entire life. Everything around her was blurry. Every kiss was different, and she wanted it all. Her hands were suddenly rampantly trying to remove his jacket, and he broke the kiss. He was panting heavily, and let her take it off. She needed it, she needed him. They undressed each other with blindness and desperation it seemed, he grappled for her shirt and took it off lightning fast. His hands moved over her skin in dizzying motions and she was flushed all over.

"Case," he sighed her name unevenly, "Let me take care of you tonight. I just want you to forget that jerk, okay?"

She blushed and managed to nod. "Can't even remember his name right now."

He kissed her throat until he reached the throbbing pulse. He kissed that spot deeper, and he breathed against that spot. "Good. Mission accomplished, but I'm not done yet." She buried her hands in his hair and pulled him down, and his mouth was everywhere. He explored her with intentional kisses, and she could barely remember her own name.

Derek made everything swirl with dark, crimson passion. The power in his touch made her quiver uncontrollably. He made her feel things that she never felt before, he was intent on making her feel good and she tried to keep silent but the moans kept slipping out of her mouth unchecked. Derek was truly gifted, not that she was surprised. She lost count of the amount of times he overwhelmed her senses. She was starving for him, and then everything changed. She needed to touch him, needed to run her hands over his skin, for her own curiosity. For as long as she could remember Derek would barely let her touch him, but now she had a rare opportunity to do it. And it felt so good, touching him made her swell with more desire. He was the only thing that existed in that moment. He seemed to take delight in her conflicted feelings of wanting it, but also questioning why. Eventually, there was no more fighting her mind, it went completely dark.

"Please, now." He seemed hesitant at first, but she clamped on to him tightly. "It's okay," she sighed, "I'm on the pill." She said urgently.

He looked down at her for a long time, she couldn't tell what he was thinking, but maybe this was much more intense than he bargained for. The passion laced eyes, the colour in his cheeks, was a look that was so astonishing and it took her breath away. But this was Derek, she knew this wouldn't mean anything to him tomorrow and the glumness of that hit her, it only made her want him even more. This was a once in a lifetime, a rare giving in of indulgence. She didn't remember who made the first move, but suddenly they were moving together, flushed against each other tightly and he kissed her wildly as he gave in to her. He was careful, but in his eyes she saw a roaring intensity, and soon enough she was responding to him without any shyness, the ocean of pleasure opened up. She was so lost, but in his arms she was found and she wanted to hold on to the moment just a while longer. She gripped on to his back, sighed his name over and over again. There really was no other name of her mind but his, Derek. The most infuriating name, yet it felt so right to say his name in such circumstance, and he seemed to be unraveling as she kissed his ear, repeating nonsense in his ear. The explosion came quick, she wasn't aware of anything other than the crackling flames of what he was causing in her.

One time turned into a full night of indulgence. Once was not enough for her, and he seemed unsatisfied as well. They went to her bedroom, and she shut the door. Derek was hers for one night, and she wasn't going to let this stop until she was forced to. It seemed impossible to feel so much all at once, but afterwards when they were both spent, and exhausted , she laid in his arms with a dazed expression. He seemed speechless, watching her with drowsiness, but he seemed content. Did he feel what she did? She didn't want to ruin the moment, so she just leaned into his body and closed her eyes. She didn't want to say anything to interrupt the moment. He rubbed her back in gentle glides, soothing her, and she could feel herself drifting off. She ended up falling asleep in his arms.

When she woke up, Derek was busily putting his clothes back on. She looked at him with a mixture or confusion but also dawning realization. While she had drank a bit, she was fully aware of what they did and she felt that blush spread through her. It had to be the most passionate night of her life, she just couldn't seem to forget. Shyness bombarded her as she watched him, she felt her eyes just take in his back, powerful muscles trained by endless hockey. She felt that acute swirl of desire stir within her again, how was that possible?

"Hi," she said timidly.

Derek stopped in his tracks, turning around slowly to look at her. The light soaked through the blinds, and it touched the side of his face. He looked almost angelic. She smiled a little, but he was looking at her in away she couldn't identify. He didn't smile, he seemed extremely perplexed. Oh no, He looked guilty, extremely so. She felt the anxiety bolting through her, and she didn't want to hear the words he was thinking. So she put on a confident smile, "Derek. Thank you for being there for me, and as promised this was just a one night thing. Already put behind me, okay? No hard feelings," she said cheerfully.

Derek glared at her, as if she had just given him the biggest insult. "You're speaking my language. Usually the girls I take to bed can't get enough of me, but hey, I'm glad I was able to satisfy your quench for revenge." She couldn't quite detect his tone of voice.

Casey felt his words sting her all over. "Well, you succeeded in helping me forget, that was the point right?"

He laughed dryly. "Right. Clearly I was a good enough actor that I could pretend something I didn't feel," he said smugly.

Casey's mouth dropped. "You're saying you faked it? The whole night?" She said accusingly. He simply nodded, giving her that damn smirk.

"Well, I faked it too," she tried to get even.

Derek rolled his eyes and moved away from her, "I just wanted you to feel better, and that's what you asked for, so I did it. Simple as that. Don't see the point in trying to debate this, but you, are a terrible actress. And you liked it well enough to beg for seconds."

"I didn't beg, also I don't remember you at any point stopping. You seemed to enjoy it, I'm not that dense Derek. Must I remind you all the things you said to me in the heat of it?" She was highly insulted. During the second and third time, he was completely out of it, saying things like "You're so hot," or "Damn where did you learn that?" or "Oh, don't stop." Whenever she tried to please him.

Derek looked away, taking his time fixing his shirt. "I'm a guy, Case. Sex feels good, no matter who it's with. Doesn't mean I was into you."

Casey could feel the anger bolting through her in spurts. She wrapped the sheet around herself and stood up, walking towards him with lighting in her eyes. Derek backed up a bit, "So that's it, it was just pity sex for you?"

Derek shrugged, and plastered a deviant smile. "It was only one night as you said, so why does it matter why I did it? You were comforted, and hey I got to have sex, can't complain entirely."

Casey wanted to punch him and hard. Sure maybe she stated it was a one night thing, but to hear him admit it was such a casual experience cheapened everything she felt during the night. "Great, so I was trying to get over a jerk, by being with a jerk, clearly I'm stupid!" She turned away feeling the helplessness of the situation consume her.

She could hear Derek gasp behind her. "Case, there's a difference between me and Vincent. Vincent was in a relationship with you, he was committed to you. I am your step-brother, who you wanted to use as a distraction for one night. Don't pretend this is all on me when you used me, and hey, I was okay with that. I know it meant nothing to you, so don't you dare turn this all on me." He sounded a little wounded, his male ego probably.

Casey was trembling. She didn't use him, she wanted to say that nothing that happened was premeditated. That for once she made an impulsive decision, and yes it made her feel better, but she didn't use him to get over Vincent. He didn't even come in her mind once during the entire evening. Derek had her entire attention, and she wanted to be with him, because god help her, she missed him. And he clearly didn't realize that she had a weakness when it came to him being sweet to her, but he was too stupid to realize it. There was no point trying to defend herself, because there was a good chance she would say something stupid. She turned back to look at him and gave him a defiant smile. "Get out, and don't ever talk to me again,"

He laughed loudly, "You just read my mind. See you at Thanksgiving, I guess."

Derek gave her one last stony look over his shoulder, and he paused. He seemed to be looking up and down her body slowly, but before she could process if it was true, he left. She waited until she heard the sound of the door closing outside, before screaming into her pillow. She should have known, she asked for Derek to be himself with her and somehow thought she was the one that changed his ways. As if! She was such an idiot, there really was no room for mending a relationship now, not even a friendship, she knew it. Yet as angry as she was, she couldn't regret it. Why didn't she regret it?

* * *

Casey spent all day in her apartment, trying to figure out if it was worth even telling Derek she was pregnant. She knew he would pretend that night never happened, but at the same time her high moral standard made it impossible. She didn't expect anything from him at all, and was sure he'd just laugh it away. She wanted to confirm the pregnancy, so she called her doctor and set up an appointment. It was so strange entering a sterile environment like that. As she waited for her results, she pondered her life decisions. Did she really want to go through this? This was a baby, a huge responsibility. She'd be derailing her immediate plans, and she would be a single parent more than likely.

The doctor came in and she sat up, looking at her with alertness. "Miss Mcdonald, congratulations. You are six weeks along. Would you like to do a sonogram now?"

Casey felt her heart thump merciless. It was true, it was real. She was pregnant. She nodded slowly. She was stars truck completely. As the ultrasound began, she saw the little fluttering and she could feel the tears emerge. That little flicker made everything in her fill up excitement, she wasn't expecting to feel that. That flicker was so beautiful, so tiny, but already had stolen her heart. She sobbed. You're the love of my life, she whispered softly at the screen. She felt that protectiveness. The fear of the unkown suddenly vanished for a moment, and she marveled for a long time. This was Derek's baby, Derek. She felt that surge of protectiveness take over her, she wanted this baby more than anything. It alarmed her how quickly she went from being emotional and devastated, to suddenly falling in love in one moment. Casey drove all the way to Derek's apartment. She felt jittery, but at the same time no matter what Derek's reaction was, she wouldn't let that dictate her decision. She was keeping this baby, she didn't care who she had to face to make that a reality. She buzzed his apartment.

"Hello,"

Casey took a deep breath, "Der, it's me. I need to talk to you." She waited anxiously for a moment, wondering if he would just pretend he didn't hear her, but the door swung open. You can do this Casey, it will be okay, she told herself over and over as she climbed the stairs.

She knocked on the door, and waited. Derek opened the door, and she felt nausea wreck her entire body. "Hi," she felt ashen and shaky all over.

Derek stared at her blankly for a while, "What do you want? I thought you never wanted to see me again."

She shrugged, hanging her head. "I...you know I didn't mean it. I was just angry for a moment, but it's passed. Can we talk please?"

Derek chuckled, "Alright, but if you think for one moment you will waltz in here and continue where we left off, you can turn around this instant. That is never happening again," he warned. When she looked up at him, she thought there was fear in his eyes, as if he was afraid she would try seduce him, was it really that awful for him? Was it truly such a sacrifice for him?

"Trust me," she wavered restlessly, "That's the last thing on my mind right now. Please, let me in."

Derek sighed, and moved aside. He didn't trust her, that had to to be it. His reaction was extremely confusing. She looked around the apartment, it was such a typical guy apartment. Very modestly decorated, one plant, and a huge tv. She sat on his sofa, looking down. She was going to throw up, she could feel it climbing in her throat.

"Derek," she motioned for him to sit down beside her, not meeting his eyes.

He moved slowly, and sat down beside her, but moved as far away from her as possible. What did he think that she would just jump him? Did he really think she was dying to be with him again? "Make it quick, Case. I have a date tonight," he said urgently.

Casey shot him a look, and felt that territorial feeling surge through her. "A date? Derek, what I'm going to tell you will take longer than just a quick chat, you're going to have to reschedule this date."

Derek groaned in annoyance, "I'm not blowing her off for you, Case, just forget it. Now spit it out," he sounded more and more annoyed by the second. "If you're here to tell me how much of a mistake the other night was, then I can save you the awkward talk. It's already forgotten."

"Der," she reached for his hand, holding it tightly. "That's not why I'm here. What I'm about to tell you is extremely delicate, but I need to tell you."

Derek's breath hitched, and she slowly took measured breaths as she finally looked at him. He arched an eyebrow in confusion. "Are you okay? Did Vincent do anything to you?"

She laughed humorlessly. "It's complicated."

Derek waited patiently as she tried to form the words. They were stuck in her throat. "I want you to know, I've made a decision and no matter what you say, I'm sticking to it. But you deserve to know."

He looked so frazzled, "Case, what the hell are you talking about?"

She closed her eyes, letting the words come slowly and as boldly as she could. "I'm pregnant."

Casey was scared to open her eyes. She had stopped breathing. She could hear Derek gasp. "You're what?" he said almost inaudibly.

She opened her eyes to find Derek white as a sheet, staring at her with pure shock. "I'm pregnant, Derek. I'm going to have a baby."

She could see him trying to digest the words, "You're..." his voice croaked. "Pregnant. Did that looser knock you up and leave you?" He got up angrily, his face became blotchy and red. "I'm going to find that guy right now and give him a piece of my mind."

"Der," she realized he hadn't made the connection yet. She reached for his hand, and pulled him down to sit beside her. "I'm six weeks pregnant. Which means, it happened two months ago." She looked him in the eye, trying to muster up the courage. "You're the father."

Derek pulled his hand back lightning quick, his eyes forming round saucers. "Me? Are you sure I thought you were on the pill."

Casey felt the tears starting to slip down her face. "It is you, because I haven't been with Vincent for more than 3 months, probably why he cheated on me. "

He started breathing heavily, "I'm the father," he repeated it to himself over and over again. He was freaking out, and she expected that. But she felt bad suddenly changing his life around, and it was all her fault. She was the one that pleaded to be with him, and this was the consequence.

She started sobbing, the hormones weren't making things any better. "I don't know why my birth control didn't work, but we were in the 1% ineffective percentage, I guess. I'm so sorry," she cried.

Derek softened, and moved closer to her. He seemed to move through a fog. "I am not angry at you at Case, just obviously shaken up. " She sniffled, trying to control the weepiness. "And you made a decision by the sounds of it,"

She nodded looking at him with determination. "I'm sorry, but I want to keep the baby. I don't expect you to be around or involved if you don't want to, but I want to have this baby. I just needed you to know the truth."

Derek was in a state of shock, she could tell. She could feel every nervous emotion he felt, maybe he was upset, she didn't know. Minutes passed, and he kept staring at her. He seemed utterly speechless, and as time went by, she started panicking. She reached in to her bag and pulled out the ultrasound. "I didn't realize how much I wanted to keep it until I saw the heartbeat flickering." She handed it to him, and he looked at it, his hands shook as he studied the picture. He smiled a little bit.

"I know this comes at a bad time, you just started a career in hockey, I have a year left of my studies. But I want to do this, and I will do this whether you like it or not."

He whipped around and gave her an intense look. She immediately regretted her words. "What kind of guy do you think I am? You really think I would just walk away from my own kid?"

Casey continued sobbing, "No, I didn't think that. Just I know our situation is so complicated, and well we aren't exactly in love or anything, yet we are pregnant."

Derek suddenly reached for her, and he slowly put his arm around her. She didn't realize the breath she was holding until she felt his touch. She felt herself relax. "Case, I may be a lot of things. I know I can be a jerk and say things I don't mean from time to time, but from that to leaving you on your own with this, is so not my style. Did you not see me? I was minutes away from kicking Vincent's ass thinking he was the one that got you pregnant. There are some things even I have limits for. And yes I'm freaked out, and yes it's a lot to take in. But I'm not going to leave you with this alone."

Casey turned to look at him with radiating hope. He was being serious, and she was choking on her sobs. She felt his hand steadily rubbing her back. "Really?"

He nodded decisively and smiled at her. He was being so supportive, and it made her heart begin to beat again. "Hate to disappoint you, I know I'm the last person you wanted to do this with, but we're in this together. It won't be easy, but yes. I want to be involved if this is what you want."

She broke apart, and leapt towards him, hugging him tightly. She was far from disappointed, Derek surprised her entirely. "Yes, I want that more than anything." She knew the best thing for her baby was having Derek around, and the thought of having his help just made that nervousness fade away. She was holding him too tightly, but he stayed put. She breathed him in, and everything began to melt around her.

Derek rested his forehead against hers as he pulled back, and he stared deeply into her eyes. She didn't know what he was thinking, but a slow smile went over his mouth, and then he slowly backed off. The shock was wearing off and he seemed like himself again. "I guess I have a date to cancel," he said with a bit of a laugh.

Casey watched him call the so call date, who was she? She felt so much better now, the weight was off her shoulders. She could hear Derek charming his way out of the date, and smiled to herself. Only Derek could pull off sounding charming when he was ditching someone. When he returned, he went to the kitchen and quietly put together some food. She could see hear him humming, humming. Was Derek truly happy about this? He returned with a tray of veggies, dip, cheese and crackers. "Now that I know you're pregnant, I need to make sure you're eating right."

She laughed, and stared in wonderment. "Aw you're being so sweet,"

Derek watched as she ate a little bit. She felt a blush go over her, it was hard to believe the last time she was with him was so...passionate and wild, and now they were sitting there together, trying to process this new direction in their life. And despite Derek's lack of maturity at times, he was handling it well. "So, do you think there's a keener in there, or a cool kid like me?" He said with a bit of a wink.

She rolled her eyes and smiled. "Oh knowing my luck, he or she will be just like you. But I'm alright with that."

His smile fizzled away for a second, "Are you really? You'd be okay with a child that's just like me when I drove you insane for years."

Casey shrugged helplessly. It's your baby, it's you why would I reject that? She wanted to say. "Yes. Why wouldn't I? You're confident, strong willed, and you are not afraid to live life to the fullest. I could only hope my kid gets that from you."

He smirked and she could see a little blush go over his face. "Well, if that kid gets anything from you, I'd be pretty happy too."

Casey laughed breathily, "I'm surprised you're not freaking out over the thought of a mini me."

He grinned, the effect of it caused her mind to short-circuit. "Trust me I am freaking out, but I'm trying not to come across as a baby here. I hope my kid gets your smarts, always been a little jealous of that and as for the rest, I got good practice with you."

Casey couldn't believe this, was this bringing them closer in a way? For years, she secretly wanted to be close to him and get along with him. And now this change of destiny just hit them over the head. She wasn't sure what to expect, but they talked for hours. And then came the realization they would have to tell the family. She couldn't imagine their reaction at that time, and the thought of having to tell them stressed her out. They agreed to deal with it at Christmas time, and in the meantime she wanted to keep it a secret until they were past a certain point. Derek mentioned that during hockey season, he would have to travel for months a time, and that thought made her sad. But he swore he would make sure to be there for her. As it got late, Casey felt really tired. Derek noticed and offered to drive her home, but she didn't want to inconvenience him. As she was getting up to leave, she felt his gaze on her.

"Should we maybe try living together again? I just want to be around if you need me, and trust me with my schedule it's hard enough to get time to myself. I know it could be weird, but we could be just roommates. Who share a baby." His words swirled around her and her mouth gaped open.

She found herself smiling brightly, her and Derek cohabitating once more? She felt excitement, and also intense nerves. How would they proceed in this new area of their relationship, would they be friends? What if he wanted to date other girls, those thoughts swirled through her mind. Usually she wanted a plan, but she found herself nodding enthusiastically. "Okay, it does make sense. Let's talk tomorrow," she offered.

He shrugged apologetically, "I'm not available until Thursday, but we can talk on the phone, whatever you want."

Casey smiled sweetly at him, and as he walked her to the door, they lingered for a moment. "Text me when you get home," he said finally.

Casey laughed, and reached to nudge his arm. He stared at her, she had so much she wanted to say, but instead she said, "Never thought I'd see the day where you'd consciously ask me to text you."

Derek rolled his eyes with exasperation, and smirked. "Well, I'm a little out of it. You came here, told me you were pregnant, and I'm the father. Clearly I'm not myself, don't get used to it."

She grinned, "Oh I wouldn't dream of it, goodnight Der." As she turned away, she felt that burden lift from her shoulders. And she could feel Derek's gaze on her the entire time until she got in the elevator and the door closed shut.

It was so surprising, she came in here expecting tears, anger and Derek's rejection, but this she did not see coming. As she drove home, she could feel the excitement pool in her stomach. She glanced down at her tummy, "Well, little one, you're going to arrive into a very confusing home. But I swear, you will be loved beyond measure. I love you," she murmured sweetly, finally allowing herself to be excited. She was going to be a mother. Derek was the father. And as crazy it sounded, she wouldn't have taken that night back. So many possibilities existed, and it was all thanks to Derek.


	2. Under Pressure

Derek laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He couldn't believe it, Casey was pregnant. With his baby. He was still in complete shock, it was a lot to take in. He expected Casey to finally yell at him for that night, or demand on explanation. One which he wasn't ready to explain for the life of him. When he saw her, two conflicting emotions bombarded him: anger and lust. Anger, because he hadn't stopped thinking about her for one second, as hard as he tried. Anger because he should have been the clear headed one, should have known Casey wasn't herself. Should have known it was all a distraction for her, but he was so damn stupid for even thinking for a moment she wanted him.

And then that wave of lust hit him, she stood there looking at him with a weary expression. Casey stared at him for a moment, and noticed right away she was nervous, she was chewing her lip anxiously. Her hair was up in a ponytail, wore a gray hoodie, she clearly didn't dress to impress, yet heat went up and down his back in sweltering surges. Oh god. He just wanted to pull her in and kiss her, wanted to run his hands through her hair, wanted so many crazy things all once. He was very aware of her, and was afraid of acting like a doofus so he immediately built that wall, told her to leave if what she wanted was a do over. He couldn't trust himself to keep away from her, so if he was standoffish, and a jerk as per usual then there was no way she would try and be nice to him. He tried to control his rampant need need for her, and when she finally spoke, it fizzled away instantly. She seemed intent and worried about something, so he stepped aside. Maybe this whole thing had been upsetting for her too, whatever it was, he was scared by her odd demeanor.

When she uttered the words "I am pregnant", sickness took over, felt jealous and angry thinking it was Vincent who got her pregnant, but then she said it was his baby. He was completely floored, he was close to just puking up a storm. He got her pregnant. He'd spent years taking extra precautions with his dates, but with Casey he didn't think of it, he trusted her. Just as he was trying to digest that information, she told him she wanted to keep the baby. He couldn't breathe, couldn't think at all. She looked emotional, shaken up and scared, and even after how everything ended the last time they were together, he just couldn't find the strength to hurt her. So he internalized his freak out, but he was definitely screaming on the inside.

Casey seemed so determined to keep the baby, and that surprised him entirely. He'd known Casey for so long, and she was the type of person to have everything planned out, and she was one year away from finishing a Masters in Psychology. She was close to the finish line, and knew what it meant for this baby to come in unplanned. Yet she looked so determined, and it was completely surprising. As the shock began to fade, the realization that Casey wanted to raise his baby hit him over the head. Didn't she realize that would mean him being in her life all the time? Did she really want that? When she handed him the photo, it made it real. He was thrown off by his own reaction to it, he didn't feel panic, or anger. Nor was he annoyed. He felt a swell of pride take over, and a twinge of excitement. This was Casey, his step sister, the girl that had driven him up the wall for years. Casey, the girl that he thought about more than he'd ever freely admit, the girl he thought for sure he'd never see again after that night. She was going to be the mother of his child, Casey.

And as always, she thought the worst of him. Yes, he was a complete jerk to her after that night, but did she truly think he was capable of knowingly abandoning a child? It irritated him beyond belief, how could she be the smartest girl alive yet be so dumb when it came to him? When Casey started crying, the anger vanished, damn it, why did that always happen? Just like he dropped everything for her that night when he heard her crying, again he dropped that wall seeing those tears. He just couldn't help himself. He just knew he couldn't leave her alone with this.

He had no clue what the future would hold, no idea how they would co-parent this baby, but sure was intrigued as hell at the thought of trying to make something work with her. Casey was responsible, strong, and knew if she set her mind to it, she would raise this kid no problem on her own, but he just didn't want that to be their case. Their situation was complicated, he just couldn't imagine seeing her for family occasions with his kid and not be part of it. When she hugged him, he realized how relieved she was to have him around and just felt the need to take care of her, he needed to. It wasn't just about Casey anymore, this was his child, and he couldn't look the other way. The idea to live with her circulated in his mind the longer he processed it. He was already busy, and as Casey's pregnancy went on, she might need him, or what if there was an emergency? He kept telling himself it was a logical decision, it had nothing to do with wanting to live with Casey, although he couldn't help but feel excited over the thought of living with her again. She had agreed to move in with him, and now he just couldn't believe the 180 his life took.

As much as he told himself he didn't care about her, he ended up doing stupid things without thinking about it. He fought against it to the bone. He resisted those feelings, because they were annoying and inconvenient. Five years ago, Casey had made it extremely obvious that she saw him as a brother, how could he forget that conversation in the kitchen where she said it was the same difference? He had applied at the same University as her, stupidly to be around her. He kept making idiotic decisions, he should have just followed Sally to UBC, but no, he just had to go where Casey was. Although he made excuses for it, told himself it wasn't for Casey, but because he deserved to try and be at a good university, but then quickly realized he had no real passion for anything at that school. He had absolutely no idea what courses to take, but he just took random ones to pass the time. He ended up taking a business degree, which was so dull and boring. He saw Casey occasionally, but they literally had different classes, different friendships, and honestly being around her made him extremely uncomfortable. He needed to stop thinking about her so damn much, the first year he tried to prank her a few times, but it just wasn't the same. He didn't get the satisfaction he normally got, and so he just dated around for years. Hockey saved him from going crazy out of his mind. Casey dated a few nerds through out, and he just dove deeper into hockey, and basically any hot girl that would smile at him. When he got scouted to play for the Maple Leafs, he thought he was dreaming. It seemed insane, how often he thought about playing professionally, but actually getting that call was life changing.

When he went to celebrate with his family, Casey was extremely supportive, and well sweet. She pulled him aside, and the words still rattled through his mind. "Derek, you have no idea how proud I am of you. You're just going to become larger than life, and I mean you already were, I mean you're Derek Venturi. Just don't forget us," she had teased. Getting Casey's admiration always made him a little weak, it was infuriating. And not long after he got scouted, Casey started dating Vincent. He just didn't have much of a reason to keep in touch with her. Until that night.

That night wound haunt him for the rest of his life, he was sure of it, but he refused to think about it. Would not even go there, so he tossed and turned, but knew without a doubt there was no way he was sleeping tonight.

* * *

The next morning, Derek went off the rink, still feeling so overwhelmed with everything that happened. For a moment he thought it was all a crazy dream, but everything came screaming back. Was he nervous to become a father? Hell yes, he hardly kept track of himself on the best of days, he was still immature and an idiot. But, he drove all the way there with a smile on his face, despite how stressed he felt. He was surprised when he woke up to a text from Casey, and immediately sat up and read it.

Derek, we need to meet tonight. We have a lot to go over. You know that moment when excitement fizzles out, and you realize the amount of work you have to do to prepare for this? Well it's hit me, I'm freaking out. In 8 months a baby will come out of me, like how is that possible? Won't I die? Clearly I can't wait until Thursday to start planning things, please Der. I can meet you at the rink if you want.

Derek laughed, there it is, there's the Casey he knew so well. The night before despite some tears, Casey seemed completely calm about keeping the baby, he knew it was a matter of time before she realized what it truly meant.

Case, as much as I'd love to spend the night with you freaking out in my ear, you shouldn't be out so late.

His heart thumped as he read her next text. Well consider this a practice run for when we move in, I can sleep on your couch if you want. Just one night, okay? I'm desperate, and Der you don't want to anger a pregnant woman.

Derek couldn't help it, the just one night seemed to be a theme in their relationship recently, and it made him a little nervous. Just one night was a dangerous game, but despite the warning going through him, he couldn't say no. She was right, they had a lot to go over.

Fine, can't have that. See you at the rink at 9.

Derek spent the day surrounded by the sound of skates clinking, the hockey sticks slapping the ice, and he was completely out of it. So much on his mind, and everything blurred around him. Casey was all he could think about, and he was playing like a fool. He knew it, his teammates had made remarks all day, and missed a lot of shots. It was totally lame, getting so blatantly distracted, staring at the clock and counting the minutes until he saw her again. He groaned inwardly, he was so pathetic.

"Venturi, what the hell is the matter with you? You're missing a lot of shots there," Coach Richardson yelled from across the rink.

Derek skated over to him, feeling like a complete moron."Sorry, I just didn't get a lot of sleep."

His coach just stared at him with vivid frustration. "You have been playing a little off for awhile now. It's starting to concern me. Don't make me regret taking you on."

Derek swore under his breath, "I know, I swear this is just a fluke. Just going through some personal stuff, I'm not normally this... "

"Braindead?" He responded surlily. "Well, you're going to have to sort your shit out, because we have the season coming up in a few months, or you're fired. Simple as that."

Derek apologized, but the coach let out a gruff sound, and turned away, cursing a million miles per hour. Derek returned to the rink, taking shots, and then he felt it. Felt her gaze on him, and looked to his right. Casey was all bundled up in a white fluffy coat, wearing a pink toque, her cheeks were rosy from the cold. She sat there with a little smile, and waved. Great, he was already playing like a total loser, Casey could have come any time during the year to see him at his best, but no, there she was watching him fail. He nodded in her direction, and tried to refocus on finishing with some dignity. She had come an hour early. Not that it was surprising, she was always early for everything. He tried to block her out of her line of vision, but it was pointless. He was beyond distracted. He was intensely aware of her gaze, following him like headlights. He managed to get one shot in, and heard her cheering and clapping. He couldn't help but look over at her, she was smiling vividly, and he ended up smiling back at her. Ugh, he was losing it.

When his shift ended, he saw one of his team mates, Brody Spencer, approach her. He was leaning up against the glass, talking to her. He was smiling at her, and Casey was just fidgeting, and laughing nervously. Derek was already moving before he could even think of anything, and was beside him in a matter of seconds.

"What ya doing?" He asked Brody with a strong pat on the shoulder, and couldn't help but glare at Casey.

Brody gave him a little nudge, laughing with delight. "Oh just getting to know your step-sister," he said with little tilt of his eyebrow and turned back to her. "As I was saying, I couldn't help but notice you. You're beautiful." Casey turned beet red and sputtered a thank you. "Are you seeing anyone?"

Casey looked at Derek, and he couldn't help but roll his eyes. Really? She was having a baby and was flirting up a storm with a random guy she just met? He felt a rush of jealousy go through him, was step sister even the right term now? Casey must have sensed his annoyance, and turned back to Brody. "I'm not seeing anyone, but I'm not available. In fact, I will probably be single for a long time," she said with a touch of sadness.

Brody didn't seem deterred by that, and gave her a little wink. "Well, that is a shame. A girl like you deserves to be shown off, spoiled. If you ever change your mind, you know where to find me." And with that, he left. Casey looked away with embarrassment, and he couldn't help it but be snarky.

"You better not go after my teammates, Case," he said with a possessive edge. "This is my job, not a matchmaker service."

Casey finally looked at him, and rolled her eyes with exasperation. "Please, I would never. I'm a little busy trying to juggle my crazy life at the moment to even think about dating. Are we leaving or what?"

"Let me go change, hey in the time I am gone I hope I don't come back and find you engaged, " he moved past her with a huff, he couldn't help it. He couldn't stand guys hitting on her especially being pregnant with his baby. As he moved past her, she reached for his arm, stopping him in his tracks. He looked down at her, with that glare and then she smiled at him, completely taking him off guard.

"I don't know anything about hockey, but you're killing it out there. I can tell, " she said with encouragement and gave him a thumbs up.

Derek's scowl melted off his face, and he smirked. "Clearly you didn't see the coach yell at me, then."

Casey sent him a teasing smile, "When is anyone not yelling at you? There's something about you Der that makes people want to yell, but it doesn't mean you aren't good at what you're doing."

Derek laughed, and felt a burning flush go over his face. She was complimenting him? Clearly she was clueless when it came to sports, but Casey was sincere. She was a terrible liar, so coming from her, it meant a lot. He looked away, trying not to look so stupid. "I guess I played a little off today."

Casey grazed his arm very gently, and found himself staring at her. "You just found out your life is changing drastically, you're allowed to have a little off day, just don't let it get you down. From where I was sitting, you were so great."

He wavered on his feet, feeling weak. She was looking at him with a sweet smile, and he just broke out into a grin. He seemed to move closer to her without any real thought, and she took one step forward until she was within reaching distance.

"Thanks," he said lightly, but there was a hovering tension at least on his side. He just wanted to pull her closer, and was distracted by the puff of cold breath escaping her lips. She seemed to be breathing too fast all of suddenly. He felt his own gaze slowly go down to her mouth, and he froze, what was he doing? "Uh, see you outside, okay?"

He turned away as quick as possible, escaping that tempting scenerion. He was moments from just kissing her senseless. When he was done, he found Casey waiting by the entry. "Are you hungry?" He asked without looking at her.

"No not really, I've been sort of stressed all day."

He tried to come off as lighthearted as possible, "So you decided it would be a good idea to be around me? Trust me, I'm stressed too."

Casey's breath caught in her throat. "Are you regretting saying you'd be there for me?"

Derek looked over his shoulder, she seemed completely serious. "Case, you know I don't, but there a few kinks we need to sort out. I mean that's why you wanted to see me right?"

When they got in the car, she was really quiet, and her eyes began to water. He searched around the glove compartment for a kleenex and handed it to her. "What's wrong?"

Casey started sniffling, dabbing at her eyes. "I just get hit with waves of different emotions at different times. I'm happy one moment, and blue the next. I just can't keep up. I was looking through my agenda, and started freaking out. I have so many assignments due, but I also want to start researching everything, but I feel stuck. I don't know where to start," he felt the need to hug her so badly, but instead he just handed her another kleenex. "And now, we are moving in together, but like I need to have a plan Derek."

What was it about Casey in tears that made him lose his mind? "Oh I know you do, I expected it. Tell you what, since you're the one that's pregnant, I'll let you come up with the house rules you want. And I swear I'll try not to groan or complain. Okay?"

Casey was watching him a wistful look. "You'd actually let me come up with the rules? You, the person that for so many years got mad at me for imposing my rules?

Derek shrugged playfully, "Well it only seems fair. You're carrying my child, that's punishment enough," he said with a little smirk. That seemed to cheer her up, so she leaned back in her seat and giggled.

When they got to his place, he led her to the bedroom. "I will sleep on the couch." Casey started to argue with him and he just cut her off. "No buts, I'll survive."

He left her to get dressed or whatever she needed to do. He felt jittery, moving around restlessly. Having Casey in his apartment for the night was nerve wracking. He made some snacks while he waited, and she eventually came out wearing bright yellow pyjamas and slippers. She sat on the couch, fidgeting around, was she nervous too?

It took him a moment to realize she had a notebook, ready to get right to it. He brought the food over and placed it in front if her. She ate silently, as he just tried to think of anything else other than the memory of kissing her on her couch. He noticed she avoided eye contact, not that he could blame her, being in a similar setting like that night felt too similar. It was hard not think about it.

"So, when should we move in together?" She asked finally.

"I think as soon as possible, but you and I both have one bedroom, as much as I love my couch we'll need to look for a brand new place."

Casey opened her notebook and pulled out different clippings of apartments in the area. "Already beat you to it," she said with a little smile. "Here are the ones that look the best, but I made sure to look for apartments that were as equal as possible in distance radius to my school and your job."

He grinned, how could he not? She was always so prepared and thought through everything. She handed them to him, and glanced through five pages of clippings. She must have stayed up late. "I hate moving, just pick the ones you like and we'll go from there. I'm sure you have a favourite one, might as well start there."

Casey's eyes turned brilliant with excitement. " You just know me so well," she laughed, looking extremely surprised. "Okay so this one here has two bedrooms and a den. It's a townhouse which would give us more space, place for the baby room could be the den, and we both have our own rooms. Although probably the first little while I will want the crib in my room, I'll be too scared to sleep separately. There are five daycares with wonderful reviews in the area. There's a gym close by, I know you need to keep fit, there's parks, and a nice trail not too far away. It's away from downtown so it's not too loud. It looks super cute too, just imagine all the ways we could decorate it!"

Derek just sat there, mouth gaped open. She was insane absolutely insane how she put thought into everything. "Well, you clearly know what you're looking for. I was just going to go for the place with the cool tree. But your selection makes more sense, leave it you to nerd out the moving process."

She shrugged victoriously, "One of my special talents. But it's important to me you like it too."

He would literally be happy living in a shoebox as long as Casey was there. As much as he used to complain about living with her, it was so fun despite how different they were."What's not to like? Call and set up an appointment. We can try to move for the end of the month."

Casey squealed with excitement, "One thing checked off, only a thousand things left to do."

A question nagged at him viciously. "So, how long should we live together?"

Casey's smile faded. She bit her lip nervously. "Until it stops making sense, I guess." She took a deep breath, he could tell it was a lot to process. "I mean eventually, you will meet someone. As for me," she trailed off. She looked at her hands with a troubling expression. "Not many guys would want to be with someone who's already had a baby. If I was high maintenance before,I am at a completely different level now."

Derek felt her words seize him around his neck. And yet she still wanted to do this? She was sacrificing all of her dreams, Casey the romantic was giving up the perfect fantasy to have this baby. She seemed so deeply upset.

"Hey, I'm sure you will meet someone that's just as crazy as you. Just now you'll really know who the serious guys are, think about it, if someone is unable to be around you and your child then obviously they aren't the right person for you."

She smiled a little, looking at him with a faraway and distant look. "Thanks." She turned away from him, and her cheeks became flushed. "I'm sorry Der, but since we are moving in we can't just ignore what happened. We have to talk about the elephant in the room."

He gulped anxiously, oh dear god. She was going there, was going to talk about the night. He managed a little nod, but felt the blood drain from his face. She hugged her knees, as if she was putting the most distance between them as possible.

"I know it's awkward, but we have to address it. If it hadn't been for this baby, you and I might have gone through awkward forced encounters for the rest of our lives. And now life suddenly threw us together. I..." she sighed deeply. She wouldn't look at him, and he just held in his breath. "I am sorry," she breathed. "I shouldn't have kissed you, shouldn't have crossed that line. I just wasn't thinking clearly, but I swear I didn't use you as a distraction. I just forgot for a moment you're my step brother, you were being so sweet and well, I just got caught up in the moment. I just don't want things to be so weird between us. And while I appreciate the fact you put aside your disgust for me for one night, I swear it won't happen again."

He groaned inwardly. Disgust? He wished it was that simple, but he couldn't even seem to form the words. She got carried away, but as much as she said it wasn't for a distraction, it still didn't make sense why she did it. And it sounded like she regretted that night deeply.

"Well, I didn't exactly stop you," he said it slowly. "I did want to make you feel better, and well, it wasn't an awful night. You weren't entirely terrible in bed, so I guess I got carried away too." Fuck, it was so hard having this conversation, because he just couldn't even understand himself why he let it happen.

She let go of held in breath, "So it wasn't just you doing it for my sake?"

He stared at his hands for a long time, feeling her eyes boring into him. "I guess I just freaked out, I mean it was me and you. A one night stand with you was probably not the smartest decision. But it's probably best to put that night behind us. We have a baby to think about now."

He hoped that would be convincing enough to satisfy her curiosity, but knowing her she was probably asking herself a million words. She seemed to be contemplating his words. And she reached out her hand, "Truce?"

He looked at her hand, taking a deep breath. He shook it, and looked into those larges, beautiful eyes. "Truce," he echoed back, and felt tingles shoot up and down his back feeling her touch. Damn, never had a handshake rendered him so idiotic before. She smiled, and he slowly let go.

"Derek," she said with a bit of embarrassment, hugging herself as if she was trying to shield herself. "The only house rule I have is, well I don't want you to bring dates to our place. I'm not saying don't date anyone, I just don't want to see your dates in the morning, it's you know weird." She turned beet red, looking down abashedly. "I know it's a stupid request, but it's my only one."

Derek couldn't help but smile, he could relate to that for sure. Like hell he wanted to run into her dates felt sharp jealousy go through him at the thought of Casey dating anyone to begin with. "I can agree to that, as long as you do the same. I don't want to have to play nice with other guys in their pajamas." He said with a grossed out expression. It was a truly sickening thought.

She laughed, although he was tempted to ask what was so funny about it. And then suddenly, Casey's face blanched. "Oh no," she muttered, getting up quickly and ran to his bathroom. He got up quickly, following her only to find her vomiting, on the ground. He stood there in complete shock.

"Case, are you okay?" She wretched for a few minutes. As disgusting as it was, he couldn't leave.

"Morning sickness," she said through gritted teeth. "Up to this point, I had nausea and fatigue, but this is the first time that's happened." She got up slowly and was swaying a little, completely lightheaded. Derek didn't think twice, and wrapped his arm around her to keep her from falling.

"Sounds like a drag," he said with a hint of a smile in his voice.

Casey inhaled deeply, rubbing her temples. He rubbed her back in gentle strokes, until her breathing returned to normal. "So much for the pregnancy glow," she groaned. "I'm so disgusting."

"You really are," he teased and she gave him a death glare. "Probably the most repulsive you've ever been," he smirked. Yet she was still beautiful even in her most repulsive states, but he bit back that comment. He still had his arm around her, he couldn't seem to let go.

"De-rek !" She said angrily, and he just laughed. It was the first De-rek he'd gotten in years, and it felt so right. She poked his chest angrily, "You know what? New rule, no making fun of me or calling me repulsive ever again as long as I'm pregnant."

Derek laughed uncontrollably, "Something tells me by the end of this, there will be a million rules, won't there?" That familiar rivalry sparked that tension. She looked at him angrily, but he could tell it wasn't real anger, just the kind that made it so addicting to keep on teasing her. Like the old days, except now he was even more attracted to her than ever before. She turned away and brushed her teeth aggressively, watching him with intensity in the mirror. She moved past him, going straight for his bedroom.

He leaned up against the door watching her as she folded her arms over her chest, there was a tinge of a smile on the corner of her mouth. She was just as amused by their banter, he could tell.

"Come on Case, you didn't truly expect to live with me and not get the usual side of sarcastic and teasing comments, did you?"

Casey's scowl slowly melted away, and she just laughed. "I guess not, but I thought in least you'd have nicer things to say to the mother of your child every once in a while."

Derek just couldn't help it. "Oh, I don't know about that, seeing as the last time I was sweet to you, it ended up with me getting you pregnant, I don't think you're truly ready for that yet. Apparently it made me so irresistible that it made you stop thinking, that's something I didn't think you were capable of doing."

Casey's eyes went round, her mouth gaped open. She looked away with agitation, and her cheeks turned a bright pink. She sputtered nervously, and he immediately regretted it. He couldn't help it, he needed to remind her that so called sweetness was the reason she forgot he was her step brother. To the point where she just kissed him, but now he felt like an idiot for even bringing it up."I'm joking Case," he said quickly. "Maybe it's too soon for jokes then, hey?"

She looked down nervously, "Definitely too soon. I am tired, Der, I should go to sleep," she went to the bed and pulled back the covers getting underneath them as if she was trying to escape him. "I guess, thanks for seeing me on such short notice. As soon as I leave tomorrow, I will start making preparations for us to move in."

In just a short month, this would be the regular, seeing Casey all the time, and he was excited. He was worried it was showing on his face just how much he wanted this. "Who would have thought you and I would live under the same roof again?"

Casey's nervousness faded a bit, and she met his gaze. "Certainly not me, but it feels oddly...like five years never went by. You are the exact same, Derek."

Derek smiled, "Well, I guess it's time to research pregnant safe pranks then."

She laughed, and he just lingered a little longer than he intended. "Goodnight Case," he said softly, and started to close the door but stopped. "And goodnight little one" he said quickly eying her tummy with a little smile.

Casey shot him a brilliant smile, "Goodnight from the both of us."

This was madness, he just wanted to stay up for hours and talk with her but he needed to be smart about this. He slowly shut the door and went to the couch, contemplating the whole night. Casey was moving in one month, and if tonight was a test run, then he was in for a lot of fun with Casey. But also he was in big trouble. What if living with Casey was so incredible that he never wanted to move out? Then what?

Having her sleeping in his bed, definitely made him stir, memories of that night kept screaming back. He closed his eyes, finally letting himself remember. He should have stopped her when she kissed him, should have known she was trying to distract herself with meaningless sex. Yet as he thought back on that night, he was shaken up. He told himself for weeks it was the alcohol, the timing, and wanting to make her feel better, that he just reacted the way any red blooded man would with someone like Casey. But holy hell, he didn't expect that. Casey his annoying, uptight step sister, was insanely hot and easily the most passionate girl he'd ever been with. He tried to tell himself the sex was just okay, that it was just that, a one night stand but he dreamt about it for weeks afterwards. As much as he told Casey, it was pity sex, he couldn't deny it to himself. Sex with Casey McDonald had to be the most pleasurable thing he'd ever experienced. He hated that he liked it so much. But that was not what had kept his stomach up in knots for weeks. He would be a liar if he said he never thought of Casey that way, but it wasn't just physical attraction that killed him for years, but what he felt for her at times. And that night, he was overwhelmed on all fronts.

When he heard her crying, he just didn't think, was already heading to the door before he even hung up. He needed to be there for her. He was outraged that Vincent cheated on. Seeing her so upset made him forget his usual tendencies. He ended up cheering her up, and next thing he knew, she was kissing him. And damn, it was a good kiss. He always wondered if dreaming of kissing Casey eclipsed what reality would be like. He thought maybe it was just built up tension all these years, but reality was never like fantasties. Turns out, he was dead wrong.

Casey overwhelmed him. His brain was screaming "Don't, don't let this happen," but his body betrayed him. He was powerless against it, and Casey's feistiness didn't make it any easier. When she asked him to spend the night with her, he tried to stop it. Kissing was one thing, but her asking for sex seemed unreal, and crazy, but his mind just stopped working altogether. And he was literally attacking her, something broke loose in his head clearly. She was fiery, unrestrained what guy in his right mind would turn her down? He was mortified by his own reaction to her.

Sex had always been something he enjoyed, but it was always about the act, he seldom really felt anything other than the physical. With Casey, he just couldn't help but look at her face, couldn't help getting lost in her eyes, or go crazy over the way she said his name. Her touch made him weak and completely lightheaded. He was mesmerized by the warmth of her skin, the way she looked at him. How she would bite her lip, noticed every response, how she gripped him, how her body literally was pulling him in. He wasn't used to losing his mind, he was always the silent type, but not with her.

The morning after when he woke up, he looked over to find her curled up against him. Her hair was a wild mess, but she looked so fucking beautiful. He stared at her for a while, and gently grazed the skin on her back gently, trying to store in his mind how smooth it was. Her face looked so carefree, her mouth was red from all the kisses they shared. He realized she was completely exposed, and very gently pulled up the sheet, taking a moment to take in her curves and covered her up. He stopped and kissed her shoulder, and then her neck. He could hear her breathing accelerate, and then found himself hovering over her face, wanting more than anything to kiss her again, and that's when reality hit. Oh, no. He just had sex with his step-sister, with Casey, what the hell did he do?

He immediately felt guilty. Guilty as hell, because she was clearly not herself, but at the same time he wanted to ravish her, wanted to do so many things again as if he hadn't spent all night with her. He thought about how upset she was the night before, and had every intention of apologizing for allowing it to happen. He wanted to tell her he didn't regret it, but obviously this couldn't continue. Or could it? He felt agitation at the thought of it never happening again. If Casey got upset over it, then maybe it meant she felt something. And then he heard her behind him. He was speechless, everything he rehearsed in his mind vanished. Oh fuck, he wanted her again. He tried to act cool, but he was dying to push her back and kiss her again.

He expected some sort of freak out, but to his surprise a confident smile took over her face. She looked at him steadily and thanked him for the night as if he was some stranger, and told him it was already put behind her. What? That's it? No usual Casey breakdown over if it was a mistake or not? Literally he would have taken any reaction over that one. She seemed indifferent, and he just snapped. He couldn't stop the anger, annoyance and frustration. Fine if she saw him as a one night stand with no real remorse or her usual consequential way of thinking, then he would just be a stranger with knew he was being a jerk, knew he was hurting her, but he couldn't stop the words. When Casey got up with that angry look on her face and asked if it was pity sex, he had to fight against himself not to pull her in and kiss her madly, but there was no turning back.

When he left her that night he wanted to punch a wall so badly. Yet that night was burned into his mind, how could he ever truly forget that? Any other experienced he had just seemed so lackluster, and now Casey had set up a huge standard that he doubted anyone else could ever compare to her. But why? Why Casey? Why did it have to be her that made him lose control? He refused to unlock that part if his mind though refused to try to understand why he reacted that way.

Now all he wanted was to stop thinking, he needed to stop fantasizing about her. That night, as amazing as it was, could not be repeated. There was no choice but to pretend it never happened, even though she was pregnant. He just didn't want anything to get in the way of at least having a normal relationship with Casey. His focus was now trying to make sure she felt comfortable with him, and was certain that Casey didn't want him that way anyways. She needed him that night, and that's all it was for her. Now she needed support, because he was certain pregnant Casey on hormones would definitely need some help. He finally drifted off, and dreamt about her. Dreamt about her on a rocking chair, putting their baby to sleep, and him sitting beside her, with his arm around her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3 Thank you guys for being so welcoming, I will be posting chapter 3 within the next few days! Having so much fun with this story. Appreciate any feedback <3


	3. Old Habits Die Hard

Casey watched with anxiousness as the last box of her stuff got put in the moving truck. Time had moved so slow, and she had talked to Derek through texts for weeks. She would wake up every morning and she couldn't help but look at her phone. He would always text her first thing to check up on her, would ask her if she needed anything. That morning Derek explicitly told her not to touch one box, to leave everything to the moving guys. It made her smile, and she had to scold herself. She wasn't going to get all emotional and melt over every sweet thing he did. She knew it wasn't for her benefit, Derek was clearly focused on the baby to come, and not her. But her heart couldn't help but skip a beat whenever she'd see his name on her phone.

She threw herself into researching anything related to pregnancy, went through nights of trying to catch up with the building amount of assignments, and yet it wasn't enough to make her stop thinking about their upcoming merger. Living with Derek after everything that happened seemed crazy now that she had time to think about it, but she counted the days with eagerness. That night trial made her realize maybe it wouldn't be impossible to live comfortably with him. It was familiar in some ways, but in others…..it felt intense and being around him made her lightheaded.

When she parked at their new home, she waited in the car. Her breathing spiked in unsettling surges. This was it, she was going to live with Derek. The moving truck was open and there were three men carrying house items inside. When she looked up at the doorway, there was Derek. He was leaning against the door frame talking to one of the guys. He was smiling, looking completely animated. Was Derek…..excited about this? She didn't have a moment to gather her thoughts, when his gaze met hers. His eyes lit up, already mocking her, ss if he was saying "You ready for round two?" There was something deeply dangerous, mischief gathering in his features. She got out of the car.

"Yeah that's her, sorry fellas. Obviously, you couldn't have known the amount of stuff Casey would have. I'm sorry she underestimated the time it would take you to do this. Here, take this bonus from me, I insist," he said charmingly.

She tried glaring at him, but ended up throwing him a smile before she could comprehend what happened. He sauntered over to the car and she felt frozen in place.

"Derek, one minute in and you're already humiliating publicly!" She barreled past him, huffing and puffing.

He laughed and halted her in place. He was already teasing her, the jerk. "Did I say something wrong princess? You did bring a whole castle, where exactly were you thinking of putting it all?"

His scent. It was intoxicating and tried to ignore it, but she seemed to drift closer to him. "I have incredible special awareness, trust me it will all fit. How much do you want to bet?"

"Case, do you think maybe we could make it through the front door before we take on a bet?" His eyes travelled down her body slowly, amusement radiating in his face.

"What are you doing?" She asked shakily.

He smiled ruefully, "You don't look pregnant. But you are a tad more sensitive than usual. I didn't think it was possible for you be more emotional."

She laughed a little trying to collect herself. "How can you tell I'm more sensitive when we've spoken three sentences in total. And I guess I am slow to show, but you'll see before you know it I won't be able to see my own feet. "

"Should I show you all the texts we had? One day you're happy, and the next you are saying 'Derek this is all your fault, I've been puking all day.' The effects of his laughter made her toes curl. "And you yelled at me within three seconds of being together, I believe that's a record."

Defiance took over her and she looked at him steadily, "Well you are responsible, Derek. I don't care if it doesn't make sense, I'm allowed to be right even if I'm not."

She was expecting him to fight her on that but to her total surprise he nodded, "You're right, guilty as charged."

That only enraged her, "Wait now you're just going to say I'm right even if you don't think so? Didn't think I'd ever feel angry over you being nice to me," she mumbled, she was going crazy.

Maybe it was easier to pick a fight with him, than to allow herself to actually address him normally, or maybe it just was an intense desire to use fighting as a way to divert all of her pent up confusion of how she felt around him. But of course, now the one thing she counted on, constant bickering, now Derek was choosing to withhold.

Derek laughed and pulled her towards the house, "This is a lovely preview of the next few months," he said with a chuckle, "How about we check out the place, pay the movers, and I'm taking you out for breakfast. If we continue without you being fed, you're a hair spread away from becoming The Kraken."

Casey found herself smiling unwillingly, "You're right I am starving."

He led her through the front door. The mountain of boxes and furniture was overwhelming, but the townhouse was lovely. She smiled as she walked around the living room space. The pale colour of the room made her immediately think up so many ways to decorate. She walked past a wall, and she stared at it. Derek had been talking to the movers and when they left he walked up beside her with a quizzical look on his face.

"Are you okay?" You're regretting this aren't you?" Although Derek always seemed so cool and collected and tried to come across as emotionless, there was a slight tone of disappointment that broke through that confident exterior. It was endearing.

"No, not even a little, just I can picture this place once all of these boxes are out of the way. Just imagine all the photos that would look so well on that wall, pictures of our strange little family." _Our_ strange family, she felt her heart speed up since she saw Derek looking at her through her peripheral vision. "Just I'm so overwhelmed by all of this, but not in a bad way."

Derek shuffled restlessly on his feet, and she allowed herself to look at him. He smiled at last, but avoided any eye contact. He looked so deep in thought, and she allowed her gaze to dip over him. He looked so attractive, it wasn't fair. That dark hair was a bit longer than she remembered, but it was styled and modern looking. His casual pose was mesmerizing, the way he chewed on his bottom lip as he thought of what to say. His mouth looked so riveting, that little smile on the corner of his lips just took his level of attractiveness to an unbearable pitch.

And then suddenly she felt the pull of his gaze and she was staring into his eyes. Dark, rich eyes, that seemed to dance in the light. "Oh, it will be the weirdest family, for sure. I thought there was no beating the original Venturi and McDonald merge, but I'm excited to try to beat that level of bizarreness."

Casey laughed a little, feeling that strange voltage between them again. "Well, should we go out and celebrate this newfound bizarreness our lives have taken?"

Derek was already leading the way, smiling over his shoulder, "Don't have to ask that twice. Let's get some food."

He took her to a homey diner, and they ate. All the nervousness she felt for weeks leading up to the week vanished little by little. He talked about how he wanted to turn his new room into the coolest part of the house. When she questioned him, he said it was a surprise. She rolled her eyes a bit, but he seemed unphased. He asked her about her schooling, and she had to admit that she felt a little lost. It was as if that had taken a huge derailment, but she did want to finish with the best of her ability.

As they waited for the waitress to come back to pay, he said, "You're so close to the finish line Case, it'll be hard but worth it once you finish. You're going to be a crazy good Psychologist, I drove you crazy for years and survived. This is nothing." She laughed, appreciating his attempt to cheer her up. "Don't even think about putting it in the backburner okay?"

Casey managed a feeble response, but she felt so uplifted, that for the rest of the day she was laughing and smiling as she unpacked. Derek "called dibs" on all the easy boxes, the ones with pillow, and clothes, leaving her with the annoying boxes.

"Hey. You're the one that decided to bring a full on library," he said at one point as he shuffled five boxes full of books over in her direction.

"You know what, I want this to be a learning sanctuary for our kid, so I will not apologize," she said huffingly as she turned away from him with a bashful smile. It was surprising fun.

She handed him a list of tasks at one point when he was resting."Come on. If you follow these to a T, we could be done by Monday. Chop-chop, Derek!"

Derek rolled his eyes,"You're crazy," he muttered but to her surprise he took her list and started working. Who was this guy?

After two days of constant work, the house looked so nice. They agreed to go out and pick some new furniture and art to go make it more homey, but everything they needed was there. This place was much nicer than her own apartment. She loved the backyard, there was a little patio, where she envisioned going out there for some fresh air, studying. And they managed to go through a whole weekend without wanting to kill each other, she deemed it a success.

On Monday, Derek offered to drop her off at the campus. "Well, I can't believe it, but we did it. We are officially moved in," he turned the radio up, bobbing his head to the music.

She leaned back in her seat, she was suddenly exhausted, but happy. "And with the shocking realization that you weren't as annoying as I expected you to be."

Derek laughed, "I'm not sure I like the sound of that. Will have to change that concept of me immediately."

"No doubt you will, you're Derek," she went through her agenda for the week. "Okay, I'm warning you now Der, with finals coming up for this semester and working part time, I might become a little more wound up than usual. "

"Well, good thing I'm on the ice most of the day then," he said with a smirk. "But take it easy Case, alright? Remember you can't just over do it and be the usual keener you're used to. Too much stress can be bad for you and the baby."

She couldn't help but smile. He parked and got out of the vehicle and she watched with surprise as he opened her door. Derek being chivalrous? It had to be a mistake, but he reached for her hand and pulled her out. "Have fun nerding out, see you tonight."

Casey was about to thank him, when Robin James came up behind her and hugged her. Robin had become her closest friend during the past couple years, and she had no clue about her pregnancy or her situation with Derek. But she did know about him as he was quite popular around campus.

"Casey," she said with a squeal. Robin's long auburn hair came up to her waist, she was petite, had freckles, light gray eyes and glasses. She was kind, and sweet, but also extremely smart.

"Robin," she said with excitement. "You remember Derek?"

Robin smiled shyly, waving slightly. "Of course, " she gave Casey a confused glance, "Last I heard you were the ghost of the family."

Derek threw her one of his charming smiles, "Well, a ghost has to come back and haunt once in a while, right?"

She laughed breathily, "I guess so. I'm surprised to see you two, uh hanging out."

Casey stammered a bit, "Yeah um we are actually living together again, just while I finish the school year."

Robin threw her head back, giving Casey a speculative gaze. "And you forgot to tell me about that, why?"

Derek interjected, "Trust me, she was embarrassed. As am I, at our age it's kind of lame for step sibs to be living together. But it's just temporary," he said convincingly, and she knew it was for her benefit, but she didn't like the sound of temporary.

He turned to Casey, and gave her a brief smile, "Well, I'll leave you to it. See you later Case," he turned to Robin swiftly,"and it's nice to see you again." With that he got in the car and drove away.

Robin's grey eyes were round, and unmoving. "My gosh, your step brother is a hottie," she said with gravity, "Like so much hotter than I remember."

Casey grimaced uncomfortably, "Is he? I never noticed," she muttered as she lifted her bag from the ground. "I'm sorry I never told you, it's just….it was such a huge change."

Robin followed her, smiling brightly, "Hey no worries, I'm just surprised after everything you ever told me about him being a jerk, annoying, obnoxious that you would live with him. But hey, I get it, sometimes you have to live with family longer than you'd hope."

Casey just wanted to change to the subject, afraid that she would reveal somehow her distaste of him had been replaced, with what, she didn't quite know. "Anyways, let's get to class."

"Is he seeing anyone?" The question made her stop abruptly, and her books fell all over the ground.

"Um no, why?" She asked nervously as she picked up her books.

Robin reached down to help her, "Just curious, no worries I'm not asking for my benefit. I know someone like him would never look at a nerd like me, but it's just wow, he's so gorgeous, and I imagine with the hockey he's become even more popular."

"Well, he's single," she said with difficulty. The fact he was currently single was surprising, now that she came to think about it, but she knew he went on dates. But as for a girlfriend? He had some but they were all short-lived. "He's quite busy with hockey to be able to really commit to anyone, but I'm sure it's a matter of time."

The rest of the day, Casey tried her best to pay attention in class but she kept thinking of what Robin said earlier. She was already having a terrible day since she received a 75% on her latest assignment, which to the average person seemed like a good mark, but to her it was abysmal. It meant the quality of her work was on the decline, but surprisingly that wasn't what made her so upset.

Derek hadn't mention any girls since that date he cancelled, but maybe he was dating and not telling her. She shook her head adamantly. _Stop it Case, it's none of your business if he's dating. He's Derek of course he is, what is it to you?_ The question replayed all day, and only came up with an _I don't care who he dates, as long as he's present for the baby._

But something deeply perplexing was taking over her. Before thinking of him with other girls was deeply annoying, but now, now it was different. It was gut wrenching. She had _been_ with him. She knew him, she kissed him, she had _the most passionate night_ with him. As hard as she tried, the memory of that night still hovered over her, and it was hard to put it aside when he was one room away from her. She wished that night had been insignificant, but turns out Derek was giving, completely sensual, and she hated to admit it, but he was unforgettable. And as someone who strived for perfection in all areas of her life, it was maddening to think she may never experience that magic again. This rabid anger was consuming her, Derek was just going on with his life in secret and she was all alone, it was so unfair. So unfair to want something so out of reach.

* * *

Derek was anxious to get home, he'd been living with Casey one week, and it flew by in a blink. Mostly because she was at school and he'd been working so much, they hardly really spent a lot of time alone just to hang out. But today was his first day off, and as he put his skates away he felt oddly excited. It was odd where his mind would go when he was in the middle of practice. He'd see Casey every morning, and in the evenings they would watch tv while she studied. It seemed their separate routines were quite different, but it was enough time with her to be smiling like a clown all week. He was also getting his game back, gaining confidence on the rink.

All his energy was going into not thinking about her, but it was useless. Casey was so freaking beautiful. It had to be the so-called pregnancy glow, because it looked like she had the sun on her face. Casey was always beautiful, but now…it was completely unsettling. So he tried to distract himself from those thoughts as he always had, all week he'd thought of a way to prank her. It was the only way to avoid thinking of wanting to kiss her again, or feel her up against him. He wasn't blind, Casey was becoming extremely curvy, definitely noticeable difference in the chest area, though he tried not be a creep it was impossible not to notice. So, this prank had to be good. His whole sanity was riding on this. He wanted to do something funny, but not shocking.

When he arrived home, Casey was lying on the couch with her feet elevated. She turned and gave him a frantic look, "Derek," she groaned, " I had a couple of good weeks, but I feel so sick today," she whined.

Derek dropped his stuff and moved to the couch where she was lying. She looked pale like she spent all morning throwing up, he felt a reluctant twinge. He just wanted scoop her up and hold her, anything to make her feel better. "You do look terrible," he admitted, "Have you eaten?"

Casey blanched, "Just the thought of food makes me want to hurl. No thank you, but maybe you could run a bath for me? Pretty please?"

Her eyes were so round and pleading, and she was pouting adorably. How the hell was he supposed to just say no? "Alright, but you owe me," he teased.

He ran up the stairs smiling, and ran the bath for her. This was perfect, if she was distracted, he could put together the prank. But then he started feeling silly plotting a prank when she felt so awful.

However, when Casey was done with her bath, she came down wearing soft comfy clothes, and looked much more like herself. "Thank you Derek, I feel brand new," she said cheerfully.

That was his cue. He stood up and pulled her arm, "Awe, well if you're feeling better, how about a fun little surprise?"

Casey followed him up the stairs, "Surprise? You know I hate surprises!"

Derek tried to seem serious but it was so hard not to laugh. "Wait till you see how I decorated the baby room."

Casey was already shrieking, "You decorated without me? How could you? We agreed to do it together!"

Derek laughed as they made it to the closed door. "Well, I just did one little thing, but man it's a keeper. It will set the tone of the room for sure. This baby has to know my epicness from an early age."

Casey looked flushed with anger as he pulled out a blindfold. "Let me put this on, trust me it's worth the build up."

She sighed, "It better be good, or else," she threatened.

He went behind her, and put the blindfold over her eyes. He moved her hair to the side, and he accidently ran his thumb over her neck. He froze, and she stopped breathing, he felt it. He could feel her warmth, could smell the scent of apples and cinnamon in her hair. This closeness was dangerous so he pulled back, and clumsily tied the blindfold. "What's taking so long?" She snapped.

He chuckled, "All done," and he opened the door of the room and pulled Casey's hand to follow him. He centered her in the middle of the room. "You're going to love it."

Casey fumbled with the blindfold frantically, ripping it off her eyes. He stood against the wall, just loving the look of pure shock that went over her face. There on the wall hung a photograph of himself with his hockey equipment.. He was surrounded by girls kissing and hugging him, looking like a total champion. It was enlarged and the frame was huge, and on top there was black bold stickers that said _Legacies aren't just made, they're born this way._

Casey's face went red with anger, and bolted him with a look. "Take that down this instant! How could you put a photo of you parading around with your girlfriends in the baby room?

Derek feigned surprise, "Case, don't you want the baby to be proud of their father? Look how awesome I look, how could you not want that for our child?"

Casey was shaking."You are an idiot," she said as she moved closer to him. He was expecting that reaction, but something was different. "I shouldn't have to walk around in my own house and be reminded of your skirt chasing ways. Is that really the message you want to pass on to your child? That it's okay to kissed and hugged by what it looks like 30 women? You're disgusting, Derek, I can't believe you're still pulling this crap."

Derek shrugged confidently, "So you aren't proud of me?"

"Far from it, how could you actually think I'd want this? I can barely stomach you dating girls as it is," she said with revulsion. "I don't want to see other women kissing you." Her words lingered in the air between them and she turned to look at the photo. Was she was trying to hold back from crying?

For years he taunted Casey with the girls he dated, and never really thought it actually bugged her. Or maybe he never really noticed it, but she was definitely getting emotional. Was she actually jealous?

"Case?" He moved forward, but she looked away.

She rubbed her eyes with annoyance, and marched out of the room. He couldn't believe it, she was _actually_ upset with him. Oh crap. This was the kind of jokes he'd play all the time before...before that night, and that's when the stupidity of his action slapped him across the face. Even if that night meant nothing, now they had a history and he'd just insulted her.

"Casey," he said urgently, wanting desperately to take it back. He reached for her elbow. "It was photoshopped, it wasn't real. I didn't actually have those girls all over me, it was just me trying to pull a funny prank, okay?"

Casey held on to the railing at the top of the stairs and stopped. She turned and gave him a death glare "And you actually thought I'd find it funny?"

Derek scrambled for an explanation."That's the whole point of a prank, Case. It's supposed to make you react, but I didn't realize how …insensitive it might come across after everything we've been through. I'm sorry."

Casey looked away, embarrassed by her outburst."I'm not upset. I knew it was a joke," she said defiantly, clearly trying to cover up what just happened. "I am actually surprised it took you a full week to pull one, but fine if you want to play that way you better watch out, mister. I'm so getting you back!"

She moved passed him, stopping to stared him down. "Take that stupid picture down, now," she ordered. "And you can make it up to me by getting me some doritos and ice cream."

Well, he couldn't say the prank was ineffective, but now Casey was set on actually getting him back. He smiled apologetically. "Come on Case, you didn't think it was little funny?"

Casey's scowl melted a bit, "Now that I know it was photoshopped, sure, it was amusing. And I'll give it you, I liked the slogan even. But, I'm so getting you back!"

Derek felt like a total jerk afterwards, and realized he had to be well, less of an idiot from now on. After that night though, Casey began to prank him back. At first he felt really guilty, but it wasn't long before they were making a game out of it. She would play sneaky more innocent pranks like hiding his skates and dipping them in syrup so it made it hell to clean, and he would reciprocate by hiding her homework. One morning he woke up with whipped cream all over his covers, and he got up with a smile, and ended up chasing her around the house where they ended up having a whipped cream battle. It was so juvenile and dumb, but it was exhilarating. There was a new edge to their living together. While some things were similar, other things were quite different.

He was aware of her, extremely so, he would spend all day thinking about her, and come back hoping they could spend time together, and if it didn't happen, he would wake up grumpy and annoyed, and that's when the bickering would start. They were either pranking and having fun, or bickering, there seemed to be the only two modes. He didn't know why, but he was scared to question it.

One month later, he was going through his email, when he got a weird one. **Congratulations, your indoor pool measurements have been accepted**.

"Case?" He called for her, and she came in to his room looking as innocent as a dove. "Why did I just get an email that my indoor pool measurements have been accepted? And why is a guy named Gerald coming in to install it?"

Casey leaned against the door, fidgeting nervously. "Oh my. I must have forgotten to tell you, but," she walked in with feigned shock. "I have decided to have a home birth."

What?! His mind went blank for a moment. "You're having a home birth…..are you nuts?" He felt a frantic throb go through him as he stood up. "You're telling me that there will be an indoor pool in my living room, and that you're going to give birth in it?"

Casey nodded and sat down on his bed looking him square in the eye. What the hell was going through her head? "Come on Derek, don't be such a baby. You're probably imagining me giving birth like a wild animal, but there's a lot more to it. There would be a midwife, and there has been a lot of studies done to support that when a woman is in a safe comfortable environment, and there is no rushing from doctors that there's been very little cases of incidents."

Derek felt sick to his stomach, and he looked for any sign of a joke but she seemed serious.

"Absolutely not," he said adamantly. "No way will I support the home birth idea," he said shivering intensely.

Casey pouted, "Derek whatever happened to you being supportive?" And she got up shaking her head with disappointment. "I really want to do this."

Derek stood up and held her arm, turning her to face him. "You, the girl that likes everything to go according to plan and gets bat shit crazy when they don't, are seriously considering giving birth at home? I can't believe you'd want to take that chance."

Casey shrugged, but looked dead panned serious."I know it goes against my nature, but I like the thought of it. It sounds so peaceful and serene. Just imagine, me, you, some soft music, doesn't it sound peaceful?"

Different images went through his head of Casey screaming in the middle of the living room, and the suddenly something going so desperately wrong that there was blood and guts all over the place. He felt sick at the thought of it. There was nothing peaceful or serene about it.

"Casey, if that is what you actually want, I'll try to be supportive. But the thought of our house becoming a blood bath doesn't seem very appealing."

Casey continued, "You'd be surprise by the research I've found. There's been less need for interventions in general in home births, while the chances of having to have C section went up drastically if at a hospital."

Derek looked at her, and let out a shaky breath. "I just…..if something were to go wrong….". It was unusual for him to display concern, but he just couldn't hold back. "Just the thought of not being able to get you help if you needed it, freaks me out."

Casey looked a little rattled by him saying that, "Wow," she breathed, "That sounded surprisingly caring," she said with surprise.

He shrugged, "It's not like I'd ever relish the thought of you dying. But if you really want this, I'll try not pass out but I'm not making any promises."

"Didn't realize you were such a worry wart," she said with sudden lightness and laughed. And then she poked his arm, with a victorious smile, "And you're a big sucker if you believed any of that, the master of pranks has been defeated, I'd say," she said with a toothy grin.

He just stared at her, as he realized she'd duped him, and hard. "So you're not giving birth at home?"

Casey laughed shoving him playfully, "Not even if all the hospitals in this city were taken up."

Derek suddenly went from freaking out, to laughing. She looked so proud of herself. Oh dear god, she was good, and she'd come a long way from her goody-too-shoes days. "Well, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think you have won. You officially made me truly freak out. "

Casey looked at him with all the confidence in the world, "Your face was priceless, it was worth all the research. I'm ready for anything you have to throw my way."

And it was at that moment, he just wanted to kiss her. Kiss her intensely, push her down on his bed and just give her everything he'd be dying to give her for months. She was flushed, her eyes just sparkling with challenge. Her hair was just down over her shoulders, and her mouth was formed into a taunting smile. _That mouth_ was so lush looking, the words and thoughts that came out on the regular made him even more agitated, that mouth drove him crazy. And images from that night came screaming back, of that mouth on his neck, his shoulder, of the pure sexiness of what that mouth could provoke.

"Guess I'm done here, then. I think we're even now," she said with attitude and marched out of the room leaving him with his dizzying thoughts.

The pranking had always been a form of entertainment, but now it just turned him on to see her take him on so masterly and she had managed to actually trick him, god how he wanted her. He had to stop all this, it was only a matter of time before he snapped and lost control. He knew there would be no more pranks, she had changed the game. It became clear to him that he was desperately clinging to their old status, when really, things had changed between them. Casey wasn't just his step sister whom he loved at annoy, now she was his room mate, the mother of his child, someone he slept with.

Playing games had become a dangerous game of seduction. It was no longer just fun, it made him insane with longing, it made him want her to an unbearable degree. He had to put the pranking to rest, or there was no way in hell he'd be able to resist making a move on her. Damn, without the pranks, and fighting, there'd be nothing to hide behind. There was no winning, he was in trouble. It was a terrifying thing, to be so defenseless against Casey McDonald, but was that necessarily a bad thing? That question bothered him insistently.

* * *

They arrived to their 12 week appointment. How was that possible? Casey felt like she was in a quick moving haze. She was starting to show a little bit, but she was able to disguise it quite easily, but she knew it was a matter of time. She had avoided seeing her mom or sister, but knew the time was running out. Christmas was right around the corner.

Living with Derek was a rollercoaster, but she had come to enjoy the heart-thumping anticipation of what was next for them. She had pranked him, and won. And now he kind of stopped toying with her, she was frazzled, admittedly. He was still himself in many ways, and others he was starting to show a more caring side. He would check up on her every day, but something seemed different. He treated her with some distance. Why did it bug her so much?

The morning of the appointment they stopped to get some coffee at Starbucks, and when they were walking out she stopped abruptly. Derek paused looking at her perturbed expression. Oh dear, she hadn't seen him since _that_ night. Vincent was standing on the other side of the curb. He caught sight of her. His tall, blonde form moved closer. "Case?" Derek's voice was around her, but she was just in shock.

"Casey," Vincent approached swiftly smiling timidly. "My god, I've been trying to get a hold of you for months, and you've ignored all my calls."

Casey unconsciously moved closer to Derek, "I didn't want to see you, it's quite simple."

Derek suddenly made the connection, and put his arm around her. She looked at him with surprise, and felt a surge of warmth spread through her as his face went rigid with protectiveness. "So you must be Vincent," he said bitingly, "You are the asshole that cheated on her."

Vincent's pale features went a little red, but looked at Casey directly. "I want to explain, please," he outstretched her hand.

Casey shook her head. Her memories of the pain he caused resurface. But it was different, she felt nothing for him except indifference. It was hard to believe that same night, she ended up with Derek, and well it changed everything.

"We have an appointment to get to. I don't have the time now or ever. Please leave me alone."

Derek was glaring at Vincent, and she had to elbow him to get him out of the trance. But he moved forward, his usual friendly features morphed into pure anger. "Wait, this guy actually thinks he could have an actual explanation to rationalize cheating on you?"

Vincent looked down sheepishly. "He's right there is no real explanation, just I want to apologize. We dated for a whole year, and well….you owe a real apology. But maybe not with this guy present."

Casey suddenly became pinched with anger, "This guy," she said moved closer to Derek, "Happens to be my…." She couldn't think of the right term. Baby daddy, step-brother, her roommate?

But Derek spoke in a proud note, "I'm her boyfriend. And I guarantee I will never treat her the way you did, so why don't you get lost and leave her alone? She's moved on." Derek's arms tightened around her. Casey felt a blush go over her entire body. He displayed a mesmerizing confidence, and he sounded so convincing that it took her a moment to realize he was just acting.

Vincent's sheepish persona suddenly disappeared. "So let me get this straight, I've been worried sick over what I did, and you're immediately dating someone else?"

Casey nodded, and to make it look extremely convincing she leaned into Derek's side. "Well, you're the one that cheated. I have no reason to feel guilty."

Vincent ran a hand through his hair, and looked from Derek to her. "Okay, well then I'll say it in front of him. I miss you."

Derek let out a disbelieving laugh. Vincent just ignored Derek, and looked at her. He smiled sweetly, and kept his focus on her. "I'm sorry, I was a little drunk that night, and we had been distant for weeks. I shouldn't have been so stupid, and believe me I have thought of only you for months. It's clear this guy is your rebound, so if you ever think of forgiving me, I'll be waiting."

Derek's face went stony, and Casey was a moment away from crying. Everything had been going so well between her and Derek, it felt like they had finally moved on from the fight after that night, but it seemed that word had reopened that night all over again.

"He's not a rebound," she said quickly. "And we have to go. Never look for me again," she pulled at Derek's side but he continued giving Vincent a menacing until he left.

They drove in silence all way to the doctor's office. That meeting with Vincent managed to take away any excitement, and Derek was eerily quiet. So she put on some music.

"Thank you for standing up for me," she said sweetly. She could feel that sliver of cold coming from him. "I'm sorry for what he said."

Derek just shook his head not even sparing her a glance. "It's all good." But he said it in such a dead tone that it shook her. The rest of the drive was revved with pitch silence. And as they waited for their names to be called, Casey picked up a magazine idly reading.

Derek suddenly sighed deeply, turning to look at her steadily. "Okay, so is Vincent back in the picture or not?"

Casey was shaking her head, but then he went on to interrupt her. "I know he would be hard to turn down with that Australian accent, and I mean even I looked at him twice."

Casey couldn't help but notice the way he was stewing in his chair. He really was an idiot of the first degree if he didn't realize Vincent stopped mattering to her. They had so much fun together, he took care of her all month and yes they fought. They fought over stupid things, but for some reason the thought of going back to Vincent and leaving Derek's life made her desperately sad.

" Der. I'm not going to see him again. Ever. He broke my trust, that is something that is hard for me to look past."

Derek leaned back in the chair putting his feet up on the center table, unrepentant of the fact it was a common area. "So, you don't love him?"

Casey blinked harshly. He was watching her, waiting for her to answer and a knot was forming in her stomach. "No, I don't love him. I don't think there's room for him or anyone else at this point. I may not date for years. I want to focus on preparing for this baby. " _And being with you_. She couldn't look at him though.

"Are you sure? I mean I know I gave the guy crap, but he seems to actually want you back." His voice had lightened up and she managed a nod.

"Until someone worth letting in comes along, I have come to accept I'll become a nun for life," she said with a little joke.

Derek's eerie chill seemed to melt away, "You're technically not a nun, or else we wouldn't be here," he said with a little wink.

She let go of a deep breath, feeling grateful that icy moment seemed to vanish. She smiled at him. "Thanks for being here. It makes this all so much easier."

It was fascinating how quickly he changed moods. "Well, even though you've been a royal pain in the ass all week, I wouldn't miss this." He was throwing her a teasing smile, and just like that it was as if the last half hour hadn't happened.

Somehow it wasn't bothersome being called out for her annoying tendencies. He was the only one that ever dared to point out her flaws, but she knew maybe if it was even a little Derek cared about her.

When the doctor came out to get them, she led them both to the check up room. Casey went to change and as she entered, in just that stupid robe she whispered. "Please look away, I don't want you so uh in the line of vision of my..."

Derek stared at her in confusion and then saw that the doctor was holding a long probe. He stared at it, and realization hit him. Derek noticed her face go red and he chuckled, moving away coolly. He averted his gaze as Casey sat on that chair and leaned back. "Well, I guess I'm going to have to get used to the idea that I'm going to be traumatized whenever you go to the doctor," he said with a little smirk.

"You? Oh, Derek don't even get me started, I'm the one getting poked around like some kind of test object, don't you dare try to compare our level discomfort."

The doctor looked from both back and forth. "Um we will begin now, Mr. Venturi, maybe your girlfriend would feel better if you held her hand instead of making her angry?"

Derek looked at the doctor with alarm. "We're not..."

Casey gave him a death glare, and he just stared at her with confusion. She rolled her eyes with exasperation." Derek just hold my stupid hand and get this going, no need to bore the doctor with the details of our personal lives."

Derek smiled." Yes mam," and he moved beside her.

Derek slowly reached for her hand, and she felt a shortness of breath as his fingers laced with hers. The doctor began the ultrasound, but she wasn't conscious of the procedure. She was looking at Derek who was staring at the screen, looking absolutely nervous. He was being so cute and she couldn't help it, a little smile splayed over her face.

"Okay Miss McDonald, everything is looking so good," she pointed at the baby, now the size of a small fruit. She was shocked, the features were distinct now. She could see the little hands, the shape of the head, the body. It was miraculous. "The heartbeat is strong, and already moving a lot. You are going to have an active baby," she said with a little chuckle.

Derek gasped and she watched for his reaction. He looked absolutely shaken up, and while he wasn't looking at her, there was intense unfurling intensity between them. As if a current had been turned on, and they were being linked through a force stronger than themselves.

"It's hard to believe that we made that..." his voice shook a little. "And active you say? Maybe the kid will have my athletic skills," he finally turned to look at Casey.

There was something in his gaze that just made her well up. She felt a sob catch in her throat, seeing him so genuinely fascinated by their growing baby made her heart swell, and ache profusely. That smile on his face was unlike any other she'd ever seen.

"Wouldn't be surprised," she responded quietly. "Even with our genetics you just needed to win, didn't you?"

He laughed softly, "What can I say, I always win."

Derek squeezed her hand tightly and she felt the waterworks coming. She couldn't control it as his gaze became somewhat misty. Derek getting teary-eyed seemed so insane, but there was no mistaking the emotional seesaw he was going through. She couldn't look away from him as hard as she tried, as if they were suspended in time.

"That baby is going to be so spoiled " she felt the tears trail down her cheek. She was dimly aware of the doctor handing her a kleenex, "but you mister will need to become tough unless you want Derek 2.0 to take over your life."

Derek grinned, and flicked his attention back to the doctor "can you tell what we're having?"

"Not until she's 20 weeks, I will go print the report," she said in a sappy tone, as if she could tell they needed to be alone to process the information. As soon as the doctor left, he turned back to her.

"You can let go if you want," awareness hit her that he was still holding on to her hand, but it was as if Derek couldn't hear her.

"Wow," he murmured thickly, "it's hard to believe this is happening. It's one thing for you to tell me that we're pregnant, it's an entirely different thing to see it moving. It's kind of freaky when you think about it," he said with a smothered laugh.

This was a perfect moment, all of it was so precious to her. "I know, but it's real. So real. We're going to be parents Der."

She looked down at their entwined hands because the eye contact was too intense and she felt a blush go over her face, such a simple physical touch but it was just that weird connection that was unsettling. She started to pull back, but then as if in slow motion Derek clasped her hand and brought it up to his mouth. He kissed her hand softly, the warmth of it catapulted her heart to stop. Her heart was thumping restlessly as she slowly captured his gaze.

And as if he got pushed out of a haze, he dropped her hand and moved away sharply. His eyes went round with surprise as he realized what he did. "Uh, sorry," he pulled away quickly. "I'll wait outside in the waiting room okay?"

Casey mumbled an okay feeling her head press back into the pillow. She glanced at her fingers feeling a rampant twinge go through her. Oh God. All the feelings she had tried to keep at bay since that night seemed to eviscerate her rationality. No matter how hard she tried to remind herself that Derek was only the father, there was nothing more there, that that night never happened, she couldn't stop herself from feeling so….uncontrolled.

When the doctor went over the detailed report she stopped at the end "You and Mr. Venturi make a cute couple but boy you fight a lot. But I can tell how much you love each other. Have a nice day Miss McDonald."

Casey didn't have a moment to respond before she left. A couple. A cute couple. A couple that loved each other. Somehow the error didn't bother her, it was a flare of hope she didn't realize shed been clinging on to since that night, but just as quickly she took that thought out of her mind. _Stop, this will become a disaster if you get your heart involved._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First new chapter updated in months, and I'm so nervous! It's a little longer than I usually post, but hopefully you enjoyed it. Clearly Derek and Casey are at crossroads where the old ways of living together don't quite fit with their new arrangement, because there is so much chemistry. They are trying so hard to hold on to what they considered normal between them, but that night and the baby has changed everything between them. I'm so excited to start writing the Christmas chapters it will take time since I'm writing slowly, but they will come :) Please let me know thoughts, as I appreciate any feedback.


	4. Baby It's Cold Outside

Derek was officially losing it. That was the strangest afternoon of his entire life. He was in a fowl mood after meeting Vincent, he wanted punch his stupid face. He was angry at Vincent for the way he hurt Casey. For the way she still looked at him, there was no mistaking Casey was shaken up by him, and because it was clear Vincent still wanted her. He _needed_ to find out if Casey still loved him, he was usually good at keeping his jealousy in check but keeping himself detached now was nearly impossible. Then came the brutal reminder that no matter how civil and nice things had been between them, he didn't have a place in her life. He was only a rebound. That truth irritated him, like boils all over his body it hurt and it was aggravating.

And then, they were in that office. Nothing felt real, when he saw that little baby, completely formed, head, arms, moving around, it was insane. Casey was actually pregnant. He just felt so unlike himself. In the past, he would have laughed at emotional saps like him in a heartbeat, yet he was unable to keep cool. _He wanted to cry._ The last time he cried was when Sally moved to BC, but this was unlike anything he'd ever felt before. He wasn't aware of his words, or anything, all that existed in that room was Casey. He was holding her hand, and everything seemed to just swirl around him. She was smiling at him, crying, and he just lost it. He kissed her hand, why? Why did he do something so stupid?

They were silent all the way back to their place, and that only made him craizer. His mind was spinning, hoping to god she wouldn't question what just happened. He kept looking over at her, and she was quiet, observing him like he was sort of experiment. When they got home, she just went to her room and murmured a goodnight, even though it was only 3 in the afternoon. Clearly she was put off by his stupid action. He was so annoyed with himself, and tried to get his mind off by playing video games, usually shooting things and watching crap blow up was fun, but even that didn't cheer him up.

He could hear Casey rummaging around upstairs, she was probably freaking out, he could always tell when Casey was anxious when he could hear pacing in her bedroom. He needed a distraction, so he made plans for the next day for Sam to come over and chill out. It had been a while since he saw Sam, but he was overdue for some junk food and gaming, maybe that would help keep his mind off what just happened.

The next morning, he bumped into Casey on the way to the washroom. Her hair was wet, and she was wearing no makeup, wearing sweats, and her hair was up in a weird, messy bun. Geez, how the hell did she manage to still look so hot?

"Sorry," she avoided eye contact as she barrelled past him. He watched her as she closed her bedroom door and proceeded to turn music on.

He went to the fridge pulling out eggs, bacon, waffles and started cooking. The longer this awkward tension went on, the worst his mood was going to get. He left food for her, and went on to shovel three platefuls of food.

Casey eventually came down, and muttered a "Thank you for making breakfast," but still sounded so detached and strange.

He watched from the couch as she ate timidly, poking through her food absently. Then she got up and went to grab her school stuff and dumped them out at the kitchen table. She was studying, and although he normally left her alone, he just couldn't believe she could just sit there and read, as if nothing happened.

He was annoyed, so he turned the sound of the TV to an unbearable pitch. She looked over at him and glared at him, "Can you turn that down? Some of us have to pass a clinical test here!"

He pretended not to hear her and could see her stewing from the corner of his eye. She got up and and marched over, she was annoyed now. Good, mission accomplished. She reached for his hand and tried to yank the remote from him,

"Case, can't you see I'm watching something here?" He maneuvered away from him and got up, as he moved away from her, she reached around his waist, pulling him into her as she reached for the remote. Her sudden closeness, the feel of her curviness against his back just made his mind freeze.

Casey fumbled with his hand, and yanked it from him. She turned it off and without yelling or even looking at him, she marched to the kitchen, and went back to study.

Damn it. Now she was back to ignoring him. He hated this so much and couldn't stand it anymore so he took an intake of air an approached her.

"'I'm not giving it back to you, Der just forget it," she muttered as she went back to her books.

"I'm sorry, I was-" Derek stopped as her gaze met his, she didn't look angry, oddly calm. "just messing with you."

Casey made a slight sound of confusion, "Derek, I don't have time for games, okay? I have a deadline, but if you are wanting to have a mature discussion, then I'm all ears," she turned her attention back to writing. She seemed so closed off and business like, it was scary. This was the first time since moving in where he couldn't read her. Was she mad at him? Repulsed?Whatever he was going to say next got lost as he saw the ultrasound picture on the table.

He scooped it up, and just the reminder of that little champ was enough get him to snap out of it. He had enough of the awkwardness, and sure as hell wasn't going to make things worse by bringing up what happened in the office.

So he smirked, and sat beside her coolly. "I bet you it's a boy," he said with challenge.

Casey's scowl melted off her face. She looked at the picture in his hand and dropped her book as a grin took over her face. "Alright, lets play. I bet it's a girl what's the wager?"

Oh, thank god. Casey was brimming with excitement all of sudden, and he felt relieved. Seeing that cheery look on her face made him absurdly happy.

Derek thought plentative, "I'm feeling very positive I'll win. If I win I get to name him, and if you win, you get to name her. Deal?"

Casey gasped, and laughed humorlessly. "Uh no way. I want to have full input in our kids name. I want to research, look through meanings, and who know what kind of name you'd come up with. I can't take that bet."

"Chicken," he said softly, "You just know I will win which is why you don't want to attempt. I'm disappointed, here I thought you'd come along way and were starting to live on the edge a bit, but guess I was wrong."

Casey didn't like being underestimated and knew just how to coax her into getting out of her head. She bit her lip as she pondered the bet.

"Counter proposal," she said in a business voice, "Middle Names. It's just, I want us both to decide on a first name, it's one of those things that's like a milestone and even though I'm pretty certain I could win, I just don't want to miss that experience.

Derek knew she was right, but he wasn't going to make it easy on her. "You mean you're going to find a name and wear me down for the next 6 months until I agree," he said with a laugh.

Casey shook her head adamantly, looking adorable and certain. She grazed his arm softly. "No, i'll try to be reasonable."

Her touch was soft, but it felt like he'd just ran a marathon: breathless and braindead at the same time. He nonchalantly pulled back away from her and leaned back on his chair, pretending to think it over.

"It's cute you think you can be reasonable. But okay middle names it is." He turned to look at her, "I bet you it's a boy."

Casey flashed him a smile, "And I bet you we're having a girl."

" Bet accepted, " she reached her hand out to him, clearly intending to make it official. He just prayed to god he wouldn't commit any more serial stupid acts, so he slowly shook it.

When she pulled back she seemed like herself again, "I really do have to study. Unless there's anything else you want to talk about."

"Oh, I hope you don't mind but I invited Sam over. It's been a while since I've had a guy day." He went to the fridge and drank back some orange juice. That was a safer topic for sure.

"Sam?" She said airily, "Wow it's been ages since I've seen him. Sounds like fun, maybe if you're inviting him over, I can invite Robin over have my own little girl day. Oh, I wish Emily didn't live all the way in Nova Scotia, I miss her so much, it would have felt like the old days if she was here."

Derek grinned, "Alright, cool. Just we're going to have to pretend we're still at each other's throats, it's going to be really suspicious if we're all nice and respectable."

Casey laughed. "Agreed. Robin seems to think I hate your guts, so don't take any offence to anything I say tonight."

Derek smiled, relieved that somehow this day had completely turned around. "Deal" and went up to shower, washing away that cruddy feeling completely away.

* * *

Casey could hear Sam and Derek downstairs laughing up a storm. They were being their usual goofy selves. As she got ready for Robin to come over, she heard Derek say her name, she froze in place and dropped her hairbrush. She tiptoed near the stairwell, trying to listen in. Derek was trying to explain the reason for living together. "Casey just needed some help, I mean it's her final year she wanted to focus solely on school and not work, and believe me no one wanted her to become even crazier. Just act cool okay?"

Sam laughed, "Dude, I could care less if you live with Casey. But I am surprised she'd want to be in the same room as you for more than five minutes after everything you have done to her."

"Believe me, it stumps me too. See what I mean, she's clearly crazy." Casey couldn't help but smile, maybe she was a little crazy.

"Is she seeing anyone?" She heard Sam ask casually. Casey felt her breath catch in her throat.

She could hear Derek pausing the game. "Please tell me you aren't still interested in her, gotta tell you it's kind of weird if you are." He sounded extremely annoyed.

"No, no. I mean I like her, she's nice and we have always been friendly. I was just curious, but that doesn't answer the question."

Derek simply said, "From what I can tell, yes, but who knows she doesn't really tell me much. Now can we please stop talking about Casey and just play?"

Sam just muttered, "You're the one that always brings her up, and like always you tell me to stop talking about her, when you started it." he said with a cackle.

There was no more from Derek just the roaring and annoyance of him losing. Casey made her way back to her room and leaned up against the door and sighed heavily. What did Sam mean by that? Did Derek always talk about her? She tried not to look too much into it, but she couldn't help but feel giddiness over the fact he was clearly annoyed at the thought of Sam going after her again. It was nice to feel a little protected.

She felt strange all morning and hardly slept, how could she with that heavily charged moment at the doctor's office? It made it nearly impossible to breathe around him when they got back. He was quiet, and she just didn't know what to say. It got to the point where she wondered if she imagined that kiss, everything seemed so surreal. And then this morning, he was clearly annoyed with her. She made an effort to make space for him to talk about it if he wanted to, but it seemed as if he was determined to pretend nothing happened.

The bet was the perfect distraction, and it made her appreciate Derek's willingness to push through that moment, but at the same time, she wished he'd talk to her. Tell her what he felt, but Derek was the least conversationalist guy out there, and shouldn't have expected that he would just talk about emotional stuff. But oh, how for one day she wished she could read minds, just once.

"Casey, Robin is here!" Derek called up to her.

She came down to find Robin all dolled up. Her auburn hair was curled into waves and she was wearing a plum top that was more flashy than anything she'd ever seen on her. She wore contacts which was unusual. "Thanks for the invite," she said sweetly.

"It's been a while since we just hung out, and you haven't seen my new place yet," she hung up Robin's coat, and pulled her in to the living room.

Derek and Sam were engrossed in the game, and talking about hockey. Robin was watching them keenly, so Casey went right in front of them. "Um, Derek where's your hospitality? We have a new guest."

Derek rolled his eyes, and muttered, "See what I mean, crazy," and cast her an unsavory smile.

"You're the one that's crazy, Derek. You're an adult and still playing video games, grow up already. " Casey felt so out of practice, but it was surprisingly easy to slip back to their old ways. Derek just smirked, seeming to enjoy their banter.

Sam laughed at their interaction, but then his gaze went to Robin.

"Hey," Derek said over his shoulder, "This is Sam, Sam this is Robin, you happy with that princess?" He gave Casey a smug look, and she rolled her eyes with annoyance, but then noticed how quiet it was all of a sudden.

Sam stood up slowly, he seemed completely struck staring at Robin with infinite stillness. "Uh, nice to meet you," he seemed to be trying hard to form the words, "Robin," after a few seconds he moved forward to offer a handshake.

Robin's entire demeanor was shy, but clearly she was intrigued by Sam. She slowly shook his hand. "Hi," she said nearly inaudibly. "Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb your game."

Sam smiled impishly. "Oh, no, no, it's fine uh, Derek just likes to make people sweat a little."

Derek scoffed, "I didn't do anything, you're doing the sweating all on your own, buddy."

"De-rek!" Casey scolded, quickly realizing that he was trying to make them uncomfortable.

Robin blushed a little, "Um, I'm so sorry for interrupting."

Casey just took the opportunity to punch Derek on the shoulder. "Derek, do something," she whined.

Derek chuckled, "Sorry about that Robin," he got up and charmingly approached her, "You're not disturbing, I just have a natural annoyed reaction anytime Casey talks to me," Derek paused as he noticed Sam seemed completely out of it. "It would seem Sam has lost the ability to speak, so obviously he doesn't mind you interrupting."

Sam chuckled nervously, but then glared at Derek . Robin turned bright red, looking at Casey with helpless shyness. Casey wanted to jump in and protect her that instant, but Sam smiled a little, "Don't mind Derek, he's basically an idiot 99% of the time. But this time he's right. I really didn't mind...you seem really cool."

Robin sputtered, her pale skin was a deep cherry colour. "Thanks, you too Sam," she sounded wheezy.

"Aw, that was so sweet of you Sam," Casey murmured, and that only made Robin blush even more.

Derek clearly had enough of the sweetness and elbowed Sam. "Dude, I didn't invite you over to score in my house, are we going to play or not? So much for a guy day. " he said bitterly.

Sam looked so awkward and cute, looking completely bamboozled by Derek putting him on the spot, and she had no desire to make her best friend even more uncomfortable, so she pulled Robin by the arm, "You guys have fun, and Derek, behave," she warned. Derek gave her a discreet little wink, that made her smile unwillingly.

Robin peered over at Sam one more time giving a little wave and ran after Casey.

"Oh my gosh," Robin gushed as she made it into Casey's room, "I was so embarrassing down there! Could I be more pathetic?"

Casey smiled fondly, as she slumped on the bed dramatically. "You did better than you think."

Robin closed her eyes and groaned deeply, and Casey couldn't help but give her a saucy look, "So, Sam made you a little nervous."

Robin shook her head, her hair swishing in different directions as she tried to cover up what just happened. "Guys make nervous in general, I'm as awkward as they come."

"Come on, he was totally staring at you, and giving you the look, I should know. I dated him. I totally know his love sick face."

She shot up on the bed, looking bewildered. "What? You dated Sam? He totally doesn't seem like your type, he seems so laid back."

Casey took out some pampering items from her closet and smiled as she remembered. "Yeah, that was why we broke up, our communication styles were too different, but he's a sweetheart. He always treated me really well. So, I totally approve. Derek may act like a child about it at first, but I know he cares about Sam, so if you're wanting...you know to get to know him, just say the word."

Robin finally smiled. She really was very beautiful, with her delicate, dainty features. "Nice to know," her grey eyes roved over her slowly, and she arched her eyebrow. "You are looking, quite…..different these days."

Casey sat down beside her, as she pulled out all her nail polish, "Oh?" she said innocently.

"Well, I can't quite put my finger on it, but your boobs are totally bigger, " she giggled.

Casey blushed and tried to avert her gaze from him. She had thought about this, finally telling her for some time. It was useless keeping the pregnancy part a secret from her, she was starting to show, and even though she wanted to tell her family first, Robin has become like a sister to her, and she just needed to practice telling it."Yeah, um Rob, there's something you should know."

Robin must have sensed her nerves, and leaned forward. "You know you can trust me with anything."

Casey knew that. Robin had become integral in her life, while they were both similar in interests, she was calm and reserved, and well she was chaotic. She helped ground her on several occasion. She took a deep breath, "Well, I am changing, physically, but there's a reason for it. I just have to forewarn you at this point I can't tell you the full story, not yet anyway. But, I'm pregnant Rob, I'm 12 weeks along."

Robin's mouth gaped open, "What?" She said in a hushed whisper.

"I'm going to be a mother," Casey said dreamily, she didn't feel any nerves at all. "I wasn't expecting it, and you know how much I dislike surprises, but this one was a good one. I'm keeping it."

Robin started smiling bigger and bigger, and lunged towards her. "Congratulations, oh my goodness," she pulled back and squealed excitedly. "Who's the father? Vincent? Sorry, I am just trying to absorb it all."

"I can't reveal the father right now, but he knows. And he will be involved." Casey couldn't help but smile as she thought about Derek.

"Is that why you're living with Derek?" She asked quietly.

Casey froze, did she give it away? She tried to keep herself composed, but a welt of anxiety coursed through her. "What do you mean?"

"He's helping you with housing while you figure things out for you and your baby."

That was such a good way to look at it, "Yes, yes," she answered quickly, "He can be such a jerk, but yes he really surprised me by giving me somewhere to stay. I guess as a step brother he isn't the worst out there, but you know, we're still always at each other's throat if you didn't notice."

"He seems to enjoy provoking you, but I don't think Derek hates you," Robin seemed rather charmed by Derek, not that she was surprised. "He doesn't seem _that horrible."_

_Oh, how I wish he was horrible, then I wouldn't be feeling so confused._ "Yeah. He can be very sweet when he wants to, but it's rare, trust me. He's leaving two weeks after Christmas for hockey, so for the next few months he will be coming back and forth." The thought of Derek leaving settled on her heart so painfully. "So I'm not really taking up a lot of space."

"Well, you're not alone Casey. I'm here if you need anything, okay?"

Casey hugged her again, "You have no idea how much I appreciate you."

After that, they spent the evening talking about everything, it was so hard to explain her what her new dreams were without bringing Derek into it. Would someone like Robin understand that she slept with her step brother? She hardly understood it herself.

At one point Derek asked if they wanted pizza and they went downstairs. It was fun, they sat around the table eating and Casey was so happy knowing Robin knew the truth, and it felt even more real to her. After they finished eating, Sam asked Robin if she'd play a game of Halo with him. Robin nodded enthusiastically, saying she was such a video game nerd and that melted the awkwardness between them. Suddenly they were talking about their favourite games, and for two quiet people, they sure could get loud when it came to things they were passionate about.

Casey gave Robin a little wink as they went to the couch and started playing.

Derek was suddenly at her side, and leaned into her lightly. Even though they had been in the same house for hours, she missed him, and it became evident when she felt like she could breathe again. "Well who would have thought it? Turns out we accidentally pulled a blind date."

Casey watched them as they smiled and laughed, sensing that spark between them. "Yeah, who would have thought our not getting along would help them hit it off?" It was sweet, but at the same time it made her fill up with longing, how she wished she could have that with someone. Would she ever have firsts again?

After they left, Derek found her again studying. "You need to chill with the studying, you're losing brain cells I can tell."

Casey smiled, but then pulled the chair beside her, and he sat down. He seemed tired, but seemed way more relaxed than he was 12 hours ago. "I told Robin I'm pregnant."

"Wow," he muttered with surprise. " Did you tell her about...us?"

"No, I didn't think it was right to just tell her without you knowing, but she was very supportive."

Derek smiled, "Good. Must have been nice to get that off your chest at least."

"It was, so after talking it over with her, she actually gave me a brilliant idea on how to explain our living together. She thought you were helping me with housing while I figure out my plan with the baby."

Derek seemed impressed, "That is smart, I'm starting to think she may be a little too good for Sam. So about Christmas...Are we telling them everything?"

Casey didn't want to upset him, they had been on a seesaw all day, but she needed to at least put out her thoughts. "I'm not sure Christmas is the right time to…uh reveal what we had."

Derek offered a sly smile, "Yeah nothing brings the family together more for the most wonderful time of the year than giving them the gift that we fucked."

Casey blushed hotly, "De-rek! I wish you wouldn't use such foul language."

Dear god, that twinkle in his eye was so deeply seductive, clearly he had no awareness of his raw sexual magnetism, or else he would stop whatever he was doing. "Well, that is what we did, sorry to break it to you."

Casey sputtered, going back to toying with her hair. She was the worst liar imaginable, and trying to come off as cool and collected was failing her. "It's just such a crude word, so impersonal" , thinking about what they did sent a twist of desire to the pit of her stomach. Different images went through her mind, she felt like every nerve of her body had been awoken. "Can we just not talk about it, please?" She was afraid she sounded lust hit instead of bothered.

"Okay, sorry let me try again for you delicate ears," Derek laughed softly, leaning forward on the table. _Too close,_ he smelled so good. "The fact you're pregnant will be big news as it is, and I could just imagine all the smiles that there will be a baby only to be followed by everyone fainting on the spot when they find out I'm the father."

Casey smiled timidly, "So you understand my dilemma. I don't want to hide you as the father, but it's just a matter of timing, but if you feel we should, we can tackle it all at once. You decide."

He seemed to think about it for a few seconds, but then nodded. "Yes I'm okay with that. What if we tell them when I come back from the hockey season?"

"Sounds perfect." Finally, they were actually communicating somewhat effectively.

It was late, and as she went up to her room, Derek halted her in space. He loomed over her, looking bashfully shy, and nervous suddenly. "Uh-I just wanted to explain what happened yesterday." He looked away from her , taking an ordinary amount of time playing with the sleeve of his sweater.

"I'm listening," she said supportively.

He was visibly embarrassed, it was unusual to see him so undone. "I didn't mean for that happen, I was just….kind of in a different head space, I wasn't thinking. Sorry if I made things weird."

She wanted to ask more, but that was the closest she'd ever get from him talking about his feelings. Clearly he got swept up by the moment, she understood what that was like since this whole situation started because of her. Plus it's not like she hated it, it was sweet and...well he was being so cute right now. How could she hold that against him?

"It's okay, I wasn't burned by it," she teased, and saw a small smile splay over his face, and he let out a deep breath. "That was a unique experience, it's forgivable."

"So we're good?"

"Absolutely, no worries," He smiled at her, and she just needed to walk away before she said anything too incriminating. Derek was crazy if he really thought she could ever forget that, or any other thing she experienced with him. How did he manage to make every intimate thing he did with her so unforgettable?

* * *

It was December. The air was cooler, and snow had begun to fall in swirling amounts. She did it, she made it through a week of hellish school assignments, and exams fully intact. And there was just a loveliness in the air, the spirit of Christmas that was so in the air. Derek had promised to take her to pick out a tree once she finished that semester. And today she was celebrating!

Casey woke up to see her bump suddenly pop in, overnight it seemed. There was an roundness to her, she was fuller and when she exhaled the bump seemed to expand. She looked in the mirror, and she placed her hands on it, softly grazing. She turned on her side, it was so cute. She could still hide it with some visual clothing tricks, but it made it all so real. She ran down the stairs, feeling an overwhelming excitement. Derek was eating cereal.

"Derek, look!" She turned to the side to show him, "It's happening, let the growing begin."

His eyes widened as he paused mid spoonful. He looked at her appraisingly, and dropped his spoon. He was staring up and down her body leisurely slow, and that's when she realized she was just wearing a tank top, it was way more revealing than she ever dared to be in his presence. She crossed her arms over her chest, but to her mortification, it only made her feel more indecent.

Derek coughed a laugh suddenly and drank his juice down urgently. He finally said, "You're still a freak of nature Casey, I remember when my mom was pregnant with Marty she became huge overnight, that bump is so tiny."

Casey scowled, glaring hotly. "It's still a bump!" Of course he'd manage to pop the bubble.

"Alright, if you say so," he winked. He was so maddening.

"You know what? I'm not going to let you ruin this. This is like the best day ever, the day we go pick out a tree is the day I'm showing."

Derek looked thoroughly amused, "Okay, so the plan is we are going to have the full tree experience. We're going to a tree farm, going to pick it out, chop it, and apparently it's a lot of fun. We are going to have the lumberjack experience."

Casey couldn't help but be excited, "Okay, and afterwards we will decorate together right? I just love Christmas, it's such a magical time. "

Derek just chuckled, eying her as she did little excited clap. "You're a weirdo, but sure. Can't wait for the constant insults of my decorating skills."

Casey didn't have a moment to respond, when her phone rang. It was Nora, she felt frantic. "Mom," she answered a little breathily, she had played a game of cat and mouse with her for months. While she made an effort to go home once in a while, it had been a couple months since she saw her.

Derek made a gesture with his hand as if he was saying chill, and she took a deep breath.

"Casey," Nora said brightly, "Oh my goodness finally! I was starting to get worried, how are you sweetie?"

"Just fantastic," she said a little too cheery. "I can't wait to come home for Christmas."

"Oh, I can't wait. Your sister's nose has been a little out of joint because you hardly visit her lately,"

Guilt went over her. "I'm so sorry, I will make it up to her okay? Tell her I love her so much, and I try to text her regularly, but I guess I have been a little…..Derekish lately," she said apologetically.

Derek muttered a "Thanks Case," it seemed to be an automatic response and Casey's eyes widened.

Derek covered his mouth.

"Was that Derek?" Nora sounded so surprised.

"Um, yes. We are getting together to Christmas shop, you know how Derek is, he's so lazy when it comes to gifts. He needs me," she answered quickly. Oh gosh the lies were piling up around her.

"Aw, well I'm so glad you're at least getting along," there was a brief pause, "Hey can you get him to call George occasionally? He's been a little….moody about the fact Derek hardly calls him. He calls Marty and Edwin a lot, but not George."

Derek looked guilty, and took the phone from her, "Nora, hey, yeah it's me. I'll find a way to make it up to him, alright? Yeah, we can't wait to see you guys too."

Casey watched him as he charmed his way out of getting her mother's scolding. Derek was just gifted in being able to get anyone to forgive him. When he hung up, she glared at him. "That was a close one," she spat anxiously. "The sooner we tell them we at least live together, the better." And with that she ran upstairs to get ready for the day.

* * *

_It's not a date._ Derek combed his hair, trying not to get too excited about the thought of going to cut a tree down with Casey, really there was nothing datish about it at all, but there was something about it that made him nervous. It was bad enough he didn't feel quite normal around her. It was as if there was a tightness in the room whenever they were together, something lingering in the air that clobbered him over the head. There was no name for it, and it troubled him.

_Hell_. Casey coming down to show him her bump in that tank top had him running in circles in his mind. It was arousing seeing the result of what they did, the bump was noticeable and she looked unbearably hot. Her figure had become curvy, and dangerously sexy. She was showing in more ways than one, and it was fight with himself not to stare like a weirdo. He always thought that maybe pregnancy would make her look less appealing, but damn it, like everything else she did in her life, she did everything perfectly. It wasn't a surprise that growing a baby would make her any less attractive, or that she'd look anything other than perfect. She was a temptress, and she had no idea. He was constantly holding in his breath around her, so tonight was bound to make him somewhat lightheaded.

When Casey came down, she was so giddy and cute, talking a million miles per hour. They drove to the outskirts of the city. There was a tree farm that had a buggy ride all the way to the site and they could pick out a tree, cut it down, and then have it sent to be put in the car. There was a hot chocolate café, and a tiny village that was always decorated. It was snowing the perfect amount, and the closer they got to the site, the more excited Casey became.

"Look at the way their display is lit up," she breathed excitedly, "You can be sure I'll be taking notes to make our tree just as beautiful."

"Case, you are like a chihuahua right now, yapping a million miles per second," he grinned as they parked.

Casey giggled. She looked gorgeous. She wore a blue coat; her long brown hair was curled into lazy curls around her shoulder. She really went with the Christmas theme with her makeup. She wore green eyeshadow, that made her eyes look the richest part of the ocean. She wore little snow globe earrings, making her appear sweet and fun at the same time. Her mouth was a sultry red colour, and to go with the theme she had a santa hat with a pompon at the end.

They walked into the little village display, walking through different tree displays. Casey would stop every so often and raise her arms over her head, as if she was reaching out to heaven, trying to catch the snowflakes. She would stop to take pictures of every single display, beaming with adorable joy.

This was what he was worried about, feeling so helplessly happy just being around her. As much as he rolled his eyes whenever she would yank his arm to point at a different display, he couldn't make himself actually pull away from her. They walked close together, not touching, but it was close enough to feel that weird tension.

What was only fifteen minutes, seemed to lull out to what it seemed like hours. Eventually the got the buggy. It was a little high, "Case let me help you up, okay?"

Casey looked back at him with surprise as he took hold of her waist and boosted her up. "Don't you dare drop me, Derek or I swear!" He tried to ignore the desire to just hold her, and quickly got in after her.

He looked over at her, and she was very still, staring at him. "What's wrong? You were like a little fairy-tale creature and now you look like you saw a ghost."

Casey smiled all of a sudden, "I thought I felt something, a kick," she said with alarm. "As soon as you helped me up, I felt it."

Derek looked down as she massaged herself, "It kicked?"

"Either that or was trying to slap your hand away," she joked. "But it's stopped," she said sadly.

"Come on Case, if it happened once, it'll happen again. Cheer up."

Casey's eyes went wide, and she quickly took a hold of his hand and placed it on her, "Do you feel that? It's like a little fluttering."

Derek felt slight movement, it felt like tiny pokes against his hand, he looked up at her smiling face. He felt all too emotional over it, and all he could manage to say was, "Cool." He was still touching her, but she didn't seem to mind. But he sure as hell did, touching her was too dangerous, it felt too intimate so he pulled back slowly, releasing an unsteady breath.

"Wasn't that amazing?" If Casey was happy before, now she looked like she got dipped into a rainbow. All he could manage was a nod. "This is the best day ever."

He looked away from her, because just the sight of her dancing in her seat was too cute for him to process. Casey's giddiness melted a bit, and for some reason she looked sad for a moment.

"So, are you excited to go off for hockey? With everything that's happened we've barely talked about it, but it's happening soon."

Derek didn't want to talk about it. It was strange being caught up in the middle of two dreams, wanting to be at Casey's side, and finally living out his professional dream. He wasn't expecting to feel so conflicted about leaving. "Uh yeah, of course I'm excited. I never would have thought I'd be actually playing professionally, it's just….the timing is a bit strange."

Casey was studying him, and he felt a little exposed. "Yes, the timing may be strange, but you should feel so proud of yourself. You are doing what many guys could only dream of doing. I've seen you play, you're...amazing." she managed to say, "You shouldn't feel about about having to leave. I'll be alright," she tilted her head back. "I'm a strong independent woman." She was trying to make him feel better but it wasn't working.

_Please stop looking at me like that, it makes me want to throw it all to hell for you._ "Well, I'm not really worried about you. I know you can take care of yourself," the confined space they were in suddenly felt like it was shrinking around them. "Just I'm worried I'm going to miss so much, like winning the bet and being there to tell you I won to your face, seeing you become a planet could be quite funny and hilarious. As much as I want to win the cup, I sort of don't. Pathetic isn't it?"

Casey smiled brightly, and she leaned into his side sweetly. "No, just once again you're proving that you having a deeply caring side Derek Venturi, and it's nice to see that once in awhile." No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't stop himself from caring about her. And suddenly she punched his arm, "And if you make fun of my planet size, I will pummel you," she warned.

"Counting on it," he smiled at her. The shrinking seemed to continue around him, and the buggy came to a stop, thank goodness. "Alright, let's karate chop a tree," he said urgently, trying to diffuse that tension again.

He got down, and Casey looked down at him warily. He lifted his arms, "It's fine, I won't drop you," he teased, "thank god you're not a planet yet."

She gave him that intense glare, before sitting down on the step, and leaped towards him. He caught her by the waist, and slowly lowered her. Her breathing hitched as she stared up at him, her cheeks were red from the cold, and her lips parted. She was right up against him, even with layers of jackets and sweaters, he still felt the ramping burn of holding her so close. She was supple, and his hands were fused on her waist. He felt no urgency to let go, but at the same time, this was exactly the kind of stupid thing he was trying to avoid.

"Okay, when you've picked a tree come get me," the driver's voice broke through the noise in his mind.

He stepped back and picked up her purse and handed it to her. Casey took it wordlessly, and she glanced back at him before trudging along the path.

Within a few moments, Casey was humming and singing softly, singing to Deck the Halls as if nothing happened. Casey clearly didn't feel as crazy and he did, and it was for the best, but it stung. Stung deeply.

He wasn't surprised that Casey took picking a tree as seriously as picking an apartment. She walked around the trees touching, trying to get the "perfect" tree. But honestly, after a while they all looked the same, but there was no way he was going to rush this. She was getting cuter by the second. At last, after a lot of back and forth and Casey saying, "You're wrong, Derek," whenever he'd suggest on, Casey jumped up and down.

"This is it," she said excitedly. It was a beautiful tree, there were hues of blue, tall, and was extremely full. "I can just imagine the lights, the magic, the glass ornaments I've collected over the years, this is perfection."

"Great, can I chop it now?"

Casey gave him a sad pout, "Do I not get it chop it?"

Derek snickered shaking his head. "Case, there is no nice way to put this, but you're the queen of klutz. Always have been, always will be, do you really think you should be picking up an axe in your state? You're already a walking hazard as it is,"

Casey crossed her arms over her chest angrily, "I'm not that bad," she tried to argue with him but she gave in. "If it wasn't for this baby, I'd prove you wrong," she spat back.

Derek turned back to the tree, and swung the axe a few times, it was fun, and he could hear Casey tease him for not being able to cut it down in one swing. After a few hard blows the tree came down. As the tree got taken to the main location, he was making his way back to the buggy when he felt a snowball hit his back.

Casey was laughing, "That was for not letting my cut the tree," she said smugly. She knew he wouldn't throw snowballs back, so he just threw her a little menacing look.

"I'll always find a way to get you back, Case."

Casey laughed, giving him that taunting smile of hers, "Can't wait to see you fail, but alright."

_Not a date,_ he told himself, but how he wished it was.

* * *

Casey watched as Derek put the lights up around the tree. If Derek was annoyed by her constant rearranging of the tree ornaments, or changing her mind about where to put the tree, he didn't let it show. Was he becoming immune to her eccentricities? Or was he simply just choosing to be nice to her for the sake of her pregnancy?

He made some jokes, murmuring "Yes your majesty," or "Should have known that wasn't the final decision," but his voice was laced with lightness and surprising tenderness.

That day had been simply magical. There was no other way to describe it. As she sat down to take a break, suddenly feeling extremely exhausted, she contemplated their day. There were a few seriously sweet moments between them. Her heart melted over his confession over being worried about missing things. He seemed conflicted about leaving, and everything in her was screaming to hug him. When he helped her off the buggy, and held on to her for those few tormenting moments, she lacked oxygen. Having him close made her head swim, he looked so tantalizing, and warm and it ended all too abruptly.

When they went back to the village, they went to get hot chocolate. And as they sat there bundled up, drinking hot chocolate, it suddenly got colder, and she started shivering slightly. He noticed and handed her his leather jacket, she tried to give it back. But when she stood up, he went beside her and placed it over her shoulders.

"You're stubborn as hell, just take it," he ordered.

His jacket was one of his favourite things, he never left the house without it, and now it was around her. The scent of him clung to her, and she just wanted to bottle up that scent, it was comforting, and so arousing. They walked back to the car in silence, but there was a chaotic surge between them, and she tried to tell herself it was just the Christmas lights. As they made their way through the exit, a little blonde girl shouted. "You have to kiss you walked under the mistletoe,' the little girl said with a mix of innocence and mischievousness.

Casey's entire body burned with embarrassment, but Derek was so cool and collected, unphased by the little girl's comment. "She's my step sister, that would be gross," he made a face and the girl's smile faded away and was replaced by disgust.

"Oh, so, so gross, I could never kiss my brother, ew," and she turned back to follow her parents.

When Derek chuckled and looked at her stone-like face, he shrugged and sent her a smile that could have made a nun blush. "Don't worry, it wasn't that gross, just mildly irritating," he teased.

She just forced a laugh, even she knew he didn't find the kiss off putting. She remembered the way he kissed her, recalled his heavy breathing, the way his mouth felt against her, urging and demanding. He was completely toying with her, that grin of his made her laugh. Yeah, it was so far from grossed out it was comical to try to pretend it was.

Derek tugged her arm, and they went to the car, still with that humming all around her. She spent the rest of the drive singing Christmas carols as loud as she could, and Derek was just begging her to stop. "You know my aversion to Christmas music, you're just torturing me now."

Casey laughed, "Oh yea, but there's no hiding from me here, so I'm taking advantage."

He flicked her a little smirk, and just drove all the way back laughing every time she sang the wrong words to a song, or if she did a little dance. It was the sweetest night of her life in a long time.

As she flicked the Christmas lights on, she watched in wondernment as the entire living room lit up, it was gorgeous, magical, and it had the potential of making everything feel romantic. That had to be why everything so felt intense with Derek, it wasn't them it was the environment and the reason they definitely flirted with each other.

"Gotta hand it to you, it's not bad," Derek came to stand beside her. "But there's something missing," she watched as he ran up the stairs and came down with a present and put it under the tree.

"You got a gift, for who?" She asked with intense curiosity.

Derek just smirked, "Now don't be nosy, Case, you're stealing the Christmas spirit."

She rolled her eyes, but that moment of sass seemed to disappear as she looked up at him. "Thank you for this, it was exactly what I needed. I wanted one day of magic before….telling the family."

Derek simply nodded, "Yeah maybe I needed it too. As they start to know more, things might become more complicated."

They stood there for a long time in silence, and for the first time in a long time she felt a calm that swept through every part of her being. Derek had made this day so perfect and it was frightening how at ease she felt with him. How comfortable it was to have him close.

Derek broke the silence, "So, out of pure curiosity. I'm just asking for the sake of my reputation, but did you find that kiss gross?"

Casey's heart spiked, Derek wasn't looking at her, but if he had she would have fallen over from the impact. "No comment," she tried to say with all the mystery she could possibly garner, by appearing nonchalant. "What's gross is discussing kisses with my step brother."

Derek snickered, "So it's not okay to discuss it, but you had no problem _actually_ making out with me?

Casey felt a tide of arousal consume her, god just the reminder of that kiss was enough to unleash a swarm of butterflies in her stomach. _I can't discuss it because I would die of embarrassment if you knew just how much I loved it. If you only knew how much I want to do it again, you'd freak out and I would ruin everything. But god no, that kiss was ...heaven and hell at the same time. The most tormented pleasure I've ever felt, because I knew it would never happen again._

She wanted to laugh at her own ridiculous poetic thoughts. Instead she just shrugged. "I'm ...complicated."

Derek grinned, as if she had in a roundabout way answered his question. "That's the understatement of the century," and with that Derek made his way up the stairs, and stopped at the railway. "Don't even think about rearranging that tree."

"How did you..." she asked with surprise.

Derek just smirked, "Case, you may think you're this great mystery, but you're not. Goodnight," and he went up the stairs. That only meant he knew she liked the kiss. If they both liked the kiss, then...why couldn't they do it again? _Responsibility,_ that little voice answered back.

That day had been so wonderful, and sweet. It was magical, and Derek made it happen. It felt all of a sudden like a hallmark movie, except her movie didn't end with a kiss, or a magical declaration of love, but Derek had managed to still make it the most wonderful day of her entire life. How could anyone resist Derek Venturi? She would be glad when the lights were put away, so she didn't feel so romantically charged. She looked down, and realized with surprise she never took his jacket off, and she wrapped it tighter around her. She took in the aroma, breathing sharply. It was the closest thing to hugging him, ugh she was pathetic. It had to be the christmas lights, _had to be._

The fact she avoided the question, must have shown him how deeply it affected her. He knew her so well, and that was frightening. Derek would never know how much she loved kissing him, ever. _Some questions were better off left unanswered._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I hope you liked this chapter. With such a crazy year, it was so comforting writing this chapter, a real escape. Lol Casey blaming the romantic pull they felt on the Christmas lights, was my favourite parts to write. It was another long chapter, oops I'm having a hard time with short chapters for this story, but because It's taking me longer to post,I hope it's appreciated. :) Think of it as 2 in 1 :) I had so much fun adding some Christmas sprinkles to this chapter, but in the next chapter will be Christmas central! Stay tuned for Venturi-Mconald Family time. Please let me know how you're feeling about this so far, any feedback is welcome and appreciated.


	5. Christmas Baby

_"_

_"Derek," her voice was angelic and sweet as she approached him. She was smiling with a devilish glint in her eyes. He didn't know angels could be so tempting. She moved closer to him. Her smile was alluring, she wore perfume and the smell of vanilla clouded his senses._

_"What are you doing here?"_

_Casey untied the robe slowly, looking at him with challenge as the red robe seemed to slip off her body. Her body was concealed by shadows, but he could see enough to make him sputter, and instantly aroused._

_"I need you, don't send me away," her voice seemed to swirl around him like smoke._

_He was paralyzed as she climbed the bed and sank down on him. "Case-it's not a good idea," but her mouth found his, and her hands pushed him down as she straddled him. She kissed him wildly, her nails dug into his back, lightly scraping him. He sighed deeply, he couldn't handle it._

_"I can't, I can't" he begged, thinking he meant no, Casey stopped and was pulling away, but his hands went around her waist, keeping her still. "I can't send you away."_

_Her smile lit up the room, and she came back to him, slowly kissing his ear and whispered, "You know you haven't been able to forget this."_

_"Never," he answered, and sought her mouth with desperation, and kissed her, allowing the flames to go around him, "I could never forget you."_

A knocking sound jerked Derek awake. He was trembling, breathing harshly. His mind was racing. Oh, he was so screwed. He was plagued by these dreams more frequently than he'd want, and as his eyes took in the darkness around him, he groaned deeply. "Casey, you're killing me," he whispered to the darkness, "I'm going crazy for you and you have no idea, fuck what have you done to me?"

Ever since the tree "date," things had been too charged for his liking, just knowing Casey liked kissing him tormented him. Things had been a little too nice between them, she was smiling at him like all the time, she would greet him every morning with coffee, they would watch tv together every night. The few times they fought was over stupid things. They were getting along, a little too well. He just needed to get himself in line though, he didn't want to do anything to screw it up, but god he just wanted her, just one kiss that's all he wanted. He laughed to himself, _yeah right you keep telling yourself that._

Then he heard a knock on the door, he shot up on the bed." Der, can I come in please?" He reached over to turn on his lamp, was he still dreaming?

He could feel nerves shooting through him, "Um okay," he said uncertainly.

Casey came in, wearing her pink bunny pyjamas, thank god, but somehow, she still managed to make him feel so breathless, just by being Casey. He couldn't help but think of that dream, but that intense desire boiled away and was replaced with concern as he looked at her face. Her eyes were round, and she was chewing her lip anxiously.

"What's wrong?"

Casey sat listlessly on his bed. "Derek, I think I'm going crazy." She was wild eyed, there was no mistaking she was going through an anxiety attack but was trying to appear calm.

He wanted to laugh at how similar he felt, but his form of crazy was probably not the same as hers. "Care to elaborate?"

"Derek, we're telling them today," she crossed and uncrossed her arms over her chest, and went on to fidget with a thread on her top. "They're going to find out I'm pregnant, and I'm just starting to imagine the worst-case scenario. What if my mom is disappointed in me? I mean, I always had a plan. Everyone was aware of my five-year plan, remember I gave them all a detailed copy of it just in case I went off track? I realize my expectations on myself are way higher than what they feel, but I just can't help feeling nervous over their reaction."

Ah, how could he forget the hilarity of Casey knocking on his door the last week before they moved out to give him a copy of her document. It was usual Casey, she had gathered everyone in the living room to go over it as if they were looking at a will or something, and of course he teased her about it, it was hard not to. He couldn't help but smile at the memory.

"How could I forget the 30 pages of _Casey's Fool Proof Plan for Success_? I actually still have it, it's amusing."

Casey smiled a little, looking at him with complete surprise. Her eyes softened, glittering in the dim light. God, sometimes when she looked at him that way it just made him feel so out of sorts. "I can't believe you didn't just toss it out within a minute after I closed that meeting."

Derek got off his bed and went to his desk. He knew exactly where it was. Cheering her up became necessary, even if it made him look like a weird stalker for keeping it all those years. He was always disorganized, but he kept that document, he had to. It was too funny to throw out. Casey gasped as he handed it to her.

"It's worth more than gold, I thought I could use it to make fun of you even more some day" he teased.

Casey seemed so uplifted by that, smiling as if he'd just handed her a million dollars. "Wow," was all she could seem to say as she looked through the pages, "my goodness, no wonder you kept it, I sound so stuck up and annoying," she laughed quietly.

Derek smiled, "Oh you were." She stared at him and then remembered the reason she came in the first place. "Just because your life has taken a slight detour, doesn't mean those goals won't be accomplished. Your life isn't over because you're having a baby, and well, I don't doubt that you can be everything you ever wanted. Just sometimes we need to be flexible Case, life sometime doesn't give a crap about our plans."

Casey looked away and mumbled a thank you, she looked so rattled. "I don't regret any of this, but it's just I feel a little lost, suddenly nothing is going the way I planned. I used to be able to get a good idea of my life but now, everything's so blurry. I planned to be in love, married and being at the top of my field before having a baby, everything is so out of order. And just the thought of anyone looking down at the decision to keep this baby makes me angry and sad, and like I just-why must I always overthink?"

Derek couldn't stop himself and moved closer to her, and wrapped his arm around her gently. She paused, her breathing was shallow and slow. "Case just breathe. Firstly, just because things are out of order, doesn't mean those things can't still happen. And I bet you no one's going to even remember that you made a big show about your five-year plan. So what if people are a little shocked or surprised over the pregnancy? This was your choice, and that's all that should matter. You're going to be okay."

He turned to look at her, and she was just so close, looking at him with frail sweetness as he gently rubbed her back. She breathed in and out a couple times."You're right, I should be confident in my decision, and I'll try not to overthink," she paused for a moment, and then added, "but, you remembered that document," she said wistfully, as if trying to understand why he would have kept it at all.

Derek just shrugged, trying to come up with an excuse. "Like I said, I found it funny, as for everyone else you just ruined their Saturday night," he chuckled.

Casey laughed lightly and sighed with some relief. "Thanks Der, you always seem to know exactly what to say," she looked away with embarrassment. "Sorry for waking you, it was selfish of me."

He laughed, and as the soft glow of the lamp touched her face, he was tempted to reach out and touch the softness of her cheek, everything in him wanted to move closer but he stayed frozen with one hand on her back. "So selfish, but I wasn't burned by it. I'll survive."

Casey studied him intently. It was too quiet, and he was starting to feel nervous as hell. Heat went up and down his neck the longer the moment drew out. "You're really much sweeter than I ever realized."

Casey had given him that exact look that night, and as much as he tried not to be sweet with her, he was unable to keep it in check anymore, he rubbed his neck nervously and laughed. "Well, maybe I was always sweet, but you never noticed."

To his surprise, she nodded, "Well then I wasn't just stuck up and annoying, I was also blind," and with that she got up and walked away, paused at the door, and smiled timidly over her shoulder. "Night, Der. Thanks."

Derek groaned into his knees. He needed to have tape on his arm and pull every time he said something stupid, but her answer surprised him. Ugh, he was going to be the one to screw everything up, he just knew it.

He fell back on his pillow, wanting more than anything to dream about her again. When he woke up again, he could hear Casey fumbling in the kitchen. Oh, today would be stressful alright, so much for Christmas Eve being fun and relaxing. The truth was he was nervous of their reaction, but more for Casey's sake. Would he be able to keep his reaction in check if they looked down at her decision to keep the baby? He would just have to bite it back, even if it killed him.

As they got ready for the day, Casey was upset over burning the pie, over not getting her mom a nice enough gift, over the fact she felt her face was puffy from being pregnant. He didn't want to do anything to upset her more, so he just helped make a salad, went out to buy some drinks and put all the gifts in the car.

After showering, and putting on the geekiest formalwear ever, an actual button down shirt, that he was only wearing because Casey insisted he needed to look presentable, he waited downstairs for her. Casey was loud, dropping stuff on the ground, going around in circles in her room. He was watching tv when he saw her come down. His mouth gaped open.

Casey was wearing a red strapless dress that wrapped around her chest tightly, the top had sequence, so her chest looked so provocatively beautiful. The pale silkiness of her shoulders, and throat seemed to stand out against the red sparkly fabric. The dress flowed outward with layers of silk, not clinging to her for obvious reasons. Her hair was in an updo, drawing more attention to her neck. _Damnation, you're so fucking sexy_ , his mind seemed to scream it. He wanted kiss her collarbone, her neck, everywhere. She just looked so fierce, her eyes glittering with the sort of strength that always made him a little weak. No matter how stressed Casey got, she always managed to overcome anything. She looked at him steadily, a little smile went over mouth. He could feel himself literally gulp like some kind of idiot, and quickly stood up, and fumbled with the remote to turn the tv off.

"You look good," Casey said sweetly. "Totally not geeky in the slightest, blue is really your colour Der."

He smiled at the compliment, but went to get his jacket, trying to find anything to distract him from staring at her. "Thanks, you don't look too hideous," he said quickly, feeling a little breathless.

Casey laughed, "I'll take that as a compliment." She reached for his arm and he found himself looking down at her upturned face. She was even more beautiful up close, her eyes were sparkling like rare blue diamonds. How the hell was he going to be able to act indifferent to her tonight?

"Merry Christmas, Der," she said a little airily, "No matter what happens tonight, I just want you to know…." He couldn't look away from her, and his heart just thumped viciously. "I have never been happier to have my life derailed. Sorry I was so annoying today."

Derek smiled, "Surprisingly, today hasn't even hit in the top 20 of your annoying moments, so no worries. I get it."

Casey smiled, and she reached up, trying to tame one lock of his hair that the gel couldn't seem to get, she laughed quietly as she fixed it. He held in his breath, feeling lightheaded. The gentle touch on his head felt as if she scalded him, he felt warm and unsteady. "There, now you look perfect," she said sweetly, seemingly proud with her work.

_You're perfect._ God he was in so much trouble. He had to move away, and as he made his way out the door, she followed him, "Oh one more thing, if at any moment I freak out I'll say the word 'gingerbread' and then you meet me in the game closet, okay? I feel fine now, but you know me, tonight could literally go a million different ways."

Derek put his arm around her against his better judgment, "I'll be right there for you, but I think you'll be just fine. Let's do this Space-Case."

* * *

"Oh my god, it's really them." Lizzie opened the door, clapping enthusiastically, "Casey!" She leapt at her, and hugged her tightly. "I'm furious with you!" she said with a mixture of happiness and complete sadness, "You forgot about me."

Casey's eyes swam with tears. "Liz," she hugged her tightly, not wanting to let go. "Don't be silly, I could never forget you."

Lizzie pulled back, tears streamed down her eyes as she looked from her to Derek. Lizzie had grown up alright. She was tall, toned, and she was so beautiful. She had the same wit and intelligence, except now she was a beautiful woman. "I'll pick a fight with you another day, it is Christmas afterall. Hi Derek," she went to hug him and Derek pretended to be terrified but then laughed and accepted her hug.

"Liz, let them come in already!" Marty called from the staircase. When she saw Derek, she barreled to him, flinging her arms around him. "Smerek the ghost has returned, at last," she said with a gummy grin.

Casey couldn't help but melt a little, no matter how old Marty was, her admiration for Derek was one of the sweetest things ever. Derek had always been such a great brother to her. Marty was 13, her hair was dyed pink, and she had a unique sense of fashion. One look at her was enough to know she was going to be trouble once she went to high school, she was Derek's sister after all.

"Smarty, damn you look older every time I see you, stop it. You're freaking me out," he said with awe.

Marty smiled but then as if she remembered she was now a teenager, she made a face of disgust. "Smarty is a baby's name, you're going to have to come up with a better nickname."

Derek grinned, and ruffled her hair playfully, "Nice try, but you will always be Smarty to me, don't tell me you're too cool to be my little sister now?"

Marty was clearly no match for Derek's charm and gave up, "No, Smarty it is."

As they shuffled through the door, Casey took in their surroundings. The house was beautifully decorated, the smell of turkey and pumpkin pie lingered through the air. There was quiet Christmas music in the background. She felt so alive, and watched as Derek took the drinks to the kitchen.

"Casey, you look so pretty," Marty said with admiration. Lizzie was also studying her intently, she was worried they would detect there was something extremely different with her.

"You really do, you're glowing sis," Lizzie said cheerfully.

"You girls are too sweet, but I'm not as pretty as you two," her attention was disrupted by the sound of Derek's laughter.

She gave her sisters a hug, and followed the sound of voices. "Your favourite son has arrived," Derek teased.

"Come give your old man a hug, you punk!" George's booming laugh spiraled through the air, and Casey found Derek trying to escape George's hug.

Casey laughed, "Merry Christmas, George!" He looked a little older, but still had that boyishness to him that made George so endearing. He let go of Derek and pulled Casey into a bear hug.

"The good child is back, " he said with sweetness, "Man we have really missed having someone as organized as you, Edwin has become a Derek wanna-be. Marty is one step away from becoming a female Derek, and of course Lizzie is the good one. What is it with you Mcdonald's being angels?"

Derek scoffed, and crossed his arms with annoyance. "First off, Edwin could never be like me and secondly in what universe was Casey an angel?"

She glared at him, and he stood against the island smirking at her. "I was an angel Derek. You pulled out the dark side out of me, it's all your fault." Derek seemed to pause and look at her with curiosity, and then realized it probably sounded like she was blaming him for that night, and in a way it was. She would have never jumped him that way, if he hadn't been so tempting and completely seductive. It was all his fault, but then he just laughed and took a drink from George.

"You have a wicked side Case, don't try to pretend you're this sweet, innocent little lamb, we both know you can be completely dangerous," his eyes glinted with playfulness, and gave her a little wink as if he was saying _Nice try Case, you came on to me_. She was aware her cheeks were flaming, god couldn't their intensity take a break even in front of family?

George was oblivious to their borderline flirting, and laughed, "You two never change, got to love tradition. Casey, Nora should be back soon she's picking up last minute items." He motioned for them to follow to the living room and sat down on the couch.

Casey was trying so hard not to stare at Derek too much, but her eyes followed him around like high beams. She smiled as he took hold of his old chair, and told everyone the king was back.

Suddenly, Edwin came down. Casey couldn't help but gasp. He had eye-liner, dark clothes, and clearly had gravitated towards the "punk" look. When he saw Derek, he stared at him cooly.

Derek choked on a laugh, "Ed, didn't anyone tell you it's Christmas, not Halloween?" Derek leaned forward, watching Edwin like he was the scariest thing he'd ever seen.

Edwin just towered over him, he definitely became more muscular, and looked like he could actually beat Derek up if he wanted to. "Out. That's my spot now,"

Derek burst out in a fit of laughter, glancing at Casey. "Can you believe this guy?" Derek smirked up at Edwin with challenge. "Think of me as a returning male lion, you had your time in the sun, but when the stronger one comes back, everyone knows the other male goes away. So I'm not moving."

Edwin wasn't having any of it, "Oh really? You're too old to win now." Derek stood up and as they stared at each other like they were about to kill each other, Derek pulled him into what she thought was going to be a wrestle move, instead he proceeded to give Edwin a noogie.

Edwin just laughed, for a moment his "punk" cool guy diminished. "It's nice to have you back, but don't get comfortable being the bully for long."

Casey couldn't help but comment, "Edwin, look at you...talk about a transformation," she tried not to come off as judgemental but it was so hard not to. Even though she went through the punk phase herself, and would never look down at someone for choosing that look, it just didn't seem right on Edwin.

Edwin shrugged cooly, "Well, I know it would be hard for a preppy like you to understand, but this is what's popular nowadays."

Casey's eyes went wide, he sounded so different, he never referred to her as a preppy before.

Derek glanced at her with surprise, clearly shocked by his brother's change.

Lizzie rolled her eyes as she ate some cookies. "Trust me, we have all just been loving Edwin's descent into madness. He's so out of touch with reality, he doesn't seem to grasp that he's so uncool."

Edwin shot Lizzie a death glare. "Shut up, princess! You wouldn't know anything about reality, you're a freak and a complete nerd, you wish you were cool."

Casey gasped, and got out of her spot alertly. "Excuse me, since when do you talk to Lizzie that way? You used to be best friends. When did you two become…"

George interrupted, "You and Derek? Yeah we were all so relieved when you two moved out and now these two are constantly fighting."

Derek seemed absolutely shocked, "Ed as much as I admire you're attempt to imitate me, and poorly I must say, why are you picking on Lizzie? Lizzie is much ….cooler than Casey ever was. Casey was annoying beyond belief and a control freak, but Lizzie? She's cool."

Casey knew Derek wasn't saying any of that to insult her, it was his strange way of giving brotherly guidance and it came across much sweeter. Maybe the fact he was going to be a father was shifting the way he viewed things.

Edwin laughed mockingly. "Lizzie is a bookworm, part of the debate team, and a smart alek how is that not lame? You used to tell me nerds were uncool," he challenged.

Lizzie glared at him intensely, "Oh please you're a nerd in disguise, and you know it."

Derek looked at Casey , and smiled, clearly amused by the nostalgia of watching them fight like they used to. She felt her breath catch in her throat. "Yeah maybe I said that once, but I've changed my mind. Nerds are needed in society, or else civilization would just collapse if we were all slackers."

Casey couldn't help but blush a little, it was as if he was indirectly apologizing to her for all those years of teasing.

"Since when do you stand up for me Derek?" Lizzie asked with surprise, "Here I thought hockey would have made you more of an arrogant jerk, but now….he's nice," she stared at Casey with huge, round eyes.

George seemed completely surprised, "Are my eyes deceiving me or have you matured, Derek?"

Derek looked around the room, smiling with deviltry and then seized her with his gaze, and she had to look away. Why was he being so obvious that things had changed between them? "I guess I've realized it was time to, while I enjoyed being immature and you know, I was cool for it, I think it's time I attempted to. Have you guys ever seen Peter Pan? That poor guy was a loser because he had to stay young forever."

Edwin laughed with disbelief. "So, does that mean you will be nice to Casey now?"

Derek continued to trap her with those dark mischievous eyes. "I'm not saying I'll always be an angel with her, I do like to have some fun once in a while. I will always find Casey a little irritating, but yes Edwin I will be nicer to her, because growing up is cool. So, maybe you should give Lizzie a break."

Casey made herself laugh, and sat down to control her nerves, what was he doing? "Thanks Der, I will always find you a little irritating too, but I guess it's time we turn a new leaf."

Derek smiled, and she couldn't help but smile back at him. She turned her attention back to her drink, trying to distract herself from the racing in her heart. Even though he was sitting across the room from her, she was completely aware of him, as if his presence contained magnetism. She was having a hard time breathing, good god, his smile was so dazzling. _This needs to end, or else Derek will have me melting all evening and they will know he's the father._

Edwin seemed shocked, "So basically you two now are like me and Lizzie before, and now Lizzie and I are acting like you two before? That's some trippy, alternate universe switch up."

"Yeah, it's eerie," Lizzie piped up.

George interjected, "Can we get a hallelujah on the Derek and Casey development though? I didn't think I'd ever be alive long enough to see you two get along."

Derek laughed and muttered, "Hallelujah," and the idiot went back to smiling at her. She knew she was blushing ridiculously. He was happy with their new development apparently, and even though she was as well, the way he said that was riddled with flirtatious undertone.

"Gingerbread," Casey said quietly. "I'm going to the washroom," she got up and ran up the stairs heading straight to the game closet. She could hear Derek excuse himself and say he had a phone call to make.

When Derek came in, she slapped his shoulder, "What are you doing? You're being too nice, they're going to know something is different between us! And Hallelujah, what did you mean by that? You totally gave something away Derek!" _How dare you make my heart stop?_

Derek smiled charmingly, and she had to fight against all her might to remain stern. "Come on Case, it was a joke, lighten up. Don't worry, they're not going to suspect a thing. I don't think any of their minds are that twisted to even imagine that you and I….."

Casey poked his chest abruptly. She was already warm and dizzy being so close to him, definitely didn't need him referring to that night at all. "Don't even say that word, don't even think it!"

"Alright, chill. I'll be meaner to you," he grinned and she just couldn't think, it was such a confined space.

"Not meaner, just not as obvious!"

Derek rolled his eyes and sighed, "Fine. But you need to quit smiling at me so much, you're definitely giving something away by not constantly glaring at me."

Casey's cheeks burned with embarrassment. "I'm not smiling at you, it's just….it's Christmas, I'm naturally happy."

His voice curled around her like a fog. "Admit it Case, you no longer hate me. "

Casey felt heat go through her, "Don't be such a bonehead," she rolled her eyes, "I just tolerate you now. Now let's go!"

He broke into a smile that lit up the entire closet. "Please cut the sweetness down, I never thought I'd ever ask you to be more of a jerk, but I'm just worried of them suspecting."

Derek touched her arm ever so lightly, trying to calm her but it only made the coil in her stomach even more twisted. "Fine, I'll try to tone it down. How are you feeling?"

Casey shrugged, "Um, okay, don't worry I'll let you know if I'm on the verge of a freak out, anyways lets go before they catch us in here." She needed to leave ASAP, he was making her all jittery. He signaled for her to leave first.

"Where's Casey?" She could hear her mother, and she almost ran down the stairs. Nora was close to tears and hugged her tightly. "Sweetheart, welcome home. I've missed you so much," she pulled back and softly cupped her cheek. "You look…dazzling, absolutely dazzling my darling."

"Me? Mom, you're a freak of nature. You never age," she felt so emotional. There was so much she wanted to say all at once. She didn't realize how isolated she'd been until now, keeping such a huge part of her life a secret from everyone was consuming her.

"You two have been definitely been missed," she beamed excitedly.

They sat down to eat, and as always Christmas dinner was a sad attempt. The food hardly passed as edible, but no one seemed to care. Everyone seemed so happy. It was like old times, Derek sat across from her making off handed comments, but it was much tamer than before. George and Nora were brimming with excitement. There were a few dorkable moments like when George couldn't figure out how to carve the turkey. So, Derek ended up doing it. Something about seeing Derek carve a turkey made her realize with some shock how manly and how attractive he looked with his sleeves rolled up. Taking up the "role" of a father made her extremely flustered, and noticed the well developed muscles of his forearms, he was definitely no longer scrawny. Her thoughts took a dive into remembering those arms around her and she shifted uncomfortably in her chair..….. _Stop it_. For a moment she envisioned the future. Would they always spend Christmas together with the baby?

It was great to catch up with everyone. She drank hot chocolate and almost spat it out several times from laughing so hard. Her ribs hurt from Derek freaking everyone out with his mature change. Everyone looked at him with confusion as if Derek had been abducted by aliens as he talked about current events, the prices of houses, and looking into investing. All with that twinkle in his eye. Even with maturity Derek just had to be a jokester about it.

Edwin gloated about his popularity with girls, and Derek gave him a rare impressed high five. Lizzie just rolled her eyes with annoyance. He cracked a bunch of jokes at Lizzie's expense, and noticed he was often just trying to get her attention. And at rare times she caught him smiling at Lizzie whenever she'd talk about the environmental campaign she was preparing for school, or laughed with amusement when Lizzie scolded Derek for being so wasteful with the car he drove. Clearly Edwin didn't hate Lizzie, it was so eerily similar to how Derek treated her. It was like looking into a mirror, and it made her a little nostalgic. It was crazy to think everything they went through to get here, no one would have ever predicted it, she was sure of it.

George clinked his glass with a fork and stood up and smiled around the table. "Just wanted to say how much we love all of you, even Derek," he winked and Derek just laughed. "And while the oldest ones have been somewhat missing from our lives, it's just so wonderful to have you all back. It feels right. Merry Christmas everyone."

Nora giggled with delight, "Alright, let's go open the gifts."

She ushered everyone to the living room. The joy of having traditions like seeing what goofy gifts were in the stockings, and the gift exchange was sweet. Casey was completely relaxed, she really didn't feel scared anymore. Derek was supportive in the silent way, taking time to pause and look at her, and she'd give him a little nod or smile to let him know she was okay. She did feel exhausted, and there were some foods she was unable to eat that she normally loved. Lizzie questioned her, and she just feigned a lack of appetite.

When Casey was opening her gifts, she felt a knot form in her throat. Oh no, she was going to cry, the thought of having a new family member and that this would be the last one without him or her made her so emotional. When everyone was full and lolling on the couch, Edwin wanted to show Derek his old room, and they went up.

"Casey," Lizzie tugged at her arm. "I just want to know why you haven't visited me. For years I was used to you picking me up to go on an adventure a few times a month, and now it's been like four months."

Casey leaned into her sister, "You will understand soon, but I'm sorry it was never my intention. I promise you will see me more after tonight, well that's if you want to be around me."

Nora was listening in, "That's ridiculous Lizzie has been attached to you since she was a baby, you two have an unbreakable bond."

Casey changed the subject, afraid she would just bawl. "So, Liz any boys?"

Lizzie blushed a little, "I mean there was one I thought liked me, but he ended up being a jerk and….well, it was probably for the best I didn't start anything with him. But no, I'm just focused on finishing and being away from Edwin, he's become so annoying Casey. Like he is constantly making fun of me, I don't even know what I did to deserve it."

"I'm sure Edwin is just going through a phase, and I saw him tonight. He was that goofball he's always been, it's just guys trying to be cool. This too will pass, I promise."

Nora smiled brightly, "Yeah clearly the storm with Derek and Casey has somewhat passed, because they bought Christmas gifts together. Maybe it's the fact you aren't forced to live together that makes it easier to see each other on your own terms and accept each other as siblings."

_I will never see Derek as my brother, never have been able to, and now definitely doesn't apply. She felt deeply uncomfortable with that word now, more than ever before._

"I guess, we just never had that kind of relationship, it's weird," and with that Lizzie changed the subject.

When Derek came downstairs with Marty and Edwin, he gave her a little look as if to say _when is this going down_. Casey was shaking, but as she looked down at her hidden bump, she just wanted to tell the news with a smile on her face, and hope to god their reaction would be sweet and welcoming.

After a crazy and blood curdling game of charades, a tradition they had in their family for years, and the Mcdonald's won,she felt pumped and ready. Casey clinked on her glass, standing up slowly. She could feel Derek's gaze on her gently smoldering her, encouraging her with a sweet smile. She needed to avoid looking at him, she was not a good deceiver and was worried over just letting the whole truth out.

Casey looked around the room with a light smile on her face. "Before we go tonight, I just wanted to share some news."

Everyone was smiling and looking at her warmly, and she felt jitters take over her entire body as she looked at her mother. "Go ahead sweetheart," she said sweetly.

Lizzie giggled. "It wouldn't be a holiday without Casey having something to say."

Derek chuckled, immediately shaking her concentration as she looked at him. Her heart fluttered like hummingbird's wings as he smiled. _God I just wish you were beside me_ , she must have sensed her energy though and leaned forward on his chair. "Yeah, you're right we should have seen this coming. Casey always manages to hijack all our holidays." Everyone else laughed, but his smile fizzled out and nodded, very gently saying, "Go on, tell us what amazing thing has happened to you this time."

Casey held his gaze, god, did he have to be so sweet? He gave her a discreet nod, and something about just having him there filled her with renewed strength. She took a deep breath, and scanned the room. "As most of you know, I've been working towards many things. I'm finishing my masters, and well my life has been a constant whirlwind as I fight to reach all my goals. I have come to realize that life doesn't always like to go by my agenda. Something unexpected has come to my life, something I wasn't looking for but it has become so important to me." She took a swig of her sparkling apple juice trying to drown out her nerves. "This will change my life forever, but believe me I'm excited and so happy," she felt a slight quiver in her throat, "In just short of six months, there will be a new addition to the Venturi and Mcdonald family, I'm pregnant. I'm going to have a baby."

There was a collective gasp, and then pitch silence. When she looked around the room, everyone's mouth was open. Derek was clearly trying to gage their reaction as he scanned the room. Lizzie was shocked, George and Nora were just staring at each other, Edwin seemed stone faced, and Marty looked confused.

Nora stood up slowly, looking at her up and down, "You're pregnant?" she approached her slowly. It was as if everyone was holding their breath, waiting for her reaction.

Casey nodded timidly, trying to keep the tears at bay. "Yes, I know this is such a huge shock, and you wouldn't have expected it from me, but it's true."

Nora's eyes became glassy, and bright, "How…when, who," she managed to say.

Casey's heart was beating in overdrive, she could see Derek tapping his foot anxiously. "I can't reveal the father right now, but he will be involved. We aren't together, but he stepped up. It's not Vincent, if that's what you're wondering. I'm single, but that's not important to me right now. I want to do this."

Time had never moved so crucially slow before in her entire life. Nora sighed, and tears trickled down her cheek, as she slowly reached for Casey, as if she was fragile and not real. "Sweetheart," she said through a hard sob, "I know you, and I know what it must have taken for you to decide to go through with this, so I know this is something you're convinced of. You're smart and have always done what you thought best. You are the most responsible person I know."

Casey managed a nod, a lump formed in her throat as Nora reached for her hand. A motherly touch, a wave of care and unconditional love went all through her.

Nora managed to speak, as a smile took over her face. "Casey, if this is something you really want, and it makes you happy, then oh my goodness, congratulations sweetheart!" She finally choked out and pulled her into a hug. "I'm going to be a grandma, me, a grandma, " she laughed through her sobs.

And the waterworks came out, Casey started crying into her hair. She clung unto her tightly, "I have the best role model mom, I want to be like you," and that only made the wailing louder, the emotions coursed through her. When she pulled back, she looked at Derek and he seemed completely immersed on her, smiling with relief and absolute tenderness. Everyone stood up and one by one approached her.

Lizzie cried, looked at Casey with so much love, and flung her arms around her, "Congrats Casey! I can't believe it, you're going to be the best mom I know it, and I promise to be the best aunt ever." Casey laughed and cried with joy.

George pulled her into a tight a hug, "Congratulations Casey, you're going to be a wonderful mother, we'll all be here for you. You're never ever single, got it?"

Casey blubbered, "Aw, that's the sweetest thing George, thank you."

Edwin just approached her stonily, smiling a little bit, "Cool," he said with sincerity. A man of simple words indeed, "Time to google baby punk looks," he teased.

Casey rolled her eyes, "Don't even think about it," and he went on to give her a high five as if she'd just aced a test.

Marty smiled sweetly, "I'm no longer the youngest! But I'm confused, aren't you supposed to be in love to have a baby?" She asked with complete innocence.

Casey felt a blush bloom on her face. She could hear Derek laughing and she refused to look at him, "Um yes of course, that is always ideal Marty, but-"

George interrupted, thank god, "Marty, there's some things you just don't need to know, here" and he handed her his cell phone to distract her. Casey mouthed a "thank you" and George just laughed awkwardly.

And then she felt him beside her. She felt Derek before she even looked at him. He put his arm around her, and pulled her into a side hug. She looked up at him alertly, her breath caught in her throat. Derek looked genuinely happy, his grin saying that he was proud of her, and she helplessly beamed back at him. _Oh no they're going to know it's you, how can they see the way you're looking at me and not know?_ "Congrats, Case. You were made to be a mother, you've spent years yelling at us, and telling us what to do. This will be a piece of cake for you, and well, this kid will have the Mcdonalds and Venturi's, you're not alone, okay?"

Nora gasped, "Aw Derek, that was so sweet. You're just going to be this kid's favourite step uncle."

Derek didn't let that comment ruin the moment, not even a little as he chuckled, "Oh I better be, I am the coolest out of all you."

Casey laughed and they looked at each other, and she just knew, _You're going to be this kid's hero, the best dad ever._ When Derek pulled back, Casey beamed at everyone, still with the tears coming down her face. "Thank you, thank you everyone," she choked.

When the haze started to fade away, suddenly there were many questions. How did she feel when she found out, and of course they probed about the father's identity but she dodged all of the questions. Casey pulled out the 12 week ultrasound to show them, and Nora was positively squealing with excitement, and everyone else just stared with awe.

Lizzie looked at Casey with a cynical expression "Where are you hiding it? Of course you have the perfect pregnancy body, you're Casey."

Casey laughed, and she gathered her dress close to herself, letting her hands wrap around her bump. "The baby is being shy, but before we know it I will be huge."

Derek laughed as he ate some pie. "Good thing Marty got a science kit, we're going to need her magnifying glass to see it." His contagious laugh made her laugh against her will.

Casey was in emotional paradise, she couldn't believe just how perfect the night was going. Derek seemed to loom close to her after that, and she just wanted to lean in to him, and proudly say how amazing, and how sweet he's been. She felt bad hiding his identity, she wasn't ashamed of it, but he seemed completely unbothered.

Derek then took the opportunity to tell them their living arrangement. "I have a confession to make. I already knew about the baby."

Lizzie gave Casey a betrayed look, "You told Derek before me?"

Casey hugged her, "You'll understand why, go ahead Der."

Derek came to her defense, "Yeah don't get upset at her, she was really scared at first. Anyway, since she has less than a year left to her studies, one of Casey's main concern was having to dropout of school and find a job. I just couldn't let her do that, I mean she's so close. So, since I am making decent money I suggested we live together temporarily."

George was gawking at Derek, "Derek are you sick? Literally cannot believe how much you've changed, that has to be the coolest thing you've ever done. So impressed."

Derek just shrugged humbly, "Thanks, dad, it's no big deal."

Nora was crying again, "Derek, that is the sweetest thing. You really have changed, just...I'm completely blown away." She looked at Casey, as realization dawned on her. "Is that why he was there that time I called?"

Casey nodded guiltily, "I'm sorry I lied. I just couldn't tell you about all these changes over the phone."

Lizzie being the clever girl she always was, arched her eyebrow questioningly. "And the father is okay with you and Derek living together? That would mean Derek is around for way more than him."

Casey stammered a bit, "The father and I are not on good terms, I couldn't just move in with him. He understood it's just temporary," she fibbed.

Edwin punched Derek on the shoulder. "While I think it's cool you're helping Casey out, just reminding you that you specifically said if you were ever caught living with Casey again, to check you for brain damage, should I check you?" He teased.

Derek glanced at Casey sharply. She wasn't surprised he said that, but suddenly she felt sadness sweep over her. If it hadn't been for this baby, Derek wouldn't even be close to her. It was a sad reality check for her, all this, all the excitement the "tension" she felt had nothing to do with them. Derek was simply stepping up, and that was all. It should be enough, but it just wasn't.

"I'm just kidding, " Edwin said quickly, "Obviously this is an unusual circumstance."

Derek just gave him a lethal glare, "Way to make things awkward," he muttered angrily.

Casey laughed squeakily, "that is funny, I think I said the exact same thing to myself once. So it's all good," she said quickly and moved her attention to talking to others.

The night ended with laughter, and hugs from everyone. Casey was just overwhelmed. The news was out, and now she could enjoy preparing for this baby without secrecy. As Nora walked Casey to the car at the end of the night she hugged her tightly. "This was truly the best Christmas gift, I love you, sweetheart." And she turned to Derek, "Thank you for taking care of her, I could never find the words to express my gratitude over you moving in with her. I'm so proud to be your step mother."

_This moment needed to be cherished forever. My little love, you will come into a crazy, weird and unique family, but don't doubt that you will be loved beyond measure._

* * *

On the way home, Derek spent the whole time smiling and laughing over some of the events that happened, and she could finally breathe. "We really did it," she mused.

Derek then gave her a little head tilt, "Well, it's not entirely over. I'm glad we have a good memory of the reveal of this baby, but when they find out I'm the dad, they're going to freak."

"I know," she whispered, "but once they get over the shock, they're going to have to accept it."

Derek then surprised her, by softly grazing her knee. "About what Edwin said, I used to make all sorts of jokes at your expense, but most of the time I didn't mean it, I'm sorry. "

Casey didn't want anything to ruin their night, "It's okay, I get it. I'm not the easiest person to live with, and you're a little crazy for choosing this, but I'm just happy you're here."

Derek glanced over at her, and smirked dangerously, "Maybe you should get checked for brain damage, you being happy must be a glitch or something."

Casey beamed, "Oh the biggest glitch." And they shared a brief electric look that made her heart burn.

As they made their way into the house, Derek turned on all the lights. To her surprise, he took her hand and pulled her towards the tree. The gift that had been there before wasn't there, so she looked at him questioningly. "Why wait till tomorrow morning," he said charmingly as he reached into his jacket to put out a small wrapped gift. "I couldn't not get you something, it's nothing really. Just something little."

Casey couldn't believe it as she reached out for the box. "You got me something?"

"Case, I wouldn't have felt right not getting you something. It's nothing really," he said quickly.

Casey looked at him with sweetness, but then her smile went away. "Wait, this is a prank isn't it? Alright, I'll pretend to be surprised."

Derek shook his head , "No I'm not that mean. Open it."

She opened the box and it was a necklace. No, it was a locket. She pulled out the necklace, the silver oval had opal accents. There was fine writing on the outside. _Home is where the heart is._ She opened it, it was empty, but it was so delicate and beautiful.

"Aw, Derek," she breathed, "You shouldn't have. I can't believe you did this." She looked up at him, feeling a little breathless. "It's beautiful," she murmured.

Derek shrugged, almost shyly, "Maybe once the baby is born, I can take a good picture for it of the two of you."

Casey softly grazed his arm, feeling an emotional spring burst through her. _You're so adorable._ "Okay, but even with our strange arrangement you will always be part of my family too. It would have to be a picture of the three of us."

"Really?" His voice was heavy with surprise.

"Of course, you're the father. And well, you're my step brother, and you've been here. No matter how we slice it, you're my family." She looked at him with a faraway, dreamy expression, "No matter what happens with us, that will always be our reality."

Derek smiled sheepishly, looking away to hide his reaction, "Wow, alright, only if you really want to."

Casey's heart raced like a runaway horse, and it took all her strength to move away from him, when all she wanted was to hug him, kiss him, and quiet the tormenting noise in her mind. She went behind the couch and pulled something out. "It's really silly, I'm warning you."

Derek was startled as she handed the box to him. "Go on, open it. Promise you won't make fun of me."

Derek laughed lightly, "I'll try my very best." She watched with anxiousness as he tore through the wrapping paper and opened the box. He stared down at the open box and slowly pulled out a black hoodie and she watched with delight as a huge smile cracked over his mouth. And then he went on to pull out a baby sweater.

"You didn't," he laughed loudly, as he read it out loud, " _Legacies aren't just made; they're born this way._ I can't believe you did this," his laughter and joy uplifted her spirit.

"I did…..I mean I hated that prank with every fibre of my being, but I did like the slogan, and now you have a matching one with your kid." She offered a little hopeful smile, "I hope you like it."

Derek stared at her as if she'd given him the world. His eyes danced, as that breathtaking smile went over his face. "Are you kidding me? This is epic," he pulled the hoodie over his head and slowly went to look in the mirror. She followed him and watched with fascination. "I look awesome," he smiled dashingly, "truly epic indeed."

She leaned into the wall, getting emotional over his happiness, that was exactly what she was going for. He turned back, approaching her slowly, a teasing smile on his face, "I suppose I've been forgiven for that prank?"

Casey nodded, feeling wordless, and a tightness in her chest, "You are sort of legendary, I mean you're a hockey star, and you're Derek Venturi, and well ….I guess my kid will be lucky to have a sort of cool dad," she admitted.

Derek laughed contagiously, "I must be drugged, did you just say I'm cool?"

Casey couldn't help but giggle, "I said sort of, don't get in over your head, mister," she warned.

Derek moved closer, towering over her, there was a softness in his expression. "Wish I had recorded that," amusement faded as he tried to figure out how to proceed next.

"Thank you," he said it slowly. It was light, airy, and it made goosebumps go all over her. He reached for her hand, and held it for a moment, giving it a gentle squeeze. It was his way of physically showing his gratitude, and while it didn't last long , to her it was incredibly intimate. This was Derek, there was a time when even that was outside his comfort zone.

"I think you should make a hoodie for yourself, I guess you're kind of cool too," he said after a moment of electric silence.

Casey broke into a dazzled smile, "You actually think I'm epic enough to pull it off?"

Derek smirked, "I mean it's hard to get to my level of epic, but you're not too far behind. And well you're carrying the baby, you have to be quite legendary to go through all that."

Casey blushed, it had always been a wish to impress him, and hearing his words just made her so excited.

"Maybe one day," she said wistfully. She looked down at the necklace in her hand, "Um, can you help me put this on? It's just so beautiful, I want it on me at all times."

Derek nodded slowly, and he came closer to her. She was aware her breathing was coming out all blotchy as he took it from it her hands. He was looking down, but she could have sworn he was blushing as he said, "Turn around," his voice wavered.

Casey turned around slowly, facing the mirror. She saw his hand shaking as he moved aside the few strays of hair away, the touch of his fingers sent a wave of delight all through her. He met her gaze in the mirror, and the intensity of it knocked the air right out from her lungs. She was trying so hard not to breathe, not to make a sound that would show just how undone she felt by his nearness, so she looked down as the necklace came around the front of her neck. His hands grazed her collarbone, and she bit her lip in response. She sneaked a peak at him as he tried unclasping the necklace.

"Fuck, this thing is tiny," he let out a smothered laugh. His thumb kept brushing her skin, it made her want to arch back into him, wanted more of his touch so desperately. "There, all done," he breathed against her neck and an unbearable shiver went through her.

She hated the moment his hands left and she just stared at the beauty of that oval on her chest, sparkling. When she looked up, she realized he was looking at it too. He was standing so close behind her, and she just wanted him to wrap his arms around her, wanted him to kiss her neck, to nibble her, to torment her with that sensuous mouth. The thought was so alarming and so acute, but she couldn't stop the wave of lust. And then slowly, his eyes roamed back to meet hers.

"It looks…..nice," he managed to say, and she blushed even deeper.

She slowly looked over shoulder at him, his face hovered closely, and their eyes locked together in a strange, heated gaze. Every fibre in her body just wanted to turn around and kiss him. He was still, staring with unbreakable intensity as if he was daring her to move, to take that leap again but she just couldn't. She couldn't give in to temptation, things were going too well between them, she didn't want to mess it all up. But oh, he was irresistible. All night he'd been making her head spin with his sweetness, him keeping her success plan, the way he looked out for her throughout the night, and now this. She was losing all control of her thoughts and actions.

"Derek," She said slowly, unable to control the shakiness in her voice.

"Casey," he echoed back tenderly, it reached into the recess of her heart so wretchedly.

She turned around slowly, facing him. Her pulse was radiating all through her. "You're right, I no longer hate you," she whispered. _The truth is I never hated you, but I can't pretend that I do anymore._

A smile touched his lips. "I don't hate you either."

If it was possible to stop breathing more, she would have. She was completely mesmerized by the smokiness of his eyes. "I love the locket, " she said faintly, she sounded ridiculous, and dreamlike.

Derek's smile seared her, it was too bright, too dangerous. He was simply outrageously handsome. He reached for the locket, and touched it softly. His fingers grazed her skin ever so tantalizingly.

"It really does suit you," he was fixated, staring at her chest with a look she couldn't identify. Her breathing sped up. He was clueless to the effect he had on her, and he slowly pulled back. "Not bad for a lazy shopper, hey?" He said hoarsely. The joke was necessary to break the spell, but she wished it had gone on a little longer.

Casey smiled helplessly, "Not bad at all," the thought of him looking for that gift made her blush, he really was too sweet to handle. And as always, his sweetness seemed to override logic.

She moved closer to him, she didn't know what she was doing, but found herself whispering, "Don't read too much into this, it's just Christmas," and she slowly reached for his face. His eyes darkened as she stepped in closer, she needed to, if this wasn't an opportunity to be affectionate then when was it? She kissed his cheek ever so softly, and lingered. She wanted to move her mouth slightly to the left, but there would be no stopping the tornado in her soul if she did.

As she pulled back, his breathing was staggered and shortened. He was clearly flustered, smiling timidly. "Thank you, not just for the gift, but for everything you did for me today," she breathed.

"You're welcome," he said with vivid raspiness, the intensity was ricocheting through her, as his eyes flicked to her mouth. His face morphed into something dark and crimson she had only seen that expression once, that night. And it tore through her endlessly. _Oh god, Derek please don't look at me like that, I'm only human._ And she sprang away, like a flightless bird.

" Merry Christmas, Der," She had to walk away, and hastily moved towards the stairs, but not before she heard the distinctive sound of Derek sighing deeply.

"Night Case," it was so quiet, and small, it made her heart burst with tenderness. Was it all in her mind, or did he sound disappointed?

When Casey got to her room, she just sighed deeply against the wall. That was too close. A kiss on the cheek was supposed to be sweet, but the passions it stirred up in her was too much to handle. No way could she handle a real kiss with him, somehow she just knew kissing him again would be much more pleasurable than the first time, and that thought scared her. As she got ready for bed and finally went under the covers, she stared at her locket, lightly touching it. She couldn't help but melt. Derek getting her something to signify how important this change was going to be made want to weep. Today was basically perfect. Christmas with the family was so beautiful and special, and Derek was just so amazing. She grinned as she remembered the look on his face when he opened his gift, his smile was so precious. She would have done anything to see that smile, it was so rare, and it filled her with delight to have been the one to have caused it.

And then something changed, as if a switch in her heart had been turned on and an overwhelming sadness took over her. As she stared at the locket, pressure gathered behind her eyes. Derek was leaving in two weeks, leaving for hockey season. Tears came down like rivers, enough tears to fill up thirty glasses of water. She couldn't put a reason for it, all she knew was she felt she was lacking air. As if Derek leaving had opened up a chasm. She sobbed. Blamed it on the hormones, blamed it on the rollercoaster of the day, and the thought of Derek leaving was the last straw to her emotional containment. She wept, it was the kind of sobbing that was haunting and unusual. The kind of sobbing that spoke of a desperation beyond comprehension. How could such a blissful day end in tears? The only words that came over in her mind were: _Please don't leave me_.


	6. Waterworks

One night changed so much. Casey wearing his necklace had to be the sexiest, most seductive experience ever. He was seriously one moment away from seducing her and carrying her to his bed, caveman style. He couldn't control the way he looked at her, couldn't stop the need to touch her. Her gift made things intense too, that sweater was such a surprise and now he couldn't stop looking at it. She made him deliriously happy.

They told the family, and that had to be the reason everything felt so intense. When she kissed his cheek, he lost his mind. He was moments from kissing her but she pulled away, which was probably smart. He was clearly not thinking straight, but he couldn't help feeling disappointed. Maybe it was a good thing he was leaving, maybe space was exactly what he needed. He went to sleep that night, turning and tossing, it wasn't his imagination, she looked just as tempted to kiss him. He didn't know what sucked more, Casey being indifferent, or her showing some interest in him. His hands were literally tied. The next day he expected things to be awkward and electric, but nothing could have prepared him for the events that came next.

It all started with a pen. He had borrowed one of her pens and never returned it. She stormed into his room the next morning with tears in her eyes. "De-rek! Where's my pen?"

Derek got up abruptly, completely taken off guard by the tears. She went to his desk and frantically looked around, stomping around, crying furiously. "This is so like you to take my things and lose them! You really have no regards for my feelings," she cried.

He was expecting things to be awkward after the night before, this he did not see coming. He jumped out of the bed and seized her shoulders, trying to get her to snap out of it. "Case, just breathe okay? I -uh, I'll look for it, please just breathe."

Casey sniffled, her eyes looked red and puffy. "It was my favourite pen Derek, how could you?"

He wanted to smile so badly, despite her crying, she was being so cute and unreasonable, nothing about that made sense to him. She was a total mess, yet he found her adorable. "Case, you have literally a million pens, all the exact same because you can only use one specific brand."

Casey only cried harder. "Oh, so you just don't care that even though it's one out of a million that you were reckless?"

Derek knew he was never going to win this one, and sighed with a little smile, "You're right I was completely reckless, I'll go buy you a new one," he offered sweetly.

Casey just crossed her arms angrily, "Oh, now you're just patronizing me, you jerk!" She left and slammed the door.

What the hell was that? He knew he could be annoying and could get her quite upset, but this was a new level of upset, and it was all over a pen. Even though it was an overreaction, somehow, he felt guilty as hell and wordlessly drove to Staples. Not only did he buy her one, he bought her fifty more, and even bought some cool looking pen pouches. When he got back, Casey was at the table reading. When she looked up at him, she looked so embarrassed.

"Um, I'm sorry, I might have overreacted," she said sheepishly. Her eyes were red around the rims, it killed him to see her this way.

He just smiled at her, "Nah, that was nothing, I'm fine," and he put the bag of supplies he bought in front of her, "You're right I need to be more careful with your things. Here."

Casey slowly reached for the bag and dumped the items out on the table . She smiled a little as she picked up the pouch and handed it to him. "You need this so you can always keep my pens safe from now on," she said with a brittle smile.

He took it, and she looked absolutely flustered , "Thanks Case, I'll be more careful, " and he smiled at her. "Better now?"

Casey nodded, and then mumbled that she needed to study, so he left her to do that. It was a rollercoaster after that. She would go from happy, to angry, to bursting out into tears over different things.

She was happy when he cooked pancakes on morning, but then a wave of guilt hit her, saying those carbs would just make her face swell up and ugly. He immediately threw them out and made a salad instead. That was a mistake.

"Oh, so you do think I'm fat! Admit it Derek I look disgusting," in a snap of finger she was crying again.

Derek didn't think, just put his arm around her. He gently rubbed her back, as she gave him a seething look. "No, you're being silly, and you know it. You look pregnant, and that is a good thing. You look uh …pretty, cheer up Case."

Casey scoffed, as she ran her hands over her bump, "You could barely utter the word pretty, Derek, I'm not an idiot. I'm getting so huge. I look like a whale now," she cried looking down at it wretchedly, "I love you little one, but I look like scary big. I should belong in a zoo."

It was hard not to snicker under his breath, but clearly that was a mistake because she gave him a brimstone glare. "Go on don't hold back Derek, please the last thing I need is for you to walk on eggshells around me."

That was a trap, and he wasn't going to make the stupidity of making one of his jokes now. "I wasn't laughing at you, just you talking to the baby that way. You're scaring it, the poor little guy is going to think you're a monster, and won't want to come out," he grinned, trying to get a smile, anything. "You're far from a zoo animal."

Casey sniffled again, "I'm hideous."

Derek only smiled at her, what else could he do? "Not even a little bit, but your eyes do look a little crazy, why don't you go get rest?" He didn't give her an option and took her hand and led her straight to her room. "You need a nap before you become the hulk," he said decisively.

Casey whined the whole way up, but the moment she hit the bed, she went to sleep immediately. He pulled up the covers to her chin and sat down for a moment. "Geez, so this is what everyone was warning about when it comes to the hormones eh? I was surprised how long it took you to get to this point," he laughed softly, and he checked to make sure she was asleep. "You're beautiful, even in your weepy, angry, and annoyed state,ss you're still freakishly beautiful," he said into the void.

He went to practice, but his mind was completely out of it, thinking of Casey, wondering if she felt better now. When he came back from hockey that evening, Casey charged him and flung her arms around him, hugging him tightly, she was hiccupping and crying, "Derek you won't believe what I found out," she blubbered, "I will never sleep again."

Derek was too shocked, and she pulled back apologizing, talking a million miles per hour. He wordlessly led her to the couch, "Sit, what's going on Case?"

Casey choked on a sob, moving closer to him. "Have you heard of SIDS?"

"Um no," he was trying not to freak out, and she looked so stressed out.

She grazed her bump crying bitterly, "It's Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, apparently it affects babies under 1 year old. It's a condition where they die unexpectedly in their sleep, and it's the third leading cause of baby deaths. I will never sleep again, how could I with those kind of numbers? And then that had me thinking, we haven't even started to look into cribs, we've barely looked at anything safety related for this baby. We are so behind, and there's so much to do, and you're leaving and now I'm so overwhelmed. If we don't figure out how to prevent this, I will be a nightmare Derek."

He felt a wrench in his heart, god just seeing the franticness in her eyes, the helplessness of not being able to control anything around her made him want to hold her. He wanted to make her smile and so far he was failing at everything.

"Case, it's going to be okay. Here's an idea, we can get a camera for the baby room, I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm willing to study. Yes you heard me, I will study all the ways in which we can prevent it, and any other safety things you want. I hate studying, but I would do anything for this baby, you know that."

Casey held in her breath, "Really? Can we start now?"

He nodded, and she ran up the stairs and brought down a bunch of baby books, and they spent all night going through it. By the end of the night, she had sticky notes all over the books. "Here's what you need to study, maybe it will be good for you to take it with you while you're away, you know in case you have down time."

"Great, you know I can't believe I'm saying this, but that was fun," and then at last she smiled at him. God he would have run a marathon, scaled any mountain, done just about anything to get that smile. He'd taken it for granted the last few months that's for sure.

"Thanks Der, and I'm sorry I tackled you when you came in, " she said with embarrassment.

He smiled, relieved to see her relaxed again. "It was an impressive tackle. Maybe after all this is over, you should try football, you're quite strong for a girl," he teased.

Casey laughed, and she wished him good night, saying "Tomorrow will be better, I promise."

The next day wasn't any better. In fact the next four days were downright crazy. He was getting worried, couldn't she become dehydrated by how much she was crying? She got upset one morning because he forgot her soymilk. She actually met him at the door, and asked about it. When he awkwardly said he forgot, she broke apart.

"How could you forget, it's as if sometimes you don't even think about me at all!" She went past him and went on a walk. He ended up going back to the store to get it for her, and he didn't understand how forgetting milk could ever make her think he didn't think about her. If anything he had her on the mind 24/7.

Casey would watch movies about the most boring things and end up in tears. She got upset one time on a walk because snow kept going into her boots, and he actually ended up giving her a piggyback ride all the way back home, and of course that made her even more upset. She felt ridiculous, and as much as he told her it was funny, and a good work out for him, she just went to her room and ignored him for the rest of the night.

Casey cried one time because his coach yelled at him, she got up and paced around in disbelief. "Who does that coach think he is? I'm going to find him and yell at him, does he not realize how lucky he is to have you on his team?" While it was a sweet sentiment, she looked serious, and he had to literally pry the keys out of her hand to get her to stay and not pick a fight with his coach.

Those seemed to be the smaller scenarios. And then the outbursts became about bigger things, more intense.

Casey burst into his room one night, looking at him as if he'd hurt her, she started sobbing immediately. "Don't you know your manners, who raised you? How could you not say goodnight to me?"

Derek got up and slowly smiled at her. He should have been annoyed beyond belief, should have pulled out his hair, and screamed from how intense things had been. But this was the only time where she was allowed to be as unreasonable as she wanted, and he could scream later. He had seven days left with her, he wanted every moment, even if those moments were downright crazy. He reached for her hand, and softly tugged her closer.

"I'm sorry," he said sincerely, "I'm an idiot. I didn't realize you cared so much about me saying goodnight," he said slowly.

Casey groaned in annoyance, "I don't personally care about it, it's just simple manners Derek. We live together, it's common courtesy."

Derek continued smiling at her, and felt her gripping his hand tighter. _You're fucking adorable_. "I won't forget again, I should have known. Goodnight Casey,"

Casey choked on a sob, and pulled her hand back slowly, "Why are you being so nice?"

Derek shrugged, "because hormones are already taking my place of jerk in your life, you certainly don't need two jerks right now."

Casey was silent, and wiped away her tears brashly. "Hormones suck, they are the devil," she said gloomily, "but they shouldn't be an excuse to turn you into my own personal Kleenex and punching bag. I uh- I should leave you before another wave of this hits me again."

"Case, it's okay, do I look upset?"

She studied him, "You're clearly crazy," and just like that she walked away, "Goodnight Derek."

Oh he was the craziest, he had to be.

One evening she came back from an outing with Robin and told him with a huge smile, that Sam and Robin were going on their first date. Derek made some kind of joke, "Oh boy, can't wait for all the mushy talk during video game night," and for some reason that triggered something.

She slowly sank down on the couch, looked at the ground, and started to sob so hard it terrified him. "Can you believe it, they're going on a date," she croaked.

"Why does that upset you, you were so excited a second ago," he sank down on the couch, moving closer into her.

"Everyone's finding love but me," she said wretchedly, "They will fall in love and have an amazing life, and I will be alone," she then slowly tucked her head into the crook of his neck.

He couldn't help but slowly wrap his arms around her, it troubled him to see her so distraught. "Case they're going on one date, chill it's going to be a long time before you're at a wedding," and then immediately regretted it, because she sprang off him, moving to the other side of the couch.

"So you agree, I will be alone then," she looked at him with fire in her eyes.

He moved forward abruptly, shaking his head violently. "No that's not what I meant and you know it, I was talking about their relationship. Case you will find someone, I promise you."

Casey just choked on a sob, glaring at him, "How could you promise something like that?"

Derek shrugged meekly, "I just know. Casey it's not like you lived in a convent all your life, you've had several boyfriends, who at the time were crazy about you. You are the nerd, wouldn't you say based on that evidence that the likelihood of you being alone goes down drastically? It's not like you're a scarecrow, or a complete weirdo, you are just having a baby. You know how much of a betting man I am, I bet you anything you'll find love." And then suddenly the thought of it, the thought of Casey finding love with another guy shook him to the core, it would kill him. The thought of someone else raising their baby with her made him viciously angry.

Casey shrugged helplessly, and looked down at her hands as another welt of tears consumed her. "It's just…I don't think I'll ever be happy even if I met someone, I'm cursed Derek," she blubbered.

Derek moved closer, and against all thought and judgement he found himself cupping her face softly, gently caressing her. She looked so broken and small, his thumbs softly traced her cheeks. "Cursed with what?" He asked tightly.

Casey stared at him, and she swallowed, and breathed in hard surges, "Cursed with knowing I'll never get what I truly want," and then she pulled away from him and ran up the stairs. She sobbed as she shut the door. _What did she want, and why was she so certain she couldn't have it?_ He ran after her and stood outside her door, trying to get her to talk to him, but she wouldn't.

The next day was when everything hit the fan. Derek told Casey his flight had been moved up a day. He was pissed off about it. She seemed shocked at first, but she tried to keep calm, even tried cheering him up . She seemed fine for most of the day, but then she had a meltdown. Casey paced around the living room, and called the airline. She frantically told them they needed to move it back, and when they said there was nothing they could do, that it wasn't up to them to change it, but the customer, she hung up and cornered him in the bathroom.

"I get it," she said angrily, "I finally understand, the airline didn't change the flight, you did," she said accusingly.

He dropped his razer and looked at her alertly, "What the hell are you talking about?"

Casey moved closer, thunder in her eyes, a quiver in her throat. "Admit it, you just can't wait to be away from me. I've scared you off, and you're just taking off a day early because you can't stand me. I know I've been a nutcase, but I didn't realize you hated me so much," she started crying again. "You're just leaving me because I've become a chaotic mess, and you probably didn't think it would matter to me, but it does, you're indifference hurts Derek."

_Indifference_? In what world did he ever show that he was indifferent to her? He had been patient the entire time, not once did he yell at her, or made any mention that he wanted to leave early. Why couldn't she see that he'd do anything for her? Why couldn't she see that it was killing him in slow degrees the thought of leaving her? And just like that, he snapped.

He pulled her against him and wrapped his arms around her with desperation. She was flushed up against him, and he tilted her face up abruptly so he could look at her. Casey's mouth opened with surprise, but the moment their gaze met, she became still immediately. She knew he was angry and looked at him with a resigned expression.

He spoke in a gravelly tone, "You know what Case? You're the one that's pushed me away, the one that has made it known my existence bothers the hell out of you, and I get it, I'm annoying you've made that clear. I've tried to cheer you up in any way possible, yet you still seem to think the worst of me, what the hell Casey! I know you're hormones are crazy, but you can't stand there and tell me that I haven't been here for you. You act as if I hid myself in my room and avoided you! I'm not leaving because I want to, I'm leaving because I must. I can't believe after all this time, you don't know a fucking thing about me."

Casey was quiet, staring at him with complete gentleness. He felt guilty, he just lost it but it hurt, it hurt that she thought so little of him. He was yelling back for the first time, and instead of freaking out, she seemed to melt into him even more, as if that made her feel better instantly. He was aware of her body pressing into him, his heart was beating madly but he couldn't seem to let go.

Her cheeks were flushed, and she trembled in his arms. "Your existence doesn't bother me, I'm just crazy," she said it so meekly, it made him feel guilty for snapping, "So you didn't call the airport? It's just I find it hard to believe after everything I've done to you that you would want to be around me."

Derek could feel his breathing puff out with indignation, "You're just so frustrating, aren't you? I did not call the airport to have my flight moved, my stupid coach did. If you don't believe me we can go and get him to tell you himself, but calm the fuck down princess. Please stop thinking the worst of me. You can yell at me, cry, whatever you want, but I draw the line at complete nonsense! I don't want to leave, so what the hell Casey why are you so set on seeing me as a complete loser and a coward?"

Casey blinked harshly, clearly surprised that he was showing how much he was affected by her questioning his loyalty. Her hands slowly came up around him, and they were just caught up in a strange embrace, and she choked on a sob.

"I know you've been here, and I don't think the worst you. I'm to blame for all this. I'm sorry I feel so ridiculous lately. Maybe you didn't make that call, but you can't tell me you aren't relieved. You've clearly had enough of me, and I wouldn't blame you for it. I swear I never meant to drive you away, and it hurts to think I've ruined all the progress we made. I don't want you to leave….." she trailed off and then she quickly added " hating me, it keeps me up at night." Her eyes were misty and hauntingly sad.

Derek tightened his hold on her, there was nothing between them, her words jolted him. He clinged on to her words like a lifeline, as the meaning behind seemed to burst into life. She was worried she'd messed everything up. It had nothing to do with him, it even seemed like she didn't want him to leave. He couldn't stay angry for another moment. Her hands grazed him softly, trying to soothe him. Suddenly the anger faded, and the realization of how close they were rattled him completely. Awareness flooded him, the feel of her against him was driving him crazy. The worst part was the way she looked at him. He slowly let go of her, trying to regain his composure.

She didn't move away, and he blindly reached for her hand, for some reason it seemed necessary to keep her close. "Actually, the thought of leaving you while you're this crazy and unhinged keeps me awake at night. You can cry, yell at me, whatever you want, but a few tears are not going to make me go away. I'm sorry to break it to you, I know that would only make you weep more, but I wish I could stay. "

Casey breathed deeply, those tears came out again, and she groaned in frustration. "I'm so sorry," she said wretchedly, "I….don't know what's wrong with me, I swear I feel like I'm floating outside my body. You have been here, and you say you want to stay, why after everything I've put you through? I feel like I've been so unreasonable and ridiculous, how could you want to be in the same room as me? You've changed Derek."

Derek chuckled softly, despite the agony he was in. "Because I made a promise to you when we moved in together that I'd let you make the rules here, and if you want to cry and stomp your feet around the house, so be it, I'll let you do that. I know you won't be this crazy forever. This is just part of the pregnancy, and well…I like that you aren't afraid to let it all out to me, I don't mind seeing you become human."

Casey looked at him with complete sweetness, it made him weak. "What do you mean by that?"

He shrugged coyly, "You have always tried to maintain this perfect image, and with me you're completely yourself…Hormones don't sound like fun, so if yelling at me makes you feel better, then let me have it, I can take it. I've been practicing for years for this, don't hold out on me now," he said calmly.

This was turning out to be more intimate than he'd ever want. He felt like he was walking a tightrope, the longer he went across it the more he felt he was a slip away from falling on his face and making a fool of himself, the words were just at the tip of his tongue: _I'm crazy about you, I want to take care of you, I want to be someone you can trust._

Casey finally smiled, her eyes surged with warmth and intense surprise. A pink blush went over her face, and her eyes watered, but this time not from upset, she seemed moved. "Wow, um, thanks Derek. You surprise me," her tone was so light, and seeing her this way was worth all the days of craziness they shared. She rubbed his arm gently apologetically. "I am just so angry at myself, I have wasted almost an entire week being a lunatic. I want to lighten up, please help me relax, I hate being this way."

Derek smiled into her face, "Oh I'm the king of lightening things up," and she laughed, it was a beautiful sound. He needed to cheer her up again, if it was the last thing he did, "Why don't you go find something sappy to watch, and I'll be back."

Casey breathed, "Okay," and he slowly let go of her hand.

Derek went out and bought all her cravings, went to the Thai restaurant she loved and he hated. That night they watched a movie together. Casey's weepiness had disappeared, and she was being silly again, threw popcorn at his head, and teased him all night. For one moment things were fine, they were put on hold for them. Derek had so many questions, but he refused to spend any more time with her being anything but happy.

When he said goodnight, she gave him a shy smile, "You don't have to say goodnight just because I demanded it."

Derek astonished himself by saying, "I want to, I like ending my day seeing you," and she lingered in the hallway, staring at him with that intensity again.

"Me too," she admitted, and with that she disappeared into her room.

That was the most insane week of his life, but he'd do it a million times over just to hear her say she didn't want him to leave.

* * *

Casey drove all the way to Robin's feeling completely heart sick. She blew up at Derek in such a way that it scared her, and his reaction was just, exactly what she deserved. He'd been nothing but sweet to her, but it's almost like she needed a reason to cry, to yell at him to be near him, and it seemed ridiculous, but all of those outbursts were only around him. Never at school, never on her own, just whenever she saw him. It felt like a demon was taking over her, and while she knew it had to do with Derek, she was completely undone by why. Why was she truly so upset?

She realized it was time to be honest with someone, maybe Robin could help her, she just needed someone to talk to other than herself which wasn't a very reliable source anymore. Pregnancy brain was ridiculous.

Robin answered the door, practically leaping with joy. She had gone on a date with Sam, and by the looks of it went well, "Casey-boo," she only ever said that when she was unicorn happy, "Come in," she was moving around, laughing and set up the table for lunch.

"Wow, you are glowing," she said with emotion, "I love this look on you."

Robin smiled as she sat down, "Oh Casey. Sam is …..he's just amazing. So sweet, and gentle, but also can be so funny and thoughtful. It was such a sweet date, I have never felt so relaxed in my life. And he kissed me, Casey….have you ever had a kiss that literally makes you feel like you're levitating?"

Casey burned, yes of course she knew what that was like. Kissing Derek was life-altering, and she could have had that again had she not been so scared Christmas Eve, and just thinking about it was enough to get her heart racing. "Oh yes, it's….rare to find," she said brittly.

Robin nodded excitedly, "So rare," she smiled . She went on to tell her all about their hike, canoe trip, and how they had a picnic date. It seemed lovely, and while of course she was happy for her, that same melancholy surged through her.

"So how did you do on your finals?"

Mediocre at best, but surprisingly she didn't feel as obsessed over it as she normally did. "Average, I did okay, but definitely didn't get the solid 90s I'm used to. I mean….my life has been so, so crazy, and there's just been a lot on my mind."

Robin offered her some cookies, "Spill it," she said observantly.

Casey sighed deeply, warring with herself. "Robin, I want to tell you about the father… but before I do, I just want you to hear me out, and promise me you won't freak out. Trust me anything you think is probably something I've thought too, but I just need to let this all out."

She looked so happy, and nothing seemed to move her out of that trance. "Secret safe with me, I promise."

Casey nodded, "From Sam too, you have to swear you won't tell him anything I tell you."

Robin arched her eyebrow, as if she couldn't understand why she'd ever talk to Sam about her love life. "Of course, Casey, tell me."

She took a deep breath. "A few months ago, after I caught Vincent with another girl, I….uh sought someone out. I didn't go to him with any intentions other than just wanting to spend time with him since we'd been distant for years. I was a little caught off guard by how sweet he was, and as the night went on I started to look at him differently. There's always been this tension between us, and well, I just ….snapped, I needed him and we slept together. We got into a huge fight after it and didn't think I'd see him again. When I found out I was pregnant, he told me he wanted to be involved, he wanted to co-parent. So, we moved in together, tried to pretend that night never happened for the sake of the baby. He stepped up, and he's been here for me, and that has changed our dynamic so much."

Robin stared at her as the information seeped into her, "You live with him…..as in…." her eyes were round and her mouth parted with surprise. "Derek?" she asked slowly, as if the name itself was forbidden.

Casey felt the tears coming out, "Yes, it's Derek, I slept with him. We are having a baby together," she choked on tears. Robin covered her reaction quickly, and leaned forward holding her hand tightly.

"It's okay, tell me everything. Just let it out," she encouraged and it felt like a vessel was smashed, the waters leaked out.

Thoughts that had been turbulent for months came out in frantic bursts, wanting to be freed.

"I don't think either of us ever thought something like that could happen, but it did…and it's just….changed so many things. I know it's creepy or weird, he's my step brother. But that night he just didn't feel familiar. I'd spent so much time away from him, and that night he surprised me by listening to me, showing a different side that confused me. He always acted like a jerk around me for the most part, but there's this other side to him that has always clouded all judgement, clouded my ability to rationalize. For years, whenever he'd say or do anything that was remotely nice, it always left me feeling so rattled, and that night was the sweetest he'd ever been. So, I just lost it, and I kissed him. I was impulsive for the first time in my life, and broke through that invisible wall. I didn't just want him, I felt so out of control. He seems to think he was a rebound, but he really wasn't. I wanted him that night for reasons I don't even understand myself. As much as I tell myself it was just sex, to me it changed everything. I can't look at him the same way no matter how hard I try. We slept together, " she wept icily, "I slept with Derek, we're having a baby together, we're living together, and he's still my step brother, but he's also…..not, I can't wrap my mind around it. We have tried to act like we always have, but it feels like we're just trying to hold on to something that no longer exists." She took a deep breath, feeling like an avalanche had taken over her and Robin was being suffocated with her words.

"Go on, I'm just listening, trying to take it all in, please don't hold back," she whispered.

Casey looked away; her eyes were a blurry mess. What was it about Derek that was making her so uncontrollable lately? She was scared she was showing too much interest in him.

"Derek has changed, become more responsible, attentive, and just I don't get anything anymore. I see him and I'm so confused, I don't know how to act around him, what to say, where to look, I think I'm going crazy. There's been these moments between us, that makes me think he might….that he might see me with some attraction, as something other than his step sister, but then I am so bad at reading people. When we told our family I was pregnant, we avoided revealing him for the time being, there was just this….moment, he gave me a gift , this locket and …..we almost kissed again."

Robin's eyes were wide with intrigue, but also clearly seemed pulled in by the situation. "He gave you that?"

Casey felt her face flush, "Yes, it was so unexpected, and ever since I've been crying. I've been annoying the daylights out of him with my weeping and my short temper. The craziest thing is he just doesn't seem phased by it. He has been there, he's taken care me and all I do is blow up at him every chance I get. I don't get it, he's usually the only person who's ever challenged me, but for some reason he's letting me fall apart, and it's like he wants to pick up the pieces. I'm so lost Robin, I swear, I've never felt so powerless in my entire life, no control in anything of my life as of late."

When she looked up, Robin was crying, "Casey…..wow, I'm completely blown away by all of this, I'm finding it hard to find the right words to say, but wow….yes that sounds like a super intense situation. This Derek you are talking about seems so unlike the one you told me about before, and it's tripping me up. So no wonder it is confusing you, it's such a huge change already being pregnant, and then you add Derek's family ties to you and it makes it completely overwhelming. You and Derek…..believe me that thought never even entered my mind, but now that you say it, I should have known something was up when you moved in with him. And that hang out at your place you two were overly mean to each other, but then you would go on to smile at him as if he hadn't just insulted you. You have such a unique dynamic, that's for sure, I'm so surprised."

Casey summoned all her courage to ask, "Please tell me what you think. Do you think it's gross, weird?"

Robin shook her head alertly, smiling a little bit. "No, um maybe a little unusual. He's not related to you, and you gave in to a weakness. Casey, I'm not judging. To be honest, I think anyone would be tempted by someone like Derek. I couldn't even imagine having to merge families and have him be my step brother, it would be hard not to notice him. How frustrating for you sweetie, of course there was tension you two probably had a connection that you were forced to bury. And that's why I'm crying, something about it sounds so hopeless and sad, to want someone that you aren't supposed to want, and clearly that night you two just had enough."

Casey didn't want to linger on those emotions, still unwilling to admit she felt something for him. "Yes, but that night was mostly just physical. It was intense and passionate, but there are no feelings, okay? I mean do we have a connection, yes. Do we have great chemistry, yes. Do I care about him yes absolutely, but it doesn't mean I have romantic feelings for him. I wish I knew why he changed the way he treats me."

Robin looked at her speculative, as if she didn't believe a word she was saying. "Well, maybe Derek has stopped seeing you as his step sister. It would make sense, he had sex with you, you're being parents together, there's no way he could possibly treat you the same, your relationship has changed, and he's stopped fighting it."

Casey felt a tightness in her chest, could it be? The thought made her heart flutter, and something resembling hope took over, were they starting to leave their step sibling status behind? And if they were what did that mean? She looked down at her locket and held it absently, feeling a little breathless at the thought.

Robin laughed softly and reached over to look at it, "Derek has incredible taste, and well, you look like you're just melting just by looking at it. Is it at all possible your outbursts and sadness have to do with him leaving? Maybe you're realizing you'll miss him, and you're looking for any excuse to get him to react so it's less painful when he leaves. Maybe you want him to be a jerk and he's surprised you with how he's handling it, so it only makes the outbursts worst and it leaves you even more confused."

Casey shook her head admently, however Robin's intelligence was unmatched. And she was in the same field as her, picking apart people's brains is exactly what they were in school for. "Rob, I think it's just hormones and they're blowing everything out of proportion. Why would I want Derek to be a jerk? I like his change."

Robin sighed deeply as if she was trying to convey the laws of the universe to her, "Maybe you like it too much, which is exactly why you are trying to push him away. The sweeter he gets, the more you fight against it with your outbursts. You think somehow it will make saying goodbye easier, and even if he did react, I really think you'd miss him anyway."

Casey looked away, completely speechless. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to psychoanalyze you," Robin sounded guilty.

"No, no, It's okay. It's his fault for being so sweet," she whined.

Robin giggled, clearly amused by her dilemma. "If Derek was sweet that night and it ended up with you two in bed, don't you think this is just heading that way again and now the sweetness is on overload with the baby coming? How could you possibly resist falling for it again when it seems your lives are now suddenly smashed together for life? There's no way you could be detached, feelings are bound to come out of all this."

That realization hit her over the head, it was true their lives were now linked forever. A child was a bond that nothing could ever shake, and he was becoming more irresistible to her by the hour. How could she survive such an attraction? "Yes, I'm aware I could stumble and go there again, I don't know where he's at, but I know I'm all over the place. Missing him would be natural though after all we've been through, but the waterworks doesn't mean I have _those_ kind of feelings."

Robin gave her a little look, as if she was blind to her own emotions, but she was far too polite to push or challenge it, and she grinned. "Well even if you care a little, your hormones are totally running with it. Boy, I can honestly say a father reveal has never been more shattering than this, feels like a _Maury_ episode," she teased and Casey laughed.

"Robin, I'm sorry for dumping on your happiness with such a mess," she really did feel guilty.

"Don't even think it, I'm so glad you told me the truth. I will say this, maybe try to enjoy the days you have left with him, trust me, I think you will beat yourself up if he leaves and you didn't at least try to get along. This is a big opportunity for him, and I think if he knew how upset you really are, he might not concentrate and won't enjoy his first real hockey tournament."

Casey thought back to their intense bathroom talk, and blushed intensely remembering the way he held her. Yes, he admitted he didn't want to leave, and went on to tell her about that argument.

Robin just shook her head in disbelief, "You sound like an old married couple, for real and with even more reason you need to make sure he doesn't leave all stressed out Casey."

Casey felt that tightness in her chest. _An old married couple_ , the comment made her blood pound in her veins, and she smiled weakly, "You're right, I will make it up to him."

As she made her way back home, her heart was heavy. Revealing the truth while a relief, only seemed to illuminate some of her real emotions, her real thoughts. Derek leaving had caused a tornado in her soul, but now she just wanted to enjoy the last few days with him, this was not the memory she wanted to hold on while he was away. She found Derek sleeping on the couch.

He looked so weary, tired, and there were heavy shadows under his eyes. Her heart churned, and found herself sitting beside him, and she slowly traced his face. He was cold, and she got a blanket and covered him up. His hair was a wild mess, her fingers moved slowly and pushed it back away from his forehead. She felt a blush consume her, such silky, sexy hair. Tenderness went through her, he looked so innocent, Derek and the word innocent never went together, but now she just was moved to hold him. He was exhausted, no doubt after the outbursts, the tears and the yelling he'd received from her.

Casey felt that all too familiar prickle in her eyes again, and moved in, resting her forehead against his. She took in his adorable nose, his sensual mouth, that little dimple at the corner on his one cheek, the shadow of some facial hair. Her fingers gently went over his cheek, and she felt the tears come down again.

Now that she could look at him, now that time had stopped enough for her to just take him in without the noise of her actions, she felt a painful twist drive into her heart, making it difficult to breathe.

"I'm going to miss you," she said shakily, "When did you become so necessary to me? That scares me, terrifies me, and as a result you got the worst of me. I'm sorry," she whispered. She kissed his mouth softly, and everything in her was screaming to kiss him harder, to wake him up, but she felt frozen. His mouth was so warm and inviting, it was a challenge to pull back. This was all she would ever have, and she couldn't hold back the words.

"God what have you done to me? I promise I will make it up to you, I don't care how sad I am, I will try to make the rest of the time we have wonderful just for you. I'm just so proud of you, of all the hard work you've done and you deserve to go on and play and live your dream without having to worry about me. I promise you, I will make it up to you."

He shifted a little in his sleep, and murmured something incoherent. She quietly left him to plot what she would do for him, because he deserved it.

Robin's words came to torment her, and she stubbornly said "Shut up, I don't have feelings, stop it. It's called gratitude," and she went on to open her journal and write out her plans. She would make sure Derek was smiling the rest of the week, at any cost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved writing this chapter, but my goodness I can't believe how huge my chapters have been, so I had to split it up since it was at 14 000 words to cover everything right up to the moment he leaves :O I have another chapter ready to go that I'll try to edit as quick as possible so I don't make you guys wait long for it. I just didn't want to overwhelm you guys with a giant chapter. Think of these two chapters as one though. They've been my favourite to write so far, they're going through so many different emotions and it's been fun to ride that crazy wave. Let me know how you felt about this part please.


	7. Don't Say Goodbye

Don't Say Goodbye

Derek waited for the plane so he could board. He was at a loss for words, leaving her had to be the hardest thing he'd ever done. Seeing that look in her eyes, having to say goodbye, the thought of missing perhaps months of her pregnancy was eating him alive. He'd never felt so torn, ever. He'd been apart from Casey for years, why was it so damn hard now? He read through her texts, just trying to keep his sanity in check as he thought back to the last week, after the week of her crying and breaking apart, just thinking of the last few days was tormenting him. And he closed his eyes as he listened to the music, it was a miracle he was able to leave, he reluctantly admitted a part of him stayed behind with her.

**One Week Earlier**

When Derek got up the next day, the house was extremely quiet. He had passed out on the couch but woke up to a blanket around him. His head was pounding, the stress of the upcoming days had finally caught up to him. As he groaned and stretched, Casey poked her head from the kitchen and lively said, "Hey sleeping beauty is up," she teased and she came from around the corner with his favourite breakfast: Eggs Benedict and Sausage and a tall glass of orange juice.

"Um, is it my birthday?" He asked with surprise, rubbing his eyes from just how weird the situation was.

She laughed, "No, not even a little. Just, wanted to do something nice for you, " she sat down beside him. "You have been on the ice for days, and then you ha to deal with me, so this is just a little treat. Eat up," she clapped with enthusiasm.

Was Casey abducted by aliens? What was up with the sudden sweetness? Sensing his confusion, she poked his rib, "I'm feeling better, and the hormones have taken a rain check thank goodness."

He laughed and ate , all the while she was sitting there smiling at him, and he couldn't help but smile back at her, "This is surprisingly good, hats off to the chef."

Casey beamed, "Thanks but this isn't all I've got planned for you," she said with subtle mystery.

He choked on his food, sputtering with surprise. "What?"

Casey lured him with a mischievous smile, "I think it would be better if it was a surprise," she taunted.

The thought of her planning something for him was too intriguing, "No, no surprises. Tell me please, after all the tears and yelling, you at least owe me one."

Casey was fidgeting excitedly, her eyes blazing as if she was a happy elf. "You are getting a hockey send off this weekend. Sam is hosting it we have booked up a place for it, but I called him up and told him, 'Sam, Derek is going off to play and I can't believe no one's making more of a deal of it. What do you say to a party, we can invite his friends, siblings, who ever wants to come and just give him a true Venturi send off?' He was very enthusiastic about it. "

Derek dropped his plate from the shock, and immediately scrambled to pick up the mess he made, and she reached down to help, their hands touched momentarily. He was completely taken off guard, "Let me get that," she ordered, she smiled as he sat there and stared at her. "What do you think?"

He felt like a complete moron , looking completely at loss for words, and after a moment he croaked, "A party? You, the girl who was rarely at a college party, you are planning one for me? Why?"

Casey's smile fizzled out, and for a moment a look of pain went over her face, but she quickly shook it away, "You deserve it, please accept it. I mean you are going to be on TV, you're basically a celebrity now, if that's not the time to throw a party, then when is?"

She looked so excited and he couldn't help but smile. How could he ever say no to her? "Sounds like fun, uh, thanks Case."

Casey looked absolutely delighted, "I haven't even told you the best part, I won't be there," she added as if it was a bonus, "I would ruin the party if I got a surge of those crazy hormones and I rather not have one of my famous meltdowns, I want the night to be about you."

Any excitement was immediately torn away from him, he shook his head adamantly , "Case, you clearly don't know my friends even if you had a meltdown, it wouldn't come close to some of the stuff that goes down when they get drunk. Just come for a little bit, you planned it. I get it could become crazy with all the drinking and I wouldn't want you there to see that mess, but please come for a little bit."

Casey's smile faded, and she chewed her bottom lip anxiously, "I'll be a spoil-sport though," she said adorably.

He didn't care, he needed her there. It seemed necessary. "I'm sure you will be, but I want you there. And plus I want my kid there too, he or she can't come if you aren't there, please."

Casey gave in with a hefty sight, "Fine but only because you're insisting, but you can't say you weren't warned, okay?"

He had some warning alright, but it didn't seem to matter, if there was going to be a huge send off then she needed to be there. He reluctantly admitted that she was becoming important, more than ever. "Cool, can't wait it's been awhile since I've partied out."

Casey clapped her hands with excitement, "Question for you, is there anything you want to do before you leave?"

Derek could think of many things all at once, all of them involving Casey in his arms, of having her close, of kissing her, being able to have another night with her. Turns out there was a lot he wanted to do and it was hard to stop that crazy train, specially when she was looking at him with brazen admiration. She would be mortified of the thoughts going through his head.

So he just thought of something innocent, "I want to have a video game tournament with you, I know you're going to be intense and annoyed with me the entire time, but I just want to have fun with you."

Casey smiled, "Are you sure you don't want to just go on a getaway or on an adventure?"

No way, he was going to be on months time of getaway, that's the last thing he wanted, he just wanted to spend time with her, "Nah, honestly I've been exhausted I kind of want to take it easy, just don't worry so much about that, if I want something, I'll ask."

Casey then gave him a little wink, "You better, alright now go get that bedhead sorted out, we have a lot do," and she got up taking his dishes with him. He stared after her with complete shock.

The next day they went to set up for the party. Casey spent the majority of her time with Robin as they put up bright posters all over the club they rented out. A club, she had managed to to annoy the living daylights out of the owner to let her use it in such short notice, but Casey was on fire. That man was no match for her insistence. It was a challenge to keep from looking at her. She was laughing, walking around with a checklist so long it was comical. He tried to keep himself busy, whenever he tried to do anything, she would glare at him, and snap at Sam to do it.

"Case, I can't just stand here and lord over you guys while you're setting up," he tried to say at one point, "Give me something to do."

Casey looked determined, giving him an intense look. "Okay if you want to do something, just put on some music and relax, we've got this. Come on, you've been training for this level of laziness you're entire life, go, rest," she ordered.

He tried to argue but she stared him down, until he just grinned and sighed an okay. She didn't say anything else just marched past him, intent on getting the next task done.

To his surprise the family showed up. George grinned widely, "We got an urgent call from Casey to come and help, she didn't give us much option, you know how she is. Nora and I will help set up, but we're past the giant party phase. We just wanted to show our support for the cause. We are all so proud of you,"

Nora giggled, "Yeah we wouldn't want to embarrass you."

Derek smiled, "I wouldn't mind you guys being here if you want to be," his attention went to Lizzie, Edwin and Marty who were smiling at him. It was odd going through a whole day with everyone smiling at him, it was a little strange, no lie.

Marty frowned angrily, "Nora and dad say I can't stay for the party, but Edwin and Lizzie can, it's not fair!"

He reached for her, giving her a big hug."I promise, before I leave you and I will have our own party, alright?"

Edwin rolled his eyes, "It's not like we're allowed to stay long either, we aren't allowed to drink. We're just here for the big send off, and then we're gone too. Oh and Derek, I wouldn't mind getting to know some college babes," he smirked.

Lizzie scoffed, "Like they would ever give you the time of day, " and she glanced at Derek with admiration, "We're so proud of you Derek, we had to come."

Derek thanked them for coming, and then Casey came up from behind. "Finally you guys arrive, there's a lot to do, put the sentimental family moments on hold. We have five hours until people show up, quick go see Robin she has tasks for everyone," she said urgently.

Edwin laughed, and gave Derek a surprised look, "Who made her the queen of this party?"

Derek smirked at Casey, "You know how Casey is, no one ever makes her queen, she appoints herself. But if I were you Ed I'd get moving, she means business," he couldn't help but smile as Casey blushed slightly, and gave him a little eye roll. And then she gave the family _that_ look, and they all scampered off, clearly Casey was in no mood for jokes.

Casey gave him a little apologetic smile, "Sorry it's just," she looked down with embarrassment, "Tonight needs to be perfect."

He moved in and put his arm around her, "Okay but don't drive yourself mad, alright. There is no such thing as perfect, and I don't want you going insane over it. Can't you tell how happy I am?"

She assessed him for a moment, "Not happy enough, now if you excuse me, I have some banners to put up, don't touch a thing Derek, I mean it." How could he not be happy? She was literally planning the party of the year in under two days. It frazzled him.

He hung out with Edwin for a bit and tried to keep his fixation on Casey to a minimum, but it was difficult when she looked so beautiful and fierce. Casey was so hot when she was in organization mode, it was hard to believe there was a time where he was annoyed by her, but now he couldn't even pretend to be annoyed. She did look much better, no tears, no stress, she was laughing it up with Robin, and that just made him smile.

Casey took the role of hostess seriously and bossed Sam around for most of the day and at one-point Sam came to him, looking frantic. "Save me, she's driving me insane!"

Derek laughed and handed him a beer, "You were the idiot that accepted, now you must suffer the consequences," he meant to sound annoyed for Sam, instead it came out sounded like he was happy over her extreme need to make his party perfect.

Casey was sorting through some cups and she looked up at him and waved. He sauntered over to her, "Poor Sam, you're killing him with your control freak nature, I guess some people are not as immune as I am," he grinned and she fumbled with an apology and he laughed, "It's kind of funny seeing him running around like a headless chicken, it's good entertainment. I'm impressed by everything you accomplished in such a short time."

Her eyes waltzed with sweetness, "So you like it so far? I was worried the _Venturi Rules_ banners were a little too much."

It was over the top, there were banners, crazy lights, everything was Maple Leaf themed, but this was typical Casey. "What are you talking about, I love it, why would it bother me to have people know how great I am?"

She smiled with relief, and then she snapped back into action. As much as he loved everything she was doing for him, all he wanted was to spend time with her. But he couldn't just follow her around like a sick puppy, so he just settled for watching the adorableness of Casey setting the club on fire.

* * *

Casey couldn't stop moving, it was as if she was in intense adrenaline rush. Perfection was always something she strived for, and now it had hit the roof. Keeping busy was helpful in distracting herself from spending every second by Derek. She watched him as he hung out with Sam, or spent time with Edwin, he looked happy, it was distracting seeing him look so charming and he was smiling so much, it made her heart burst.

Robin came by her, noticed as she tried to be discreet over staring at him. "You're really swinging for the fences for him aren't you?" She gave her a little wink.

She blushed a little, "I just did what you suggested, you were right he deserves to have no stress, nothing to get him down."

She glanced at Casey and made a little sound of disbelief as Derek looked over at her with a dashing smile. "My goodness, well he seems absolutely thankful, the way he's looking at you is so…."

Casey snapped, "Stop it," but she felt a crimson blush take over her, "He's just in a smiley mood," she reasoned.

"Yeah but he's not smiling at anyone else that way, I mean he's got a killer charm there's no denying that, but the smile he gets on his face when he looks at you is absolutely nerve wracking, no wonder you got pregnant," she whispered with a giggle.

Casey's heart stopped in her chest, and elbowed her to get her to stop making such remarks. She lunged herself at anything to distract herself from that intense feeling in her stomach. As people started to arrived, she quickly became overwhelmed. Large crowds always made her anxious, so she tried to relax. She was amazed by the people that showed up, Kendra, Ralph, and others from high school, college friends, old coworkers, and some of his teammates. They made a bee line for Derek, giving him high fives. Kendra gave him a big hug, which he awkwardly accepted. And then suddenly they were overrun, there were so many people there. Derek would go to her often, discreetly asking if she felt okay, and she would wave him away. Honestly she felt extreme fatigue, but she couldn't let that get her down. She watched as other women surrounded him, shoving their phone numbers in his hand, giving him flirty looks, and well he was just lapping it up, unsurprisingly. She tried to look away, she spoke to Lizzie, caught up with other people, but the sight of him being worshipped by all these women was enough to sour her mood.

Robin noticed and handed her a glass of water, "Casey, even though he's surrounded by women, he still keeps looking at you, relax okay. Unfortunately that kind of popularity comes with the job, relax sweetie."

Casey just scoffed with denial. "I don't care how popular he is, he's always had the attention of women for as long as I've known him, it's just irritating. Do they not have any dignity just falling over a guy like that?"

As if Derek heard her from across the room, he broke free from the crowd and went to her. "Save me," he joked, "I never thought I'd say this, but there is such thing as too much attention," and just like that he was able to get her to melt, make that jealousy subside. After that, it felt like he loomed close by her.

About an hour later, Sam gave Derek a farewell speech. Casey suddenly felt it, that emotional pressure gathering behind her eyes as she watched him laugh, and give everyone a simple thank you for coming. And then he looked at her, and raised his glass in her direction and gave her a personal thank you. Their eyes locked for a moment, it was as if they were the only people in the room _. Oh Derek, I'm going to miss you._ She took steady breaths as everyone there started cheering for him.

She looked down for one moment, trying to get her breathing control when suddenly Derek came beside her and tucked her close to his side and whispered into her ear, "Those hormones are back, I can tell. Let me drive you home."

She looked up at him alertly, how did he know? Was it so obvious that she was just barely holding on? "No, you can't leave your own party, I can call a cab, please Derek," she was close to bursting out in tears.

Robin was right beside her, "It's okay Derek I can take her home if you want."

Derek ignored her, "Case, everyone will be okay for 20 minutes, don't sweat it. Take this as a thank you, alright?" He didn't give her a chance to respond, and he went to tell Sam he'd be right back.

Casey chased away a tumbling tear, "I can't believe I ruined this," she turned to Robin with exasperation.

Robin hugged her, "Hey, you didn't. He just clearly knows you too well, and well, he's being a sweetheart," as she pulled back she smiled fondly, "I'm starting to understand why you are so confused."

_Oh, I'm more confused than ever._

* * *

Derek moved past the crowd of people calling for him and made his way back to Casey. He wasn't able to stop himself, the moment he saw that look of sadness go over her face, he knew it was time for her to go home. She looked furious with him as he pulled her arm without another word. When they got to the car she burst out into tears, "Why don't you ever listen to me? I could have gone on my own. See this is what I was worried about ruining your night."

He reached for her hand and tugged her close. Why was it becoming second nature to touch her? "Case. This was an amazing night; you didn't ruin anything. I just want to thank you for what you did for me, come on, it's common courtesy. Trust me my friends won't even notice I'm gone, I swear I'll drop you off and go right back."

Casey wiped at her eyes, and took deep breaths. "Okay, but a promise is a promise, you cannot be away for too long."

"What tipped it off?"

Casey looked away abashedly, "Um I don't know, I guess the hormones like to come and go as they please, I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing, it's not like you can control it," he opened the door for her, and she got in without another word.

Casey was quiet for most of the drive, but then he felt her studying him, "So, I saw you were chased around by a lot of women, see anybody that caught your eye?" She was trying to sound casual, but there was a tinge of accusation.

He laughed, "Nope, not interested in shallow one night stands anymore," he answered honestly but then quickly found himself saying, " And no, I'm not calling our night together shallow." He refused to look at her but he could see her smiling brightly from the corner of his eye. His heart raced brutally as the silence drew out, crap he may have revealed too much with that statement.

When they got home, he walked her into the house, still pulling her by the hand and took her straight to her room, "Goodnight Case, thank you."

Casey smiled shyly. "It was fun to plan it, now please go this instant unless you want me to burst into tears again, go enjoy your night," and she didn't wait for him to answer, just shut the door.

Derek stood there for a moment, reeling. He wanted to stay with her so badly, and reluctantly went back to the party. While he did have fun, it was not the same. He used to love drinking and having a good time, but it felt so dull now. All he wanted was to go home and spend time with Casey, it was alarming how dull everything felt without her around. And just like that, the party days seemed over for him, his life was just so different now, and he was never gladder for change. It was the best send off, not just because he was leaving, but it was as if he was saying goodbye to his past.

The last few days , Casey was just too sweet to handle. She baked him cookies, every morning she would send him off to the rink with a killer breakfast, and in the evenings, she would play video games with him. He expected her to be competitive, but she was so easygoing which was so unusual. Casey hated losing, but she seemed almost glad whenever he won. They talked about a lot, but also nothing. The worst part was the constant smiling, the way she looked at him. It was all too amazing, and he hated it, it made leaving feel so much worse. He dreaded the night because that meant there were suddenly only a few days left, and then just like that, it came down to their last day.

He went out for breakfast with the entire family that morning, and it was nice but that morning Casey had been particularly quiet. Not that he could blame her, he didn't know what to say either.

Casey came in to his room to help him pack, "You left everything to the last possible moment," she said with a little smile, "No worries, I can help I love packing."

Derek sat there on the bed, his mind was in turmoil. "Yeah that's just how I roll," it was supposed to be a joke but he couldn't even pretend he was excited.

He took his sweet time packing, they were both silent as they folded stuff and put it in his suitcase. He was worried if he looked at her too long, he would just snap and pull her down on the bed , toss all his stuff on the floor and kiss her senseless. Afterward the day raced by, literally it was the fastest day of his life.

There was sadness in the air, but she was clearly so set on making everything smooth and nice between them, but now it was his turn to feel sad. He didn't want to leave. He moped around the house, dragging his feet, complaining, made sarcastic jokes around her. He swore everytime he looked at his watch and another hour had gone away. Anytime Casey was around him, he took in that moment trying to savour it, any look any smile, anything he kept greedily trying to be in her presence as much as possible. They ate dinner together in pure silence, but the chaotic surge could be felt.

Then just like that, time was up. They waited for the shuttle in the living room quietly. He wanted time to stand still, just for time to god damn stop, just for a moment to breathe.

* * *

Casey hid herself in the washroom, just trying to breathe and control the tears. It had come down to this, him finally leaving. It felt like she was being ripped apart. He was supposed to come back in three weeks time, it wasn't that long a time in reality, but it already felt like years. She put her entire soul into turning his week around, and he seemed happy but today he'd been snippy a few times. She knew he was dealing with his own emotions the only way he could. She put on a brave face, it was time to say goodbye and very slowly released a shaky breath. She went back to the living room, he was waiting by the window, looking out with a bitter expression. She slowly approached him and leaned into him. Derek slowly looked down at her, he looked so sad and she couldn't think of anything to say. They stayed like that for a long time just staring at each other.

"You can call me anytime," he said gravely, "Like, if anything goes on where you need me, please don't play the guilt game, let me know. I want to get updates of the baby, okay?"

Casey swallowed painfully, "Okay, um at least I get to see you on TV, it's better than nothing."

Derek didn't say anything, just kept looking at her with those sad, brown eyes. She took a deep breath, trying to get the courage to ask. "Der?"

"Yes?" He answered quietly.

Casey looked away with embarrassment, feeling hot all over, "Don't you want a good luck hug?"

Derek sighed, but when she looked up, he was smiling, "I guess a lucky hug wouldn't hurt."

Casey reached for him, and he wrapped his arms around her in a stronghold. Being in his arms felt like nothing else in the world. She was moments away from crying and begging him to stay. What happened to her? Why couldn't she control herself? She closed her eyes, letting her hands gently glide up and down his back, he was so tense but the moment she caressed him, he relaxed. She felt him sink into the hug, and he buried his face into her neck. He gently moved her hair out of the way, it was as if he didn't want anything in the way. It was deeply intimate, she could feel his breath against her neck, his mouth rested against her skin, causing a shiver to emanate through her. She clung on to him tightly and for some reason he wasn't pulling away. They stayed that way, suffused together. Nothing had ever felt so wonderful yet devastating at the same time. His body was so warm, and could hear his heartbeat rattling and beating in overdrive. She felt regret, she could have hugged him all day had it not been for her stupid shyness. She felt safe with him, and the contact was causing the emotional well to rise within her.

Then they heard the horn of the shuttle, interrupting the perfection of the hug. As he pulled back, he took a hold of one of her locks, he touched that thread, twirling it around his finger and then tucked it behind her ear. The small touch on her ear was electric, he looked completely lost in the moment. His eyes were as dark as night, more beautiful than the stars outside. _God, just kiss me, please_ , she pled silently, but he didn't hear her. As he let go of her and stepped back a bit, he looked down as a tremor went over him.

"Would it be okay if I said goodbye to the baby?" His voice was hoarse.

Casey nodded, feeling close to bursting into tears, so he led her to the chair by the window and got her to sit down. Derek kneeled in front of her, and it was so surreal, she couldn't seem to form a thought together as he gently placed his hands on her bump.

His touch was so soft, "Hey buddy, I know you've gotten used to my constant jokes. Don't worry, I'll be back soon okay? Please, take it easy on your mom. I'm quite impressed with your crazy kicks, but maybe you can practice to your heart's content when you're out of there. Trust me , you don't want to annoy her, I know I make it look easy to handle but it takes some real practice to survive her."

Casey laughed, and he looked up at her. His eyes were boring into her, looking as volatile as dynamite. He smiled sweetly, and she just couldn't think. Her hand came down, playing with his hair so softly, gently threading her fingers through it. He was taken back, but he let her, still looking up with that inscrutable gaze. His hands suddenly moved in slow, circular motions, adding more gentle pressure. He was no longer touching her for the baby's sake, those caresses felt different. His touch was more deliberate, tantalizing, as if he was trying to comfort her. They were both touching each other, and it seemed necessary. But it quickly became so hard to breathe, she wanted to lower and kiss him. _Stop looking at me like that, Der, oh I will wilt._ She stopped the hair playing and averted her gaze, feeling embarrassed. She was getting emotional; her hand went up to wipe away a couple tears.

"Sorry," she whispered.

He turned his attention back to her bump, completely going over her apology. "I'll try to win for you. I love you," he said those words in a hush tone, but there was no mistaking what he said.

Although she was certain he was talking to the baby, she felt those words all through her. Her baby was so lucky to have Derek's love, and she instantly felt jealous that she'd never hear those words. As if the baby felt the rattling in her heart, it kicked, and Derek just laughed. "Guess you're going to be a rebel like me," and he slowly stood up, eyeing her softly as he helped her up. "You heard me, I tried," he teased.

"Thanks for trying," she said tightly. "You should go, you don't want to be late."

Derek nodded slowly, "I'll call you," he offered as if that could even begin to console her, she was so close to melting into a puddle of sadness.

"Let me know the moment you get to Manitoba, please," she begged.

Casey walked with him all the way to the car, going over in her head how much things had changed in such a short amount. The driver got out and took his luggage.

All she wanted was to leap in his arms and kiss him goodbye, but all she could manage was to reach out for his arm. She wanted to say so much, but all she could say, was "Don't be an idiot, be safe please," she murmured.

"No promises, but I'll try," he took a deep breath, _"_ I guess I'll miss you, it'll be weird not seeing your daily crazy keener moments."

Casey's heart flipped. "Aw, Der," she said tightly, "I'll miss you too, specially your sarcastic wit, but at least I will be able to at least see you on TV." _It wouldn't be the same, not even a little._ He was staring at her, and she thought maybe she'd said to much, but he smiled gently.

"Bye Case," he said her name so softly and then he opened the car door, gave her a little wave and went inside. She watched with despair as the car left her view, and that's when tears rolled down, trickling merciless. She reached around her neck, softly touching the locket.

Why did it feel like her heart was cracking in half?

" _Come back soon."_

* * *

Derek put on an earbud, letting the pounding of the music drown out his thoughts. That was much harder than he ever imagined. He closed his eyes, lingering to the memory of her hug, of her sweet smile, the sadness she displayed. What was up with the constant emotionally charged moments? He needed this season to go by quick, he knew it would drive him mad to leave her for so long. It was only three weeks, but for the next few months the potential of being away from her more than being around was consuming him.

He felt sickness in the pit of his stomach as he thought back to everything they'd gone through in the past few months. He felt nausea take over as he recalled saying "I love you" to the baby and how it made him feel like he was zapped, those words were too big too intimate, and there was no denying he loved that baby already. But those words made him so uneasy, specially when he was moments away from taking Casey in his arms and kissing her. He couldn't love her, but those words went through him in crazy waves. Was it possible his feelings had been on a high so excruciating for months, that now denying he felt anything for her was ridiculous?

He _didn't_ love her. All he wanted was to make her happy, to take care of her, wanted to make sure she was smiling, make sure she had everything she needed. He cared about her, but love? So, what if he wanted to kiss her, wanted to spend the night with her again, wanted to hold her, wanted her with such intensity it freaked him out? It wasn't love, whatever it was had nothing to do with love, but he couldn't deny he wanted her. And now he was going to be away, for god knows how long. What if Vincent tried to get to her? A vicious jolt of jealousy consumed him. He wanted to scream, go back that instant and kiss her. He got jolted out of his thoughts as his phone buzzed.

She texted him and immediately sat up alertly.

**I can tell he or she misses you already, the kicking has subsided by a lot. It is much quieter without you…I'm so proud of you, Der, I'll be cheering for you cheerleader style, pom poms and all. I'm sure you're laughing at the thought this very moment. Have a safe flight.**

Derek groaned inwardly, there was nothing laugh worthy about that.

**I would have paid good money to see that. Please, take it easy though, last thing we need is for you to fall. But the thought of you with pompoms is funny, and well it's sweet of you to be so supportive. Goodnight, Case.**

**It's the least I could do, you've supported my dreams, every single insane one. Night Der.**

Derek stared at her text for a while, thinking of the past two weeks, that hug, those large blue eyes tearing up as he left her. All his thoughts were consumed with Casey's face, her smile, how beautiful she looked tonight, and he groaned loudly.

_Fuck, I can't take this anymore._ He lost the battle. He just needed to go back, needed just one kiss. He wasn't sure if she'd even accept, but he needed to try or he'd go crazy. Just one kiss, and he wouldn't ask for it again, ever, unless she asked for it, but he needed it. He found himself saying, "Sir, I'm so sorry but can you go back? I forgot something….it's quite important."

* * *

Casey stood aimlessly in the living room, staring at the wall for what seemed like hours. The house was too dark, too lonely, and she was crying like a baby. Everything stopped as she heard the door open, her heart stopped as she saw Derek standing there. She furiously wiped away her tears so he didn't see how emotional she was, but he made no comment, nothing to point out that he noticed it, and she ran to him, feeling frantic by his stony silence.

"Der? Are you okay? Did you forget something?" Her heart was pounding, he was quiet and ominous almost, and slowly came closer. That dark, impassioned look in his eyes set her heart on fire and without another word, he pulled her in against him, one arm came around her back surging her into him, giving her no chance to run away this time. His eyes skimmed over her face, and he stared at her mouth for a few seconds, in a trance and she mimicked him, staring at back with the same mute longing.

"Yes, I forgot something…." his voice was like pure silk, soft and luxurious. He reached down, and traced her mouth with a slow, gentle stroke that left her completely breathless. "Could I have a lucky kiss? " The words stopped her heart instantly, she must have looked shocked, "I wouldn't ask if it wasn't so dire. My game depends on it, it's a sports superstition. Just one kiss, please, " he disoriented her with his soft plead.

Casey felt like she had strayed into a dream. She reached for his face, softly touching it to verify it was him and not a hallucination. He was real, and he was looking at her with pure longing. _You came back to kiss me, you came back….._ Even though he claimed it was for his playing, it seemed like the only way to bring himself to ask for what they both had wanted for months: a kiss. It was a clever way to get it, to not put more thought into overthinking what the kiss meant, to not make a kiss so complicated. Sometimes there didn't have to be a reason, it was just a kiss for good luck, as far as they knew, but it felt necessary.

Casey moved in, and slowly linked her arms around his neck, the feel of him against her was heavenly, she trembled helplessly but she would not run away this time. This could be all she ever got with him, and the misery of that flooded her, she needed this just as much. "Well, if it's for your game, then it is dire. I've been told in the past my kisses are extremely lucky. I don't want you to lose," she murmured softly.

Derek's smile blitzed every thought she had, and he sighed with relief. His hand went up to her face and grazed her cheek tenderly. Her skin absorbed his touch greedily. She wanted to tattoo the feeling unto her skin. His face moved in closer, while his other hand slowly went down her back, skimming the small of her back, and gently pushed her into him. And without missing another moment he gently took a hold of her chin and titled her face up. His mouth sealed hers with perfect gentleness as if she was a delicate flower he was worried of crumpling. He kissed her with soft, but passionate kisses that infused her with warmth. He wasn't rushing this, simply taking his time teasing her lips her with absolute wickedness. She sighed softly, and melted into it, surrendering any reservations. She responded with the same unhurried tender kisses, _I'm going to miss you,_ those kisses became words. The kiss seemed to grow like a rolling wave, slow at first, restless to gain momentum in intensity. It wasn't a kiss of fire, rather a kiss of longing mixed with unbearable sadness. One tear escaped her eye, and she prayed he wouldn't notice, but he gently wiped it away. She froze but he coaxed her, gently nibbled her lower lip gently, and as she parted her lips, he took the opportunity to take more.

The wave roared suddenly, as he gave her soul scorching, open kisses that dismantled her, made her shiver. _Oh, god, you are passion incarnate._ His hands moved up to her hair and gently tugged as he tilted her head back more, to kiss her deeper, as if he was inhaling her very breath into him. His hands went to her neck, teasing the sides of her throat with heady strokes, as he consumed her, and she was helpless, she gave and took everything with desperation, gripping his hair tightly. She was lost, this kiss was so different than the first time, so emotionally charged, so perplexingly beautiful. His arms came around her, pulling her in tightly, and she felt her heart would burst from the frantic throbbing of her body responding to him, the way his hands touched her, how he kept pulling her into him, searing her with the feel of his body. How his hands move down over her back with increased urgency. The kiss became heavy, intricate, seductive and heart gripping. He was intoxicating, the taste of him, the deliciousness of his mouth throttled her entire being. She was trembling, and she sighed his name with torturous delight. She felt him smile against her mouth, and it melted her heart, what was left of it. And then the horn blared outside, making her want to weep. _No stay, please stay, don't leave me Derek._ Her hands seized his hips keeping him close to her, and she kissed him ardently, trying to make the moment last.

He pulled back slowly, murmuring softly, "Damn." His brown eyes were laced with flecks of ember, of intense flame. She whimpered with agitation, and he gave her one more fiery kiss that melted all thoughts, and then ripped himself away from her, breathing heavily. "That felt lucky," he said darkly, his voice touched her rattled nerves.

She slowly dropped her arms away, and felt so unsteady, and immediately devastated. He asked for one kiss, and it was over. "Thanks," she muttered, and looked down to hide her flaming face. She couldn't help but ask. "Will this be an every game tradition?"

Derek grinned like a dark angel, he took a moment to regain his breathing. "Well it depends, if I suck at any point, I may need another dose of that," he winked, "Luck doesn't run forever." and pulled back in slow degrees, the moment his body was separated from hers, she felt cold.

Casey's heart lurched, god he was sexy, and she found herself saying, "I'm competitive, I want you to win so you can count on it if you need it."

Derek smiled, his eyes sparkled, she had just given him an open invitation to kiss her whenever he wanted. People kissed all the time without it having any meaning, but as they stared at each other, the truth settled over her. This kiss was not like any other kiss, it was one of a kind, too precious to be thought of as a casual experience. They once again got swept up in the moment, and while it was clear he didn't regret it, it confirmed to her all her lingering doubts. Kissing Derek Venturi was more than just a physical action, as much as she told herself it was just a kiss, she knew it was lie. His kisses contained spell like qualities, in a completely different level on it's own that had the potential of making her lose her mind, losing everything.

As if he read her mind, he seemed to understand how messy this could make their situation and slowly looked away from her with resignation, she knew he wouldn't ask again, the spell of the moment seemed to diminish, and now everything was clear once more. There was no denying they had chemistry, that they both enjoyed that kiss, and it would be a struggle not to want it again. But she could never be the type to kiss him without feeling anything, it was impossible.

He looked at her at last, with intense sadness. " I really should go, at this point my driver is going to find a random ditch to throw me in." She wasn't surprised he was using humour to cover up the intensity, "Um I'll call you, good night Case, and um thanks for the luck," he smiled and she held back the tears.

Casey managed to nod, and without another word he turned away, and she just stared after him. That kiss would be the strength she needed to be apart from him, but it would definitely kill her not to do it again. Maybe Robin was right, their relationship wasn't just physical attraction. Obviously she cared about him, but she was scared to hope, scared to think of more, and scared at the thought that they were going in circles around their chemistry. And for all she knew, he just enjoyed kissing her as he would with any other girl, it didn't mean he felt anything for her.

Did she want more? As she replayed the kiss, it was simple, _yes, and it's scaring me._

* * *

Hi, I hope this part was worth the wait :) This chapter was a surprise even to me, originally I wasn't going to have a kiss in there but then somehow as I wrote, it just seemed necessary, I couldn't hold back. I don't think I'll ever be a slow burn writer, but that's okay. Derek and Casey took over, they wanted to kiss, so I let them. Please let me know how you are feeling so far! I will be starting school again soon, so my posts might be slower, so it felt important to start the year this way. Happy New Year !


	8. Blaze and Flame

_Kisses of torment, kisses of seduction, kisses of absolute pleasure. He was incredible, drawing out pleasure from every part of her body. He laughed wickedly as his mouth disappeared beneath the covers and the world exploded. He was relentless in his torment, she was dying for him, begging for more. The pure desire burned her, until she was crying, blind from the ferociousness of the wave that tore through her, "Derek, Derek," was all she could say, but he pulled away at the last possible second. She was shaking as he sat up with a taunting smile, "Why did you stop?"_

_He laughed, "I want you to admit you want me, that you are crazy about me, and then I'll continue."_

_Casey threw a pillow at him, and angrily got out of his bed. "You are infuriating, I hate you!" She marched away but not before hearing, "You have a funny way of showing your hate. Your body tells me something else, you want me Casey. All you have to do is say the truth for once, and you could have anything you want."_

Casey woke up, breathing heavily, her heart was pounding viciously. Oh god. Something was really wrong with her. Ever since Derek left, she had such passionate dreams. They were so intense that she'd wake up feeling so rattled...and aroused beyond anything she ever felt before. She missed Derek so much, and these dreams weren't helping the way she missed him. They were so graphic, and the worst part was she could feel his hands, could feels his kisses as she dreamt, but then she'd wake up and he wasn't there, it was all in her mind. She felt so guilty and dirty, but she couldn't stop thinking about those dreams.

That kiss throttled her. Realizing that glorious mouth would be around her and that she'd have to contain herself from kissing him again made her desperately agitated. It wasn't fair, why did he have to be such an incredible kisser? It was as if God put Derek in her life as a breathing, living temptation just to watch her suffer. The lust dreams kept her up at night, and she would spend way too much time thinking about him _that_ way, it was ridiculous. But how could she not think about it after kiss?

Casey desperately needed a distraction. She spent every moment thinking about Derek, wondering if he was okay, if he was happy. He would call her every single day, and they would text, but the conversations felt tense. That kiss changed their dynamic, and while he was sweet and clearly wanted to make sure she was okay, he was reserved and almost shy. She ended up having to meticulously plan every single day he was away. She spent entire days at campus, at Robin's and had Lizzie and mom over several times. They were getting so excited about the coming baby, and it made her feel less lonely.

Casey also spent a lot of time interviewing doctors, trying to find the best one for the delivery date, which was June 11th. She was busy developing her birth plan, she wanted no medication, as natural as possible. When she texted Derek her decision he responded with:

**Oh man, you're brave. Now would probably be a good time to tell you blood makes me queasy, I may be a big baby, and I'll try to be the confident guy I've always been, but I can't promise it.**

She laughed, oh Derek thought he was this macho type all his life, but she just knew he wouldn't be able to handle it.

**Well, you don't have to be present you know? It was perfectly normal in the olden days for the father to pace back and forth outside the delivery room, and well….. honestly the thought of you seeing me in such a state kind of freaks me out. You'd be seeing a lot of stuff that could give you nightmares for the rest of your life.**

His response made her smile as she walked through campus.

**While I appreciate the option, I think if you have to go through the nightmare of giving birth naturally, then my eyes can handle a little discomfort. I want to be there, who's hand will you crush if I'm not there?**

Casey stayed in a state of euphoria as she tackled her schoolwork. That was one thing that had taken a bit of a hit for her, but now having so much time without Derek taking her attention, she was able to truly study more and her grades went up. Graduation was only a few months to go. She also wanted to get ahead so when Derek came back, she could spend the entire time with him. God how she missed him. The Leafs had played two games and they won by a landslide, although she didn't understand the game's rules and strategies, she understood they were doing quite well.

The following week she went to her appointment. Just like that she was at 20 weeks. She went into the appointment with intense nerves, as she thought of a million things that could be wrong. As the doctor went over the ultrasound, she smiled sadly remembering the last time with Derek, she wished he was with her for this. And then with all the courage she had asked for the sex of the baby.

"Congrats Miss McDonald, you're having a….."

Casey left the doctor's office with a giant smile on her face. She sent a photo of the ultrasound to Derek and simply texted:

**I know who won** **😉 I'll wait until you get home to tell you. But the baby is so healthy and is it just me or doesn't it look like the sweetest little angel? I'm in love.**

**Damn, that it is one big baby and it's got a huge head. Maybe it will be a brainiac like you, I joke of course. If it looks like an angel does it mean it's a girl? I honestly don't care who wins, but I can't wait to win in person.**

Three weeks went by slowly and painfully, but then the day finally arrived. Casey cleaned the house from top to bottom and made Derek's favourite dinner. She went to the window every few moments to see if he arrived. She ended up going to the salon and got a different look, her hair was cut into shorter layers that fell to her shoulders styled with a few beachy waves throughout. She told herself it wasn't for him, told herself she was trying to change her appearance for herself, but she put extra effort on her makeup, choosing a more fitted dark blue dress to highlight her bump. She looked pregnant now but it was still at the stage where she didn't look like a wrecking ball just yet.

At last, she heard the sound of a car parking and felt an intense reaction to that sound. She opened the front door with excitement. A little shock went through her as she took him in, god TV really didn't do his handsomeness any justice. He was smiling, his dark hair was a little longer. She bit her lip as she stared at that mouth, and that acute sensation took over her.

Derek came out of the car hauling all of his luggage, and then he saw her. He stopped cold, even from across the yard she felt that pull of magnetism. She smiled at him and he stood there for a moment without any reaction, and then a slow burn smile went over his face. She could see him intensely roving over her body in a slow sweeping gaze, burning her.

"Hi," she sighed, "Welcome back," she didn't mean to sound so breathless, but it was hard to sound normal when he was inspecting her so brazenly.

 **"** Hey," he dropped his bags and fumbled with his stuff, suddenly looking around nervously. She moved forward to help him with his stuff, and wordlessly walked with him inside. When he put his stuff down, they stared at each other for a long time.

"Are you okay?" She asked as her heart hammered.

He chuckled and rubbed away tension in his neck. "Yeah sorry, my brain just stopped, must be all the flying," he said quickly, but then looked at her body again. "Holy planet," he teased.

She lightheartedly slapped his shoulder, hiding her face as she felt a blush go over her, "You shut up this moment, is that really the best compliment you can give?"

Being that close to him felt like she was getting the air sucked from her lungs. "No, but it's the funniest and I'm sticking to it, but for real I've been gone three weeks what the hell happened?"

He continued to stare at her body up and down, she realized it had nothing to do with her, but it still made her dizzy, "Do we really need to go down memory lane? You got me pregnant, and now it's obvious." It was the obvious result of that passionate night, and that lust coursed through her to her mortification. This was the evidence that night wasn't just a crazy dream or fantasy.

His gaze went back up and locked with hers, "I know, I was there," he said with a little laugh, "It's just nuts to see you this big and there's still months left. I'm worried for you Case, we might need to install one of those stair cranes to lift you upstairs."

Casey laughed, "Yeah you're telling me, my feet have gotten so swollen Der, and it already hurts to stand too long."

They were quiet for a moment, his eyes were so distracting, "You were amazing Der, I can't wait to watch the real thing with the family."

He grinned, "Oh watch it be the game we lose, but I was able to manage so you and the family could get the best seats of the house, and I've included for Sam and Robin." She hated sports with a passion, but she couldn't help but be excited to watch him for real, she felt a sense of pride go over her.

After a moment of electric silence, she ushered him to the kitchen where she put down five different plates of food. They sat quietly as they ate, but she was so happy. Having him back felt so right, and soon enough they got caught up talking, going over their separate adventures.

* * *

Casey was a babe, no ifs or buts, so damn sexy. He had to literally tighten his jaw to avoid it dropping to the ground. Those weeks away from her were pure torment, and he missed her. Kissing her was probably a mistake because that's all he could think about while he was gone, and then he comes back to find her _like that._ Whatever she did, it made him lose brain cells instantly. The dress she wore wrapped around her highlighting her figure, and he was turned on. Damn, how he wanted to unwrap her like a present and feast on her, her pregnant belly was so gorgeous. Her body looked lush and inviting, just begging to be to worshipped by his mouth and his hands.

He spent the entire evening trying to keep himself from leering at her too much, but it was hard not to check her out. After dinner they sat together on the couch. They made small talk because his mind literally couldn't carry a normal conversation when she looked like that. And then she said the baby was kicking up a storm and reached for his hand and placed it on her. He stared at her face as he touched her. Oh it was kicking alright, but he was too distracted by Casey to really notice it. He sighed deeply, he'd waited three weeks and he was finally home, being able to get lost in those electrifying eyes was home. The deeply intimate moment made him internally freak out. Thankfully she pulled away and reached under the couch.

Excitement went over her face as she handed him a little box, "This was the best bet of my life," she was already squealing.

Derek gawked at her, "It's a girl?"

She motioned for him to open it. His hands were shaking as he pulled out a blue soother. He stared at it for a moment, just processing the information as he looked at her, "I won?" his voice was all raspy and strange.

She beamed, her eyes were like crystal falls, tearing up slightly. "I've never been so happy to lose in my entire life, we're having a boy Derek, you're having a son."

Derek stared at her, his mouth hung open with surprise. Everything moved around him in slow motion. He stood up slowly and pulled her up by the hand. _A boy_. She was having a boy. Casey was giving him the craziest, most amazing gift of his entire life, a son: someone to toss a ball with, someone to wrestle, someone to teach all his crazy pranks to just as his dad had taught him. He was going to be a father...to a son. Suddenly the reminder of all the hell he put his own dad through for years, came to back haunt him. Oh boy, guess it was time for life give him a taste of his own medicine. He was terrified, but it was the adrenaline type fear, the one felt right before going on a rollercoaster, and the best part was Casey would be right beside him through that crazy ride. He felt extremely lucky and although he would have felt the same if it had been a girl.

He was speechless. And then as Casey tugged on his arm, a lightning bolt of joy went through him. "Guess you'll be outnumbered princess," he said shakily.

Casey laughed as tears went down her face, "Oh I know, I can just imagine it: you and your little clone teaming up to make me crazy, but something about it makes me so blissfully happy."

And then he reached for her and wrapped his arms around her, lifted her off the ground and spun her around in a tight hug. There was no cooling off the extreme excitement. It was the most amazing moment, and when he put her down she was laughing, crying, and he felt an intense adrenaline rush consume him. He cradled her face softly and smiled at her.

"Thank you, I…..never could have imagined my life going this way, but man am I ever glad I slept with you. I mean I know it's complicated, all this is, but it's hard to feel guilty when we're getting something so damn good out of it."

Casey blushed, nodding along, "Yeah, I feel the same this is the one thing I refuse to apologize for."

He let go of her and they sat back down, his heart was racing. The intimate moment made him say stuff he probably shouldn't but it was true, he couldn't regret that night as hard as he tried. If this was all that would ever come out of this, then he still got one night with her, one night that he'll never forget and that he couldn't possibly remove from his mind, and he got a son out of that night.

Casey leaned into him, giving him an adorable eyebrow wiggle. "So, you won, have you picked a middle name?"

Derek smiled, "George. I figure it would be good to get to his good graces since finding out I slept with you will surely disappoint him, but I mean he can't be mad at the baby if he has his name."

She giggled, clapping her hands enthusiastically. "You're clever, and that is such a classic name, I like it."

Derek was too excited and got up, "Grab your coat, you and I are celebrating."

They went out for a movie and it was amazing. He couldn't say what the movie was about since he spent the entire time with Casey talking in his ear, he never laughed so much, and the joy on her face was too contagious, there was no turning off the current between them. They rested their arms on the same armrest, she kept brushing up against him. He wasn't sure if she was doing it on purpose or not, but then he stared at her hand for a long time. He couldn't help himself, he sighed before giving in. He nervously reached for it, threading his fingers through her hand. She stared at it with surprise, so he leaned in and whispered in her ear, "Don't think too much alright, I'm just too damn happy right now" and she just beamed at him, and squeezed gently. Thank god it was dark so she couldn't see how ridiculously happy just holding her hand made him. Three days, he was there for three days, and he wanted the rest of the time to be this amazing. He only hoped he could keep the desire to kiss her again in check, but he knew it would kill him to try.

* * *

The next day Casey woke up with the most glorious smile ever, the night before had been so amazing and sweet. They were having a boy and just his reaction, the way he smiled all evening made her unbelievably giddy. They held hands, and it made her blush. It was ridiculous, she was behaving like a teenage girl, melting about hand holding, but it was nice. However, with the way she felt the last few weeks with the lust, for some reason holding his hand made her tingly and extremely sensitive.

As the day progressed, those feelings of desire kept burning her. She was concerned over her lusty emotions since they had never been this bad before. She had a healthy libido like anyone out there, but this was extreme. She googled it, apparently it was quite normal to be extra feisty during the beginning of the second trimester. Everything got her riled up, watching him shave, him drinking juice, Derek splayed out on the couch while he watched TV. It was Derek smiling whenever she entered a room. Just hearing his voice got her all fired up, she was concerned for herself. He was just doing ordinary things, but somehow, they seemed erotic, sexual, completely distracting. Seeing Derek's bedhead, wild mess of hair somehow made her randy beyond belief. She wanted to sink her fingers into it and kiss him.

Then came the moment where she just lost it. She had been in an amazing mood, no hormone outbreaks, but this changed everything. He was just walking around the house shirtless, dripping from his shower as he went to do the dryer to pull out his clothes. The sight of water droplets gleaming on his skin made her frazzled. Just the mere sight of him walking around with jeans shirtless made her warm and fuzzy. Her mouth went dry, Derek had to be the sexiest man alive, _had to be._ And he was just parading himself in front of her with no regard to her feelings or the fact she was hormonal. Inconsiderate jerk! Derek caught her staring.

"I know right, I'm just so hot you can't take it," he teased but apparently had no idea that it was indeed how she felt.

Instead she got up and glared at him, his smile vanished instantly. "You're getting the floor all wet and ruining the wood, can't you be a little more careful?" She snapped.

He got a shirt out of the dryer, and put it on quickly. Now she was angry he was dressed, it made no sense, "Sorry, I'll clean it up I'm a little dumb these days."

She felt guilty, "No, no, I'm sorry, just- irritated all of a sudden."

He came forward smiling at her, _oh please stop._ "What's wrong?"

She looked away, "My ankles hurt, they're just so fat. Sorry I'm just going to lie down for a moment." She did not want to ruin anything, she had two more days with him.

And that's when it went from lust to madness. Derek came in to her room, he was quiet as he casually sat astride from her on the bed. He studied her for a moment, "Der?"

He smiled and then to her shock, he picked up her foot, and started massaging gently.

"What are you do-ing?" she stuttered as the gentle pressure intensified. He massaged the planes of her foot, to her toes, to the ankles. She thought for sure she was dreaming, it felt so incredibly good.

"You said your ankles were fat, I just had to come and see if it was true," Derek grinned, but he didn't look at her. He was completely focused on her foot, which was probably a good thing, she couldn't handle the eye contact at a moment like this. She was just blushing uncontrollably.

"They're hideous, aren't they?"

Derek winked at her, causing a constellation of stars to spiral in her vision from the impact. "They're a little ugly, but I'll survive." His focus went back to massaging her with complete gentleness, but it was enough to get her heart pumping. He then went to other foot, repeating the same maddening routine. She felt herself settle back on the pillow, surrendering to his tempting touch.

Casey bit her lip as he asked, "Does it hurt?"

She exhaled sharply, "No- it feels, um, nice." She felt like she was under a spell, taking in the sight of him just taking care of her was more than she could handle.

His hands started moving up a bit, tenderly caressing her ankles, and to her surprise he massaged her calves too. To her dismay, she let out a quiet, turbulent, "Mmmm."

Derek smiled, clearly pleased that she was enjoying his touches. But there was nothing for her to smile about, she was going crazy with desire wanting him to touch other parts of her. When he stopped she groaned quietly, she wanted his hands all over her.

"Anytime you feel pain, let me know," he got up slowly, and looked at her with a shy little smile, "While I'm here you can count on me for anything okay?"

Tenderness went over her face, "Thank you Der." There was no denying it anymore, she was attracted to him, so irresistibly attracted, she needed to be careful or god help her, she was one step away from jumping him.

The rest of that afternoon, Derek got prepared for his hockey game. She dropped him off at the rink, and right before they got there, she snapped at him a couple of times. It was the nerves, the intense sexual attraction, all of it. He was clearly taken back by it, but then he put on his usual charming smile and acted like her snarkiness was no big deal. She felt guilty. Then she went to the family's and bossed them around, she put all of her pent-up energy into getting them ready for the game. Everyone was excited, but she felt anxious, nervous, uptight. She was a nightmare.

When they got to the rink, everyone bought giant foam fingers, they were chanting the name Venturi out loud. George, Marty and Edwin looked so proud and excited, and being able to see them celebrate Derek was such a huge accomplishment. When the whole team went on the ice, she spotted Derek immediately. Oh, good god he was sexy. She felt her heart exploding inside her chest.

George turned to everyone, "At the count of three, we're going to yell Go Derek, but it has to be really loud so it's on TV," he grinned happily. He counted and everyone just screamed "Go Derek!" and she saw him looking towards the noise of them jumping, waving, the Venturi's and the McDonalds, Sam and Robin just clapping and whooping in his direction, and Derek grinned.

"Derek is incredible," Robin whispered in her ear with admiration at one point.

Casey was riveted. He was so self assured on the ice, as if he was on a completely different realm of existence. He was so sexy; Casey felt her cheeks burn as she felt the jolt of her need for him. Derek scored a few times and seeing that pure look of joy on his face was worth everything. Was worth the time apart from him.

"He really is," she said a little dreamily.

Robin leaned into her, "Still feel nothing for him? Because you're looking at him like he's a Greek god descending from heaven."

Casey blushed, "I admire him, that doesn't mean I have feelings for him," she said defensively. "Also I don't want anyone to hear your comments."

At one point during the game, it was as if Derek had laser vision, looked directly at her during intermission. He smiled at her and she couldn't help but melt into a puddle as she waved at him. She was so proud of him, seeing him play in real life took her breath away.

When Derek and Casey were walking out of the rink together after, she felt so shy and fluttery around him. She'd been so hot and cold on him all day, and he probably thought she was crazy.

"So, still mad at me?" He put his arm around her shoulder, "I'm sorry for breathing," he teased.

Casey blushed, "I don't know what's wrong with me. Der, just wanted you to know I thought you were incredible out there. "

Derek smiled boyishly, "Case you are completely yo-yoing me. One moment you're nice and sweet, the next you're yelling at me and completely seem annoyed by my mere existence."

She felt guilty, completely. "No, I just…. Um, I know it sounds like a broken record, but hormones. I can't keep up, I'm sorry your time back hasn't been laid back. I'm so stressful, aren't I?"

Derek brought her into his side, giving her a side hug. "Trust me, you're still much better to be around than my coach. You are like a basket of kittens in comparison," he said softly.

And there he goes again, making her flustered,"That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me," she mused.

"Come on, let's go out and celebrate. Let's get some milkshakes, or I don't know anything you want. I just can't explain how awesome it felt to be playing a real game of hockey being televised and having you, and the family just watching. It was cool, thanks for putting it together."

Casey laughed, "I drove everyone mad, I bossed them around all afternoon. But I did it for you," she offered sweetly, "I guess I was just as nervous for you."

Derek seemed to pull her in closer, "Well, then I thank you," he said charmingly, making that lust boil again on the surface.

As they walked out of the stadium a girl's voice called from the darkness, "Derek Venturi, I'm a big fan," the voice was draped with syrupy sweetness. "May I have an autograph?"

Derek turned around, and there was a figure resting against the wall. Casey felt turmoil spread through her, something alerting her that this wouldn't be a pleasant reveal.

Derek laughed, "Um depends, are you trying to rob me because you're sort of sketchy right now."

The girl laughed and slowly came into the dim lighting. Derek gasped and Casey felt like someone had clubbed her over the head. She was more beautiful than ever, her blonde hair was long and wavy, shimmering like gold. Her blues eyes sparkled as she smiled at Derek with glinting familiarity but there was also an obvious look of attraction that went over her features.

"Sally," Derek croaked, "Way to scare the crap out of me," he said at last.

Sally moved slowly, as if she was afraid Derek would skittish off, "Hi Derek," she said breathily.

Derek looked pale and completely flabbergasted, "Hey."

Sally finally noticed Casey, and looked at her with complete warmth. "Casey, my goodness, it's been ages! You look so beautiful," she gushed sweetly.

Casey felt like an Oompaloompa compared to her. Sally was gorgeous, and she felt like a tomato ready to burst. "Me? You're stunning," Casey said quietly, "Um, what a surprise to see you." She tried to smile, but it felt like she had to plaster it on. Derek's arm which had been around her, slowly left, and she was angry. _Oh I see, Sally is back and now I'm old news._

She glanced at Derek, he seemed completely out of it, just staring at Sally as if she was an apparition. God of course it had to be Sally that came out of nowhere, the great love of his life. She wanted to cry.

"You're back I see, It's been ages," he muttered with friendliness, "Are you back for good?"

Sally shoved her hands in her pocket, clearly nervous, but eyed him openly. "BC was amazing, I just wanted to come back because….there was something missing, turns out BC didn't have everything I wanted."

Derek smiled timidly, "Ah. Well, I hope you find it here."

Casey stared down at the ground, feeling like a third wheel.

Sally pulled out a notebook and handed it to him, "When I turned on the TV and accidentally watched the game and saw you, I almost died of shock. I can't believe it you really did it," she said sweetly, "I always knew you could do it. I had to find you, please, please, please sign it for me."

Derek laughed nervously, turning to look at Casey with a little smile. He took it and started signing it. It was frigid cold, and Derek seemed to be writing her a whole article, or so it felt like it.

Sally's attention turned to her with vivid friendliness, "Casey, I would love to catch up some time, I would love to know what's become of your life."

Casey couldn't help feeling the tightness in her chest, and her mouth opened. "I'm sure that's not why, admit it you just want to get to me to get to Derek," she said icily.

Derek whipped her a look, and she wanted to melt from embarrassment but she couldn't hold it back. "Uh, Sally please forgive her snarkiness. She's had a long night, I mean she had to watch me play, she was already mad at me."

Casey glared at him, and he was scolding her with a look, how could he not see how bothered she was? "I'm so sorry," she muttered with fake sincerity, "I….he's right it's been a long night."

Sally interjected, "Oh no don't apologize Casey. I totally understand why you'd make that assumption; I'm not offended. How about this, I promise not to ever come to you about your step brother. I've always liked you, I swear my intention is genuine. And if I ever want to 'get' to Derek as you said, I will go directly to the source." Right, she forgot how much of a sweetheart Sally was. No wonder Derek fell for her.

Annoyed over Sally calling Derek her step brother, she just couldn't help it. "Oh, well that's sweet of you. But I'm a little busy as of late you see, I'm pregnant," she said as a last resort, "so that's what's new. Probably why I'm so annoyed," she flared Derek with a look.

Derek was clearly nervous, and he looked at her with sudden concern. Oh, clearly she was ruining their perfect reunion.

Sally grinned widely, "Oh my goodness congratulations Casey, that's fantastic. You're going to be an amazing mom."

Derek finally managed to speak, "Um yeah, we're all very happy it," he leaned into Casey as if he was trying to butter her up. She was shaking, the volcano was so close from erupting, possessiveness crept over her in burning degrees.

"Thanks," she couldn't handle take it anymore, "Der why don't I get a cab home? I'm sure Sally would love to catch up with you."

Sally looked at Derek with a hopeful, shy smile, "I know you're tired after that game. But if you'd ever like to…..just catch up I'd love that."

Derek's arm went around Casey as if he was soothing her for the upcoming blow, "Sally. It's nice to see you again, and I mean you're cool. One of the coolest girls I've ever known, but unfortunately my time here is extremely short. I will be kind of MIA for a while as I travel back and forth and since it's such a quick time I'm here, my time goes entirely to some, um, other priorities that have come up."

Casey looked at him with surprise, completely floored. He had to be doing it because she was already in an uptight mood, there's no way Derek didn't want to meet with her.

Sally smiled sadly but reached into her coat pocket and handed him her phone number. "Well, I'm around now, I got a job as a pharmacist. Anytime you want to just maybe go get a burger anything, let me know. It was really nice to see you, and Casey, I hope you know my invitation goes to you as well."

She gave Derek one last longing filled glance, and left. Casey moved away from Derek with an anger filled haste, but he caught up with her easily. "Well, talk about a blast from the past," he teased.

Casey was in no mood for his jokes. And he must have sensed that. The jealousy she felt was going through her in voltages. "You should have gone with her," she said with a flat tone, "anyone with eyes could see you wanted to."

Derek halted her, and all smirks and funny business left, "Well, then you're blind," he answered surlily, "Don't you dare try to attempt to speak for me, when really you are as clueless as they come. I just felt bad for Sally, having to deal with hormonal you right out of the gate, but hey gotta hand it to her she's tough."

"Oh, yes poor Sally, why don't you go and console her," she muttered angrily. "I'm not dense Derek, I know a spark when I see one," she said cloyingly, refusing to spare him a glance.

Derek seized her shoulders, halting her in place, he looked angry. "Can you? Then you're really more blind than I realized. Just drop it Case. Was it nice to see her, sure, but that's it. I'm not interested in dating , nor do I have the time to."

"Whatever," she muttered, "Please let's go I'm exhausted, my head's pounding."

When they got home Casey went straight to her room, closing the door loudly. She threw herself on the bed. _Sally._ Sally was the one person that really got to Derek's heart. Different memories tormented her: mostly Derek and Sally kissing around the house, even then it was annoying. Derek almost moved for her, the memory made her angry and upset, she hadn't slept that entire week, was absolutely worried sick. It hurt deeper than she'd ever admit to know he was abandoning her, just taking off and he didn't even care about her feelings or how upsetting it would be to her. It broke her into a million pieces , because it meant he didn't care about her at all. He _really_ loved Sally. She was so relieved when he stayed.

To her surprise, Derek came in, and sat on her bed. "Casey. We're not doing this. Is this really how you want things to leave between us? I leave again tomorrow. I don't want to date Sally, why don't you believe me?"

Casey didn't want to look at him. "It's just you're _you_. You dated more people than I could ever count, and well It's Sally. You loved her Derek, and she loved you. She was good for you, she brought out a really nice side of you. So go, date her, I don't care," she said emphatically.

Derek groaned deeply. "Look, Casey. Sally was important, I'm not going to lie to you and say she never meant anything to me, but that was a long time ago. She doesn't fit in my life anymore."

Casey scoffed, and she could feel his gaze consume her. She picked at her blanket agrily, "I'm just amazed at Sally's bravery to just come find you and try to reconnect with you after five years. I wouldn't be so confident, that's for sure."

Derek was silent, and her heart was racing as she stole a glance at him. He turned away from her, she couldn't read him at all. "What is it, you're keeping something from me aren't you?"

He was quiet for a long time, and then sighed, "Alright, I'll tell you, but promise me you won't freak out on me?"

Casey just rolled her eyes, "Just spit it out Derek. I'll be fine, I just can't stand you keeping things from me. Out with it."

Derek wrestled with himself, but then sat cross-legged on her bed, facing her. "Tonight, wasn't the first time I saw her. Last time I saw her was shortly before getting scouted and haven't seen her since. "

Casey was already feeling frantic, "Oh? Please tell me the rest, I've had a long night please don't leave me with my imagination running wild. Why did you see her?"

Derek looked conflicted, "Sally and I have met up for years whenever she'd visit her family. Sally dated a couple guys, but if she was single well, she'd call me up."

Casey knew she looked spastic already, "And then what?" she demanded.

Derek shook his head aggressively."Case I'm not having that discussion with you, just forget it. We met up that's all you have to know."

Casey felt tears tug at her eyes, and she reached for his arm, gripping him tightly. "Tell me, please, I need to know," she pleaded and she felt like she would just burst out into tears.

Derek pulled back, and just muttered barely audibly, "We hooked up."

Casey's mouth hung open and she was certain she looked struck. "As in you've been having sex with her all these years? How often?"

Derek looked ashen, and he reached for her but she snapped her arm back. "See, this is why I didn't want you to know."

"How often," she repeated, burning jealousy swept over her.

"Um, I don't know twice a year, you do the math," he said awkwardly.

Casey was jealous beyond words. Imagining him with Sally after being with him felt like betrayal, cold betrayal. She knew she had no right to be angry at him for it, but she couldn't help feeling agony over it. The thought of him doing something that was so earth shattering for her, with Sally was like a knife in the heart. It made their experience feel like second rate amusement, since he loved Sally. She was so pathetic, trying not to cry.

Derek leaned forward again, gently rubbing her knee. "Casey, I loved her once, but after she left for BC I just never allowed myself to get attached to her again. She really screwed me up. All the other times we met up was just…physical, at least for me."

Casey cut him off, "Stop. I get it, no need to explain. Surely it wasn't _nothing_ , she loved you Derek. And I saw the way she looked at you, there was leftover feelings there and you know it."

Derek just buried his face in his hands groaning loudly. "Damn it, Case. What do you want from me? I'm just so confused as to why you're so angry at me. I stood there and told her basically that it wasn't going to happen. Do you wish I lied about my past?"

Casey was losing control on her own emotions, " No, I'm glad you were honest. It's just hard to listen to, and worst to have to see and be reminded of what you had. Please don't ask why, I barely understand anything I say or do lately. But I think you're just holding back for my regard, and I don't want to be the reason you're unhappy."

Derek moved closer to her, his gaze unmoving. "I'm trying to tell you I have moved on. I don't want to date her, or anyone else."

Casey was embarrassed. "When did it stop?"

Derek smiled a little at the question, which angered her more. "Well, last time she was in town, I cancelled my date with her. And well she didn't take it too well. I was honestly surprised to see her again."

Casey could barely breathe, no, it couldn't be _…..please no_.

He continued, completely unaware of the pain he was causing. "She was the date I cancelled when you came to see me that day."

Oh god. He gave up meeting up with the love of his life because she screwed up his plans. The pain intensified as she realized Derek was going to have sex with Sally that night, after _their_ night. Casey had been absolutely emotional after that night, and to think she was depressed, worried, and stressed over that fight, and he was just looking for the next hook up, speared her, it hurt.

She couldn't hold back, "Ah, of course, I was just another number to you. I know I was insignificant to you, but wow you really move on quick, don't you? Just fantastic, I mean I shouldn't be surprised, it's you."

Derek was shocked, his eyes were as round as pebbles. His face was red, and she knew she hit a trigger. He glared at her with an intensity that made her mind scramble. "First off, you told me never to speak to you ever again after that night, I'm sorry I didn't realize I was doing anything wrong in just living my life! And if I recall correctly, you were the one that acted like that night was no big deal, sorry for believing you, but I'm not a freakin mind reader." His body seemed to move closer and she flinched nervously. "And secondly, you weren't insignificant. I'm sorry for all the stupid stuff I said that night, I know I made you feel like you meant nothing, but I was on freak out mode. I know I was a jerk, but you kicked me out of your life without looking back, as if I was just some stranger. So how was I supposed to know you'd care if I slept with anyone else?" He said with hard puffs of breath.

She felt remorse hit her like a truck. He would never know the anguish she felt after that night, and it was clear that night would always bring up deep cuts for both of them. The volcano erupted, the jealousy won. "Yeah, well it was a big deal! I was on freak out mode too, I didn't mean for things to end that way." She felt tears stinging her eyes as she took in his puzzled expression, "And of course, I care Derek!" she got up from the bed, pacing angrily, _Oh my god, what I am I doing, what am I saying?_

Derek was so quiet, it was terrifying, "You do?"

Casey bit back the words, trying to get ground back, "Yes you're the father of my baby, of course I care what you do!" _Or in this case, who you're sleeping with._ "You're really telling me you wouldn't care if I told you I was moments from getting back together with my ex after being with you, with this baby on the way? Wouldn't it make you feel a little...I don't know annoyed?"

When she finally glanced at him, he looked annoyed, bothered, jealous and intense, "I wouldn't celebrate, that's for sure," he muttered angrily, "I get it Casey, just at the time how was I supposed to know we'd end up pregnant? Or that we'd ever talk again? You weren't insignificant, it's not like you were some stranger I picked up at a bar. You're….." he trailed off looking at her as if she was a puzzle he was trying to figure out, "…..Casey. You're my step sister, and it's weird to even call you that now, but that's the truth. You've been in my life for years, we've had a crazy relationship. You really think I could think of you as just another girl? I mean, I know you asked me to pretend you weren't you, but I couldn't. It _was_ a big deal."

Casey felt the tears surge, for so long she thought that night meant nothing to him and now she realized maybe it did affect him on some level. There were too many questions still. How much did that night mean to him? Did he love it as much as she did? Did he also dream about doing it again? All she had the courage to ask was: "I have to ask….. taking the baby out of the picture for a moment and how it ended, do you um regret it?"

Derek smiled, although there was nothing to smile about, he blushed intensely. "Surprisingly, no. I wanted to, but no...do you?"

Casey looked down, feeling a current of emotion, "I didn't, but now I do," she admitted.

"Why?" His voice was tight with nerves.

Casey burst out into tears, she couldn't control it. Sally had changed everything. "I'm upset because I feel like I ruined your life, had it not been for me, and this, then you and Sally would be back together, and nothing you say could make me think otherwise."

Derek got up and moved towards her, and to her surprise he pulled her into a hug. "Stop it, you didn't." His hands were in her hair, gently moving it away so he could talk in her ear. "Choosing to be part of your life, and being there for this baby was way more important to me. Please believe me, I don't want her that way anymore. If anything, you saved me from going down that road with Sally again. I just think she's too independent, and she's never happy at one place for too long, I don't think we would work out even if I did want to. You didn't ruin a thing, okay?"

Casey just wanted to drown in his hug, and she felt ridiculous, embarrassed, her hormones were the pure devil. But he held her tightly, softly rubbing her back. As he pulled back, his gentle gaze made everything just melt away. "Do you believe me now?"

A few hours ago, she could have sworn that there was something starting between them. That kiss, and then this weekend, but now she felt like she couldn't breathe, like everything was just an illusion. Sally was back, and the thought of him being intimate with her or with anyone else was making her crazy. So with all the courage she had asked:

"Okay, maybe you won't date her, or others but you're really telling me you are just going to hold back from having sex? You aren't really known for being a monk. I'm sure Sally would have no problem seeking you out just for physical stuff. I'm sure she's quite desperate for it, I mean I don't blame her, I know what that's like." Oh God, what was wrong with her?

Derek surprised her with a smile so wickedly delicious, "Are you saying I'm good in bed?"

Casey turned scarlet, looking away abashedly, "All I'm saying is I understand why she'd seek you out time after time….you have some moves I guess," she said shyly.

Derek's musical laugh infused her with warmth, "Oh thank god I have some moves then, I thought I had lost my touch." She laughed a little, but then he continued, "I haven't been with anyone since you, so don't doubt my ability to hold back if I really want to. Sally clearly wants more than just that, and I just don't see her that way anymore. I don't have it in me to give anything to anyone right now. I told you before, I'm not interested in shallow one night stands. I just want to focus on the baby, and taking care of you."

Casey stopped breathing as she slowly sat down on her bed , "Taking care of me?"

Derek smiled smugly, "Someone has to, you're just chaotic like a tornado. But it doesn't scare me, I just want you to be okay, and let me tell you taking care of you is a 24/7 job, with the tears, the yelling, the sudden outbursts of hate. And guess what?"

Casey blushed, "What?"

He towered over her on the bed, she felt lightheaded, feeling that impassioned feeling consume her. He was mesmerizing, she couldn't look away. " _I don't mind taking care of you_."

His words caused a chasm to release inside her, a swarm of butterflies set loose. "Does that mean you're putting that on hold for now?" She was afraid to jump to any conclusions.

He nodded decisively. "I don't feel I'm missing anything right now, alright? Now get some rest, promise me you won't go on another rampage tonight?"

Casey smiled leaning back on the bed, and to her surprise Derek pulled up the covers and tucked her in. "No promises," she teased.

She was melting, slipping away, he was really too sweet to handle. This is why she feared anyone discovering this side of him and stealing him away. She knew sadly it was a matter of time it happened, so for now she would greedily take in all his attention. He was putting his life on hold for her, and it was just so sweet of him. And he seemed sincere, that jealousy was replaced with longing and admiration, she couldn't blame Sally for trying to be with him. He was one of a kind.

Derek got up slowly, "We have one more day tomorrow…..can we just forget this Sally thing? I just want to chill out, maybe hang out, have some fun with you before having to leave for maybe months. "

She smiled, "Yes, please, I owe you a milkshake tomorrow."

He left slowly, "You better not flake out, or else," he taunted and opened the door, "Night, Case."

"No flaking, I promise, " and he smiled and left, leaving her with her scattered thoughts.

* * *

Derek was in a nightmare, of course Sally had to fricken show up. He was sweating bullets the entire time, and Casey was clearly angry about the situation. Somehow, he felt guilty for his entire past, and felt the need to explain it away to her. She was angry, clearly upset, and everything in him was trying to suppress a little twinge of happiness that she was displaying jealousy. Turns out her jealousy wasn't even over him, but because he was the father of her baby and clearly it affected her that she got in the way of his life. Seeing Sally rattled him, mostly because he felt absolutely nothing for her, and in the past there was definitely attraction, and s _ome_ feelings. This wasn't just a girl he met randomly, she was his ex. An ex that he had a hell of a time getting over. But now Casey had taken over his entire mind, it had been a long time since he even thought of Sally.

Derek was moments away from revealing just how much that night meant to him, seeing her look at him with such betrayal killed him. As if he could ever forget her, and just a number? Even if he didn't feel something for her, she could never just be another girl on his list. Going back to the weeks after that night he was completely out of it, he walked around glumly, hardly spoke to anyone, he was tanking at work. When he was alone at home, he thought of trying to apologize, but he just never had the guts to do it.

He came too damn close one time, he actually went to the campus to talk to her, but he completely flaked out. He saw her sitting on a bench, she was reading, and she was looking at that book like she wanted to shred it to pieces. Seeing her made him all nervous and flustered, but he also remembered feeling something else. He missed her, he couldn't look at her without remembering that night. Oh he missed her alright, a little too much, and so he walked away. She was already in a bad mood, and he made excuses in his mind to walk away. He told himself it was better to leave things alone, but as the days went by, the reality that he might never see her again, or even if he did there would always be that anger and hurt, hit him hard. He kept telling himself he was being stupid, and should have seen it as a one night stand as she had, but he couldn't. He hated admitting Casey hurt him, but he couldn't hate her for that night, couldn't regret it, and there wasn't a day where he didn't think of her.

On Thanksgiving he didn't even go home, he faked illness. He just didn't have the balls to see her and act as if nothing happened, so for her to say he was just moving on to Sally as if nothing bothered the hell out of him. While he had made plans with Sally, he really didn't think he would have been able to sleep with her. He was just in dire need of a distraction, and maybe he hoped Sally would help take Casey out of his mind, and he knew that was stupid, but he was desperate. And then she mentioned her reaction was also her being on freak out mode, that it was a big deal, and that she did care what he did. And now he was even more confused, what did that even mean then? Was that night just as crazy for her?

Knowing Casey enjoyed sex with him made him deliriously happy. The way she blushed and tried to act like him going out and having sex with others didn't bother her, was just so fricken cute. The thought hadn't even occurred to him, literally Casey had his entire attention. And he wanted to take care of her. She was silly and blind, this whole time he'd been smiling like an idiot around her, holding her hand, finding any excuse to touch her and yet she didn't seem to clue in that he was literally making moves right left and center, but it was going over her head. Maybe he did lose his touch, but she made him insanely nervous, it was hard to act cool and confident around her.

The next day they went out for that milkshake, and Casey kept apologizing every few minutes for the way she blew up at him the night before. He kept telling her he couldn't completely blame her for thinking he was a jerk. He did behave like a jackass that night, and when she seeked him out, he didn't exactly welcome her with open arms. Man, he wish could take back what he said, but it was impossible now.

That night he went to get rest, he only had three hours to sleep before his flight. He tried to spend as much time with her as he could, but she promised to wake up before he left and ordered him to go to bed.

He was dozing off, when she knocked lightly. "Come in." Casey came in with a bit of shyness, looking around like a weary rabbit, "Whats up?"

She sat on his bed, chewing her lip anxiously. "Look you're going to be away for a while this time up to two months, and well I've been a little emotional lately. When I get emotional, well I'm in need of physical touch…... I wouldn't come to you normally, but you're the only one here. Nothing strange, I promise, but um would you hold me for a little bit?"

Derek couldn't contain it, he smiled, damn her and her adorable face. He pat the spot next to him, "I guess I could put aside my no cuddle rule for you, just this once," he smirked.

Casey moved slowly, and she laid down beside him, he pulled her into his side snugly. She hesitatingly wrapped her arms around his waist and slowly tucked her head into the crook of his neck. She sighed deeply, "Is that really a rule?"

He laughed into her hair, "Well, usually I kind of run from it, nothing sours my mood more than clingy, touchy women. I'm _not_ the warm and considerate type, it goes against my reputation."

Casey tilted her head back a bit, looking up at him quizzically, "You could have fooled me, you seem awfully cuddly right now," she teased.

He smiled, "Well I'm not going to kick you out, I may be a jerk but I can't do that to you. You're having my baby, you get brownie points."

She laughed softly, the sound of it made him shiver. Her hand moved up lazily over his chest, "So, tell me your full itinerary. I need to know every moment of it."

He looked at her trailing hand, and was worried she'd notice the train wreck of his heart spazzing out over her touch. He rambled on about his schedule, and he tried not to look at her too much, but she was clinging to his every word.

"Der, I know you're tired…..but could we stay up?" He was surprised, she sounded so sleepy already.

But he grinned, he literally couldn't think of anything he'd refuse her. "Fine, but if I'm a zombie by the end of it, it's all your fault."

Casey suddenly took a deep breath, "I have a confession," she murmured.

He got caught up in her gaze. "I missed you," she said It so softly, "I never thought I'd ever miss you, and to think there was a time when I couldn't wait to be on the furthest side of the planet from you, it just seems like a different life. I'm too used to your existence now, I guess."

She moved a little closer, her body was now on top of him a bit. God, her words made him crazy. He couldn't look away as hard as he tried, "I missed you too," he echoed back awkwardly, "I'm too used to you now Space-Case. Also, you're a liar," he teased.

She gawked at him, "A liar? What do you mean?"

He found himself toying with her hair, "You say you couldn't wait to be away from me, but I think you're full of it. You missed me all these years, admit it, why else would you have jumped me?" He was trying to joke, but to his shock she looked away and blushed.

"Maybe a little," she admitted.

What? While of course he hoped that was the case, her response surprised him. "Well, I guess I did too,only a little though," he chuckled lightly. She looked at him. Her eyes were just so beautiful, her gaze was so soft, like she was melting. He wanted to kiss her so badly, instead he ruffled her hair playfully, "Enough of the sappy talk before I throw up."

Casey sighed and drifted back into his neck. Within moments, she fell asleep. He tried to shake her awake, but she was clearly exhausted. Derek then fell asleep for one moment. When he woke up and felt Casey's arms around him, he moved in a haze. An intensity surged through him and he suddenly rolled on top of her gently. His hands roamed over her arms, up to her neck and touched her face. His face hovered over hers, was moments away from kissing her wildly, when she opened her eyes, and she seized him with a look. He was frozen, _oh fuck what am I doing_? Her hands moved over his back lightly, and gripped him tightly against her. She was trembling slightly, and then she bit her lip. He was mesmerized by a tide of pink that went over her face. He was aware of her breathing, the movement of her chest rising and falling against him was distracting, and his blood curdled with sudden lust. He didn't know what to say, his thumbs moved over her cheeks, and then he felt the crazy throbbing of her pulse as he grazed her neck. He couldn't control his crazy breathing, anymore than she could. He seemed to move closer to her mouth.

"Case," he muttered harshly, and to his complete shock she gave him a little nod, she wanted him to kiss her.

Derek snapped back, "Fuck, I'm sorry," he breathed, and quickly rolled off her. "I just fell asleep and next thing I know I'm attacking you. I'm sorry, clearly it's not a good idea for you to sleep in my bed."

Casey was rattled, "It's okay, you're not used to having anyone in here. Please don't send me away, I want to stay up with you," the pleading in her voice melted him.

He groaned deeply, turning away from her, "Case, I told you I'm not the cuddle type."

She moved behind him and touched his shoulder. "Derek, please. It's not like I'm angry or anything. What you did was completely natural, you woke up with a woman against you…..you just forgot it was me for a moment," she tried to rationalize for him.

He scoffed, she knew fairly well he knew exactly who she was, but clearly she was trying to help him relax. "We'll stay up, but no more cuddles, alright?" He said firmly, _I don't trust myself with you._ She nodded and moved away from him a bit and laid beside him.

They were completely silent, but the intensity hovered over them. Casey ended up falling asleep again. She was clearly exhausted. Despite not wanting to touch her, he reached for her, holding her for his own greedy need. He was past falling asleep now, anyway.

"I think I may like you, a little too much," he whispered. He watched her, just knowing he could be gone for months straight made him bitter. Two months was a long time to be away. "I know it's stupid, but I'm worried you're going to meet some hunk that is a complete romance ninja, and well….I don't even want to imagine you with anyone else, it makes me jealous, there I said it." He thought back to the night before, was she jealous, even a little bit? He stared at her mouth for a long time, and he was going to kiss her, but thought better of it and kissed her forehead softly.

As he moved to get up, she jerked awake, "Oh my gosh, what time is it?"

"1:00 am," he answered quietly. "It's okay, go back to sleep, I'll see you when I get back Case."

She got up alertly, "You leave in an hour, I cannot believe I fell asleep, I'm so sorry Derek. I wanted to stay up until you left," she said frantically. She studied him, "You're upset, oh my goodness, I'm so sorry, I'll make it up to you I swear it."

He was only upset because time had gone so fucking fast, and now he had to leave her again. "I'm fine I promise, please Casey. I can manage to get into a car by myself."

Casey glared at him, "Quit trying to get rid of me, it won't work. We only have 30 minutes left, and I don't want us to be sad. What do you say we blow up stuff together?"

Derek stared at her with disbelief, she was smiling, taunting him, and was waiting for his response, but he felt mute and stupid.

He smiled slowly."Oh yeah, bring it on McDonald," and he followed her down the stairs.

While they played together, he couldn't help but challenge her. "You could never beat me, give up,"

And she'd smile at him teasingly, "You got to quit underestimating me! Haven't you learned anything these last few months?"

He paused the game and stared at her; she was something else alright. "Yeah I've learned that no matter how much time I spend with you, you always surprise me."

"Good, have to keep you on your toes, you were getting a little cocky," she grinned, "And well the feeling is mutual, you have surprised me beyond belief. In a good way."

They stared at each other, and he just didn't want to leave, somehow this time it felt more painful. No matter how many times they laughed, blew each other up, and tried to keep things lighthearted, there was a heaviness underneath. As he watched Casey wholeheartedly trying to beat him, teasing him, and being a sore loser, his thoughts raced. And as they said goodbye, hopefully for the last time of the season, he felt an overpowering feeling as he hugged her. When he pulled back, she was tearing up and very slowly reached up and grazed his cheek, "Be safe Der, please." As he walked away from her the emotions crashed on him, he was literally slapped across the face by the truth. _Damn it, I think I may be falling in love with you_. And then another slap hit him full on, _I'm such an idiot, I've been falling for years. I love Casey, always have._ The truth terrified him to the bone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the love received on this story, I appreciated all of you so much. I've stopped apologizing for long chapters, here's another long one :p I had fun writing the intense attraction between them, and loved throwing the Sally wrench in there. This story will be a long one, and I hope you can all stick around for it. Please continue to give your thoughts below, It's so appreciated as it makes me buckle down and want to post more often 3 Thank you all for reading!


	9. Fan Mail

"So let me get this straight," Robin stared at her with wide eyes. They were out shopping, and she dropped the shoes in her hand. "He kissed you before he left, he came back and basically spoiled you the entire time, he held your hand, he cuddled you, almost kissed you again. He literally put his sex life on hold to take care of you, turned away a significant ex, and you really think he isn't into you?"

Casey looked away, "I don't know what I think. It was a lot, and well I don't want to assume anything. Derek may be affectionate because he has no one else and he's putting his life on hold. Maybe he's a little attracted to me, but maybe it's only because I'm all he's got nearby. Doesn't mean he's actually interested in me." She wanted it to be true, wanted him to actually be into her, but she didn't want to get her hopes up.

She laughed softly, "A little…..you need to look up the definition of a little, Derek is dying to be with you, open your eyes Casey."

A tide of desperate longing went over her, "Stop it Robin, that's a huge claim. Am I rattled, yes, but I don't want to assume anything."

Robin went back to browsing through different aisles, "Okay, I'm sorry," she said sweetly, "You're right it is a big claim. I'll ask about you then, did seeing Sally make you jealous?"

Casey felt that instant jealousy consume her and she threw the shoes she was holding on the table, "It wasn't the most comfortable moment in my life, I'll admit it. "

Robin studied her. "Casey, be honest with me…..are you, feeling anything? With this time apart, I know you miss him because whenever he texts you, you smile, you talk about him all the time. Admit it girl, he's got you spinning."

Casey sighed with aggravation; it was hard to deny she felt anything at this point. "Say I was feeling something, and I'm not saying I do…..what should I do?"

"Maybe write him, it's a good way to start writing out your thoughts, and you don't even have to mail it to him. Come on we're psychologists, it's a great therapeutic technique."

Casey smiled, as always Robin was brilliant. "That is a great tool, but what if I'm scared of seeing things I'm not ready for?"

"The truth will set you free, odds are you have been fighting this for so long, but it's just a suggestion Casey. I just wish you could see it through my vantage point."

Casey glanced up at her stiffly,"Tell me, what do you see?"

She shook her head, "I am not going to complicate it more, some things you need to figure out on your own. I'm sorry if I said anything that upset you, your situation is just so unique."

Casey thought about it, maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to start writing, it could help, "I'll think about it, thank you."

Two weeks later, Derek called her as she was falling asleep. She felt instant butterflies as she greeted him. He was silent for a few moments and then sighed deeply, "Do you miss me?"

She gripped the phone tightly against her cheek, "Yes," she said simply, "It's too quiet over here, are you okay?"

He laughed sarcastically, "Am I okay? I've been travelling non stop for weeks, and I can't seem to go anywhere without a mob of girls following me around, writing me, I just want them to leave me alone. I'm tired, cranky, haven't had sex in forever, so I'm a little irritated already. And on top of the awesomeness that is my life, you've barely talked to me all week, " his voice was slurred. He was definitely drunk.

She tried to tame the jealousy of all these girls following him, if he was in need of sex, what was stopping him from just giving in? "Oh, I'm sorry you've had a hard week. I didn't mean to talk to you less, exams are coming up." And she also didn't know what to say lately, with all those heavy emotions, she was having a hard time saying anything at all. "Der, please tell me you're at your hotel room, you sound a little under the influence."

He laughed, "You're such a goody good it's not even funny, yes I'm in my hotel, should I send you a picture? Although, I don't want to shock you but I'm not wearing much. It might freak your delicate eyes out."

Oh god, the image made her unbearably hot, and she tried to control her breathing. She wished she could take care of him, he was obviously lonely. "Well, try to get rest Der, and I miss you, a lot," there was a good chance he wouldn't remember much in the morning, so she let her guard down. "I wish you were here," she admitted.

"I don't want to sleep, please don't hang up, " he pleaded, "I like your voice, have I ever told you that?"

She blushed, and started fidgeting with her hair. "No actually you used to say it annoyed you, even said it was like nails on a chalkboard," she laughed at the memory.

"Well, I'm a very good liar, I should get a medal for it. But I like it, I like it a lot, it's…...so addictive. And when you're angry and you yell at me I like it even more, maybe that's why I always teased you. You're becoming less annoying to me day by day."

Addictive? Oh her heart was bursting, he was so charming, and for once she was getting to see that side of him. She wished he talked to her that way all the time, and she couldn't help but respond. "Well I'm glad, um, I like your voice too. It's rather charming, and at the same time infuriating, but I like it anyway. It's addictive to me too," oh God, she could only hope he'd never remember any of this.

He sighed deeply, "Is there anything else you like about me?"

The question stumped her, how about everything? "I uh, like your hair, its soft and well, I like touching it, " she stuttered.

Derek laughed, "Can't blame you, I know I have good hair."

"Do you only like my voice? I gave you two answers, so you owe me," she bit her lip. She was flirting so badly.

He giggled as if she made an inappropriate joke, "Fine, ummmm, promise you won't call me a freak."

"I promise," her heart raced brutally.

"I like your eyes, they're so blue. They remind me of the sky on like a super hot day."

She clung to the phone tightly, "I didn't realize the sky looked different on a hot day."

He sighed as if thinking about it tortured him, "Your eyes burn me. Look at me being completely lame, I almost puked."

That had to be the most poetic thing she'd ever heard and her breath hitched, "Burn you? Aren't burns bad?"

He laughed, "Oh yes it sucks. Let me tell you, it's annoying, but I like them anyway. "

She wrestled with herself, she wanted to ask more, and she wanted to believe his words, but he was drunk. Still, she couldn't help but melt. "Aw, that is sweet of you."

"I'm not sweet," he said with agitation, "I'm never sweet, take that back."

"Derek, it's time for you to face the truth, you're a sweetheart in disguise," she said softly.

"Oh yeah? would a sweetheart ask you the next question..."

"Ask what?" she was scared, terrified.

"Fuck anyone lately?" He asked it so point blank it took her a moment to absorb it.

She gasped, "De-rek!" she said faintly, "I should probably go and no I haven't, not since well, you."

He cursed, "I'm sorry, that was none of my business, I'm such an idiot. I was just making small talk, " he said defensively.

"Small talk?" she couldn't help but laugh, "Do I seem like that type of girl to just….you know, and pregnant?"

"I hope you're not, but it's been ages Case, and you may be all prim and proper but even you must have dark hidden fantasies. You know what they say, shy on the streets, sexy in the sheets," his voice became velvety, making her so hot and weak.

Did he just call her sexy? "Der, please…..that's not something I'm going to discuss with you, alright? I'm not looking to sleep around. And I should go."

Derek gasped, "Wait, Case-I'm sorry, you're mad at me?"

She was far from mad. "No, no of course not, don't be silly. Get some rest, please you're going to wish you never called me tomorrow."

"Fine, uh please call me more, I know I sound pathetic it's just-well it's the only thing normal in my life right now."

She wanted to cry, "Okay, I promise I will. I lo-" she broke off, what was she about to say? "I'll talk to you soon," she said quickly.

He sighed, "Night Spacey, I miss your face," and he hung up.

That was terrifying. He was drunk, she couldn't take anything he said seriously, but what scared her more was whatever she was about to say. She paced around her room, she didn't mean to be so disconnected from him, she was overwhelmed by her emotions. Robin's words went through her, she stared at her laptop and then sat down. It took her three days to put it together, she would pace, bite her nails anxiously, re read her words, changed the letter a million times until she was reading the most terrifying words. A mirror she wasn't prepared for.

**Derek Venturi,**

**I have no other way to express this. I really admire you, you seem confident, strong, extremely sexy, and well you make my head spin. I don't mean to be so weird and off-putting, but I just needed you to know. You're hard to ignore, I think about you all the time. I've heard of your charisma, your love of laughing, and god, I'm sure you could charm a rock. How on earth could I have been immune if even rocks blush? I'm no match for it, I can't resist feeling so helplessly attracted to you. It's become so disorienting as if I'm in a state of fogginess all the time. I admit it, I'm attracted to you and wish I got a chance to set this attraction free.**

**Please forgive my cheesy lines, I'm a bit of a romantic. You have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen, like the glow of fire. They are truly magnificent, rare jewels of unmatched warmth. I imagine looking into your eyes is like drifting off into paradise. Your smile should come with a warning sign, because it makes my heart stop, makes me melt into oblivion. Believe me, I can talk for hours, but seeing your smile makes me speechless. You're simply nerve rattling. You possess a dark, magnetic, striking handsomeness that shocks me, you take my breath away.**

**Miles of distance stretch between us, and I miss you. I know, how could I miss something I never had? I see you playing, see you smiling, see you through a screen but I can't touch you. Looking at you isn't enough for me. I'm so sorry for creeping you out, who knows if you're even reading this. something tells me you're not much a reader, but I need you to know missing you has become so overwhelming. Minutes turn into hours, and I've never felt so tortured by time before in my entire life. I feel like a part of me is missing. If I relied on an oxygen tank, it would be down to the last drop, just barely holding on. I can't breathe until I see you.**

**Your Cliché Secret Admirer**

Casey stared at it, and grabbed an envelope and a stamp. She printed his name out, she didn't want anything to give her away. She used Robin's address as the return address just in case he decided to write back. She walked all the way to the mailbox, took a deep breath and pushed it in. It already felt so much better. She kept her promise to him and called him more, he seemed to not remember that phone call, and well she was too embarrassed to remind him of it. The more she pondered, the more intense her feelings became. But she couldn't seem to hold back. She missed him, it was like an insistent burn that wouldn't go away.

The only relief was watching his games. Casey watched all his games on repeat, it felt necessary. One night she was dreamily watching him, when suddenly he got body checked aggressively by another player, and Derek's face crashed on the ice. She bolted up, feeling fear consume her as she saw blood all over the ice. She was suddenly screaming, "Derek!"

She watched with agony as the ref paused the game, and he got helped up. All she saw was blood streaming from his face, and everything in her broke at the sight. "Oh my god, oh my god, help him you, idiot!" She screamed desperately, no one was there to wipe away the blood. He just got taken off the rink, and she was scrambling, trying to call the coach.

No one picked up, and she paced around, waiting for him to come back to the game but he never did. No one mentioned if he was okay, or dying in a corner, and she got up sporadically and went to look for her passport, her keys, her purse. She called Derek, but there was no response, no doubt he was getting treated. _Calm down, Casey, he's okay. Give him time to call back._ She waited all night, and left several desperate messages, begging him to call her back.

Casey called Robin, she was frantic, the fear spreading violently. "Derek hurt himself, he was bleeding, I have to go to him."

"What? Casey breathe, he's probably okay if there was a true emergency you'd be contacted. You shouldn't fly being this stressed, just breathe."

Casey couldn't breathe. "How can you tell me to breathe? Derek fell, he hurt himself and he's all on his own. I've waited three hours, I can't wait any longer."

Robin sighed, "Casey. He's okay, I just don't want you to make yourself sick."

Casey snapped, "Well, clearly staying here will only make me feel sicker, I need to see him."

Casey took a cab, and bought a ticket to Vancouver. She checked her phone several times, and still no call from Derek. She checked in her luggage, and waited, she was terrified. The insidious feeling was making it difficult to breathe. She pulled out his itinerary, and found the hotel he was staying at. She didn't sleep all night while on the plane, she couldn't. Everything in her was in adrenaline mode. Somehow she made it to his hotel room, and she knocked desperately.

Derek opened the door, and the sight of him made her want to weep. He had a cracked lip, a gash on his temple, bruises and small cuts all over his face. He looked at her with shock, blinking rapidly as if to ensure it was really her. "Case-what are you doing here?"

Casey moved in without another word and reached for his face, gingerly touching it. She became angry suddenly. "Don't you ever answer your phone? I was worried sick, my goodness are you okay?" She inspected him closely.

He winced a little, but then smiled slowly. Even with his injuries, he made her breathless, "So I'm not on some hallucinating trip? They gave me some pain meds and I crashed. I can't believe it, you're actually here."

Casey nodded, "Yes I'm here, can't you tell by how angry and upset I am? Derek…..I told you not to be an idiot, to be safe, and now look at you." She moved in closer, looking at him wretchedly, seeing him beaten up like this made her heart ache.

He gently seized her shoulders, trying to get her to calm down. "I didn't plan to be body checked and flung to the ice on my face, I wasn't trying to be an idiot."

How could she stay mad at him, she couldn't. He was studying her closely, his eyes looked so rich and intense. "You shouldn't be here. You're supposed to be taking care of yourself, you can't just hop on a plane at this point in your pregnancy, what if there was an emergency? It was just a little fall, I'm fine, okay?"

Casey pulled his hand with defiance, and led him to the couch, "Yeah, well I had to come, couldn't just let you die!" she said dramatically, "Sit," she ordered.

He seemed resigned, and sighed with a little smile and sat down. She noticed him eyeing her bluntly. "You look nice...pregnancy is a good look for you," he murmured.

Casey blushed, "Thanks," god, the way he looked at her made her queasy. It had been weeks since she'd seen him, and now that the worry and anxiousness was melting away, that intensity came back to club her over the head. She needed to focus on taking care of him, that's why she came. Without another word she reached for the hotel phone.

"Yeah hi, my boyfriend has hurt his face can you send an ice pack, clean rags, water, and food please and if you could make it urgent I'd really appreciate it."

She hung up and when she looked at him, he was staring at her, a slow smirk went over his face. "Your boyfriend?"

Did she actually say that? Oh god. "Uh, did you want me to give the guy a whole summary of our history? I think not," she stammered. She avoided looking at him and got up to wait for his items to come. "So why didn't you call me?"

"I did call you, but your phone must have been on airplane mode."

Casey pulled out her phone, and looked at him with annoyance, but then realized she never turned it back on. "Oh."

Maybe she didn't want to wait to hear from him, maybe she just needed a reason to see him. When she got the ice, she wrapped it up and went back to sit by him, and shyly put it on his face.

Her hands softly grazed him, she studied his face. "It looks painful, you big baby," she laughed lightly.

Derek smirked, "I'm fine Case, believe me I have had worse wipe outs, no need to cry all over me, "he teased.

Casey rolled her eyes, smiled a little. "Derek just shut up, and let me take care of you, alright? You're vain, I know you would never want anything to happen to your face, you're quite cocky about your looks. If you don't let me treat it, who knows, you may look like an orc tomorrow, is that what you want?"

Casey felt fluttery, it seemed like she was just looking for any reason to touch him. He smiled charmingly. "Fine, can't have that. Go ahead, I guess my face is worth saving."

She laughed and they stared at each other. She softly grazed his face as she reapplied the towel, slowly moving it, and she was caught up in his molten gaze. "You scared me," she said at last, "I really thought you had broken your nose, lost your teeth, got a concussion. I couldn't think, I had to come. I'm sorry for dropping in on you this way."

He smiled, "Well, it's sweet of you to care. My coach basically told me to suck it up, and to not be such a little girl about it."

"God, he sounds so pleasant," she moved closer to him, inspecting the cuts on his face. "So you're having a winning streak, looks like you may not come home in a long time," she said a little sadly.

"Oh I'm sure I'll be back before you know it, so enjoy the peace and quiet while you can," he smirked.

Derek winced when she moved the ice to his mouth. She took it off, and moved closer, staring at his mouth. "Talk about a fat lip," she murmured softly.

"Yeah it's a little irritating," his breath caught as she softly touched it with the tip of her finger,

"Does it hurt when I touch it?" She asked thickly.

His eyes darkened, "No, I've lost all feeling, it's numb now," he said raggedly.

Casey felt heat go through her. She pulled back her finger, and tried to regain her composure. "Doesn't look too bad, but that gash," she said distractedly and slowly touched his face. She could see the tight stitches across it, "That looks so painful Der."

She suddenly realized how close she was to his face, how he was looking at her as if he was holding his breath. She gently stroked the gash, and stared into his eyes. Such beautiful eyes, so warm but at the same time there lived a dark vibrancy that was speckled with glints of charm, and unspent mischief. Her hands moved over him softly.

"Derek," she scanned his face, she couldn't understand how she could feel so attracted to him despite how grizzly he looked. Her fingers gently touched him, as if she could soothe away the pain. "I'm here for you," she sighed softly. His hands suddenly came up and seized her wrists, as if he was trying to stop her from touching him, and she froze. He was blushing, looking at her with a severe expression. Intensity vibrated between them. "Should I stop, am I hurting you?" She breathed.

Derek slowly dropped her hands and moved away brashly, looking away from her. "Fuck," he said with agitation, "Case, I've had many injuries back in my day, and you've never reacted this way before. This is nothing compared to the shattered clavicle I got that one time, or the gazillion sprained ankles. Chill, I'm fine, it doesn't even hurt. Just relax princess."

Casey hung her head. She felt instantly embarrassed, she made him uncomfortable, clearly. She always cared about him, always worried about him back then when he was hurt, but how could she have ever let him know that? He would have made fun of her, but anytime he was in any situation that could hurt him, it was as if she got the air knocked out of her. She had no control of it this time, and she obviously weirded him out.

Derek noticed her upset and sighed softly. "Case I'm not upset, it's cute that you care," he teased softly, trying to change the atmosphere, but she felt too embarrassed now. "It's just you're acting as if I got shot or something. I swear I'm fine, I'll be okay. Good news, I probably won't be this ugly forever."

Casey stared bitterly at the ground, and tried to smile. _You're striking no matter what you look like, it doesn't' make me feel any less attracted to you._ "Okay, I'm glad you are fine."

"I could really use one of your killer breakfasts though."

Casey smiled at him."Whatever you want, it's yours," and then the reminder that he had said those exact same words that night made her flustered, and he kind of just stopped. She could feel his gaze on her, got up without another word, and busily moved through the hotel room. Derek had a couple things in his cupboard, "I'll be back, please don't be an idiot again, okay?"

Derek smiled, and she didn't wait for him to say or do anything. She took a deep breath, and closed her eyes. The truth was, those words were honest, she couldn't think of anything she'd refuse to make him happy, but she needed to stop being so obvious. She didn't like feeling so defenseless.

* * *

Derek groaned the moment she left, if he hadn't pulled away from her, he wouldn't have given a damn about the pain he was in. He would have kissed her madly, probably taken it too far. Having her there seemed unreal, he missed her and she was the last person he expected to find when he opened that door, but it took him a moment to process it. She was standing there as beautiful as ever, suddenly yelling at him, touching his face, and he thought for sure he was seeing things, but she was as clear as day. _You're here, god you're really here._

The past weeks were horrible, he spent too much time distracting himself by drinking, and going out with his hockey team. He literally had girls offer themselves wherever he went, which he turned away as if he was swatting flies. There was a time taking off with different women helped drown out for a moment what he felt for Casey, but now there was no swimming back, none of those women intrigued him in the slightest. Nothing took away that depression, except Casey. But even talking with her left him feeling upset. She was distant and quiet and it freaked him out.

He was not surprised he got injured, his game was on autopilot but his mind was just constantly thinking of her. When he left the hospital and checked the seven messages on his phone, he called her back. He didn't want her worried for one moment, but he truly didn't expect her to come, even more after the distant phone calls. Casey got on a plane impulsively, without any plan, and pregnant. It was so unlike her. The way she was so set on taking care of him made him trip up. He had to be careful, this was deadly intense, and he wasn't sure if she was doing any of that to make him braindead. It was just Casey being over protective, but this was way more than he was used to.

The fact he recognized Casey's "kiss me" face, killed his brain cells. He knew he'd hurt her feelings by his abruptness, but what else could he do? He just wanted to know what she felt, what was this? She liked kissing him, but was that all? If she'd give him any clue that she was actually starting to feel something for him, god he probably couldn't hold back. He loved her, that was undeniable, and because he did, he couldn't afford to slip up and mess everything up with her.

When she came back, she was in full task mode, cooking, and trying to get him to eat. He winced when he tried to chew, and she freaked out. She was on a guilt trip over not making something good enough. He laughed through the pain and downed her food because he just couldn't stand her looking so upset. At one point, she caught him rubbing his shoulder.

"What's wrong?"

He laughed dismissively, "My shoulder got a little bashed, no big deal."

Casey led him to the bed and ordered him to sit on it, "Take your shirt off." She sounded so professional about it and completely serious.

"Case…"

"Do you want me to do it for you, because I will. Don't test me Derek." Her eyes turned into slits of fire, and he sighed, taking his shirt off slowly. The moment he did she gasped.

He looked down, yup it got a lot uglier, it was heavily bruised, green, purple, but the doctor said there was no breakage. Casey left him abruptly, he could hear her on the phone talking to hotel staff. When she came back, she had a lotion in her hands. She sat down beside him, "Sit up Der," she murmured and he stared at her. Was she actually going to…..touch him?

He quickly tried to stop it, oh he was in hell, temptation hell. "I can put it on myself, you don't need to do it," he said quickly.

Casey ignored him, what's new? She was as stubborn as always, and slapped his hand away. She leaned closer and her scent attacked his senses. She put the lotion on her hand and leaned over him, her hair cascaded over his skin. Oh dear god, this was torture. She rubbed his shoulder gently. He grimaced, and she looked at him alertly as he took a ragged breath. It was painful, but what was more painful was having her so close and not being able to do anything. Her hand went back rubbing in enticing rotation.

She kept looking up at him, offering a shy smile and it made it worst. "You don't have to be tough," she teased, "It doesn't make you less manly if you shout or cry."

He chuckled nervously, "Uh yeah right, no way you're going to see me be a wimp about this, keep dreaming."

Her hands moved away from his shoulder, massaging his chest, going down as she noticed little bruises on other parts of his body, she was blushing, and he was sure he looked like a tomato, why was she doing this? Was she trying to torture him? Was she really that unaware to not notice how turned on he was? He closed his eyes, trying to get his breathing in check, trying to think of gross things, an outhouse, a bowl of worms, rats crawling around, anything to calm his excitement. It almost worked until he had the stupidity of opening his eyes. She was staring at him, stroking him near his waistband, there were no bruises there. She stopped as their gaze met, he couldn't smile, nothing, his whole body was trembling. And then she bit her lip, it was the last drop, it made him crazy and he reached for her hand, clasping it tightly. _Casey stop, please I'm dying. I can't resist this much longer._

As if she read his mind, she pulled away awkwardly. "All done," she said faintly, "I think you'll be alright. Um, why don't I let you rest, I'll sleep on the suite couch." She handed him his shirt.

He put it on quickly, and he reached for her arm. "Case, you can stay here, um this is like an extra king size bed, you can sleep here but," he said awkwardly.

"I know," she answered quickly, "no cuddles, I get it. I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable and you're clearly in a lot of pain."

This whole thing was driving him crazy, "Don't take it personally, I'm um happy you came, alright?" _A little too much._

She smiled a little and then she went to get ready, heard her washing up, and he just prayed he wouldn't do anything stupid tonight.

When she came back she wordlessly laid down on the other side of him. She looked at everything but him, not that he could blame her. She must have noticed his reaction. They didn't speak for a few minutes, and then he smiled down at his lap, " So how long are you staying? As much as I am enjoying being nursed by you, you know you have to go back." He laughed, but there was no humour in that at all.

Casey looked a little annoyed, he wasn't trying to get her to leave, but it was clear it came across that way. "I guess tomorrow. I have an exam in two days, and I just abandoned everything in a drop of a hat. I can leave sooner if you want."

He reached for her arm, "No," he said quickly, "No rush, stay as long as you want, you must be exhausted. Have you slept at all?"

She shook her head, "Planes and pregnancy don't mix well, and well I was worried."

He once thought his heart was an ice block, but seeing her look so tired, and seeing everything she did to get here made him melt. He wanted to take care of her, hold her, let her sleep against him and it was so hard to stop those emotions.

"Hey," he said softly, "just because we can't cuddle when we go to sleep, doesn't mean I'd be opposed to um holding you now if you need it."

She smiled at him sweetly, "Are you sure?"

 _No. I don't trust myself with you, but I can't stand having you here and not have you close to me._ "Case, I've been injured, stitched up, put on meds, and my accident was televised. A cuddle couldn't possibly hurt me more," he beckoned to her, and she moved into his outstretched arm, and leaned into him gently. He sighed with relief as he tucked her in closer.

"How are you? I can't believe I haven't asked once about the baby," he said suddenly.

She glanced up at him, "I don't know what he's doing, summer saults, playing soccer, or rolling around but he's been moving so much," she smiled, but then added, "I feel so huge already. Oh Derek being pregnant is no picnic, I've been having a hard time sleeping. I'm constantly running to the washroom."

He winked at her, "Kicking your bladder for sport, sounds like my kid."

She looked down and grazed her belly swiftly and grinned, "Well I've noticed….."

"What?"

She shrugged shyly, "He's active in general, but for some reason when you're around he goes crazy, he must recognize your voice."

He moved a little closer to her, "Really? You think he can actually hear me?"

Casey nodded, "There's research to suggest that they can hear voices, so I've been trying to talk to him a lot lately. Telling him about my day, but I guess I must be boring because two minutes with you and he's just freaking out. You're so going to be the fun one aren't you?" She gave him an accusing glare.

He laughed loudly, oh she was already being competitive, "I'm sure he likes you Case."

She rolled her eyes, "I'm the one carrying him, don't I deserve some extra kicks once in a while?"

He couldn't help but smile brightly, "I did tell him to take it easy on you, remember?"

He gently touched her bump, taking her by surprise, "Just testing your theory….." and she gave him a shy nod to continue.

"Hey buddy, let me tell you what happened, I was just playing hockey like the legend that I am, when I got knocked out and hurt my face, it sucked. I didn't want to be such a baby as to cry on tv, but I felt I was close to it," he chuckled as he felt him moving around, she wasn't kidding this kid was wild. "But when you're older you'll be able to find that footage and make fun of me all you want, I can't wait. Luckily for me, your mom came to see if I was okay, she's pretty cool, she may sound boring but she's…." he glanced at her and she smiled at him, "the funnest person I know, I like spending time with her, she makes me laugh, and trust me I'm a tough audience. Just give her time, and she'll become your favourite person in the entire world, she's definitely mine." As the words left without any effort, he looked at her again, she was just staring at him, and it wasn't until then he realized what he said.

"Is that….true?" she muttered under her breath "I'm your favourite person?"

He sat up slowly, she looked absolutely starstruck, he wrestled with himself. "Um yeah, I mean I know we fought all the time, but we also had fun right? And living with you hasn't entirely been a failure, clearly I like being around you. I wouldn't volunteer to live with you if I didn't…..you know like spending time with you."

She gave him the most dazzling smile, "Wow, I had no idea, you were quite secretive about it then. And yes…..I guess we always did have fun together, in the infuriating way, but still fun. I guess you're mine too."

They smiled at each other, the intensity blew up again, and so he made any excuse to get up, saying he needed to go to the washroom. He stood there for a moment trying to collect himself. He needed to be careful, he was saying stuff without thinking. He had spent years being able to control how he acted, what he said to her, and now it was just hard to stop it.

Casey spent the rest of the evening making a fuss all over him, and he just soaked it up like an injured bird. One day with Casey was just what he needed, having her there made him happy. She let him watch whatever he wanted, and the last thing he remembered was her telling him she was proud of him. When he woke up in the morning, he smiled. He moved close to her, wanted to hold her, but when he opened his eyes, she was not there. He sat up, rubbing his head, was that a dream? The hotel room looked tidy, and he saw a note on his nightstand.

 _Der, going back home, didn't want to wake you up. It was so nice seeing you, and I'm glad I saved your_ _face, what would you have done without me? Please, be careful, you can't afford to be so reckless, you're a father now. Take Care._

_-Casey_

It was as if an angel had come to him in his time of need, and he wished she had woken him up, but if she had, he might have bailed and asked her to stay with him. Also it spared painfulness of saying goodbye again. Sleeping next to her honestly felt so good, the sheets still retained her vanilla scent. She came in his time of need despite there being risk for her. _Oh Casey, you little daredevil, I love you._

* * *

Casey arrived back home in a fog. Oh she was losing it completely. She made it obvious so many times she was attracted to him, there was no way he didn't noticed her reaction to touching him. While It bothered her to seem him in pain, she couldn't contain feeling an intense drum in her entire body as she touched him. She kept telling herself she was being ridiculous, it wasn't the time or place to feel those lusty emotions, but she couldn't contain them. Oh, the feel of him, and she was intensely aware that he reacted to her, his breathing, the way he looked at her. Maybe he _was_ attracted to her, and that made her nervous.

And then he went on to say she was his favourite person and that's when she knew, staying overnight was more than she could bear. She felt so conflicted, so agonized by their closeness that she decided to leave in the middle of the night. He was right there within her grasp, but yet so far. When he fell asleep, she moved in and hugged him, whispering, _"You're such an idiot," she mumbled, "A cute idiot, but an idiot nonetheless, and I miss you. I just had to see you, but it's clear you don't need me. If I'm honest, I needed to take care of you for me because I missed you, but it only confused me more. Come home soon Derek."_ She looked at him as she waited for her cab, and wondered if he read her letters, at that point that's all she had left, the only connection to him.

That weekend she spent the entire time in bed, feeling so heart sick. She needed to write him again, her feelings had reached a height so excruciating she needed to release it.

**Derek Venturi,**

**I admit I have lost my mind, no longer in control of anything I say or do anymore. Oh, I'm in trouble Derek. It's troubling how real you are to me, how much I long for you. I walk around in circles in my bedroom, thinking about you, and I have slept more than I ever have before, because dreaming of you is all I have right now. I hate waking up. It's a bitter reminder that I'm alone, and that I could never have you. Dreams of romance, dreams of kissing that dimple on your cheek, dreams of unimagined passion take over my mind and I never want to leave. And then I wake up to emptiness, to nothing but silence.**

**Something tells me your kisses are magic. Fantasies have a way of distorting reality, but I'm certain your kisses would be like poetry on my lips, like the sweetest honey, the richest pleasure. Steal my breath away, Derek. Liquify every thought, kiss me with ardour, with the passion only you can give. I just know no one else could ever measure up, no one could kiss me like I imagine you kissing me.**

**This feeling is like none other, it terrifies me, it feels like I'm running in circles. You have me spinning, have me living in perpetual desire for more. I tell myself it's just a crush, but oh it has to be the most insane one I've ever had. This crush throttles me, but I'm not sure I want it to go away. A crush that lingers on my every breath, a crush that surges through me without mercy or end in sight. A crush like no other that has the potential of making me lose everything to you. I could only dream that fate brings us together, and that you would feel the same for me, that I become your ultimate crush. Oh I'm such a dreamer, it's not even funny. I'm sorry.**

**Are you single? I'm sure you have miles of girls to choose from, and I'm jealous of all of them for being able to flirt with you, jealous of not being able to just say: "Hey handsome, I'm crazy about you, date me." I could never have that experience, cursed with knowing that could never be my reality. Admiring you from afar is all I've got, but I wish I could be free to say what I think instead of hiding behind these letters. I could never truly have you, and I know it. It hurts to want something so unattainable. This is my shot in the dark, hoping for just a chance to be with you. This is me saying, Derek Venturi, would you go on a date with me? Please.**

**Your Cliche Secret Admirer**

Her letters were becoming too intense now, and with a heaviness she decided to end it. Clearly she was in love with him. That's what the letters revealed. She told him it was a crush, but no, she loved him, loved him intensely. Saying I love you through a letter from a stranger would be definitely strange, but oh she loved him. The fear she felt when he got hurt, the need to take care of him, the need to touch him, make him happy. The need to be in the same breath as him, the need to kiss him, to hold him, the need to have another night with him, not just once, but forever, eviscerated her. When did this happen? How? He just came in and took her heart without notice, she hated surprises, there was no warning it just hit her. _I love you Derek._

She never expected to get any responses, but to her surprise he responded to the last letter. She trembled as she opened it, her heart beating out of her chest.

**Dear Secret Admirer,**

**Wow. Thanks for the sweet words, you do sound like a romantic. And because I have a soft spot for romantics, I have to be honest with you. I hope you find everything you're looking for one day, but I cannot give you with you seek. While I've always dated around, and didn't care to play with people, I have realized that lifestyle was so empty and lame. I'm not that guy anymore, I've changed. I'm sure you've heard of my reputation by the sounds of how well you know me, but I hate it. You can only fake it for so long, and I faked it for the sake of my sanity. I have my eyes set on one girl, there are no miles of girls to choose from for me, there's only one. I'm taken. I couldn't possibly look anywhere else. I'm crazy about her, and I want her more than I want to win this trophy. For as long as I can remember, winning was all that mattered to me, being the best, being popular, but now none of that matters to me anymore. All I want is to be with her. My heart is hers. I know I sound pathetic, but I had to be honest. I'm completely unavailable. Sorry for hurting you, it wouldn't be fair to let you keep writing me. I seriously hope you find what you're looking for, but that guy is not me.**

**Derek Venturi**

Casey stared at the letter; her heart was shaking uncontrollably. His words seeped into her. Derek never spoke this way to her, with complete honesty and for a moment she was jealous that he was telling some random stranger as far as he knew about his feelings, who was this guy? He had changed, and it melted her heart to find out he no longer wanted to be the cool guy. Either he blew this girl off by lying to her that he was in a relationship, proving he was holding back from dating, or he was actually interested in one girl. He wanted someone more than a trophy, and that made her flutter. God, who would have thought he could put together such beautiful sentences? Who was this girl? A welt of anxiety went through her imagining him pining for someone in secret to avoid breaking his promise to take care of her, and the agony that he may feel that way about someone was crushing the air out of her lungs. Was it Sally or….. everything in her screamed, _me, please tell me it's me._

* * *

Derek had gotten many letters; it came with the job description it seemed. He read through them, with the hope that maybe Casey would mail him one, not that he thought she would. He was disappointed every time he opened one and it wasn't from her. Ah, the empty words of hundreds of girls calling him "hot" and seeing the words "Fuck me", over and over again made him want to scream.

There was one sender that wasn't as sexually forward, more poetic, more romantic sounding. Maybe in the past he would have made fun of them, they were so borderline stalkerish but after sitting through reading such pointless, soulless mail, it made him stop and actually take her words in. Something felt …off about them, as if it was an ex girlfriend. This girl was extremely poetic but also seemed to overthink and apologized for her thoughts too often. It made him think of Casey, she loved all that poetry stuff, was a romantic, and worried about everything. Maybe that's why he even took the time to set them aside.

He would have given anything for them to be from Casey. He missed her unbearably, especially after that one night visit. The last letter was so forward in asking if he was dating someone, and she did sound extremely jealous. When she said she was cursed, Casey came to mind. She said she was cursed with knowing she'd never have what she wanted.

It was alarming, strange, and that connection made him want to respond. Maybe he just wanted to set the record straight to someone out there in the world, that he was no longer that guy anymore, that he only wanted one girl. And if there was a chance this was Casey, he needed her to know he wasn't looking for anyone, that he was set on one person, and hopefully she could read between the lines. _Please let it be you, Case_. He wanted it to be her so badly he couldn't throw them out, he kept them as foolish hope. He was just ready to go home, needed to be with her again. He was done being a hockey star.

Two weeks later, they lost. He had never smiled so much in his entire life. He tried to look distraught for TV's sake, but the moment he was off the ice he was calling her, she was so excited and happy. He felt like he travelled the entire world. Derek just ramaged through his hotel, smiling to the point it hurt, he didn't lose, for the first time in his life he was a happy loser.

He'd been away for almost three months, and it felt so much longer. When he left Casey had passed 4 months, and now he was coming back to the 7 month mark, like what the hell, he missed so much of her pregnancy. It made him bitter and annoyed. But he'd just have to spoil her to make up for the time gone. As the plane landed, a thought terrorized him, how the hell was he going to play it with her now? He couldn't admit how he felt, not until she gave him a clear opening, no way was he going to screw everything up with a premature I love you. The problem was his stupid attraction to her would be his downfall, after missing her for so long having her there all the time again was bound to make him explode. He needed to avoid touching her too much, that was the only way to hide.

All strategic thoughts flew out of his mind as he saw her. She was waiting at the terminal with a giant _You Are a Loser, but Still A Winner Derek_ sign. Never would he have thought being called a loser by Casey would cause him this much happiness. She was waving it around with a dazzling smile. She was just glowing. She moved quickly towards him, dear god, she was smiling at him as if he was a war hero or something. He knew he was smiling like a moron, but he couldn't help it.

They didn't say anything for a moment as they stared at each other. His heart was on overload, couldn't think of a damn word to say. Her hair was longer, her cheeks were flushed, and those eyes surged with intensity, his mind was just blank. Casey suddenly threw the sign to the ground and leapt towards him, diving into his arms and hugged him tightly. So much for not touching her, but he couldn't push her away. He crowded her closer, the feel of her against him was so intoxicating, he caught himself breathing in her scent.

When Casey pulled back, she smiled. "Hi loser," she poked his chest tauntingly.

He laughed, still completely on a strange high. "Wow, not even home one moment and you're already calling me names, fine if that's how you want to play... hi nerd," he shot back charmingly. He glanced over her body slowly, god she was beautiful. "You're so..."

She waved her hand, and looked down with embarrassment, "I know right, a hippo, a whale, a combination of both?"

He snickered. "Definitely both," he teased, and she just rolled her eyes. He felt bad immediately, she clearly felt insecure as she wrapped her jacket around herself.

Oh damn it, he couldn't hold back. "You make looking like a mutant look good, I promise. You are so cute."

Casey blushed, looking surprised by his sudden complement. "Cute?"

He laughed and reached for his stuff, "Yup, Lizzie was right,you do have the perfect um pregnancy body."

She wavered a little, "Just take a compliment Case," he said quickly. He tried not to stare as she clumsily picked up the sign and mumbled a thank you.

"So, I guess your quiet days are over, can't wait to torment you again," they started walking together, and he put his arm around her.

Casey squealed with excitement, all shyness disappearing instantly. "I wanted you to win, I swear, but does it make me pathetic for saying you were needed here?"

He grinned, "Nope, but I knew it. I knew you needed me." He couldn't believe it, he was flirting with Casey within moments of seeing her, oh he was in deep trouble.

Casey laughed lightly, and then nudged him playfully, "Well Emilio needs you too."

Derek stopped in his tracks and stared at her with alarm, thinking it was her new boyfriend or something. "Who the hell is Emilio?"

Casey moved in closer, leaning in to him as if she was going to tell him a secret, and with all seriousness said, "Your son."

Derek burst out laughing, he laughed so hard he was clutching his ribs. "Like hell that's my son's name, good thing I'm home, clearly you are out of your mind."

"Don't worry I have a long list," she assured while she stroked his forearm, and she giggled.

He smiled at her, she was funny, but the worst part was that was totally a name Casey would pick. Some romantic sounding name. And it made him want to kiss her so badly, he missed her adorable mind so much. "If Emilio's at the top of that list, then I'm terrified of the rest."

Casey's smile vanished a little as she looked at him, they were in the middle of baggage claim, yet he couldn't have noticed a soul around them. She moved in, her belly rested up against him, and she reached for his hand, she was trembling slightly. "It's good to have you back, um we missed you."

He squeezed her hand in response, and tugged her closer. He wanted to laugh, he had a plan just minutes ago and it got shot to hell. He was just acting like a fool, but he couldn't contain it, "I'm glad to be back, I missed you both. It's a good thing we didn't go on any longer because clearly you need to be examined, because really Case, Emilio? That's lame."

His gaze went over her face, she was staring at his mouth for a moment and quickly snapped back away from him, "Did you like my sign?" She walked towards the exit.

Derek followed her, "Only you could make an insult seem sweet. The leafs are notorious for sucking, but oh well maybe next year."

Casey beamed at him, "The games you won were pretty great, and you were, well, incredible."

"Thanks Case," oh, he was definitely screwed. "As fun as that was, I was ready to come back."

As they made their way out of the airport and drove back to their place, they were both quiet. It was a little awkward, but the moment they were back home she helped him unpack, and ordered food.

"You look tired, so let's just have a lazy day," she urged and he couldn't have wanted anything more.

They watched back to back movies eating, Casey had baked some treats. They sat together on the couch just idly talking, and he couldn't stop smiling. She leaned into him a lot, and the tension was killing him at times because she'd give him these intense looks, laugh at all his jokes which was unusual. Casey used to be much harder to impress, always called his jokes stupid or immature, but now she was just giggling and joking back all night. The sound of her laughter was addicting. Everything felt perfect, until she fell asleep curled up against him.

He gently scooped her up, took her to her bed, and he placed her down gently. He covered her up and all he could do was smile, he couldn't believe he was home. She was so beautiful, he sank down on the bed and just touched her face, he dreamt of her while he was gone, but those dreams didn't come close. He moved as if through a fog, his gaze was glued to her mouth. He couldn't stop himself, he was way over his head.

"Damn it, I suck at staying away from you," he needed to kiss her, it felt like he wouldn't be able to breathe without it.

Just one kiss, and he softly kissed her mouth, trying his best not to wake her up. He felt a hideous sensation, like he was no longer in control of anything anymore. He started to pull away, when her hands cupped his face, keeping him still. She was clearly still asleep, her voice was all garbled, "You keep doing this, you keep playing with me and I've had enough. I need you," and she kissed him.

Her arms came around him, pulling him down on her. He couldn't let this happen, he couldn't she was asleep, unaware of her actions, it was so wrong. They had made an unofficial decision not to kiss again and he broke that being back within the first day. He adjusted himself so he wouldn't crush her.

"Derek, kiss me," and her mouth captured him in a passionate kiss that numbed his brain. His heart was racing. He couldn't stop her, she kissed him ardently, so deliciously. He was so lost, and he responded viciously, kissing her more deeply. Her mouth tasted so sweet, so addictive . _Fuck I want you_. He couldn't gentle the kiss even if he tried, the kiss was combustible, her hands where in his hair gripping tightly. She moaned softly, the sound made him crazy. His hands went over her body with urgency, and died as he felt the smoothness of her skin against his fingers. The feel of her burned him. Everytime he tried pulling away, she would catch his lip, nibbling sensually. Her kisses were demanding and unapologetically sexy, so fucking hot. He kissed her over and over again, hardly taking a moment to breathe. And then he opened his eyes, and realized she was awake. Her eyes were a dark blue, startling colour and he moved back, but she gripped him hard against her, reaching for him with desperation.

"Please," Casey begged, she tugged at him cloyingly and he was too weak to resist her, too damn weak.

He ravished her mouth, the intensity was unlike anything he'd ever experienced. She pulled him in, grappled with him, as if she thought he would stop. He felt the electrifying feel of her hands going underneath his shirt, touching his skin with maddening strokes. He groaned, felt a dizzying shiver go through his entire body. He wanted her, wanted to remove the layers between them, touch her, make her crazy, and then lose himself in her. He was losing control quickly, he took her hands and pinned them behind her head, holding on tightly. He couldn't handle her touching him anymore, but he also couldn't stop kissing her. He kissed her face, her neck, her ear, whispering, "Case, you're so hot, so damn hot."

Casey blushed and bit her lip. "Not as hot as you," she moaned, and he smiled at her. She tried capturing his mouth, but he toyed with her, teasing her with tantalizing kisses just by her mouth, and she was getting frustrated.

"Derek, oh please stop that already, I will slap you," she said with agitation. He breathed against her mouth and smirked. Seeing that glare of passion was all it took, and he disappeared into madness as he returned to her trembling lips. He kissed her with bruising intensity. He wanted to devour her, and she opened up to him without any shyness, letting him get lost in the hotness of her mouth. He'd dreamt of this for months, but this surpassed every dream, she was simply delicious, the sweetest thing he'd ever tasted. His thumbs went over her wrists, grazing her pulse. She was gasping, trembling and felt her body rise into him with pleading movements. It felt too good, and he was losing it, her hands broke loose and she snaked her hands around him, holding him against her. And that was it, he reached his limit.

He broke the kiss with agony. He took deep breaths, watching her as if she were some unearthly being. Casey was breathing erratically, her eyes blazing with passion. Her mouth was swollen. He pulled away in slow degrees, and she smiled at him shyly. And then guilt took over, he peeled himself off her, turning away quickly. "Casey, I'm so sorry, this is all my fault. I kissed you when you didn't ask for it, and….god I'm sorry, that should have never happened." He needed to run out of there.

Casey got up after him, "Derek, please. I should have let you go when you pulled away, but I couldn't, please don't be so angry at yourself."

He couldn't look at her, he failed. He was supposed to be careful, and he was just not thinking. One kiss wouldn't be enough now, he was so screwed. "Case go back to sleep, please, I don't need you to lose sleep for me. "

Casey choked on a sob, he knew that sound by heart and froze, "I pushed too far, I'm sorry, please…don't leave this way, you know I couldn't take it."

Derek groaned, and looked back at her, taking steady breaths. _Please don't look at me like that._ "None of this was your fault, I kissed you while you were sleeping, and it was wrong of me. You didn't ask for it, and while yes you participated, I shouldn't have done it in the first place."

Casey moved closer, "Talk to me…..why did you? You can trust me."

He moved back away from her. _Because I love you, I love you so much I can't control myself._ "I don't know Case, just coming back today, I've been all over the place. I just got carried away. I meant for it to be like a quick kiss, but then it just…..blew up. Why did you kiss me back?"

She blushed, and looked away, "I can't help it, I like kissing you. I know I shouldn't but I do. And you just got back, it was an emotional day, I got carried away too. Please, can we just….put it behind us?"

He wished he could, " I don't want you to hate me for being such a pig."

Casey cornered him, looking at him softly, "Don't come any closer, don't do it," he snapped.

Casey was quiet, he was scared he was showing everything, all his feelings were out for her to see. "I could never hate you. Please don't feel bad, I'm not angry nor should you feel so guilty. Clearly, I wanted it too, that kind of um passion can't be faked , I'm not that good an actress."

He looked up alertly, she was blushing and so cute. "Kissing isn't a crime," she offered sweetly, "I know it makes this so complicated, and that we shouldn't be doing this but now I feel we're even. The first time I made the first move, the second time we both did, and now you impulsively did. Don't overthink it, please I'm fine. "

Derek didn't feel any better. Maybe she could control herself from now on, but he certainly couldn't anymore. Kissing her was bound to make him lose his head."It won't happen again, this time I'm saying it out loud. Clearly I like kissing you, and….maybe you like it too, but it just makes things so...difficult, and making out with you is a little intense. I shouldn't have done it."

Casey blushed, "Yes, I know. Believe me I understand. You're right, it is intense. I will try to hold back even though kissing you feels….so good, is it wrong of me to say that?"

Derek smiled weakly, "No, it's not but it certainly doesn't help with holding back. You're a killer kisser Casey, who would have thought preppy, goody-too-shoes you would be so good at that stuff? "

Casey laughed softly, "You have a knack for underestimating me, Der. When will you learn, I have a dangerous side."

_Clearly._

She touched his arm softly. "We're good I promise. Please, wipe that frown off your face Der. For me?"

When he gave no reaction, Casey started being goofy, dancing, and making jokes. That was a side of her he hardly ever saw, the silly side of her. "Wow you're a tough audience."

Derek laughed, how could he not? She was incredible, funny, sweet, gorgeous, smart, a great kisser, she was everything anyone could ever want. All he wanted to know was what she felt, but he was stuck, like he couldn't get the words out. Why was it so difficult?

"Think of it as a welcome home kiss," she said after a moment, "You played amazingly and now you're back, you deserved a kiss, okay?"

He sighed deeply, "I don't deserve anything, but thanks for trying to cheer me up. I'll see you tomorrow, and um thanks for the welcome."

She looked at him longingly, her gaze went to his mouth again. This was madness, crazy madness.

"Night Der," she whispered, "I'm glad you're back."

He said goodnight and left, feeling a heaviness as he tried to go to sleep. What did he do? Clearly, he was unable to control himself, he was way too weak. He was in deep trouble.

Casey tried to sleep, but it was useless _. Oh Derek, kissing you is the most amazing, most perfect thing._ She was worried this would ruin everything from now on, he looked so guilty and upset. Oh, she wasn't sorry, that kiss was life, passion, the epitome of desire. He made her touch heaven for one moment. _Oh I love you, I love you so much , I'm crazy for you_.

She thought of his letter, if there was truth in it and he kissed her, not only kissed her, he gave her the most heart bursting kiss ever, did that mean…maybe he did feel something for her? A shudder of hope went through her, and she didn't want to get caught up in it, but she pulled it out of her nightstand. _I want her more than I want this trophy._ If there was truth to that letter, he wouldn't kiss her if he wanted someone else, would he? Her mind was on overdrive, she hated over thinking. It could be as simple as he hasn't been physical with anyone for a long time, and he was doing what came natural to him. Ugh, her mind was a storm now. The mystery of that letter would hover her always, was there any truth? She was terrified of asking him, so she'd keep that little hope for herself, what was the harm in that? He was home, and she felt alive once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone :) thank you for your continued support. This chapter was important and Casey discovering her feelings was the main focus. I loved writing the mutual pining so much, I hope you enjoyed this. As a romance lover, I couldn't not include a letter sequence. Now that Derek is back, there's no way things could stay the same as before he left, they both love each other so much, but clearly right now they are both trying to figure out the other and there is fear associated because if one makes a move the other doesn't feel, then it could wreck everything. So please be patient :) Again I must state this story will be long, but the next few chapters things will pick up :) Thank you for following this story, please let me know any thoughts below!


	10. Blue Heat

Derek went through the paint aisle, searching for the specific colours Casey chose for the baby room. He had been back five days, and everything was so intense and amazing. After that kiss, he was literally walking on a tightrope, and constantly on the verge of attacking her. Her sweetness and attentiveness didn't help his dilemma. He wanted her, oh, it was insanity.

That morning almost made him lose his mind. He didn't mean to, but he was walking by her bedroom when he noticed her door was open. He stopped midtrack. Casey was just in a towel. He could see her through the mirror. Her body was wet, her hair in wet ringlets, and he couldn't look away. The sight of her back, of her legs, her curves, the way her chest was tightly bound just made her spill out of that towel. His eyes feasted on her cleavage, oh she was definitely much curvier than he remembered. Oh dear God, she was so sexy, and the fact she was pregnant was just the cherry on top, she had to be the sexiest, most sensual, most desirable woman on earth. And she was in front of him, unaware of how provocative she was. She bent down to open her drawer, and he just almost died from a heart attack. He forced himself to tear his eyes away from her and basically skittered off, the pure lust drummed in his veins without mercy. He felt almost guilty for lusting after her, she was pregnant for crying out loud. He was supposed to care for her with tenderness and sweetness, not want to go in and fuck her wildly. It was a relief to be able to get out of the house for a moment just to breathe.

Casey had gone through fifty catalogues of paint samples, and after a lot of thinking she sent him out with a list. She wanted to decorate, and she was so excited. And on the weekend they were going to tell the family the truth, so he was wound up with stress as it was, and his attraction to Casey was just an extra tension he couldn't seem to ignore. He needed some form of relief, he was wound up like a yoyo, one drop and he was bound to unwind like a crazy person. And he was as frustrated as the devil, images of her in that towel was eating him alive. So, he was putting his energy into decorating this room.

Derek was putting paint tins in his cart, when a voice broke through his thoughts.

"Hey stranger," he looked up to find Sally leaning up against the rack, "Looks like you're back," she smiled brightly.

He unintentionally took a step back, "Oh, hey," he scanned around him, Casey had gone to a different floor to check out furniture, and he worried about her seeing them together.

"You wouldn't happen to know what kind of wood I need for a patio, do you?" She asked charmingly.

He chuckled nervously, "Sorry, can't help you there unless you are looking to build the worst patio ever."

Sally laughed and moved a little closer, looking nervous, "So, um how are you?"

He was uncomfortable, and he hated small talk. "Not bad, can't complain, listen I'm sorry but I'm in a bit of a rush."

Sally reached out and stopped him, "Wait, could I call you? I was hoping maybe we could…..reconnect."

Oh crap, guess there was no way around it, so he took a deep breath, "Sally I'm sorry, but I'm not really looking to date anyone right now."

She gave him a surprising look, "Oh, well we don't have to date, we could be friends like old times," she said with heavy innuendo.

He looked away, "I'm not doing that either."

Sally gasped, "Wait could it be, are you in love with someone? That is the only explanation for you to um not be yourself."

Derek nodded, summoning the strength to be truthful, "Yes, I am, but we aren't together….it's complicated."

Sally looked disappointed, and then tried to smile. "You're telling me there's someone you are in love with that doesn't return your feelings? Who is this girl, I'll give her a little throttle," she laughed, "In all honesty I'm jealous, I…..never lost hope that you and I could maybe be something again."

Derek sighed, "I don't know where she stands, but I'm definitely into her," he looked over her shoulder and saw Casey looking for him. "Sally, look I owe you a real explanation. I just can't right now, Casey asked me to help with her nursery, and if she sees me chit chatting and wasting my time, she'll bite my head off."

Sally looked disappointed. "So could we maybe, at least finish this conversation another time? I don't mean to be pushy, but I'm the type of person that needs closure."

Derek just nodded curtly, "Sounds like a plan, um I'll let you know, but don't get your hopes up Sally. I'm sorry, bye," and he didn't wait for Sally to respond.

Casey spotted him, and she saw Sally, it was clear by the way she froze in place and looked behind him. When he caught up with her she smiled faintly, "Was that Sally?"

Derek smirked, "Yup, apparently fixing up her porch, she was asking me for recommendation of supplies, as if I had a clue."

Casey looked annoyed. "It's called an excuse to talk to someone. Derek, she's probably wanting you to call her now that you're back."

Derek leaned into her, "Well, I told her that wasn't going to happen, alright? I didn't get a chance to finish the conversation, so I'm just letting you know now that we made plans to have closure. I'm not dating her, but I think in least after all our history she deserves more than just a quick brush off. But I did tell her I'm not available. Is that okay?"

Casey was taken back by his question, "Oh, well, yes I guess she does. That's really mature of you. You don't need my permission, Der," she said with a blush, "She must be so sad. What did she say to that?" she asked nonchalantly.

"She was disappointed, but I'm not losing sleep over it, okay? Come on let's go home, I'm starving." He didn't want to talk about Sally anymore, and he changed the topic.

When they got home though, it was clear Casey was stewing about something, "Case what's wrong?"

She turned her attention to cooking, stirring idly, "Are you sure you don't want to date her?"

Derek moved right beside her and gave her a little smirk. So sure, are you trying to get rid of me Casey?"

Casey looked up alertly, shaking her head, "No, not at all, just you're allowed to change your mind."

He put his arm around her gently, "I won't change my mind. There's another reason I wanted to talk to her. When I was gone, someone wrote me," he watched her closely, trying to see if she had any reaction to it. Casey looked at him slowly, she looked pale all of a sudden. "I suspect it was an ex based on how intense they were. And I'm curious, if it was her it would make a lot of sense, but to ease your mind I turned that person down too."

Casey swallowed hard, as if the news bothered her, "You really think she wrote you?"

Derek shrugged, "This is what sucks about having such a long list of past dates, it could be literally anybody. But Sally was significant, I wouldn't be surprised."

Casey nodded, and then quietly said, "Or someone you'd never expect. If it is Sally, would you change your mind?"

"No, but I'm definitely curious," _I wish they were from you._

She spent an insane amount of time stirring before asking, "What kind of letters were they?"

He smiled a little, "They were intense, and like super emotional. That person writes really well, so that knocks off life 80% of the girls I've ever dated. Maybe I would have made fun of them at one point, but I didn't find them funny at all surprisingly. They were kind of nice to read after countless of mail of girls begging me to fuck them."

Casey's eyes went round, "People wrote you to ask you for sex? My goodness, girls nowadays are bold, what if you were in a relationship or something? And um did any women try to….seduce you?"

He offered a cheery grin. "Yes, but I turned them all down. I told you I'm not dating or fucking anyone, and I told Sally that too."

Casey dropped the spatula on the floor abruptly and blushed as she picked it up. She wouldn't look at him. "Stop saying that word, please."

He laughed, oh she was so adorable, and he couldn't help wanting to provoke her a bit. "It's just a word Case, is it maybe the subject that gets you all flustered?"

Casey looked away, hiding her face, "Shut up."

Derek chuckled, "Oh, of course. It's been a while, of course the subject would get you all hot and bothered, believe me I'm in the same boat. What surprises me is how flustered you get over a word, when you are not shy at all when it comes down to it, as I recall you being quite...forward. You're a wild one Casey McDonald."

Casey slapped him, looking flushed and completely agitated. "Derek stop, please. I'm not going to talk to you about that. Forget it."

Derek found himself looking at her, his eyes roved over her and that only made her more flustered, but he couldn't stop it. He couldn't help but longingly look at her. "It's natural to want sex Casey, it doesn't make you a freak for admitting you're human."

"Fine, I miss sex. Happy now?" She snapped, stirring into the pan more aggressively. Oh she was definitely frustrated. He was too, it was almost painful as of late. And then she gave him a heated, angry look. "But just because I miss it, doesn't mean I'm just going to go out and find some random guy, and pregnant for crying out loud. I'm not some sort of sex maniac."

Derek smiled at her, it was good to know she wasn't looking for anyone to satisfy that craving, but at the same time he wanted to please her, wanted to be the one to give it to her, pregnant and all. His memory of that night seemed to contradict her statement. She was aggressive in bed, unrestrained, and downright seductive.

"Oh, you're a maniac," he teased, "Lighten up Case, I mean I know it's hard to being all wound up, but if it makes you feel any better you're not the only one. I have taken up boxing at the gym just to have something to punch out my frustration, maybe you should find something to take the edge off."

She smiled slyly, as if the image of him being that frustrated amused her. "My reason for holding back is pregnancy, but you, there's nothing really pulling you back. You don't have to suffer just because you said you'd care for me." As she said that, he noticed for a moment that she was upset by the idea.

"We're in this together," he murmured softly, "If you have to suffer, then I should too. Do I want sex? Yes, of course it's one of my favourite things, but it's not the most important. I can live without it, and I stand by what I said, you're my focus now." _The only person I want to have sex with is you._

Casey smiled, chewed on her lip, and it drew his gaze to her mouth like a beacon. She was breathing unevenly as she noticed, "Well, um, thanks Der," and she snapped away from him. "And you should definitely get closure with Sally, but if you change your mind at any point, just…..tell me."

"Alright, I promise will," and he looked at the stove and laughed, "Seems you have burned our dinner, pizza?"

Casey looked at it with surprise and laughed, "Sure," and she smiled at him, "I can't wait to decorate tomorrow, get ready for me to boss you around, mister."

He smiled brightly, "And get ready for me to make your life difficult, just because you're pregnant doesn't mean I'm just going to let you win and let you get your way all the time, just forget it."

Casey laughed and walked away, "Oh we'll see who wins then, may the best parent win. Sounds like a date," and while she said it so aloofly, it made him react strongly.

* * *

Casey got up early, she could hardly sleep. Derek was going to see Sally to end things once and for all, and a part of her was worried he would fall for her again, but at the same time she admired he wanted t do the right thing. Would seeing them together ever make her feel normal? She was a snap away from yelling out her frustration.

Having Derek back was amazing, but there was definitely a new edge between them. Oh God that sex talk almost made her jump him, she was so close to it. Knowing he wanted sex and he was just turning it down for her sake made her want it even more. She thought about it more than she'd like, thought about just seducing him. She was aware of his scent, his body nearby, everything felt so intense that it felt like there were ripples of desire branching out from her. Derek was making her crazy with his attentiveness, he'd been nothing but sweet and it made her love for him burn into madding desire.

She went to wash up and put on some old clothes, put her hair up in a ponytail and went to the baby room. Derek had already put plastic all over the carpet. When he saw her, he grinned, "Look who's finally up, I was worried I'd end up doing this all by myself."

"Dream on, Der," she teased, and took out the different clippings for the room design. She put some music on, and he groaned.

"Really Case, Christina Alguierra? That is so not the painting type music, so not my jam. What we need is some rock or you know something fun, not something that makes me want to die slowly."

She giggled, "Oh you're so dramatic, just tune it out."

Casey picked a wall and she started painting, Derek was on the other side of the room. They talked about a lot of things, and then suddenly the topic of names came up.

"So besides Emilio, what names did you have in mind?"

She dipped her brush in and painted hazily, "I have three others: Esteban, Marcus, and Sebastian." She looked over her shoulder to find Derek just smiling.

"I hate them all, what's with all the lame names Case? So unimpressed," he teased.

Casey went on to tell him she read a lot, and they were the names of her favourite male characters. He laughed, "And let me guess, they were all these romantic saps weren't they?"

"They're classical names Derek, those names never go out of style. What do you think about him having both our last names? I mean it seems fair."

Derek came up beside her, "Are you sure?"

Casey smiled at him, "Venturi McDonald, and when he's older we can let him pick which one he likes best."

He smiled sweetly, "No, poor kid having that many names! Let's just stick with McDonald, seems fair you're carrying him."

Casey stopped, for some reason she didn't like the sound of it, she wanted him to be a Venturi, but how could she bring it up without giving away that she just loved him so much she wanted his name for their child. "How about we revisit the last name, and we think of names that sound good with both?"

"Alright, well I have a couple names, Jake, Brandon, and Cobain," Derek announced with excitement.

Casey giggled, "Cobain?"

"Yes, like Kurt Cobain, the guitarist. Come on Case don't tell me you don't know who Nirvana is. I think my son should have an epic name, I mean we both know he's going to be cool like me," he joked.

Casey thought about it but then promptly shook her head, "Cobain….you're funny, but no. Jake was the name of this boy that would throw me in the mud when I was in elementary school, I still get angry when I think about that kid, and Brandon …I dated a Brandon."

Derek's smiled faded, "You dated a Brandon? When? I mean….I would remember every guy you dated, and by the way they were all losers, just saying." There was jealousy in his voice, and she felt a little glad by it.

Casey turned her attention to the wall. " Yeah, Brandon was a guy I went on a few dates during first year, but he was a total dud. And they weren't all losers, Sam, and Max were not losers."

Derek laughed hysterically, "Oh Sam is my buddy, but come on, he had no idea how to deal with you, he was a total loser when he was dating you. Max….. I remember you changing for him, and when you asked for time to figure yourself out, he went out and dated someone else quite quickly. They were all idiots."

Casey felt warm and she couldn't help it, "You never liked anyone I dated, who would have been right for me then?"

She felt his eyes on her back, and he moved in behind her. She felt his body heat, and she tried to keep herself calm, but her breathing went all over the place. His voice was so gentle, so close to her ear. "Someone who loves you at your best, and your worst, someone who would appreciate all your quirks, someone you can have fun with. Admit it Case you were never fully yourself with any of them, the guy for you would love you just as you are, and feel lucky every single moment he has you. You're too…unique to just end up with someone lame."

 _So, you?_ Everything in her wanted to ask, she blushed trying to focus on the painting, "That's very hard to find," she managed to say.

"It really isn't," he said after a moment of heart pounding silence."How much do you want to bet you'll find someone crazy enough to want to be with you?"

Casey turned around and looked at him, he was so close, his presence was so seductive. She smiled, "Why would he have to be crazy?"

He looked away, "Because, no one could love you and stay normal. That guy would lose his mind realizing he has you, therefore become crazy."

Casey blushed deeply, "Are you saying that as my step brother?"

His gaze went up and met hers, looking annoyed. "No," he said simply. "I'm saying that as the father of your baby, as the one who's lived with you for months, and well...the guy who kissed you just recently. I can't believe you still see me that way," he said with a little laugh, but she detected it bugged him. "Anyway, let's um focus, at this rate we'll be painting until morning."

They painted silently after that and then she watched him as he was reaching for a corner, dabbing the paint in to the crook with concentration. _You're so cute_ , and for some reason she went up behind him and painted on his arm. He pulled back and looked at her, "Did you just paint on me?" He taunted, and he was giving her a little menacing look. She backed up slowly, keeping the eye contact.

"I don't know what you're talking about, I'm innocent," she challenged. He laughed and came closer, he was intense, striking her with a predatory look.

"You're dead," and she found herself laughing and trying to run away from him, but he reached for her hand and pulled her into him. He painted her cheek with a devil like smirk, oh he was attractive.

"Oh you didn't," she said with mock indignation, and then the game took on a new edge.

They chased each other around the room, it was exhilarating. Derek fell backwards as he slipped on the plastic, and Casey kneeled down and charged him. For some reason she was straddling him, but she couldn't stop herself. She saw a look of shock go over him, and she couldn't move off him, just leaned over him dangerously. He felt so good beneath her, and his hands grazed her thighs, slowly going up until he was seizing her waist. The game suddenly took a very lustful turn but she was helpless, couldn't move away, couldn't help but sigh at the feel of his hands on her. _You're mine_ _Derek_ , she wanted to scream it, instead all she could do was blush.

"What are you doing?" he asked hoarsely. His eyes were revved with intensity.

Casey's breathing was all over the place, "Making sure I win," she said faintly.

She was aware of the electric surge, the feel of him between her thighs, oh the torturous pull was making her crazy. Without another word, she leaned into him deeper and smiled as she painted his face, his arms, his neck, all while he was howling with laughter. "Tell me I'm the winner," she taunted, but Derek's eyes gleamed with playfulness.

"Never," he said in a low voice and sat up. She was on his lap, and she refused to get off him. At first she thought he was trying to push her away, but to her surprise, he held her against him with one arm, and with the other he painted her cheek, her neck, her forehead. He was intent, and that look of playfulness went away. Every stroke was slow, and tantalizing, as if he was touching her through that brush. He then took the brush and painted along her collarbone, moving aside her shirt. She was dizzy, and hot. It was erotic, who would have thought it? His dark gaze was vaporizing her.

"You look ridiculous," she murmured. He had blue and yellow all over his face, it was in his hair, and he still managed to make her melt.

Derek dropped the brush and smiled as he assessed his finished work. "You're a mess Case," and then his thumb went by her mouth, wiping away paint gently. He was staring at her mouth, "You shouldn't eat that," he said with raspiness.

His hand on her back was moving slowly, up and down, his touch was searing her. She let out a little sigh of pleasure, and tangled her fingers into his hair, "Your hair is crazy," she made the excuse of cleaning up the paint in his hair as a reason to touch him. His breathing hitched. As her fingers soothed him, she looked at his face with adoration.

"Say I'm the winner," she pleaded, she didn't mean to sound so breathless.

Derek was distraught, she could feel the rattling of his heart against her. "You win, I've been losing against you too often lately," his words caught her by surprise. She wanted to prolong this moment longer.

Casey couldn't help but stare at his mouth, "So have I, I'm constantly losing against you, but I'm not sure I mind it. Truce? We are both losers now."

Derek's arms went around her, as he surged her into him, as if their closeness wasn't enough for him. She was flushed up against him, caught up in the most heated gaze. "Well, I guess I don't mind it either, truce."

She smiled at him, "I got you pretty good though, my best art piece yet."

He chuckled, as he gently touched her face with a pleased expression on his face. "Well, you're looking quite colourful too, looks like I missed out on my true calling. Though….I had some help."

"What do you mean?"

His eyes skimmed over her face, his stroking on her back became deeper, "You were already beautiful, there was no way I could have messed it up."

Casey's mouth dropped in surprise, felt a maroon bloom go over her face, "You think I'm beautiful, are you sick?"

He looked at her steadily, and she felt herself getting lost in his eyes. "So sick," he teased, "I'm not going to lie to you and say I think you look hideous, when you're not."

She couldn't believe it, to hear him say those words made her burst with emotions. "But you used to say I was…like all the time."

Derek shrugged apologetically, "Well I may have acted like a blind idiot, but I wasn't a blind idiot."

Casey caressed his face, reacting violently to his words. "Well you're not unfortunate looking either," she murmured.

He laughed, "That's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me."

Casey was lost now, and touched his mouth softly, she couldn't help it. She was so far gone, staring at the man she loved, having him there, having him so close was too much to handle. "I wish I could kiss you whenever I wanted," she admitted.

Derek swallowed, closing his eyes as she continued stroking his mouth. Oh these hormones were making her do things she'd never , ever do, but she couldn't help it. He looked absolutely tormented, "Why?" He slowly opened his eyes.

She shrugged helplessly, "Does there have to be a reason? I just want to."

Derek shuddered underneath her touch, and he kissed her finger with soft little kisses, but it was enough to get her hot and unsteady. "Case….you promised," he said with difficulty, "I'm not a saint, okay? If I let you kiss me whenever you wanted, then….I'd go crazy. Kissing you is too hot, as much as I tell you I can hold back from um being physical, I'm also not crazy enough to tempt that ability, because there's a good chance I'll lose at that too."

Yet he was still holding her tightly, felt the intimate pressure of sitting on him, felt the way their bodies seemed to melt into each other. She couldn't take it anymore, having him there and not being able to kiss him, and not be able to push him down and be intimate with him was destroying her. She could hear his breathing accelerate.

"I know Der, I get it. Then please let me go," she said with agitation, "I'm close to kissing you this instant if you don't."

Derek buried his face in her neck, he was breathing harshly against her, "It's hard to let go."

It really was, this was so intimate to her, there wasn't much in the way. Casey wanted him so badly she felt a tremor go through her as she felt Derek pull back. He froze as his cheek grazed hers. _Oh, kiss me, kiss me, please Derek._ She was so unnerved that she moved against him in a weird little rocking motion, and he groaned.

"Oh fuck, please don't move," his hands clasped her hips, and he looked at her with pure lust.

"I didn't mean to do that," she blushed, she really didn't but it felt so good rubbing into him like that it made her hum with excitement.

He laughed in a smothered way, "I'm sure you didn't, but right now it doesn't take much to get me riled up. Please Casey, you need to get up now."

Derek slowly let go of her. She took a deep breath and peeled herself off him, she felt the absence immediately. Derek got up, and pulled her up by the hand, he looked frazzled, and clearly he was turned on. It made her feel a little victorious jolt go through her, he was definitely attracted to her, and he couldn't even recover. His cheeks were rosy, and he looked away from her shyly. Derek being shy? Seemed impossible, but he made looking shy look so hot.

"I'm sorry," she found herself saying, "I was just trying to have fun and ….I didn't think, I seem to be doing that a lot lately."

Derek rubbed his neck, "Believe me, I know. And it was fun," he offered slyly. "Just maybe too fun," he winked. "We should cool off for a bit.I'm going to hit the shower before this paint dries up," he said with a little laugh, and he just left.

She looked around the room, they got some painting on the wall, but Derek became her main canvas. Oh she was losing control of herself more and more. After a long break, they eventually finished painting. The rest of the time was tense, and awkward. The following days they argued over how to place the furniture, putting up art, and after three days, the nursery was completed. The room looked beautiful, the colours bursting. She cried when Derek assembled the crib, it was real, in a couple months there would be a baby.

Throughout that time, she could feel the tension between them like a tight piece of also fought over names, they had such different ideas for names. They scoured through a baby book, and Derek would just groan at all her choices. One night though, they went on a walk to a trail. The name hit them, and it was perfect. They walked together in content silence. It was a cloudy night, brisk, but she felt so warm, so happy.

"So you agree?" he said with a happy grin.

Casey beamed, "Oh yes. I love it."

Derek took her hand suddenly, for some reason whenever it came to the baby, there was no stopping the affectionate side of him, it was like that from the beginning. Casey could picture him in her mind, a little mini Derek following him around with a cute little smirk, yes, that was his name. Noah George Venturi. _Noah Venturi_. Although Derek was under the impression he would be a McDonald, she wanted Noah to be a Venturi, one step at time though.

Derek was so happy. "Noah," he said the name out loud, "I like it, a lot. And it still sort of has a classic sound to it, but it doesn't make me want to hurl like all your other names."

Casey was so giddy, "He's going to be so cute, I just know it. Do you think he'll be smart like me, or a doofus like you?"

Derek chuckled, "Why can't he be both? I wonder who he will look like."

Casey quickly muttered, "Oh he's going to be handsome, like you."

Derek paused, looking at her with surprise, "You find me handsome?"

She blushed, and was glad for the oncoming darkness. "I'm not blind either, as much as I used to deny it before, I was lying."

They stared at each other, and then they heard the sound of thunder in the distance, and just like that rain started pouring in buckets. "Oh my god!" Casey squealed.

Derek laughed, "Oh what fun," and he took hold of her hand and they ran back home.

They laughed the entire way, she was soaked, never in her life had she been rained on so hard. As soon as they made it to the door, she felt him up against her. His hands were in her hair, and she just looked at him for a moment, trying to catch her breath. He was laughing, as he combed his fingers through her hair, "You scream like a scared little girl" he teased. "You're just soaked, holy crap." His laughter was causing a reaction in her, a powerful surge.

She blushed, "So are you," and she slowly caressed the front of his body, noticing how the rain had made his clothes cling to him. She could see the hard contours of his body.

He looked devastatingly handsome. Oh, that face, that smile, those remarkable eyes. His hands went over her arms slowly as he noticed her shivering, "You're freezing, let's go inside."

Casey couldn't seem to move, her hands moved on their own and grasped the collar of his jacket, and she tugged at him. A sombering expression went over his face. He turned his face away, clearly trying to send the message that he didn't want to kiss her. Should have been enough to deter her, but as she stared at him she felt possessed, as she stared at the hollow of his neck, the raindrops were rolling off his hair, dripping down his body, oh he was delicious looking. And she couldn't stop it, she kissed his neck.

Derek tensed up, "Case- what are you doing?" She was helpless to the attraction, the taste of his skin, his scent, she couldn't stop the kisses, he made her desperate. He moaned softly, his hands went over her as if he was going to push her away, but then his hands went up to her hair, gripping tightly.

She sighed, "Let me, please," she begged. She felt like she was on a strange high, kissing his neck with desperation, with complete hunger. She grazed her teeth against his neck, and he was shaking.

"Case…what…oh fuck," his breathing was erratic, she could feel the throb of his pulse against her tongue, and she couldn't stop, she needed to mark him, it felt necessary. The feel of his wet body against her made her shiver, "Casey," he said gutturally.

"If you wanted to stop me, you would have already," she breathed against him.

He didn't respond just continued moaning softly and the sound ignited her more, and she took her time leaving love nips on the other side of his throat. She moved up wanting more of him, so much more. He seized her face in his hands, halting her, pressing into her with an intense fury. He was breathing hard against her cheek, the crest of his cheeks flaming, "You're killing me, Case….please" he moved against her with agitation, "Please," he basically moaned.

"Please what," she managed to say.

His eyes were a dark abyss of lust, "Don't act so innocent, please stop tormenting me. I'm going to let go of you, but don't you dare make any other move, I'll go sleep at Sam's if you do. I can't, we literally talked about this last week. There's a reason for it Case. It's too dangerous."

Casey breathed in hard surges against him, "I didn't kiss you…..I gave you a hickey," she blushed intensely, "It's not the same thing."

He practically growled, "It's the fucking same thing, you're mouth was on me, making me crazy, how is that not a kiss?"

She ran her hands up and down his sides, "A kiss would imply that I felt your mouth on me too," she challenged, "I won't kiss you, or your neck again, happy now?"

A flicker of torchlight in his eyes made her heart palpitate harder. He moved, pushing her hair aside roughly. "Oh you're right, my mistake, now I have to make the point," and his mouth consumed her neck with wild, passionate kisses that made her scratch at his back with deep indentations. he glided his mouth over her with devil like infinity, taking her very soul from her very breath as his toungue flicked against her throat in the most rapturous way. He was set on making her squirm, making her suffer as she'd done to him and she moaned helplessly. She was vibrating with lust.

"Oh, oh," she muttered harshly, as he sucked on her neck, his body was completely up against her. He started grinding in to her as he nibbled her. She found herself responding to his movements, synching up to his slow, torturous rocking, she was shivering, gasping, and he took it from shivers to scalding lust as he found her earlobe and nipped and tormented her. She prayed for him to just give in and kiss her, but he wasn't that generous and he stepped back.

"You're really going to stand there and say that wasn't a kiss to you?" he said darkly.

Casey was unsteady, her vision was blurry and her heart racing, "That was….. so um nice, but I still don't count it as a kiss." She didn't know how she had the strength to challenge him, "A kiss to me would be your mouth on mine, where we both get lost in the passion of it mutually. And while your mouth was on my neck and it felt good, I can't reciprocate in the moment, and you know I like participating."

Derek laughed dryly, "You're crazy, but trying to get a reaction out of me isn't going to work. I see what you're trying to do Case, you're trying to get me to snap so I kiss you, but it isn't happening. This is over, no more kissing of _any_ kind."

She wanted him so badly, but she let go in slow degrees, "It's a shame to not be able to enjoy kissing, do you know how hard it is to find a decent kisser? And well I blame you, you're too skilled."

He laughed smokily. "If you'd like I could kiss you horribly so you never want it again," he offered charmingly.

She rolled her eyes, "Nice try, I don't think you're capable of that. You're right, it was still a kiss. I feel like an apology isn't sincere since I just can't help but want to." She look away with embarrassment, and felt him move in. His body nestled into hers, and he tipped her chin up, all jokes were gone. He looked intense.

"What is this Casey?"

Casey let go of him, "What do you mean?"

He looked at her pleadingly. "What is this Casey, what are we? Ever since I've been back I get the sense something's changed. Call me crazy, but step sibs don't give each other hickies, don't make out, don't have sex, don't have intense painting sessions, and somehow we've broken all of those rules. Three of those things we've done in a week and then you add the cuddling, and all the sweetness. I've literally been holding you this entire time, I have you pinned up against our door as if it's a regular occurrence. What is this Casey?"

Casey sighed, and then moved to open the door. He followed her as she went to get a towel and pat herself down. How much to reveal? There was no denying she was attracted to him.

She finally looked up at him."I don't know…..I don't have an answer, all I know is I've stopped looking at you as my step brother. It must be us living together, there are no constant reminders of our family connection. I care about you, you're sweet, and well it's not like you're a gremlin, you're attractive. You're the father of my baby. Clearly I like kissing you. I'm attracted to you, we have a pretty intense connection. I don't know what that means though." She couldn't afford to drop her feelings on him without feeling him out a bit.

Derek smiled softly. "Well let me know when you do, because this is getting really intense. Case, I'm not going to lie to you. I want to kiss you just as much, and I feel the same. I haven't thought of you as my step sister in a long time, if I'm honest there was no way I could see you the same after that night. I want to give you what you want, because yes I did say you could come up with the rules when we moved in. But I don't think it's smart to treat kissing like a game or something. All I want is for you to tell me why you want it," he said sincerely, "give me a reason other than you like it."

Casey felt like she was on sinking sand, "Why do you?"

He grinned and studied her openly. "For one you're a great kisser. You're well, beautiful, smart, kind, intense, a nerd, who wouldn't want to kiss you? I'm not immune to you Casey. I care about you, and trust me I have other reasons. But I asked you first, give me a reason Case." His gaze was so focused on her, it made her spin. What truth did he want? She basically admitted she was attracted to him, and he still didn't budge.

He gently tucked a piece of stray hair behind her ear, the shock of it made her wilt on the spot. "Do you only want me because I'm here, or feel lonely? I know we both haven't been with anyone in a while, is that why you're so attracted to me? "

 _No, I love you, I love you so much I can't think straight_ , but she couldn't summon the words they were lodged in her throat, hiding behind a cage of fear. "You're right Derek it is too risky, what's the matter with me? I should be putting the baby first and I've just been all over the place. Just forget this Derek, please. Clearly I'm stupid."

Derek shook his head and reached for her, keeping her still as he grasped her shoulders. "Please, think about it. I think it's safe to say you have the hots for me, and well the feeling is mutual," he winked.

Casey looked at his neck with a speculative glance, "Well I must have the hots for you, I don't just attack guys like that. I must warn you though that yes while I'm guilty of being attracted to you, pregnancy hormones have a way of making certain things feel more intense. It makes me very um…...feisty, I'm sorry."

He smiled brightly, the effect making this conversation feel tense, and charged. "Well, aren't I lucky? I don't have a hormone rage like you do, but I attacked you too. Clearly that's contagious, your hormones have jumped to me."

Casey blushed, "Good to know I'm not the only crazy one then."

Derek moved a little closer, playing with the locks of her wet hair, "Trust me, I'm just as crazy. But, attraction alone is just not worth um messing everything up over, we have Noah now to think about, " he said seriously, "That's why I'm asking you to think things through."

"Okay, I'll think about it. I'm sorry, you asked for things never to happen again and I just…..didn't listen to you."

He smiled supportively, "It's all good, when have you ever listened to anything I say? I'm not mad, and well you forgave that night I kissed you, so I guess we're even again."

Casey longed to tell him everything, the whole truth, but she still couldn't summon the courage. "Thanks Derek. I should get rest, we're going to deal with the family tomorrow, and I suggest you get some rest too."

Derek groaned, "How bad do you think it'll go?"

Casey tried to be supportive, but there was no point sugarcoating it, "It'll be rough, but I can promise you I'm not going to let their reaction take away from all how great things have been between us."

He smiled, "Well, can't wait to be chopped liver, but I'm glad to get past it to be honest. Keeping this a secret has been annoying."

After that, Casey hid herself in her room. She should be locked up for life, what was the matter with her? Derek thinking she wanted him based on loneliness or opportunity made her upset, but she couldn't blame him for thinking that considering how they started. She smiled though, this was the opportunity to win his heart, if he was attracted to her then she had a shot. She smiled into the night. She was going to win Derek over, something told her it wouldn't be that hard of a battle, and she was done playing the shy game. She would just have to be smart about it.

* * *

Derek woke up in the foulest of moods, he hadn't been awake for more than five minutes before he was snapping at Casey. She wasn't doing anything except trying to be comforting for the upcoming night, and he rolled his eyes at her a few times. It seemed being a jerk was his default setting whenever he was stressed or worried. Casey tried talking to him a few times and he just told her to leave him alone, he was in no mood to be around her hotness, it was her fault he was feeling extra cranky. It wasn't just stress that was eating him, it was an unbearable lust, an unbearable need for Casey.

Casey would walk past him, and he literally had to clench his fists to avoid reaching for her, he couldn't sleep a wink after her passionate kiss, and yes he saw it as a kiss. His mouth went dry thinking about the taste of her skin, how she moaned and moved against him desperately. He wanted to believe that passion was only for him, but she admitted pregnancy hormones were intense, what if that was the real reason she was so attracted to him? He just needed her to tell him what she wanted out of this, the waiting, the tension was killing him slowly.

As he was sulking in his bed, Casey came in quietly. "Derek, we have to go. Come on, everything is going to be alright."

He scoffed, "Oh yeah can't wait for the stony, judgemental silence I will receive tonight. Oh and my dad will have at least one screeching meltdown, how much do you want to bet?"

Casey sat down beside him and reached for his hand. "I'm not going to let them put all the blame on you, I seduced you remember?"

He cracked a smile, "How could I forget, but come on Case. Everyone has always seen you as the innocent, the most unlikely to do anything wrong, and well I'm known for being a scoundrel. They're going to blame me Casey, and honestly I don't care what they think of me. I'm more worried about how they will see us now, or that they will become jerks to Noah." He fiddled with her fingers, "I don't regret anything Casey, but I'm sure they will rain on that parade."

Casey sighed and leaned into his shoulder, "Derek, is there anything I could do to cheer you up, even a little?"

He looked at her, oh so many things he couldn't bring himself to ask, "Just promise me you won't take anything I say or do tonight personally, I know I've been so delightful all day, but it's not you okay?"

"I promise. I am done hiding you Derek, you have been so amazing throughout all this, and I will snap at anyone who tries to make you feel guilty. I don't regret anything Derek." She reached for his face and gently grazed his cheek. "Noah is so lucky to have you, and so am I, come on. This is something we should be celebrating, there's nothing to fear."

He smiled at her, took her hand and kissed it softly. He didn't care about trying to explain it, but she just smiled. "You're right, I'm being ridiculous. Let's give them a heart attack with a smile on our face, shall we?"

Derek held her hand the entire way to the car, he was so nervous, but Casey was just quietly looking at him as if he was just going to run away. "Let's tell Lizzie and Edwin first, that way they leave us to talk to the parents without them feeling awkward."

"Okay," she offered sweetly, "I like that so much, can we tell them separately or should we tell them together."

"I'll tell Edwin, got to make sure he doesn't say anything stupid to you, and you tell Lizzie, it'll be less awkward that way. And Marty might not understand it, I'll let dad take care of that one." Plus it would be a perfect testing round.

Derek went up to Edwin's room, feeling a little queasy. He watched as Edwin laid down on his bed lazily. It was shocking him how extreme his change had become, he was one step away from being tattooed from head to toe. it made Derek wonder why he was doing all that, was it a cry for attention? And from who?

Derek smirked at him, "That goth look really doesn't suit you man, there are plenty of other ways to be cool."

Edwin just grinned, "I am not changing back Derek, actually I'm thinking of getting some face piercings."

Derek's smile wiped away, "Edwin, please tell me you're joking. That is ridiculous, snap out of it, you look like a clown."

Edwin studied him and shot up on the bed, eyeing him strangely. He noticed Derek's neck and laughed smugly. "I see the life of a hockey player is treating you good, you're so lucky. Seeing anyone specific or are you seeing many women at once?"

Derek rolled his eyes at him, "Nice try, but that's not something you and I are going to discuss. Don't be jealous Ed."

Edwin got up and went to sit on his chair and leaned back. "So, how's living with Casey going? I imagine it's a nightmare, and then you add her pregnancy, oh boy, I wouldn't want to be you."

Derek sighed and took a deep breath. "It's not that bad, we're actually getting along. Actually, that's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about. You see, Casey and I ….are living together for other reasons than just her schooling."

Edwin shot up alertly, his dark eyes almost gauged out of his head. "Don't tell me…Are you and Casey finally dating?"

Derek nearly choked on a laugh, "What do you mean finally?"

Edwin smirked a little, "As I've gotten older, I've gotten much wiser. It's not like Casey is a dumpster truck, and well, you guys were acting quite weird the last few times I saw you. Casey was too nice to you, it was suspicious, and well at your party, you think I didn't notice you kept following her around? I think I finally understand you Derek, why you were such a jerk to her all these years."

Here he thought Edwin was a doofus since he looked like doofus, but turns out he was much smarter than ever. "Why?"

Edwin grinned, "Suppressed sexual tension," he said matter of factly, "It would make anyone go mad. So am I right, are you and Casey finally just shacking up? And you must really like her if you're willing to be with her despite her pregnancy."

Derek got up and slapped him behind the head, "First of all, how the hell did you come up with that?" And then as he stared as his brother, as he looked down guiltily, something clicked. Oh how could he have been so stupid? Clearly Edwin was going through something similar with Lizzie, it would explain so much.

Edwin quickly laughed, trying to appear cool. "I told you I'm smarter than you. So out with it."

He groaned, this was so awkward already, "Casey and I aren't dating."

Edwin looked surprised, "Oh…..just screwing around?"

Derek was getting agitated, "No for crying out loud, just stop with that nonsense Edwin. We aren't screwing around, we're not dating, but to be honest that's not your business and if we were, I wouldn't tell you. I'm living with her because that baby is mine."

Edwin looked intensely surprised, his mouth gaped open, "What the fuck," he muttered, "You got her pregnant? Holy shit, that's even worse than you just screwing around with her."

Derek felt intensely defensive, "Why so much worse?"

Edwin was clearly trying to wrap his head around it, "You're basically married to Casey now…um is this something you're happy about?"

Married? He tried not to make any reaction to give away how much he loved her, "Yes. I'm having a son Edwin, trust me it was a shock to me, but we're just co-parenting. Casey and I aren't… involved, but yes I got her pregnant."

Edwin rubbed his head painfully, "So was that time a fluke?"

He wanted to laugh, so far from a fluke, it was the best night of his life. "Look the why it happened is honestly not important now, it was meant to be one night and that was it, and here we are now."

Edwin's love for puzzles all his life was finally being used for something useful. "So you got her pregnant, you're living with her but you aren't together, isn't that a little intense? Fuck, I can honestly say I didn't see that coming. You are going to be a father, never thought I'd see the day."

He smiled, thinking of Noah. "I never saw it coming either, but it's been…good for me. And Casey is just living with me, we're not anything….." He didn't mean to sound so depressed about it, but he couldn't help it.

Edwin stood up and crossed his arms reflectively, "Oh you're screwed."

"What now?"

"You're in love with her, and now you have to live with her. Talk about a nightmare, you just love to suffer don't you? You didn't have to move in with her."

Derek looked down, he couldn't deny anything, "Just shut up Edwin, I don't want her to hear you or anyone else. This stays between us, got it? We're telling dad and Nora, and you and Lizzie can't be there for that, you have to keep Marty away too. I just wanted you to know so you're not part of that massacre."

Edwin chuckled, "It's nice I got a heads up, that would have been so awkward….and um congratulations then, I guess that's in order. Woah, I went from step uncle, to an actual uncle. That's kind of nuts when you think about it."

He laughed, "It is, trust me it was hard for me wrap my mind around all of this on my own. I'm excited though."

Edwin stuck out his hand, and Derek shook it cordially, but then Edwin sucker punched him. "You're so into her, come on Derek I swear I won't tell anyone. I was sort of right."

Derek just rolled his eyes, "Yes, alright? I'm crazy about her, but I swear Edwin if anyone finds out I will come down just to kick your ass, got it? As far as you knew, I got her pregnant, and we're living together, end of story. Do you think, um we're freaks or something?"

Edwin laughed, "Yes you're definitely freaks, but you're not related. It may be weird to some people, but if that's what you want, then who the hell cares about everyone else? Honestly you two make a lot of sense. " And then he looked at Derek with a teasing smile, "So that hickey is from Casey isn't it? So, it's not like _nothing_ is happening, right?"

Derek just sighed heavily with a little smirk, "Just shut up, already. I don't kiss and tell, never have, and never will, just forget it."

Edwin then put his arm around him with a little concerned look, "So in case dad and Nora kill you, any last words?"

He laughed, "Oh how about you're an idiot? It's going to suck, but if you hear pure silence coming from downstairs, come and check up on us. We might not be okay"

"Deal, no worries Lizzie and I will stall Marty," Edwin said supportively.

Derek got up and with a little smile muttered, "Any excuse to spend time with her, am I right? Trust me, been there, done that." And without waiting to hear a response, he left him.

* * *

"Noah, oh my gosh that is the cutest name," Lizzie breathed as Casey braided her hair, "Oh he's going to be so, so cute, I can't wait to meet him Casey."

Casey beamed, "I know right, oh Lizzie it's been hard lately though. I feel enormous, I feel like I'm constantly short of breath." As she leaned over, her scarf unravelled a bit, and Lizzie giggled.

"So who's been kissing your neck, Casey? I'm glad to know you're pregnant love life isn't that dull, way to go sis," she smirked.

Casey stood up alertly, readjusting her scarf. "No one kissed it, I just bruise like a peach," she faltered.

Lizzie eyed her sappily, "Uhuh, that may have worked when I was younger, not anymore. It's hilarious, I heard Edwin teasing Derek about the same thing, what a coincidence."

Casey's face turned red, "Please, Derek is just….Derek! Do not compare us, enough about me, what's new with you?"

Lizzie danced in her chair, "Guess what Casey, I'm going to be valedictorian," she squealed.

Casey hugged Lizzie tightly, "Oh I'm so, so, proud of you, I'm not surprised. You're going to blow them away. I will so be there, alright?"

As they caught up and chatted, Casey kept looking at her watch. Why was this so hard to just say out loud? She took a deep breath, "Liz…..can we talk about something? It's about the father…"

Lizzie turned to look at her and reached for her, "Yes, please tell me. I've been trying so hard to respect your privacy."

Casey fidgeted nervously, oh what would she think? Would she judge her hard for it? "I'm telling mom and George tonight, but I wanted you to know first. Lizzie…..the father of my baby is…."

"Yes?" Lizzie proded.

She closed her eyes, "Derek, he's the father…..it's why we're living together."

She heard a quick intake of breath, and Lizzie's hand gripped her tightly, "Oh my god….that's huge."

Casey nodded, "So huge, but it's the truth. Derek is the father, he's been amazing Lizzie. He's been there for me, and the baby, he's really changed. I know it's weird, bizarre that we even got involved but it happened. But we're trying to co-parent." She looked up slowly to find Lizzie smiling.

"Why don't you look more shocked?" She whispered.

Lizzie shrugged, "I guess it just makes sense…..it's hard to explain. It's one of those 'I can't believe I didn't see it before, but of course Derek is the father.' I should have known…..that's so crazy, but in a good way. You and Derek always had an intense bond. The more I think, the more it makes sense. Are you two…."

Casey shook her head, blushing, "No we're not, but um I care about him. A lot."

Lizzie motioned to her neck, "Clearly you two have some intense moments."

Casey blushed, "Please don't tell anyone okay?"

Lizzie looked at her for a long time, "Secret safe with me. It may be a little hard for mom and George, but I think this is awesome. You and Derek are already family anyways, now it's just a different form. I'll be rooting for the three of you, maybe you'll finally get what you always wanted."

Casey motioned for her to explain, "What do you mean by that?"

Lizzie giggled, "Casey you can be so oblivious sometimes, or you're in extreme denial, but you two have always had a connection. It may have started with a night, but the fact he wants to be right alongside you just screams he's invested in you. You have always cared about him, don't lie to me."

Casey smiled dreamily, "I won't deny it, he's got me rattled. And well he's been so sweet, how could I be indifferent?"

Lizzie hugged her, "Sometimes life has a way of giving what you want in the most unusual ways, but maybe if this hadn't happened you might have never gotten a chance to see each other in a different light. And if mom gives you a hard time, it'll just be shock, and it won't last forever. She loves you and Derek, and I'm sure once George gets used to the idea, he'll be glad that you ended up being the mother of his grandchild."

Casey was crying, hearing such words of encouragement from Lizzie made her heart burst. She wanted to find Derek that instant and hold him, tell him she's never been happier, that she loved him more each passing day. Her need for him was becoming so grand. When she excused herself to go find him, she pulled his hand and took him into washroom. She was all teary eyed and he instantly moved in, wiping away her tears.

"What's wrong? Did Lizzie say something to upset you?" He was making her heart ache desperately.

"No," she whispered, "hold me, please. I'm just overwhelmed." He smiled at her and moved in, pulling her tightly against him. She held him for a long time, just losing herself in the warmth of his arms. "You've become my safe place," she blubbered loudly.

Derek's soft laugh in her ear made her shiver, "Never thought anyone would think of me as safe, but I'm shockingly not upset by it. I'm here for you."

"Are you okay?" She asked softly as she pulled back and studied him. "I know tonight is a lot, Lizzie was supportive."

He looked exhausted but like always Derek always tried to come off as cool and collected, "Just peachy. Edwin was a little shocked by the baby, but he was surprisingly not a dweeb about it. So all in all, I'm fine. I'm sweating bullets though."

Casey smiled up at him, "Well, I'm not leaving your side. You're not alone in this. We're in this together." She offered her hand to him and he took it with a little smile.

She grasped on to him tightly, "Whenever you're ready."

Derek took a few deep breaths. He was staring at her, and to her complete surprise, he gently seized her face in his hands and kissed her ever so softly, it was the most gentle kiss he'd ever given her, but it made her heart nearly flatline. He cradled her head softly as he gently nipped, kissed and soothed her mouth with a chilling hellfire. She melted into it, wanting to linger to his kisses a little longer. Never in her life had such a soft kiss caused this kind of reaction. When he pulled back, he was smiling.

Casey gasped after a moment of shock. "I thought there would be no kisses of any kind," she scolded him.

He laughed with mischief, "Well I had a reason for that one other than just liking it. You make me brave, Casey, so thank you," he murmured softly. God he was too charming for his own good. "As long as you're with me, I think I got a handle on this."

Casey gave him a little shy smile, "Typical, you break the rules and I just let it happen, and if I break the rules, the sky is falling. I'll remember that," she taunted.

He laughed as he reached for the handle, "Rules don't apply to me, remember?" he teased. "Come on, let's tell our parents that we had a wild night, we're pregnant, and hope we live into the morning."

Casey giggled, and she followed Derek's lead. Nothing would ever be the same after tonight, and finally being able to show off Derek as the father made her feel as if a giant burden was lifting from her shoulder. No more secrets, Derek was the father of her baby, and Lizzie was right. Looks like life handed her what she always wanted, in the most unorthodox way, and she'd never been gladder that her five-year plan got destroyed. Derek and Noah were now big parts of her life, and she'd never stop thanking the universe for this switch of fate.

* * *

It was quiet, yet there was a racket in his mind. They sat across from their parents, and they were completely unaware of the news they were about to receive. They joked around, talking about so many things, and then Nora looked at Casey.

"How are you sweetie, you look great," she said sweetly.

Casey thanked her, and swiftly turned to him, "I guess this pregnancy has been just so amazing. I've definitely haven't been by myself through this, and that has helped."

George winked at Derek, "Sounds like you haven't driven her too crazy, smart man. Glad you pulled back on your usual tendencies. So you're getting along by the looks of it?"

Derek took a swig of his drink, and laughed, "It will always be a little crazy between us, but I think we'll be okay."

Casey gave him a supportive smile, channeling that it was time, and she spoke softly, "Yeah. Actually there's something you should know. It's going to come as a huge surprise, but I think you should know who the father of my baby is. I kept it a secret because it wasn't the right time, but now there's no point dragging it on."

Nora raised an inquisitive eyebrow, "Oh?" She looked at Derek, "Do you want Derek to leave so we can talk?"

Casey shook her head, "No, he has to be here for this."

George and Nora looked at each other, they had an alert look on their face as if they were scared to hear what was next. "Go on," George said with anxiousness.

Casey moved closer to him, leaning into him as if she needed him for support. He was queasy, felt pale but Casey looked so self assured, it was hard not to admire her. "Derek has been there for me through out all this, I haven't been alone even though it might seem like I'm going to raise this baby on my own, but that's not true. I need you two to listen before speaking, alright?"

Nora's breathing became crazy, clearly they had figured it out, and George was bolting Derek with a look he couldn't identify. They managed a little nod.

Casey was so fricken strong, and all he wanted was to kiss her again, he laughed to himself. So much for following rules, he sucked at staying away from her. "Derek and I had a one night stand, we had sex" she said it so bluntly, Derek had to do a double take. She was blushing, but she looked at their parents steadily, without any anxiousness. "There's no delicate way to put it."

Nora stood up slowly, she was shaking, "What?"

George was as white as a sheet, staring at Derek, "Please tell me this is a crazy prank Derek, before I get a stroke."

Derek took a deep breath, "It's not a prank, we did sleep together. I'm the father," he said sheepishly, "We never planned for that to happen, but it did. I know it's a lot to take in, believe me, we were both freaked out by that night, and we said it would be just one night. But, then she ended up pregnant. I'm living with her because it's the right thing to do, and we are going to co-parent." And he moved closer to Casey, putting his arm around her. He smiled at her, and she returned a shy but emboldened smile, before looking back at them.

"Casey and I have become our own type of family now, she's having my baby, and I'm living with her now. I know it sounds crazy, but we have nothing to be ashamed of, we're a family now, apart from you. And we have never been happier to have screwed up our step sib status."

He was aware of Casey reaching for his hand, a sign of a united front. The silence hummed around them, it was the most uncomfortable moment of his life, staring at their parents as the truth shocked them, the truth that they had sex, completely blowing up their step sibling status in their face. There was no going back now, and like hell would he appear remorseful, but it was clear convincing them would take a miracle, but he didn't care to lie or act like he was ashamed, not for them, not for anyone in the world. Being with Casey was where he belonged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh I loved playing with the fire a bit with this chapter, the perfect precursor for the next chapter which will be intense, due to the father reveal, you have be warned. Lol Derek tries so hard to resist her, but he's no match for Casey, and they are both losing control of their own rational when it comes to how passionate they are about each other. Thank you for following this story! I am legit blown away by the lovely words, and to all my silent readers out there, know I love you too! Please give your thoughts below, it's so appreciated. I have been writing so much, and it's all because of you guys!😊
> 
> PS, If you don't know already, I'm working on an AU Dasey story where Derek is Casey's boss, just for fun and because I thought it would be fun to try something different, please check it out, it's called Unattainable Passion. 3 Working on two completely different fics has been so much fun for me, so if you like my writing style, give it a try :) THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONTINUED SUPPORT.


	11. Daddy Blues

A million seconds. That's what it felt like as they waited for them speak. Nora was clearly in shock and George looked like he couldn't decide if to laugh or cry. Derek just focused on checking on Casey. She was flushed, breathing a little hard. A million scenarios went through his head.

Nora was the first to speak, "Casey. Please tell me this isn't true..."

Casey just smiled apologetically, "It's true."

She wilted on to the couch, placing a hand over her heart as if it would explode into pieces. "You clearly didn't think this through, honey. You're having a baby with your step brother, what does that even mean?"

Casey leaned forward, reaching for Nora's hand, "It means that I'm going to be a mother and Derek is going to be a father. Right now living together is working for us, we are going to do whatever it takes to make sure our son has both of us in his life."

Derek smiled, while they never really got into what the future would look like, it seemed the topic of "where is this going," seemed to hover over them. He didn't want her dating anyone else, that's for sure, but he couldn't just blurt that out and give them another heart attack just yet. The question was what did Casey want?

George let out a frightful laugh, "I feel like I just had a stroke, you two…. got involved…..with each other? And you thought that would be a good idea because…"

Derek blushed a little, because he'd dreamt of that for years, and he just couldn't say no to Casey.

Nora gaped at George, "Please don't have them answer that, that's the sort of thing we just don't need to picture," and then she looked at Casey, "But I am surprised you'd do something so reckless Casey. And since when do you have one-night stands? You the romantic that has always thought of sex as an expression of love, you had a one night stand with your step brother?"

That was something Derek always wondered, why did she have a one night stand with him? He supposed if she was going to break the rules for once, of course she'd take it to the other extreme, it made him smile.

Casey was flustered, but she kept the eye contact, "Stop calling him that, he's not my step brother anymore," she fumbled for a moment. "I know it was so unlike me, but I'm the one that wanted him that night. You know it's always been like that with Derek, he just…..makes me want to break the rules once in awhile. I lived dangerously for once in my life, and guess what, the world didn't end. I'm tired of being expected to always do the right and perfect thing."

Nora blanched, "That's something I didn't want to picture ever, oh Casey. But why with Derek?"

Casey looked away, she fumbled around. "I don't know, but I don't regret it. I'm sorry that isn't something you want to hear, but it's the truth. I don't see it as a mistake."

Derek couldn't help but stare at her, she just told them to their face she didn't regret having sex with him, and he couldn't help but grin secretly.

Nora just breathed rapidly, "Out of all the men in the world to have that experience why would you gamble your relationship with Derek, with this family, for just a night? I don't understand."

Derek interjected, he did not need the reminder that Casey used him to get over Vincent. "Does it matter why? It happened, end of story."

Casey just stood up and paced around, until at last she met her gaze. "It's simple. I wanted him that night, I couldn't help it."

Derek watched her as she avoided looking at him, why was it so easy for her to say that in a room with their parents, but she could never just tell him that? Was it actually the truth? Or did she not want to bring Vincent into it?

George just groaned, clearly so deeply uncomfortable by the thought of that.

Derek couldn't help but let out a laugh, and his father skewered him a look, "Sorry, it's just well…..you guys look like you saw a demon or something, so we had sex. It happened, and I'm sorry it makes you guys cringe, but it happened. I get it, it's awkward, but we clearly have found a way to um move past it and are now focused on our baby. And Casey shouldn't have to explain the reasons for having sex with anyone, ever."

Nora rolled her eyes angrily, "Am I really supposed to think Casey, the most careful, and cautious woman, came on to you? Please I wasn't born yesterday. You are known for being charming beyond belief, how could Casey ever turn that down?"

Casey stopped in her tracks, shooting Nora a fiery look. "Well believe it, I did. He was the one that tried to stop it several times, but I was stubborn, and well…..it's not like we're related," she said defensively. Nora just looked at her as if she was viewing a stranger.

George was glaring at Derek, "I'm so disappointed in you Derek, this is your step sister. It doesn't matter that you two aren't related. There are rules, it's unconventional and not to mention extremely messy. How could you think a one night stand with Casey would ever be a good idea? Out of all the girls in the world, literally you could have anyone you wanted, you went with the one off-limits to you. How could you even put that thought into your mind?"

Derek was upset and angry, wanting Casey was way beyond his control. He didn't choose to feel this way. "I realize it may seem stupid, but Casey and I are adults and we got caught up in the moment. I realize it's a shock dad, but is really that big of a deal? Yes, maybe it wasn't the smartest choice hooking up with Casey, but is it truly that out of the question to you? I never chose for her to be my step sister, and well we never grew up together, we got thrown in together as teens, we drifted apart for years, and we reconnected. Getting involved with Casey while yes it's complicated, it's not a crime. We aren't actually related, and I know you think we made this huge mistake, but I don't see it as a mistake. Casey may have made the move, but I wanted her just as much."

He glanced at Casey and she was smiling at him, he didn't mean to be so damn defensive about that night, but he couldn't help it. He refused to feel guilty.

George just sighed with mortification. "I can see that you two are unaware of what this could do in the long run. You went by the heat of the moment, and now your whole future will be complicated for the rest of your lives. You guys can't afford to mess up your relationship, you are linked for the rest of your life now to us as well, we are all a part of your situation, even if you say you two are apart from us, you're not."

Nora wrapped her arms around herself, she looked like she got the air kicked out of her, "Are you guys in a relationship now or are you just living together? Oh Casey, you really didn't think of the consequences did you?"

Casey sputtered nervously, "Derek and I are not together that way, but we both said we would live together until it stopped making sense."

Nora rubbed her temples, clearly confused. "But it won't always be like that Casey, what if Derek or you meet someone?"

Casey laughed loudly, "Please mom, like anyone would want to be with me now. Derek is part of that package, so even if I met someone they'd have to be okay with Derek being so involved. I've come to terms with the fact I may never meet someone, but Derek knows I understand if he meets someone, then that'll be something we'll deal with when it comes."

Derek wanted to tell her right there and then, there was no way he'd date anyone other than her, he felt the words in his chest. He interrupted abruptly, "Doesn't matter what happens in one year, or in ten, I'm never going to abandon her. I'll be here for her and my son. If I ever meet someone, then they'll just have to suck it up because Casey and I are linked now, so if anyone finds that weird, then they can just get lost. I'm never going to leave Casey alone with this."

Casey blushed, and Nora kept looking at Derek as if he was a thief that stole her daughter's innocence. "Derek shouldn't have seduced you," she said bitterly.

Casey had enough, her face was blotchy and red. "Look, I am tired of everyone treating Derek as if he was the devil in all this. I'm not some innocent angel. I wanted him that night, I did. I don't care if you don't believe it, but I was insistent, I seduced him. Derek doesn't deserve the scrutiny he's getting. I'm to blame more than him, I was the one that told him I was safe, and well he trusted me. So everything was my fault. We're pregnant because of me." Casey moved closer to Derek on the couch, reaching for his hand.

"Derek has been so amazing through all this. George you should be proud of him, he could have walked away from me and his son. I gave him an out, and not even for a moment did he consider abandoning me. He's been sweet, he's taken care of me, he has done everything to make sure I'm happy. My son is so lucky to have Derek, and so am I"

Derek was deeply moved by Casey's support, and then her voice cracked a little. "He has become…..so important to me. Please, if you want to blame anyone blame me, I was relentless."

Derek couldn't take it, he leaned in to her, tugging at her insistently. "Casey, Stop it. Yes you seeked me out, but I am just as much to blame. No way am I letting you take the fall for this, you gotta stop being such a goody-too-shoes."

George swore under his breath, and then studied Derek for a record amount of time. "Well, I am glad you're seeing it through Derek, but you and responsibility have never gelled well, I know this sounds harsh, but it's the truth. I'm worried that this could wreck your relationship with Casey if you end up…getting overwhelmed by what it truly means to be a father."

Derek stayed silent, it was useless trying to defend himself. The truth was he knew exactly why he was having those doubts, he understood it, yet it hurt to hear those words. The constant reminder that he was immature.

Casey looked at him with emotion, "Well I believe he is going to be an amazing father, and honestly my opinion is the only one that counts."

Nora and George were quiet for a long time. Everything was out in the open, and it was clear they couldn't understand the situation."Do they know?" Nora asked pointing upstairs.

"We told our siblings, it's just Marty you'll have to deal with," Casey admitted.

George leaned into Nora's ear and whispered, oh it was so frustrating. After minutes of dreaded silence, he finally spoke. "Give us time please, this is obviously a lot for us to process. We don't want to say anything in this moment that could never be taken back. Being uncomfortable with this doesn't mean we won't be there and welcome this baby, but this is still a lot. We are just so overwhelmed."

Nora nodded with agreement, "Please go, I'll call you soon Casey, just please I need to process."

While telling the truth was a relief, now there was a whole new weight they didn't expect. When they got home, Derek ran up the stairs, leaving Casey without a word. He knew that would be the reaction, he knew it, yet actually feeling everyone's judgement made him want to scream. He loved Casey and it killed him that they viewed them as if they were circus freaks. His father's words went through him, he was right, he sucked at being responsible. What if he did fail? What if he hurt Casey down the road? Casey burst out crying the moment they got in the car, while she put up a courageous front, it also affected her. He couldn't find any words to say. And now he was even more miserable, if he told Casey he loved her, this was what she'd have to live with, constant judgement. He heard the door open and Casey slipped in. She didn't say anything just laid down beside him, and she hugged him from behind. She tucked herself into his neck, he could feel her shuddering. She was crying. He picked up her hand and squeezed it gently.

"Der, I…...I want you to know I'm not ashamed of what we had," she breathed hard against him, "I meant every word, I know they're shocked, I'm sure it's not ideal for them. But you and I didn't do anything wrong, we aren't related, that is the truth. And well in the past few months you've really surprised me, you've dealt with this so responsibly, and I'm so thankful to have you beside me. I…." He turned around to face her, he needed to look at her. He pulled her closer, and she wrapped her arms around him.

Casey was looking at him so softly, so sweetly, "You what?" He prodded.

She looked away anxiously, "I never doubted for a moment that I wanted to keep this baby, and that reason was you. I didn't know if you'd be in the picture, but you're someone I care about deeply, and well," she laughed nervously. "Even though I used to whine about you so much, there was a lot about you that I admired too. I never once for a moment regret it happened with you."

Derek tried to take in her words, but it shook him. "Am I hearing this correctly, you cared enough about me to not doubt you wanted to keep this baby?"

She nodded, her eyes were sincere. He found himself moving closer to her face, she really did care about him. "Was I shocked and upset over how things ended between us, yes, but no the moment I found out I was pregnant I knew I would keep it. I mean it was a part of you, you my annoying, ridiculous, nightmare step brother throughout high school, you the guy I called a jerk to your face more times than I can count, you the one that drove me crazy all these years. But then, I thought about all the other things you've done for me. You were protective, you were helpful at times, you always had my back in your strange Derek way. You were the only one that ever dared call me anything but perfect. All my life that's all I ever heard from my parents. And then you came along to tell me that in fact I was a spoiled princess, and gave me a reality check, you helped me grow Derek. You made me crazy, but I hate to admit you were right about many things, and you became someone I admired. Secretly of course, I would never be so ridiculous before to admit it to you, but right now I'm telling you. You need to know that you're so important to me, and for that reason I kept him. I honestly don't know if I would have made the same choice if it had been with Vincent. I'm not ashamed this baby is yours Derek."

His heart inside his chest…..what the hell did that mean? _She kept the baby because he's mine._ "You would have kept it if it had been Vincent, you loved him," he said plainly.

Casey shrugged, "I don't know if I ever loved him, honestly. I also feel he wouldn't have stayed by my side. And while I knew you'd be shocked by it, maybe deep down I knew you'd stay."

Derek melted helplessly, he reached for her face, tracing it softly, "Wow, thanks Case. Not even for a moment did I consider abandoning you, I'm not ashamed that you're having my baby either. I'm sorry they reacted so badly then."

Casey stared at him sweetly, "I'll be fine, I'm more worried about you right now. George will come around, I know it."

He tried to laugh, "You are such a dreamer and love happy endings, it's cute."

She toyed with his hair softly, "It's not just me being dreamy Derek, I believe it."

He looked at her for a long time, the intensity seemed to overtake him suddenly. It was a hard day, and he needed her more than anything."Case I'm fine, I just want to sleep."

As if she could read him, she smiled and ran a hand down over him, touching his chest, moving lower. She looked at him pleadingly. "Let me make you feel better, whatever you need right now, I'm here for you," she whispered.

"Anything?" He asked raggedly.

Casey nodded, and swallowed tightly, and then moved in closer. "Just let me…let me kiss you, just don't think so much about it. Me wanting to kiss you right now has nothing to do with me just liking it. I want to do it for you, to cheer you up, it's a completely selfless kiss I promise."

She didn't wait for him to answer, and kissed him tenderly, but still firm enough to get him reaching for her, he pulled her in snugly against him. She kissed him ardently, and sweetly, but then her kisses became more passionate. When she pulled back, she looked at him with sheer longing.

"Ask me to stay," she said with thick emotion. He was completely stunned into silence. "Let me spend the night with you Derek, please." He couldn't help but tremor at the thought of it. He wanted her desperately, but he couldn't form words, nothing. Everything in him stopped working. "And I know what you might say, that I'm just thinking of it as a way to cheer you up, but I want this just as much, I've missed you." His eyes darkened as he looked at her with captivated lust.

"You have?" Oh hell. His heart was racing, his body responded to her in the most carnal way.

She moved closer, roping him into her. "I need you tonight, just like I know you need me. This is how much I don't regret that night, please Derek. I know you asked me to tell you what this means to me, and I still don't have answers, but I care about you so deeply." Derek stared at her, completely ensnared by her.

Casey had lost her mind. Derek was upset, clearly in need of space and yet she just asked him to spend the night. Oh, she wished the ground would swallow her up. It was such an emotional night. Seeing their parents attack their relationship made her angry and protective. Hearing Derek defend their night together made her melt, and that aching desire went through her all night. And then seeing him so sad, was the last drop. Her heart had exploded, and she needed him, even if it was just physical. She didn't care about her pride, about seeming desperate. She didn't care if he loved her or not, she wanted to give him whatever he wanted. She wanted to please him, wanted to hold him, wanted for just one moment to release this pent up lust that had consumed her. She needed him with desperation. But, as she looked into his eyes, as she felt his arms tightening around her, she knew he wouldn't.

He looked completely starstruck, "Case, believe me, I wish we could," he said with difficulty.

"So what's the problem?" She said with agitation, "It's because I'm huge isn't it? You don't find me desirable, is that it?" All pride had gone out the window.

Derek just shook his head, smiling with a touch of sadness. "I don't ever want to have a one-night stand with you again. And I'm upset right now, I don't want to use you as a distraction."

Casey felt pain consume her, "Oh."

He tipped her chin up when she looked away with embarrassment."Casey, it's not that I don't want to, or that I find you unattractive, believe me, it's so far from that. Quite frankly, you're very tempting. I just don't want to mess this up. Having sex with you again, can't ever happen again as a casual thing. You deserve more than that."

Casey wanted to cry. She wanted so much more than just casual sex with him though, she needed him with such desperation, but she was scared of making that step. Of telling him just how hard she was falling, of telling him she didn't just want sex. She wanted a life with him, she wanted his love above anything else. "You're right, I'm sorry for being so pushy…...I take it back," she said regretfully.

Derek shook his head, "Case, believe me I want it, but I care about you more than my own needs. You're not the type of girl that should ever be had for just one night."

Casey felt his words wrap around her, he did care about her, she knew it. But it still hurt. She wanted to touch him, kiss every inch of his body, but also wanted to laugh with him under the covers. Wanted to memorize the lines of his smile, wanted to sleep with his arms wrapped around her. Wanted to wake up to his jokes, his brown, intense eyes. It was painful to ask, "What kind of girl am I then?"

Derek moved a wisp of hair behind her ear, looking at her softly. "The overly romantic one, the one that dreams of the perfect everything. The type that deserves a real relationship. I couldn't just have sex with you casually and feel okay with it after everything we've been through, you're…..too innocent, and well, _too important_ for me…..I don't want any reason for you hate me."

Casey was moved by the certainty in his voice. "You silly man, I could never hate you. I never have. And I'm not that innocent. Just so you know, sex with you never felt casual to me…you are too important to me to ever come close to that, in fact it was….." she stopped, oh no, she was revealing too much.

"Yes?" He prodded.

Casey warred with herself, but she couldn't seem to retract anything. He needed to know the truth, more so now that he was dealing with scrutiny for what they did. She kept the eye contact, even though she wanted to disappear. " It was never casual for me. Casual means there's no connection beyond the physical. You mean a lot to me, you could never be insignificant to me. There's nothing casual about what we did, me being the most careful person out there made the conscious decision to cross that line, knowing that it would change everything. I don't know why I couldn't control it, but I promise I wanted you that night. I know the timing was crazy since I was crying over another guy. And yes you did make me feel better, but I didn't use you as a distraction. I wanted you."

Derek looked at her alertly, "Really?" She nodded sheepishly. He was breathing sharply, his eyes became astonishingly dark. "I enjoyed that night more than I let on, and not just because I got sex…...It was never casual for me either. I mean it was me and you. Even though I tried to stop it, I swear I wanted you too. With even more reason, we shouldn't play with fire Case. I don't want us to be burned."

 _So, what was it?_ What was that night? It wasn't just consolation, it was earth shattering, perplexing, necessary, more than two bodies just giving physical pleasure. It was soul binding.

"So, we just suffer in silence even though we both want it?" she breathed against his mouth, and rubbed the nape of his neck.

Derek turned scarlet, "Case, our situation is different now. We're having a baby. If we have sex just because we want it, we could end up hurting not only each other, but Noah too if we mess up our relationship. Sex with you is serious."

She bit her lip and she could tell he was becoming more flustered by the second. "I know that, god, don't you think I know just how risky it could be?" she muttered with frustration. "It's just unfortunate because for two people that never got along, we were _very_ good together weren't we? I mean I'm no expert, but what you and I shared was…..remarkable, passionate, and well...It was the best I've ever had." As the words left, she felt instantly embarrassed. Derek had been with countless of women, how could she be stupid enough to assume she had been the best for him? She stuttered nervously, "Or maybe it was just remarkable for me?"

Derek seemed stunned by her bluntness. He started smiling in such a sexy way, but he remained silent. There was a look of pure, dark lust that went over his face. She remembered that look, god she needed to leave that instant. "I'm sorry, don't answer that," she got up quickly. "Please forgive me for um, well that."

She spoke too much, put too much on the line. She left his room in a hurry, but she heard him hastily moving behind her. _Don't, don't touch me Derek or I will fall apart._ Derek whirled her around and she felt her back hit the wall. He moved in, the heat of his gaze made her squirm, made her pant."I can't follow rules, not even my own," he muttered roughly.

His mouth crashed on hers, stealing her very breath from her lungs. Passion ignited without mercy. She melted into him, reaching for him with desperation as his mouth sought, prodded, moved with blinding urgency. His kisses were debilitating, she was powerless, and she responded with her own unhinged passion, desperate to inhale him. He went on to give her hard, delicious kisses that made her hot, and unsteady. Him finding out that night was never casual for her, seemed to have broken his reserve. He was leaving a passionate imprint on her mouth, searing her with the intensity of an unknown force. Her hands tugged at him, she needed to feel his skin, her nails dug into his lower back, and he groaned, kissing her manically, wildly. She surrendered to his demanding mouth, moaning softly as his body pressed deeper into her. She flirted with his tongue, needed the drugging taste of him. _Take me away, I need you,_ everything in her was pleading for him to continue, her body responding with a shivering need. His hands went over her face, and dug into her hair, gripping with some force, but it was unbearably sexy.

He was saying something through that kiss, answering her question. That night was more than he bargained for just as it was for her, that night was pure passion, there was no denying it with how charged and heated their kiss was. His hand suddenly went under her shirt, touching and creating a wild fire of torment as he moved it up, she was quivering, moaning against his mouth. And then his hand cupped her, he groaned, "Oh you're body drives me crazy," he moaned as he touched her with complete wickedness. She felt her world implode, he was so sexy, so maddening, she writhed against him encouraging him to touch her however he wanted. He was reminding her of that night, or maybe he was trying to remember it, and then his hands moved behind her softly kneading her bottom, pulling her into him with raw, heady movements that had her trembling, a turmoil of lust broke through as his body moved against her with insistent, hard movements that made her want him to take her right there, up against the wall, she was feverish. She clung to him, pulling him closer, trying to convey her need for him. And then he tore away from her, heaving as he placed his hands against the wall with her still pinned against it.

All she could say was "My god," she wheezed. She was certain she was all starry eyed and completely flushed.

Derek looked impassioned, his eyes blazing with red lust, and lingered as he pulled back. "We were," he answered slowly, unsteadily. "A little too damn good together."

Casey's heart drummed ferociously. It was undeniable that he wanted her and she was showing the same passionate longing. But she wanted so much more, it would never be enough.

"What was that? What was that kiss for?" She breathed.

His breathing was rattled and brusque, "To answer your question, yes that night was….amazing. Don't you ever question for one god damned moment that we have chemistry, and I would dare to say, it's one of a kind. Don't you ever question that this," he said darkly, pointing between them, "is real, this cannot be faked. I mean I'm a great actor, but I swear, I would give anything to have another night with you…." His gaze was muddled with agony and pain.

Casey couldn't help but move against him in response, "Me too, Derek I've wanted you more than you'll ever know," she watched as he looked away from her, clearly trying to control the urge to give in.

Derek just sighed with agony, " I meant what I said, I want you so badly, but I will not ruin everything. Sex with you can never be taken lightly, ever again. But I'm not going to stand here and lie and tell you I don't want it, because I do. I want you so damn much, and you're tempting, so damned tempting. As much as it kills me not to touch you," his gaze roved over her in flames. She was breathing erratically, lost in his eyes. "As much as it kills me not to kiss you, not to tear your clothes away, not to please you, not to kiss every part of your skin, I have to hold back. Not only would tonight be for the wrong reasons, I am a little emotional and that's not fair to you. We are still not any closer to figuring out what we are Casey, sex with you is a big deal, and you…..you deserve everything you've ever dreamed of. You deserve a boyfriend, not just sex. I never thought I'd ever turn down sex with you, because yes you're the best I've ever had Casey, I swear to god, you've ruined me. I'm sorry, Casey. I'm sorry for letting you down. God I'm sorry, " and he kissed her one time, before walking off hastily, taking with him everything.

His words swirled through her mind, she didn't just want sex, she wanted everything, his heart, his body, everything, but she couldn't seem to halt him, couldn't say the words tormenting her. She wanted to much more than a passionate affair. It made her miserable, she was chained up and being tortured to an unbearable degree. She slowly traced her mouth, still tingling from his kisses. Her blood was still pounding in her veins with the effort to contain herself from following him.

Casey went into her room collapsing on her bed, this lust was too much for her and there in the darkness of her room, she let herself think of him, plead for him, let herself moan for him, let herself get lost in the unsatisfying pleasure of not having him there. She was in a frenzy, what if he heard her? She didn't care anymore, maybe she wanted him to know, maybe she just needed him to hear how much she needed him. _Derek,_ was all she could say, over and over again, an urgent prayer. She was a lady, this went against everything she ever believed in, and she was powerless. It was either that or go to him that instant and attack him like a crazy person. What had become of her? Once a rational person, now she was unable to control anything she was doing, Derek had her spinning without mercy.

* * *

Bloody fucking hell. Derek had no idea how he managed to escape her presence without losing it completely. He was a moron for turning her down, he knew it, already regretted it. He just couldn't have sex be part of their arrangement, no way could he handle only being in a physical relationship with her. What the hell was the matter with him? This was literally a guys dream having pure, diabolical sex without the fluff and romance. He didn't want that with her, he wanted everything. It was all or nothing. He was confused by her, this was the most romantic woman on earth and somehow she seemed to just want sex like a deviant. He couldn't get her out of his mind, her lust filled eyes, the way she urged him closer, the way her body arched into him was too tempting. He was dizzy, completely out of his mind.

And then he heard it. At first he thought Casey was crying and he went to investigate only to stop mid way in the hallway, completely frozen. She was panting, moaning softly, and he just couldn't fathom Casey _doing_ that. He had to be dreaming. And then he entered pure hell. Casey was moaning his name, getting louder, could hear her crazy breathing. _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._ He couldn't believe it, yet it was happening. He leaned into the wall, flushed, completely turned on and it was overwhelming. He wanted her, no not just wanted her, he wanted to give her everything she was clearing begging for, wanted to please her, wanted to drive her even crazier. He didn't just want to fuck her, he wanted to claim her, wanted to ensure that she never went out looking for that with anyone else. _You're mine, by god you're mine._ He stood there as his mind became a fog, and he just needed to remind himself why he was restraining himself. Casey deserved romance, love, someone to care for her, and he wanted to give that all to her but she said so herself, she didn't know what he meant to her yet. He knew she cared about him, but he wanted her heart so badly. One slip, and he'd be screwed for life. He gave in to the moment. He closed his eyes, letting madness consume him, with the soundtrack of Casey's voice calling out to him. An ungodly passion was killing him, and he was barely holding on to reality anymore. He was lost, so lost.

When he went back to his room, he just crumpled to the ground. What a night, it was too intense for him, way too much for him. He had to put distance with her, there was no way he could endure this anymore. He was burning, completely. _Damn it Casey, just when I think I can't want you more you have to just prove me wrong_. _I want you more than anything, but I want everything, just tell me you love me, please. Sleeping with you again and then us not becoming more would kill me, it would break me. When did I become such a romantic fool?_

* * *

For the next week, everything was so tense around the house. He was cordial with Casey, but there was so much chemistry surging between them it made it difficult to breathe. He was upset over his dad's words, the constant reminder he wasn't responsible was really phsyching him out, what if he failed her? Finding out Casey wanted to have sex with him again was too torturous , and just remembering what she did that night was enough to get him all horny with in moments. He just couldn't think around her. After turning Casey down, she'd been in a slump, and he felt like such a jerk. He kept telling himself he did the right thing, but yet every time she looked at him with that look, he wanted to trample his frickin conscious and give in. He needed space so desperately.

That morning he went down and quietly pulled her aside, "Casey. Um I'm going away for a few days."

Casey looked at him alertly, "Oh no. I've scared you off haven't I? Derek I'm sorry for what I did….. You needed to be alone and I was too pushy. Please."

Derek held her shoulders, looking at her with all the strength he had left, "No, don't apologize for anything. I told you, I want you too. I just need to sort through some things, okay?"

Casey nodded sadly, "I just hate seeing you look at me like that."

Derek reached for her hand, "Like what?"

Casey fumbled around, looking so sad it killed him. "Like you are regretting this, regretting living with me, getting involved with me, believe me I'd understand it. The talk with our parents made you upset, it upset me too. I didn't go to you that night trying to have a casual experience."

He tried to smile, "I don't regret it, any of it. And I know Casey, I know you weren't being casual, you were being sweet and you wanted to cheer me up, I'm not mad, to be honest I'm mad at myself for turning you down. I just need to think, I don't want you to deal with me in such such a crappy mood, I'm going to Sam's."

Casey sniffled, and wiped at her eyes with frustration. "Do you hate me?"

Derek groaned, his strength was vanishing rapidly. "Damn it Case, I could never hate you. _"_ _If anything I'm ridiculously in love with you, and it kills me that everyone looks at us like we're freaks._

Casey took a deep breath, her gaze locked on him. "Then why have you been avoiding me? Why are you keeping me at distance? It was that night, I freaked you out."

Derek moved closer to her, cupping her face, "Because I'm having a hard time resisting you. You didn't do anything wrong, I just have some baggage to deal with. I have tried calling my dad a few times and he's ignored me. I just…..am going through a lot, and I don't want to burden you. Just please, give me a couple days to cool off, I'll be fine. okay? I'll be back before you know it. I promise Casey, if I'm deciding to take space to think, it's because I want to think about our situation. Maybe you should too, I don't know about you, but this has become so…..overwhelming, and I swear resisting you is killing me. We need to breathe Casey."

Casey moved in closer, clasping on to his hand. "I know it's been overwhelming, and I'll think about it, I promise. Just- I'm terrified Derek. I'm terrified you'll let George's words destroy everything good we have created together the last few months. I'm scared I've become too much for you, and you will move out."

Derek was shaking from the effort to hold back from holding her, "That'll never happen, the only reason I'd ever leave is if that's what you wanted. You can text me, alright? I'm just going to crash on Sam's couch. Come on Case, smile for me, please? Everything is going to be alright, I promise."

Casey smiled like brittle glass. "Okay, I'll see you when you come back." As he moved away, she called him, "I'll be thinking Derek, I promise. When you get back, um, I'll tell you what I want."

He looked over his shoulder at her. Walking away from her was crushing him, but he needed to do this. "Okay, see you soon Case."

Derek spent two days trying to figure out what to do next, what move to make next with Casey. Certainly after that night it was going to be hard to act like he didn't just want to jump her, and by the looks of it, she was just as eager for him. He wanted to kick himself, he never thought he'd ever be so torn over the fact she wanted to sleep with him.

So one evening as he was playing games with Sam, he just let it all out. The fact he was the father, everything with Casey, how he felt, his parents reactions. All throughout, Sam just gripping his arm rest, looking at him as if he had four heads or something. He explained that he was discouraged to go for a relationship with Casey based on his dad's reaction, that he never thought it would take such a toll on him, but it did. He was worried he was actually in over his head to believe he wasn't going to somehow screw everything up with Casey.

When Derek was done, he felt like a hundred pounds lighter, and Sam looked like he was going to barf. "Holy crap, Robin had mentioned you and Casey were closer than you appeared, but this I didn't see coming. You're a father, congrats man, and well Casey is cool. I can see why you'd fall for for her. Screw your parents, if you want her, and she makes you happy, then go for it. Your parents will just have to suck it up, clearly they're wrong considering you've stepped up to the plate."

Derek sighed with aggravation. "Casey says it doesn't bother her, but I know her. She's probably freaking out at the thought our parents are disappointed in her, and well I feel like an idiot. If I make a move on her, like actually try to be with her, that's the kind of judgement she's always going to get. I can handle it, I've let go of my need to try to keep up that cool reputatuation, but Casey is too vulnerable right now with the pregnancy, it could hurt her. I want her, but I want to wait until she's no longer pregnant to tell her how I feel, I don't want to stress her with anything right now. I don't even know if she wants me that way. I know she's attracted to me, and I know she cares about me, but what if I screw everything up by telling her, and then it's super awkward after?"

Sam punched his arm, "Dude, there will always be something, another reason to push it off. You have loved her for ages, stop fighting it dude. Just tell her."

Derek groaned, "I can't believe I'm saying this, but this is the first time I'm like terrified of being rejected. I never used to be such a loser, I just went with the flow, but there's something about Casey where I just act like a total dweeb at times. I mean I think she might feel the same, but who the hell really knows? "

Sam was quiet for a moment, he felt bad for dumping all his emotional crap on him. "I get it, it's terrifying. If she doesn't feel the same, then you can start to move on but by everything you've told me, I'd be shocked if she didn't feel the same. Casey isn't the casual type Derek, she's never been, and sure maybe this whole thing started as a one night stand, but she's definitely giving you tons of openings. Maybe she's just scared, girls are another species I tell you. And Casey? Well she's from a different planet," he teased.

Derek glared at him, "Hey, only I can tease her. I'll punch your face in if you ever make fun of her again in my presence, got it?"

Sam laughed, "Got it."

"But you may be right, maybe she's just as freaked out as I am. I wouldn't be surprised, Casey overthinks everything. God, look at us talking about women, and feelings, it makes me nauseous. What happened to us? This is so not our usual cool hang out."

Sam just grinned, "It's called growing up, I guess it was time for us to stop being so immature. Your dad is cool Derek, and he'll come around, but holding back from being happy because you're worried about how Casey may react to stress is also not a cool way to go. Give her some credit, she stood up for you as a father already, I'm sure she'd stand up just as boldly over your relationship if you had one. Just trust me man, what if you wait too long and she gives up on waiting and looks for someone else?"

Derek stood up angrily, felt an intense possessiveness consume him. "Don't even dare finish that sentence, god I couldn't take it, I really couldn't. I'd go crazy. Ugh, this is killing me."

"So, how long have you had the hots for your step sister? Since high school?"

Derek tried to think of a specific time, but he couldn't remember when it started, "Well I knew for sure when she started dating you."

Sam chuckled, "Oh that explains so much, the wrestling, your 'male code', wow I was stupid."

Derek felt much better already, "Yeah, I might have hated your guts for a while there."

Sam elbowed him, "Well, I'm glad I lost then. And now I have Robin, seriously, she's the coolest chick, and being with her has made me….more sensitive to this kind of stuff. Don't let her go man, you'll kick yourself for life if you pass up the chance to try to be with her."

Derek sighed, and as he thought of Casey and everything they'd gone through, he knew Sam was right. Yes he was freaking out, obviously he didn't want to be rejected, but he also couldn't stand not knowing anymore. "You're right, I guess I'm going for it then. Oh I'm screwed."

Sam winked at him, "Well there's only two ways this could go, be screwed in a bad way…..or screwed in a good way. I hope it's the second one, hope you win her man."

Derek punched his arm, laughing at his lewd joke a bit more than he wanted to. Fine, it was time to stop hiding, time to tell Casey the truth. He was going to tell her he loved her, against any risk. She was worth putting his heart on the line, and if she breaks it, then she breaks it. It didn't matter, his heart was hers in any condition. But he had hope, hope that she felt s _omething_ , and anything she felt, even if it was a little, he would win her over. This was the one challenge he was determined to win.

As they were finishing a round of pizza, Derek received a text from Sally.

_Hey, any chance we could have that closure?_

Derek groaned, like he needed more awkwardness in his life. "Oh great, now I have to go break Sally's heart, this weekend is just a suck fest."

Sam looked over his shoulder, "She wants to meet you….to have you say you don't want to be with her? That's kind of crazy."

Derek chuckled, "Women, completely different species for sure."

He wanted to get it over with, a quick chat was all it was going to take. He went to the gym, and let out all his stress out through exercise, and afterwards he waited for Sally outside the gym. He was eager to get back home and talk to Casey. He saw Sally get out of her car, smiling at him brightly.

"Hi Derek, thanks for meeting me," she said sweetly.

"Sally," he said cordially, "Um, I have a lot to do today, so why don't we get right to it, shall we?"

Sally nodded, her smile wavering a little, "Well first I'd like to ask if um you are still single?"

Derek knew right away, this wasn't going to be a quick conversation. "It's complicated. Look Sally, nothing has changed since our last talk. I have fallen in love with someone, and I know it sucks for you to hear that, but I'm not available. I wanted to meet you because I owed you a real explanation. I know we had um our moments, and well maybe I led you on a bit all these years. And I'm sorry, but I stopped loving you many years ago. I cared about you all the other times, I swear, but I just couldn't feel that for you again. I didn't want to get attached, so I didn't, I'm sorry if I made you believe we could get back together again. "

Sally kicked the ground bitterly, "I know Derek, I made so many stupid decisions. I should have never left, losing you was…..so painful, and I just couldn't let go of you which is why I called you so many times after. I need one chance to speak the truth for once. Derek, I should have been honest years ago, and because I kept making excuses, excuses like the distance, I let too much time go by." She looked up at him and moved closer, "I never lost hope that you and I could reconnect again. I never forgot you, I love you, always have. I should have told you so many times. I came back too late and your heart belongs to someone else, but you're not w _ith_ her now. So I have to fight with all I have Derek, if you're single then I'm going to try, this other woman must be blind or crazy not to love you, but the truth is you don't have her. Derek, please forgive me for hurting you, for leaving you. I love you, please give me another chance, I promise I won't ever let you down again."

Derek was stumped, damn it, he shouldn't have come. Sally was near to tears, and he felt absolutely nothing, except compassion. "Sorry if this is a random question, but did you write me? While I was away?"

Sally looked at him with confusion, "Um no, but I thought of it many times. I just thought it would be better to express this in person…..please, just think about it. We were pretty great together."

Derek felt like such a jerk, but there was no nice way of putting it. "We were, but that was a different time Sally. My life is so different now. I forgave you a long time ago, you were meant to leave Sally, and I was meant to stay. I was meant to stay with her. There's no point to you fighting for me, I'm a goner, she's the love of my life. Doesn't matter if she's not actually mine, I love her anyway and it's not ever going to go away."

Sally was tearing up, he hated tears, absolutely hated them, worse when he was the cause. "Well this is never going to go away for me either, I'm doomed Derek, I can't let you go. I love you with my whole heart, soul, everything. I was a fool, I will always regret leaving you," and then she closed the distance. He moved back away from her, realizing what she was about to do, but she was so quick, wrapping her arms around his neck, and tugged his head down. She kissed him, and he was shocked. For a moment he didn't know what to do, felt her trying to deepen the kiss, and that's when his mind kicked again.

Derek pulled back after a moment of frantic panic, shoving her back, "Why the hell did you kiss me? Next time ask. I'm not available. Not for you, not for anyone other than-" and then he felt it, he stopped cold. He felt her gaze like a laser. The hairs on the back of his neck went up, alerted by her presence.

He turned and saw Casey standing on the other side of the plaza. She was standing there with a terror filled face, looking at him with such hatred, betrayal. Her eyes pierced him, his heart stopped. No, no this couldn't be happening. He felt as if someone reached into his gut and twisted it. No, this couldn't be happening, he blinked back the shock. "Fuck."

Sally looked towards Casey, "Why is she looking at you like that?" At Derek's silence, and probably the agony on his face she muttered, "Oh my god. It's Casey, she's who you love…."

Derek swore, he was not aware of anything Sally was saying. He was trapped in Casey's gaze. He could see Casey crying. Oh he was in hell, frost hell. If he had any hope at all of Casey feeling something for him, it suddenly got smashed to the ground into pieces, and it was all his fault. He felt as if he was suspended in time, trapped in Casey's destroying gaze. And he died inside, died irreparably, he lost her before even having her.

* * *

Casey spent the entire weekend going through everything that happened with Derek. She came on to him, hard, and he told her he wanted her, too. He was right, they were now stuck in this limbo where it was clear they were both insanely attracted to each other, and it was harmful not to take his question seriously. Telling Derek she loved him was so huge though, there would be no hiding, it was the most vulnerable she'd ever be. But she also couldn't hold back either, she was helpless to her desire, she was no longer in control of anything.

She slept in his bed, she missed him so much. The way he avoided her after that night terrified her, she really felt she had ruined everything, but he seemed sincere when he left that he'd return. His scent clung to the sheets, and she was drowning in it, she wanted him so badly. He wanted her to think, and if that's what he wanted, fine, she'd cross that line. She'd tell him she was in love with him and hope to God he didn't get freaked out by it. As she deepened into the pillow, she reached her hands under it and felt an envelope under the pillow. As she pulled it out, her heart went on overdrive. It was her letters…he kept them, oh god and under his pillow meaning he read them all the time. She shakily took them out, staring at her words. Why did he keep them?

For some reason she saw it as a sign from the universe to go for it, to tell him the truth. She felt a voltage of love for him. He turned that person away, so why keep the letters unless he had a suspicion of who they were from? After all the intensity they shared in two weeks, maybe his letter contained the truth. Maybe his letter was about her, and that connection made her fill up with resplendent hope. It was a sign, she was going to tell him the truth.

Casey got up from the bed and went to shower, singing, humming, in a state of euphoria. Derek said he would be back tomorrow, but she couldn't wait. Not for another moment. She wore her best outfit, put on blue eye shadow, her signature flirty look, and beamed at herself.

Casey went to Sam's house and knocked with excitement, and Sam answered. "Hey Casey, um yeah Derek went to the gym, do you want to wait for him?"

She shook her head, way too excited to wait for him. "No I'll go find him, thank you."

Casey was rehearsing in her mind what she would say, when she parked and walked through the plaza, she stopped suddenly. Derek was outside on the curb with Sally. They were talking about something, at first she didn't think much of it. Derek told her he was going to meet up with her, but then something changed as she saw the way Sally was looking at him. She was looking at him with pure love. And to her horror, Sally moved in and kissed him. _How dare you ?_ Everything in her wanted to go and drag Sally off him, but he wasn't pushing her away. She had been kicked repeatedly in the chest. She couldn't breathe. Jealousy consumed her, spreading through her insidiously. _If you wanted someone to kiss to make you feel better, why couldn't you kiss me? You jerk, you blind idiot, I would give anything to kiss you._ _It's not fair, I'm not match for the love of your life, but I would have given anything to see you smile again. I would have kissed you all night, given you anything. And you knew it, you knew I wanted you. You are breaking me apart._ She felt tears flooding her face.

Derek pulled back, and he seemed angry as his eyes connected with hers, no doubt angry she interrupted the moment. She heard him say, "Fuck," and pushed Sally away from him and came forward.

And she just walked backwards away from him, her heart breaking into a million pieces. He moved quickly, seizing her wrist, "You liar," she said accusingly, "Let me go! Go back to your date," she said wretchedly.

Derek looked agonized, upset as he jilted her closer. "Casey, she kissed me, I didn't –"

"Oh and you were putting up such a big fight, just leave me alone Derek," and she knew she was crying. "Just freaking date her and stop pretending you don't want to." She turned away and Derek pulled her back. She found herself looking up into his intense brown eyes. His arms came around her, hauling her into him. She was breathing erratically, crying, and she shoved at him trying to break free.

"No I don't want to, " he said desperately, "I swear it, she caught me by surprise, please believe me. I was stunned, I didn't want to kiss her, Case please." His hands were roving over her back, clearly trying to calm her, but she had snapped like string that was stretched out too far. His face was suddenly in her neck, breathing harshly against her, "Case listen to me."

Casey started to feel faint, dizzy, the emotional wave making her sick. She wavered on her feet, as she snapped back away from him. "I'm not an idiot, you've clearly been sneaking around with her!" she said faintly, "I don't need you to take care of me for sympathy, I'm fine I can take care of myself, please stop hurting me this way. Just admit you still love her! Don't tell me it isn't true, it explains why you rejected me. "

Derek moved in and seized her face in his hands, giving her no escape. He was shaking as he looked at her, getting close enough to kiss her. " I don't love her, and It's not for sympathy. I'm sorry for rejecting you, please forgive me, I was an idiot. I swear I wanted you that night more than you'll ever know. And I haven't stopped wanting you. You're all I can think about, please believe me. Sally means nothing to me. Case-listen to me, I-" but then felt a swirl of confusion consume her, she was falling, and was only aware of his arms. She tumbled sideways and Derek caught her in his arms. Cramping started, an intense voltage went through her entire body.

"Casey? What's going on?" She was aware of her eyes rolling in the back of her head as Derek's voice was suddenly in her ear."Casey, please, I'm sorry." He brought her down and he sat on the ground with her, and she was in his arms, her face against his chest as he held her as if he was comforting a child. His hands went over her inspecting her.

Casey groaned, "I'm cramping Derek," she said faintly, "I feel like…..oh god, Noah," she said frantically.

Derek was suddenly touching her and she was feeling faint and weak. She heard him yelling at Sally, "Call an ambulance, don't just stand there!"

Derek kept stroking her back, her face, "I 've got you, I'm so sorry Casey. Come on princess, please yell at me, talk to me, kick me, whatever you want, but stay awake for me alright? Noah is going to be okay, just breathe Casey, please."

She mumbled an incoherent, "You're an idiot."

He leaned his forehead into hers, his eyes swam with care, sadness, and she couldn't seem to look away. "I know, the biggest idiot. I want to kiss you Casey, only you. She kissed me because she was upset, I didn't mean to kiss her. As if I could ever think of anyone else when I'm just dying to kiss you every moment of every day. I want to kiss you this very moment, but I know you're angry and I deserve it. I want you, Casey, I need you. Please believe me."

She pushed against his chest angrily, no he couldn't take back what she saw. If he wanted to kiss her as badly as he stated, he would have. But no, he ignored her all week, and kissed Sally instead. "Liar, I saw it."

She groaned out with pain and he stared at her with helplessness. Sally came over, "I called Derek, they're coming."

Derek didn't take his eyes off Casey, "Can you give us a moment?" he snapped angrily, and Sally moved away, but she looked concerned for Casey. And then he was looking into her eyes, and she was crying faintly, and a tide of pain went over her. She groaned deeply.

Derek rubbed her belly gently, and he grazed her cheek with utter softness, "Casey, " he said shakily, "Talk to me, please what are you feeling? Contractions?"

She couldn't breathe. "What do I feel? I hate you," she said angrily, "I hate you so much, I'm sick with hatred, just sick to my stomach!"

Derek soothed back her hair, she'd never seen him look that worried, so consumed with fear. "It's alright, keep yelling at me, I'm here."

Her heart was broken. She went to find him with the hope they could start something, and now she had nothing, and she couldn't say anything, she sobbed. The faintness was growing over her, it felt like a weariness as absolute as death.

"I finally understand why you wanted space from me, why you've rejected me again and again….You love her, I'm so stupid," she muttered as her breathing became staggered and intense nausea took over.

Derek's mouth was suddenly on her cheek, and felt the softness of his kisses but she was too faint to realize what was happening now. "Case, I don't love her, or anyone else. I-"

Suddenly words tumbled around her, a dizzying spell went over her, making her breathing slow down. She felt him kissing her, was aware of his voice, but everything became like static, and darkness took over. She spiraled into a hole of despair, of emptiness, a soulless pit. A pit without end in sight, without hope. Derek broke her heart, a merciless pain consumed her like non other, and then she felt nothing more.

Derek was so lost, concerned, worried beyond belief as he held Casey. God he was such an idiot, he tried to tell her he loved her and of course that's when she fainted, but he should have said only those words again and again. He was aware Sally was still there, she was clearly in shock. He felt like crying, Casey was in pain, he was worried about her and Noah, he felt like he was sinking. He held her tighter, kissing her face, her mouth.

His voice was all cracked as he was moments away from crying. "I'm sorry, Case please open your eyes, " he murmured into her hair, "I swear, I only love you princess. I'm so in love with you, you're all I've ever wanted. Please let me tell you, I was stupid for waiting so long. Clearly you did feel something and I ruined everything, give me another chance Casey, please."

Sally came up behind him, she was looking at Casey with pure concern, "I'm so sorry Derek, I really am. I didn't mean to hurt you or Casey, I'm sorry for kissing you I wasn't thinking clearly."

Derek looked up at her, "I know you didn't. Sally, I'm the father, alright? Casey is pregnant with my baby, and I don't have the time to go into depth about any of this. I'm sorry I'm being such a jerk but please don't ever seek me out again. As you heard, I love her, I know it sounds ridiculous and I don't care how creepy or strange it is that I fell in love with my step sister, I don't give a damn. I love Casey, I can't be with you or anyone else. And even if she never loves me back, I'm committed to her, please keep this to yourself. I have to take care of her now, please leave."

Sally smiled faintly, even though it was clear she was saddened by the reality that she had no chance with him ever again. "You really don't think she feels the same way? She was so jealous, I didn't mean to over hear you, but she was clearly upset at the thought of us dating."

Derek wanted to scream, "Maybe she did, but now she's back to hating me, so back to square one."

Sally looked heartbroken, "I can talk to her if you want, this was all my fault."

He shook his head bitterly, "It won't be any use, when Casey gets an idea in her head, it's almost impossible to get her out of it." He heard the sound of the ambulance, "Please Sally, go. Believe it or not, I'm sorry I hurt you."

Sally sighed deeply, "I believe you, I'll survive though. I hope you end up with everything you want Derek, and something tells me Casey loves you too much to hold this against you forever, she wants you just as much."

Derek looked down at Casey, feeling sick to his stomach at seeing her look so fragile. "How can you be so sure she loves me though?" he wanted it to be true, more than anything.

Sally laughed despite her agony, "It's a woman thing, think of it as a love radar. She's having your baby Derek, if that doesn't tell you how much she loves you, then sorry for being so blunt, but you're kind of a blind idiot," she teased softly. "Casey is a romantic, just think about that for one moment. She chose to have your baby, at the cost that she may never have a normal romantic life again, at the cost of her goals, Casey chose to have _your_ baby Derek. She chose you over all of her dreams. The way she was looking at you, how upset she was even the last time I saw you, I thought it was her pregnancy, but no she was jealous back then too. You two have been through so much, of course she was going to be upset at seeing us together, she probably thought you two were something and it broke her heart to see us together. That woman loves you with every fibre of her being, it's crazy to me that you don't see it."

Derek smiled a little, her words stung though. If Casey loved him and he missed his chance, he would never forgive himself, ever. Oh, he was such a moron, he was waiting for her to tell him she loved him, when she'd been showing it in a million different ways, how could he have been so blind? "Well it must be a guy thing, we're generally stupid when it comes to matters of the heart. God, how did I miss it?"

Sally moved to leave, "It's hard to see things when you're living it, sorry for all the trouble I caused. I guess, bye for forever," she said sadly, "I hope you win her Derek." And she left.

Derek watched as the paramedics lifted Casey on that stretcher, they were being too rough with her, mishandling her, and he couldn't handle it. "Can you please stop throwing her around like a sack of potatoes? Clearly she's fragile, and pregnant," he said bitterly.

One of the guys gave him an apologetic smile, but they kept on working getting her heart rate, and he felt like there was a tornado in his head as they talked in code. " For fuck's sake, just tell me what's wrong with her!"

"Your girlfriend is bleeding, if we don't get her into ER immediately, well she could go into early labour. She's way too early, and she's loosing a lot of blood, they are both at risk."

Derek felt like he was sucker punched, everything in him just broke. He managed to ruin everything in one single moment. He hurt Casey, and now she was at risk, all because of him. He'd never ever forget what an idiot he'd been, he wasted so much time trying to figure her out when she had been showing him she loved him for months and he missed it. He guessed while seeing Sally caused problems, she gave him the kick in the butt to realize what was always there. Memories of her throwing that party, of her flying to him in a state of panic to take care of him, the way she kissed him, the way she looked at him, how she kept Noah because of him, how she cried when he left the first time, how upset she was when Sally showed up the first time, how she stood up for him in front of their parents. The way her eyes melted whenever he did anything remotely sweet. How she tried to make him feel better, offering her body to him, and that should have been so obvious. Casey offered him everything without asking for much in return except being with her, and he hurt her. He turned her away, what an idiot he'd been.

As he sat in that ambulance, staring at Casey, kissing her hand, praying to a god he didn't believe in, he only had one wish: for her to be safe. He was going to win Casey's heart, again. There was no turning back now, no more hiding, no more excuses, he was not going to hold anything back. Three steps. Get her to forgive him, get her to trust him again, and then he was going to romance Casey the way he always wanted. He was going to spoil her, take care of her, love her the way he always wanted. He would move heaven and earth just for the chance to be with her, and hope that she loved him enough to forgive his stupidity. Derek was finally going to fight for his keener. _I promise, I will never let you down again Casey._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this chapter took me through a rollercoaster, and I'm sure you're screaming and cussing me out, but some angst is good as it makes their love and longing so much more intense, but they'll never be the same after this. I hope that even though this was a sadder chapter, that you still enjoyed it because there was a lot of rawness between them the entire chapter, a lot passion, feeling, and love. Derek still confessed so much to her in those short moments, and although Casey was just hurt, those words will come back to haunt her as she starts to recover, I promise. Please don't hate me, after so much love in the past chapters, I'm terrified of the response to this one. I promise I'm on your side though! :')


	12. Look After You

Derek paced around, he was so stressed, angry at himself, upset, every hideous emotion imaginable. The doctor took forever to even look at Casey, she had woken up in the ambulance, but she was extremely weak. He was close to puking, losing his mind from the stress. He had to wait hours, they explained they were going to try to stop labour if possible, but to be prepared in case she did. He wanted to be in there with her, but he got tossed out of that ER room, and was told if she did go into labour they'd come for him. He was pissed. He called Nora and heard her screaming at everyone to get in the car immediately.

As he waited in the waiting room, everyone arrived except his dad. He felt ill, close to collapsing, and then not seeing his father there for this just was another horrible pain he didn't need. Edwin immediately came forward, handing him a cup of coffee, "You look like hell Derek, do you need anything?"

He could barely speak, just shook his head, "How about punching me in the face for being so stupid?" he said bitterly.

Edwin looked shocked by his guilt display. "Don't feel like punching you out right now, looks like you're already getting kicked around. I'm here if you want to talk, okay?"

Derek managed a little nod, and then Marty came forward, she had tears in her eyes and swung her arms around him. "Smerek," she choked on sobs.

"Hey," he smiled a little, hugging her tightly, "Am I ever glad to see you, Smarty."

She pulled back, shooting him an accusing glare. "Nora and dad told me everything, and I'm angry that you didn't tell me!"

He felt terrible, "I'm sorry, I really wanted to tell you. You know you're my best bud, right?"

Marty cried, "I hate being the youngest sometimes. I already told dad this, but he's crazy for being so upset about this, you're going to be a great dad, I know it."

He smiled warmly, "You really think so?"

She smiled, pinching his cheek affectionately, "You've been the best big brother anyone could ever ask for, and I know your baby will be so lucky, I'm jealous of him already. And well…..Casey, I still don't understand what that means….." she looked at Nora with a little mischievous smile and whispered in his ear, "If you're going to have a baby together, it means you love each other right?"

Derek couldn't help but laugh softly. The fact even Marty understood Casey having his baby was love, but he didn't see it was just another reminder of what an idiot he'd been. "You know me better than anyone, yes."

Marty smiled excitedly, "Is Casey okay?"

The reminder of everything was as if a cloud went over him. Lizzie and Nora moved in, and hugged him.

Nora was teary eyed, "Have they told you much? Oh poor Casey, she must have been really stressed. I wish I could be in there with her. Thank you for calling me."

"Oh my god, Derek what happened?" Lizzie interrupted.

He was pale, and was sure they could see the devastation on his face, "Casey was ….really upset, and she fainted. They think she may go into early labour. I just…..it's all my fault."

Nora started crying, "Was it our reaction that upset her so much? Oh I should have reached out to her sooner, we were just caught off guard….."

"No, it wasn't that but it could have been many things, and I angered her and that was the last drop."

Lizzie was studying him, "She's going to be okay Derek, don't blame yourself."

 _It's all my fault._ "Will she?" he was losing it.

Lizzie tried to smile, "Casey is tough, and Noah will be okay."

Nora whipped her head up in surprise, "That's his name?" She said with tears in her eyes.

Edwin sat beside Lizzie, "Cool name for a cool kid, I just know it. Noah is a Venturi he's going to pull through this, plus it's Casey, she's not one to ever just roll over without a fight," he said with a light smile.

Derek was shaking, if anything happened to either them, he would die, no question about it. No one said anything for a long time. Nora looked worried, Lizzie was biting her finger nails, Edwin was tapping his foot, and Marty was breathing too loudly beside him. Every little sound was aggravating him.

Derek finally asked what was bothering him, "Where's my dad?"

Nora reached for his hand, "He is out of town Derek. He is trying to make it back as soon as possible."

Derek scoffed, "You're a terrible liar, he's still freaked out by all this isn't he?"

Nora looked down uncomfortably, "Derek, you and Casey having a one night stand is a huge deal, this is personal to us because both our kids got involved with each other. And while we are happy you stepped up, it's not the ideal situation. What if you two end up hurting each other throughout all this? Then our whole family will be broken apart. And I'm not lying, he was away for a company event. He was extremely worried, I promise."

Derek wanted to just shut the voices, needed to be with Casey, and he just rolled his eyes. "Can we please not talk about this right now? I'm already upset, I don't need any sermons right now. Is this unconventional, absolutely, but it doesn't mean us co parenting won't work out. Plus…..I care about her, a lot," he said intensely, "Who knows what the future would bring."

Lizzie gave Derek a knowing smile, as if she knew exactly what he felt for Casey, and she reached for her mom, "Mom, maybe this isn't the time to hash this out. Derek has enough on his plate worrying over Casey and the baby without him having to deal with us too. "

"Yeah give him a break," Edwin said defensively.

Derek didn't get a chance to respond because the doctor came out, "Mr. Venturi," he said without a trace of emotion, his heart was racing. "Good news. While Casey will need to be on bed rest for a couple of weeks, we were able to detain the contractions. The baby is healthy, and we'll keep an eye for her for the next two days. Sometimes very stressful situations can have an effect on the mother, so when you take her home, make sure she's resting, and that she's not exposed to anything stressful. I see in her file Casey has a history of anxiety, and that could have caused it as well."

Derek felt relief take over, and he breathed for the first time all evening. "Can I see her?"

The doctor nodded, "Just keep it short, she should be resting," he said with an impersonal smile.

Nora came up beside him, putting her arm around him, "Can we go in with you?"

Derek then very quickly shook his head, "Seeing you might be stressful considering how things were left off last time she saw you, let me go in first and I'll let you know. I wouldn't hold my breath though, there's no way I will allow anything to upset her right now."

Nora was taken back by his protectiveness, and Lizzie's eyes went wide, "He's right mom, let's just wait and see if she wants to see us, Derek should be with her alone, he is the father after all," she gave Derek a little supportive smile.

He left them, his heart was racing. What if seeing him made her stressed? He was definitely nervous, but he needed to be with her. Needed to make sure she was actually okay. He opened the door to find her sleeping. She looked pale, frail, and he just wanted to hold her. He moved slowly and sat beside her, picking up her hand. He kissed it gently. Casey stirred and slowly opened her eyes, and she looked at him.

There was no emotion on her face, and he was already nervous, "Hey," he said softly.

Casey just stared at him, and rubbed her head, "What happened?"

Derek moved a little closer to her, hearing her voice made him swell with emotion, "You were bleeding, starting to have contractions, but everything is okay, you're okay Casey and so is Noah."

Casey reached down to touch her belly and then her gaze bolted him, "You and Sally-" she started to say but Derek cut her off coming closer.

"Let's not talk about that right now, alright, you can't be stressed for any reason right now," and he handed her a glass of water.

She drank it slowly, and she looked away from him, "You don't need to be here, I'm fine."

And those words killed him, and he moved in and cupped her face gently, "You scared the hell out of me," he said gravely. "You have no idea, I was one moment away from kicking that doctor's ass, he was taking forever, no one was telling me anything, I was terrified."

She looked at him with a detached expression, "Well Noah is fine, but you and I have nothing to talk about, and I don't want to see you. Leave," she said curtly.

"Casey, you need me," he said it softly, and he didn't mean to make it sound cocky but she glared at him.

She crossed her arms in defiance, her eyes flashed with intensity. "That's where you're wrong, I don't need you, I don't want to be around you! Your have no obligation to me anymore. You're now only the father of my baby, I don't want you to take care of me for sympathy."

Derek couldn't control the sick feeling in his gut, "Casey," he struggled to breathe, he couldn't take the frost bite. "I'm not here out of obligation, I'm here because I can't live without you. I really can't, I have to take care of you, you mean...everything to me." His voice cracked, oh fuck, he was going to lose his cool, but he couldn't stop the words or how emotional he sounded. "You have no idea how worried I was, how crazy I went for a moment thinking of you being at risk. How scared I was thinking we might lose Noah. I'm to blame Casey. I get why you hate me this moment, but I can't leave you. "

He was a stranger to himself, he felt completely at Casey's mercy at this point. He had nothing to lose really, he was shattered inside, and he couldn't even pretend to be okay. He really missed his chance with her, and it slayed him.

Casey looked away from him, he could see her eyes welling up a little, could see the pain on ever surface of her face."Derek, since you're the father, I won't kick you out, but I'm not speaking to you right now. It would only anger me." She looked so sad, looking down and away from him. And then she smiled for a moment, "Oh hi Noah," she said happily, "I'm so so happy to feel you moving around, we went through a bit of a fright didn't we? You're going to be okay."

Derek moved in, completely captivated over seeing her smile for a moment. "May I?"

Casey nodded, and he touched her softly. As he felt Noah moving around, he smiled, and their gaze locked. But she kept looking at him with that detachment, and he couldn't take it anymore, couldn't take that look of indifference. He gently moved over her and kissed her forehead, cheek, nose, and she froze as their gaze locked, and he kissed her mouth softly, gently grazing her face. When he pulled back, he noticed her cheeks turn pink, her eyes softened a little.

Casey's breathing was rattled, "You can't just kiss me and make this go away, I'm mad at you, what was that, some form of pity kiss?" She said bitterly.

He didn't want to upset her, but he was done holding back how he felt about her. "No, not even close. I kissed you because I love kissing you. You know it princess, as angry as you may be at me, you know that you're the only one I want to kiss. And the only reason I'm not full on making out with you this instant is because you're fragile, but this isn't over. My mistake was resisting you, I was stupid for pushing you away, but I won't make the same mistake again. I want to kiss you until you realize that I'm crazy about you. Only you. "

Casey scoffed, but she was blushing, "That's a line if I ever heard one. Well I have news for you, I don't want to kiss you again, so you can drop the charming act Derek and why don't you go tell that little speech to Sally instead. In fact you asked me to think about us, and well I have an answer for you. I don't think we should live together anymore, you are free to go off and be with Sally."

Derek felt as if she speared him, "Casey, I don't want to be with Sally, I want to be with you, only you. Please don't finish that sentence, don't kick me out. I can't walk away from you. I know deep down you don't want me to leave or go off with Sally, you are not getting rid of me that easily."

Casey recoiled her hand away, looking at everything but him, "You don't have to pretend to want me Derek, this is clearly your guilty conscience. You don't want me, you never did!" Her breathing was sharp, and it worried him.

"Case," he grappled for her hand, "Please. I know you're upset right now, but I'm worried you'll get sick again, breathe. We'll talk about Sally when you feel better, but in the meantime I want to say so much, but I don't want to overwhelm you. Look at me for one moment," he pleaded.

Casey took a deep breath and met his gaze at last, it was as if she was looking past him, it chilled him to the core. "I'm sorry Casey, I'm sorry for hurting you, and keeping you away. I swear there hasn't been anyone else, I only have eyes for you. The thought of you hating me is killing me, and I don't expect you to just forgive me instantly, I know you're hurt. Please, let me take care of you, don't kick me out."

Her face softened, there was so much care in her eyes despite her anger and pain. "Fine, stay, but don't expect me to just melt all over your sweetness. I don't want to talk about us. We'll talk later, but for now don't kiss me again, please Derek," she mumbled sadly. "I can't even look at you right now. How do I know you're not just saying this to calm me?" she asked quietly.

Derek couldn't seem to hold back now, he couldn't take her thinking he didn't care about her. "Casey, I'm just giving you the heads up," and he moved in closer to her, gently tracing her temple, "From this day on, I have one goal in mind."

"Oh and what is that?" she asked shakily.

He touched her cheek, stroking it gently, watching as her eyes became blue fire. He thought he would burst from the nerves, but he needed to tell her.

"I want to be your boyfriend Casey. I know you're angry, and hate my guts right now, but I'm going to fight for you anyways. I'm done staying on the sidelines. I don't want to be your step brother, roomate, or only the father of your baby. I want so much more, I want a life with you. I suck at the words, I'm not poetic like you. But I'd do anything, whatever it takes, to make you realize that there's no one else out there for me. I'm mad about you, absolutely crazed from how much I want you." He paused for a moment, watching as she looked at him with utter surprise, warmth, longing. He caught a little smile, but she was clearly taken off guard. "I know I screwed up, screwed up horribly, and I don't deserve you. But I can't let you go, I'm going to fight for you with everything I've got."

Casey's mouth opened in startled surprise, and she gasped, as if his words had stopped her breathing. He wanted to tell her he loved her, but he wanted to make that special, not in a hospital bed. He already had a plan on how he would tell her that, and Casey deserved the best. She was a romantic, so he was going to make sure she's romanced like never before. But god he loved her, that's all he kept thinking about when she was in that ER. However, he would make sure she felt it, that she had no doubt that he loved her, and wasn't going to hold back on telling her how much she means to him. He knew it would be difficult, she was set on keeping him away, but he wasn't going to give up. Not ever.

* * *

Casey woke up with her heart in shambles. As soon as she saw Derek again, it was as if she was being trampled, trampled with pain. And at the same time her love for Derek was even more intense than ever before. How was that possible? He kissed her, and just like that he was already destroying her, already tearing down her walls.

As he told her he was going to fight for her, that he wanted to be her boyfriend, and said the most beautiful words imaginable, she rubbed her head. This had to be a dream, but as the moment lingered, he was still there with the most soulful eyes she'd ever seen. Why now? Was it guilt? Her overthinking seemed to go through her, she wanted to believe it came from the right place. Did her little display make him feel so bad he now felt pressured to date her? Those questions eviscerated her, but then another much bigger side of her was revived by his words.

She wanted him, more than anything, she loved him, more than ever before. The thought of Derek pursuing her made her throat dry, and her hands were clammy. Derek was many things, but he wasn't a liar, she knew it. His words rattled her, for so long it was what she wanted to hear. The problem was, now all she could picture when she looked at him was Sally. It ruined her, the image of her holding him, of his mouth on hers, just thinking about it was making her angry and upset. He allowed it, she just couldn't let him back in just like that.

"Casey," he whispered, "Say something, please."

With all the strength she had, she pulled her hand away, "I'm just so confused right now, my head is spinning, I feel gross, and you are just spouting off a bunch of words and I feel like I've been hit by a truck. I don't know what to say."

Derek nodded, he looked so gloomy, and small, "I know, I wasn't expecting anything. I just wanted you to know."

Casey looked at him for a long time, the pain seared her. Pain over what happened, and pain over not being to move, not being able to just surrender to the love she felt. "I just can't think right now, please try to understand."

"I do," he said solemnly, "Um your mom, Lizzie, Edwin and Marty are here, do you want to talk to them? They promised they wouldn't say anything well upsetting."

Casey didn't want to see a soul, but she'd rather see them, than have to be alone with Derek. When they came in, they hugged her, and basically they didn't mention her situation with Derek, which she was glad for. Derek sat at the corner of the room, observing her, and she just tried to ignore him. But he looked so sad, usually he would have spouted some jokes by now, but he was quiet. Marty noticed and went over to him and sat with him, hugging him tightly. It stirred at her heart, _Stop it Derek, stop giving me the sad eyes, I can't take it._

When they left, Derek came over, "You should get some sleep, I'll sleep on that couch over there. If you need anything yell at me, you're really good at that," he smiled and went to the corner and slumped over the couch.

As if she could sleep. Everything had changed from one day to the next. One day she was about to tell him how much she loved him, the next she's repelling him, and it broke her. The next two days, Derek left a couple times, but only to get her things to pass the time. He went to the library and asked for some of Casey's favourite books, picked up food for her because he claimed hospital food was garbage. Casey was glad for the books because it gave her something to focus on other than him. Everything was so strained between them, the tension was like a knife. Those two days were the longest days of her life, but that sadness Derek had at the beginning was starting to melt away. Instead he became sweet, caring, and well he was slowly becoming himself again, making jokes, being a little more blunt about his feelings for her, making sure she had everything she needed. But she just rolled her eyes, and kept ignoring him, she really didn't know how to handle him.

Finally, the doctor went over the final report and take care information, "So for two weeks, Casey I recommend no extraneous activities, you need to be in bed rest. I've told Mr. Venturi this, but you'll need assistance with pretty much everything. Right now, you're in a completely fragile state, and we want to keep you from delivering too early. That means no exercise, being off your feet as much as possible, and no sex. I know that's awful news for the two of you, she needs to heal so even when she's off bedrest, I would recommend abstinence for at least a month. Of course that's just recommendation," he said it so casually.

Casey looked at Derek as he snickered under his breath, clearly he found it amusing that they couldn't have sex, the jerk. "Oh, no worries there," she said anxiously, "I'm not having sex anyway," she shot Derek a glare. She fell back on her usual tendencies because it was safe, she didn't know how else to interact with him, she was jumbled inside.

He looked at her with surprising tenderness, completely unphased by her remark. "That is horrible news, but no worries doc, I'll take good care of her."

Casey felt her cheeks burn as Derek kept the steady eye contact. She had to be strong, she couldn't fall for that charming face. "I can take care of myself," she answered back surlily.

Derek smiled at her, and she just looked away with aggravation, trying to pay attention the doctor's final instructions.

Casey was then taken out on a wheelchair to their car, and Derek quietly put his arms around her, lifting her without any strain, "Don't drop me Derek, or I swear!" He chuckled quietly as he placed her in the car. He reached over pulling her seatbelt across from her, "That's not necessary, I can put my own seatbelt on," she said feistily, grasping his hand in place. His closeness stopped her mind.

He smiled, gently rubbing her hand, "As much as I find your control freak tendencies cute and charming, I'm ignoring you."

Casey glared at him, "Why? How dare you treat me like a baby!"

He cast her the sweetest smile, "Because I need to keep you safe. You're too valuable to me, plus you're carrying precious cargo. Let me, please," he tugged at her hand.

Casey dissolved on the spot. Damn him and his killer charm, she tried to look angry, but she couldn't seem to hold on to it. She slowly let go of his hand, "Fine, but I'm not happy about it, I swear it," she tried to sound menacing, but it sounded like a mouse squeak. He laughed quietly as he fastened her in, he was dangerously close to her. How could she ever survive Derek Venturi on romance mode? She was barely keeping it together and they hadn't even made it home yet.

When they got home, Derek picked her up again and took her up the stairs. She couldn't help but blush, he was so strong, and the feel of him around her made her heart quicken. She stared at his face the entire way, _I love you,_ she felt it throughout her entire body, the truth that she couldn't seem to erase. As he laid her down, he sat beside her.

"Case, um I was thinking maybe it would be a good idea if I slept here, beside you. I think it would just be easier than having you yell for me whenever you need me."

Casey vibrated at the thought, "What happened to your no sharing a bed rule? Last time I recalled you couldn't keep your hands off me," she said tauntingly, "are you sure you can handle not attacking me?"

Derek smiled luminously, darkly almost, and laid down beside her, looking at her with complete bluntness. "There's always a chance I could snap, but I think I can keep myself in check. You are fragile, I can't just attack you and seduce you, but believe me I want to. How could I not want you? You are a total babe."

Casey rolled her eyes, but she was blushing fiercely. She looked pale, exhausted, and looked like she had been run over by a car, he was clearly blind. "So the flirting starts now," she said with frustration, "Great."

He laughed, "Oh I'm only getting started, and I'm not going to hold back Casey, so prepare yourself."

Casey couldn't handle the thought of sleeping next to him so cavalierly, and immediately grabbed some pillows and built a wall between them. "Fine sleep here, but you're not getting any cuddles, I mean it!" she said adamantly.

Derek smiled victoriously, "Alright, well if you find yourself at any point changing your mind, I wouldn't object to your cuddles. Confession, I like cuddling you, you're the only one I have ever wanted to cuddle. I used to feel like I was being suffocated, but with you, it's just...so damn good."

Casey managed to retort with a little annoyance, "Don't count on it, I'm pretty steamed."

"It's wishful thinking. Anyway, I'll leave you be," and as he walked away, he stopped, and glanced over his shoulder. "Whatever you want or need Casey, I'm here, doesn't matter how silly it may seem to you, just ask. I need to take care of my woman, don't be so damn stubborn. Ask me for anything," and he winked at her.

God, she was in trouble, her heart was dangerously bursting. She just blushed intensely, couldn't manage a witty respond. She watched him leave, and just let go of a frightened breath. Oh sleeping beside him was the last thing she wanted, but he was right, it didn't make sense to be seperated but she feared it, didn't trust herself. The first nights, she just ignored him, turning away from him as she slept.

Derek was set on taking care of her. He made sure she was eating, he installed a TV in her room and he picked up the slack around the house. He also drove all the way to campus and told them she was off for medical reasons, and demanded an extension on all her school work. They weren't impressed, but he was determined.

"I told those idiots there was no way I was going to allow for you to be overwhelmed, and that my baby was at risk. So, I basically told them I would sue the crap out of them if anything happened to you. They gave in, but they were definitely pissed at me, but I don't give a damn. I'm not going to allow anything to hurt you." Casey had turned away from him because she couldn't contain feeling desire going over her. Seeing this protective side of him was like getting shocked constantly, it was unnerving.

Derek knew she didn't want him around all the time, so he continued bringing her books, or anything to pass the time. Every night he would ask if she was ready to talk yet, and she would nervously refuse it. She wasn't ready. As the days progressed, they had a little routine down pat. She spent time learning to knit for the baby, and he made himself scarce throughout the day. She still felt so confused by everything, but she could now think. And she just remembered the way he held her when she fainted, how worried he looked, how he told her he wanted her, that she was the only one he wanted to kiss. If he loved Sally, he wouldn't have told her all that infront of Sally. Maybe she did overreact to seeing them kiss, but she took it as a sign that maybe she wasn't meant to tell Derek how she felt. Why when she finally got the courage to tell the truth, did that have to happen? And now Derek was just melting her. He wanted to be her boyfriend, and the way he kept looking at her, taking care of her, how he would randomly flirt with her made her crazy. She always knew Derek had a way with women, and now she understood why he was so sought after, he was too seductive for his own good.

She snapped at him often, completely building up her walls. It seemed she was constantly on defense mode. That didn't seem to slow down his affections, he seemed to actively try harder, and it made her feel like she was on ice, she was going to slip hard at this rate. One morning when she woke up and found him looking at her with the most tender expression, she snapped and called him a creeper for watching her sleep.

He disarmed her with, "Case, if you think for one moment your snappy comments will make me want you less, than you're out of your mind. I want you even more now. You're so hot when you yell at me."

Casey turned away in a tantrum, "You're clearly crazy then, I'm not trying to make you want me!"

Derek laughed quietly and got up, "Case," he said with smokiness, "You know you're making me crazy. You know this feisty side of you makes me all hot and bothered, this is the side of you I first got to know, remember? And you knew it made me crazy back then too, and you kept doing it anyway. Or are you really going to pretend you didn't know? You want me to want you, and you know it. "

Casey just trembled, she always assumed he might have liked that side of her, but for him to confirm that he indeed was attracted to her even back then made her sizzle with longing, and just replied, "You're so full of yourself."

He laughed as he closed the door, "I may be full of myself, but you know I'm right. You love riling me up, don't deny it." Casey couldn't deny it to herself, she did love it, but he was loving torturing her now, and he knew he was succeeding. Oh she was on sinking ground.

One afternoon, Casey just needed to get out of bed, her back was killing her. She stretched for a moment, and decided to get changed. Derek usually would bring her clothes to her and lay them on the bed, and he would blush as he went through her delicates drawer. It was actually really cute, but she would promptly refuse help with changing. She slipped her robe off, just dying to change into something nice instead of pajamas. Derek barged in with a tray of food and stopped abruptly.

She only wore a bra and shorts, she immediately covered herself, "De-rek! You don't knock?"

He smiled and looked away, "Oh," he said awkwardly, "I didn't mean to, um I thought you'd still be sleeping. Also what are you doing up?"

Casey rolled her eyes, "I'm fine Derek, I can handle walking two steps to my dresser, now can you please leave me alone?"

Derek kept his eyes off her and slowly put the tray down beside the bed, "Don't you need help, you shouldn't be bending or moving too much."

Casey laughed a little, "You want to undress me?" She said and quickly blushed as she noticed him smiling down at his feet.

"Can't deny the fact I'd like to," he admitted, making her heart stammer. "But I am not trying to be a creep about this, the doctor gave specific instructions, he said you needed assistance with everything, remember?"

"Well I certainly don't need your help with that. I can take my own clothes off," she was feeling hot just thinking about it.

Derek glanced up at her, "I know you can, I just want to look after you."

Casey just turned away, hiding her reaction. She heard him moving behind her. She felt him, his body heat behind her. She couldn't contain a shiver that chased up all over her body at his nearness.

"Would you like a massage, you look super tense," he said in low seductive tone, "Come on Case, let me take care of you….let me make you feel better, just a little."

Casey fumbled, reaching for a shirt in her dresser and put it on quickly. She didn't know how to deal with this, she knew Derek was charming but this was more than her heart could bare. "Why do you want to?"

Derek's voice curled in to her ear, "Do you want the truth or a lie?"

"The truth," she croaked. She couldn't help it, she wanted his flirting even though it was making her weak.

If it was possible for him to rattle her more, he sure found a way, moving close to her ear, "I want to take care of you, that's the main reason, but I'm not going to lie, I want to touch you. You're so sexy," he whispered. "I keep trying to be a gentleman, but I suck horribly. I want any excuse to touch you. I want to take care of you so damn badly. If you only knew how many times you've kept me up at night because I dream of the most …..lustful scenarios, your little innocent mind couldn't handle it. I know getting you all fired up right now is forbidden or whatever, but you need to know Case."

Casey shuddered, she couldn't help it, an intense longing consumed her. "Well you could have had me," she said a little bitterly, "And you pushed me away. You act as if you had been tortured by me, when you were the one that refused me multiple times."

Derek sighed with agony, "I know don't you think I know how stupid that was? But I wanted you Casey, I swear. I was losing my mind, you were all I could think about. It was hell. I know you hate me right now, but I still want to be here for you. You are in need of some spoiling, come on Case, let me make you feel good," he pleaded.

Casey was wilting faster than ice over fire, "Derek, please," she closed her eyes, "Stop flirting with me. As charming as you are, I'm not asking for anything from you not now, not ever, now please just stop," her voice was all breathless.

Derek tugged at her arm, getting her to face him. "Okay, I'll try to stop, it's just I can't hold it in anymore," his eyes looked so dark and hazed, and the worst part was she was sure she was looking at him with complete desire too.

He moved closer to her, and she just seemed to gravitate towards him, the intensity was boiling in her veins. Casey's gaze went to his mouth for a moment and he caught it, "Aren't you just tired of resisting this Case? We have been going around in circles over our chemistry for months. It's painful fighting against this...surge, and you know it."

Casey couldn't utter a word, she was tired, so, so, over it. "Um, I'm tired," she said defensively, and went under the covers, hiding from him. He left shortly after a moment of electric silence.

That night when Derek came to bed, he reached over to fix her pillows. Casey felt herself taking in his scent, a blush consumed her. He seemed to be taking her in too, and they stayed that way for a moment.

As he pulled back, they stared at each other. Oh that chemistry was debilitating. "You're so beautiful Casey," he murmured, "I just can't think when I'm around you. I keep trying to be all laid back, and not overkill with the flirting and advances. But the moment I see you, my brain turns into mush, you make me so nervous. The worst part is you're so unaware of how gorgeous you are. Living with you has been amazing, but god, I'm pretty sure I thought of kissing you you a million times a day. Having to look at you daily was torture, and it's getting so much harder to hold back."

She kept sighing wretchedly, tremors went through her in lustful spikes. He was staring at her mouth bluntly, she felt her heart speed up. "Don't even think about it, Derek," she said tightly, "I'm sorry it's just I can't get the image of you kissing Sally out of my head. It's just changed everything, I can't look at you and think of kissing you because that's all I see. I just can't talk about Sally yet and I don't want to kiss you."

Derek nodded sadly, letting go of a ragged breath. "I know, Casey, believe me I get it, and okay I won't kiss you , but you," he said with a little teasing, "are lying."

Casey glared at him, "Oh really," she said tightly, "This should be good."

He touched her mouth gently, and she just paused and stared at him, longing went over her face. "I know your 'kiss me' face now. You are blushing, you're biting your lip, you're staring at my mouth as we speak. You are just lying because you're angry at me, and that's fine you have the right to be angry at me, I was a moron. But you want to kiss me just as much, you want to jump me this instant," his eyes were gleaming with sensuality, his smile was catatonic.

Casey looked away with agitation, "You're so cocky it's unbelievable, I am not giving you the kiss me face, I'm giving you the get out of here because I'm mad at you face."

Derek chuckled, "Oh I believe you're mad at me right now, but you also can't help but want to kiss me. If you want to kiss me madly, I'd be okay with that."

Casey groaned with frustration, he knew her too well. Of course she wanted to jump him, how could she not when he'd been flirting with her that way for days now? Derek was making her insane with longing, and he knew it. What woman could ever resist him? "Let me get this straight, last week you avoided kissing me like the plague, and now you're all about it? You make no sense, you're probably just feeling guilty for being caught and you are over compensating now. Just stop messing with my head Derek."

Derek cradled her head in his hands, and the smirk vanished. He looked intense, severe. It disarmed her, as he looked into her eyes. "It's not guilt. It's me telling you I will never resist you, ever again. You win Casey, whatever you want from me, it's yours. If you want me as your friend, while I'd hate it, I'd do it if that's what you wanted. If you want someone to kiss, I'll kiss you forever. If you want sex with me, I'll happily fuck you as much as you want. If you want me as your boyfriend, I'll be your boyfriend. I want to be all those things for you, but it's all up to you. I want to give you whatever you want. Don't you know that I'm all yours? "

His words were seeping into her skin, and her stubborn heart melted her into a puddle. He was willing to give her whatever she wanted, and the more he told her that, the more she was addicted to his words. She had dreamt of Derek talking like that to her for as long as she could remember, and now she felt she was on dangerous ground. He was making her swoon helplessly, she needed to hear him continue, despite the pain she still felt.

"You don't mean that," she stammered.

Derek smiled charmingly, "Ask of me whatever you want," he said pleadingly, "And I'll give it to you. No questions asked."

Casey looked away, she was burning up, _I want you to love me, would you give me your love?_ He'd been so forward, and deep down she felt that it could be true, that he loved her, everything he'd been doing and saying seemed to scream it, yet she wanted those words more than anything, but she couldn't seem to bring herself to ask.

Suddenly the doorbell rang, startling them out of their heated trance. "That must be Robin," Derek said with some annoyance, "Do you want me to bring you downstairs, or do you want her up here?"

"Just tell her to come up, and if you could give us some privacy..."

Derek nodded and went to get her. As soon as Robin came up, she whispered, "Close that door, please."

Robin shut the door, coming forward with a basket of different goodies, "Oh Casey, how are you? My gosh, I've been wanting to come see you sooner, but Derek was super intense, and protective."

Casey sat up alertly, "Wait, he told you not to come before today?"

She sat down next to her, "Yeah said you needed healing time, he's being so sweet."

Casey's heart was racing, yes he was being too sweet! "What right did he have to speak for me? I could have seen you before, oh who does he think he is? I'm going to give him a piece of my mind!"

Robin stared wide-eyed, clearly taken back. "Casey...what happened? I thought you two would be together by now."

"What made you think that?"

She sighed deeply, looking hesitant at first. "Sam, he told me Derek told him everything..and that Derek was set on telling you how he felt about you... Oh god, did I steal his thunder?"

Casey took a deep breath, the realization that Derek was being truthful that he wanted her before the incident made her gasp. "Derek told Sam that? Oh Robin, well we are far from together, because Sally kissed him, and I saw it. He just let it happen, if he wanted me as much as he claims, because yes he told me he wants to be my boyfriend, he wouldn't have allowed it. I want to believe him, but...I can't seem to let it go."

Robin glanced at the door, and whispered, "What? Tell me everything."

Casey went on to recount everything, all the dark, painful details. At the end of it she just sighed with sadness, "We haven't talked about it yet, I keep changing the topic whenever he brings it up, I'm not ready."

Robin reached for her hand. Her gray eyes surged with infinite care. "Casey, you need to let him explain. I just really think it was all one huge misunderstanding. Maybe he did make a little mistake, but Casey, you love him, and he clearly wants you too. I know you're hurt, and you're allowed to feel that, but you finally have a chance to be with him. Don't let him go Casey, you'll never forgive yourself, I know you."

Casey felt tears well up as she thought of everything he'd said to her. "I know he's telling me the truth, I do, it just hurt so much. I can't get that image out of my mind, it's burned in my head. But I want to give in, more than anything. Oh Robin, Derek is being so sweet and charming, and he's flirting with me, like all the time. He has been so forward in his intent to fight for me, and well I'm definitely not immune in the slightest. He knows I can't handle it, and he just keeps doing it."

"You need to have the talk, I know it's painful, but that way you can start to move on. I feel like you're imagining things differently than they really happened. Talk to him Casey," she insisted.

She was terrified, paralyzed.

* * *

When Robin left that night, she felt a little better. She was right, it was time to rip the bandaid. When Derek came to bed that night, he was quiet, wore a look of exhaustion, taking care of her was definitely a lot of work, and she felt bad for everything she was putting him through.

Casey felt a burning sweep, the anxiety went through her. "What's wrong?" he asked softly.

She looked at him for a long time, trying to get her heart to simmer down. "I'm ready to listen, I'm still angry, but how about you tell me everything that happened, I thought you were meeting Sally to end things, not…start things again."

Derek sat up alertly, and he put his arm around her gently, "I'll tell you everything, but you need to try to keep calm, alright? I just don't want you to become stressed for any reason."

"Tell me, it's making me more stressed not to know," she pleaded.

Derek took a deep breath, and told her everything. How Sally wanted to get back together, how she never stopped hoping they could become something again, how she told him she loved him, and he turned her down. She felt drained just listening, and he kept stopping every few seconds to check on her. "I told Sally not only that I'm unavailable, but that I have feelings for someone else," he eyed her bluntly, "While I didn't tell her it was you, she left knowing based on, well what she witnessed."

Casey felt a warm flush go over her face, "Oh."

He continued, clearly remembering that day was traumatic for him too. "She was trying to fight for me. I told her it was pointless to fight for me, that I was a goner, that I would never be able to look at her that way or anyone else, well, because of how I feel about you, but she kissed me anyway. I was frozen Casey, I didn't mean for it to happen. After you fainted, I also told her I'm the father, and believe me Sally felt bad once she realized how connected you and I are, and that was it, she left. She promised never to seek me out again."

Casey felt as if she drank something sour, she was now angry at Sally for not listening to him. How could she kiss him? And instantly she felt lightheaded, thinking of him actually admitting he had feelings for her, she wanted to ask how deeply he felt for her, but she just felt that shy fluttering go through her. But that image, she couldn't seem to rip it out of her mind.

" From what I saw, you weren't indifferent to her. I already told you Derek, if you want to date her, I don't care, just tell me…." she could barely finish the sentence, it was too painful to utter.

Derek looked at her as if she had five heads, "Casey, I don't feel anything for her, and you know it. You and I both know you do care, you were so upset by the idea of me with anyone else you fainted. You don't want me with anyone other than you."

Casey instantly felt defensive, she wasn't ready to let him in. Her pride was still wounded. "I do not!"

She looked away with humiliation as he continued grilling her with that look. "I'll be honest with you," his voice wrapped around her, "If I saw you kissing anyone, I would have felt the same. I would have gone crazy, bat shit crazy. Probably would have killed the guy, that's how much I'd care. I can't imagine you with anyone other than me." He sounded so open, so truthful. She was shaking. If only he had told her that sooner.

Casey was distraught as he tipped her chin up, making her look at him. " When you saw us…..you were jealous, weren't you? Please, tell me the truth. I promise I won't make fun of you." His eyes were so soft, there was no hidden agenda. She knew he was telling her the truth. Casey's dignity was still wounded, so filled with pride. His words were thawing out her frozen heart, she believed him. But it was impossible to forget it.

Casey grumbled, "Okay I was a little jealous, just a little! Don't get ahead of yourself," she said haughtily.

Derek smiled, "You're stubborn," he leaned over her, causing a blush to go over her face. "You wanted to kill me when you saw us, that's more than a little. You…" he got closer, whispering in her ear, "You want to be with me, you can't stand the thought of me with anyone else, and well the feeling is mutual." His hands went to her hair, sifting through it gently, not breaking even for a moment the eye contact.

Her silence and longing filled gaze gave her away. He knew she wanted to be with him."Do you believe me? I never met Sally with the intention of anything other than telling her it was never going to happen again."

Casey bit her lip, her mind was running in circles, "Yes, but it still doesn't change what happened, it's just...hard not to remember that day."

He sighed sadly, but cradled her head gently. She couldn't seem to move away. He was close enough to kiss, she felt a little whimper escape her lips, it was so embarrassing, but he kept looking at her so intensely. "Case, I should have gone straight home to you, and none of this would have happened. Forgive me, please. I need you so badly, just like you need me." he motioned between them. "You want us to be together. You're trying so hard to pretend that you aren't just crazy for me, but you are, sweetheart. You're not that good an actress."

Casey looked at him alertly, he was melting her, causing her to shiver. "Sweetheart?"

Derek touched her cheek softly, smiling sweetly. "Is that too cheesy, what do you want me to call you? I think considering that I'm crazy about you, that you needed a little upgrade other than spacey, space-case, and as much as I love klutzilla, and it's a classic, you need something well nicer," he said with that charming voice.

Casey turned away from him, she was a moment from just kissing him wildly, but she couldn't. She wasn't over what she saw, not even a little. "I don't want nicknames from you, you're not my boyfriend!" She felt dangerously exposed to him, so close to caving. She didn't mean to say that and immediately regretted it. She covered her mouth up. Derek's smile fizzled away, looking down as if she'd slapped him.

"Derek..." she tried to say, "I'm sorry I didn't mean-"

He rose to his feet, waving her away dismissively and walked away sadly. She heard him say quietly, "I know I'm not, and it kills me."

"Derek," she tried to say again, but he wouldn't look at her.

"It's cool Casey, um you are right. I just got carried away, it's alright, don't feel bad," he said before closing the door.

Casey cried immediately, what was wrong with her? She turned him away so harshly, after telling her how he turned Sally down for her. What was the matter with her? Why couldn't she just let it go? _I love you Derek, I swear, I love you more than anything. I'm just so lost, please don't stop trying, I know I'm frustrating, and crazy, but please don't give up on me._ She sobbed all night, why was she suddenly so afraid? How did she go from confident, excited for the future, to this? "I love you Derek," she wept out loud, "But it hurts right now, and I can't seem to unguard completely. I'm sorry, sweetheart, but please don't leave me." Just like that she had lost him, and she cried until she fell asleep. At one point she woke up, it was 3 Am, and he never came to sleep with her. She lost him. And it was all her fault.

* * *

When Casey woke up, she found Derek sitting beside her. He had a bouquet of flowers, "Morning sleepy," he said gently.

Casey rubbed her eyes, "Derek," she said with surprise, eyeing the flowers. "I am sorry for yesterday," she started to say.

He quickly took her hand, "It's okay, I have been very over the top, I'd get why you would snap. Truce? I am not saying I'm giving up, not even a little, but I'm going to let you come to me when you're ready," he murmured. "How I feel for you is never going to go away, but I don't want to scare you off, okay princess?"

Casey was overwhelmed, she felt her eyes stinging. Oh thank god, she was shaking as she took the flowers, "I wasn't scared off, Derek, I just overreacted. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have spoken to you that way. Thank you for the flowers, they're beautiful. It's so sweet of you."

He smiled, "All put behind me, okay? Come on, we are going for a walk," he went and got clothes for her , "We'll have to use the wheelchair but you are in need of some fresh air."

Casey smiled at his back, feeling relieved beyond belief that he hadn't given up on her. The next couple days, Casey slowly asked for more help with things. She needed him close. One time she asked if he would eat with her, and he was so thrilled by it he ended cooking a three course meal. His flirting was still there, but it was subtle. She found herself missing it.

One night, he was touching her belly, talking to Noah. She was entranced by his sweetness, how he spoke to the baby with such tenderness. She found herself reaching for his hand, he stopped abruptly, looking at her with surprise. She willed herself to speak, "If the incident hadn't happened, would you have pursued me the way you have these two weeks? I am just curious."

Derek moved closer to her, looking surprised by the question. He kissed her hand. "I've been feeling this way for a long time Casey, I was just stupid for waiting this long. I know you have a hard time believing that I want to be with you, but I swear Casey. I was going to tell you how I felt when I got back. I had a plan and everything got thrown to hell in a moment."

Casey looked into his rich, brown eyes, they haunted her. "Tell me what was your plan," she asked quietly.

He slowly reached for her arms, touching her softly, she was hypnotized. "None of this was driven by guilt Casey. I swear-" he moved closer, clasping her face in his hands. "I was going to come home and kiss you wildly. Then I would have told you I'm crazy about you, that I need you, that I want you to be my girlfriend, that I want everything with you. What I feel for you Casey is so insane," his voice was so raspy. " I was hoping you would have wanted to be with me too. And then, I would have just," he stroked her neck with complete sensuality."I would have carried you upstairs, and would have tormented you, kissed you, given you all the passion I've been keeping in for months, but that plan got destroyed."

Casey closed her eyes as he stroked her collarbone, she felt herself swaying into him, he was irresistible. "Derek….." she couldn't find words, they were lodged in her throat, "Please…..you're making my head spin, I just can't think straight when you're talking to me like that, and I can't breathe when you look at me that way."

His eyes moved over her face, searing her, making her hot, "What's holding you back? I've told you the truth about Sally."

Casey's breathing was all over the place, "I don't know," she admitted raggedly. "Maybe I'm just confused, you went from avoiding me, to, well this. I'm overwhelmed by you, and I've been through so many wild emotions, it's hard for me to um believe this is happening."

She watched with longing as he kissed her fingers, one by one. He looked at her over his insistent kisses, and then stopped, but kept holding her hand. "Case I may be many things, an idiot being at the top of that list. I know I used to say all sort of bull to women in the past to get what I wanted, I know I have a record of being a jerk. But I've never asked anyone to demand whatever they want from me because usually I like to win, be in charge of the situation. You have all the cards in your hands Casey. You have me already, you just need to decide if you want to give me a chance."

Casey just sighed wretchedly, she believed him from the moment he told her he wanted more at the hospital. Derek was never one to expose himself to anyone, he was always so secretive with his emotions. "I believe what you said, but …. please understand, you'll never know how much it hurt to see Sally kissing you, maybe I just need time."

Derek kissed her forehead, the tenderness in his eyes was so soft. Everything he had been saying was evident in his gaze. "I do understand, hurting you was the last thing I ever wanted, and I'm in pain too. I was so damn close to finally telling you the truth Case. It hurts because I no longer get your laughter, your smile, your attention, everything that makes me so crazy about you, that kiss stole you away from me. I'm in hell Casey, you're in front of me, but you're so far away."

He looked so upset, so grief stricken. Casey felt the tears coming out, she couldn't help it. Sally had hurt them so much, "Derek," she whispered, "Despite everything that happened, I could never stop-" she took in a ragged breathing, "wanting you. Please just give me time."

He smiled a little, "So it's not hopeless?" that level of vulnerability was rare for Derek to display, and it broke her.

She reached for his face, softly tracing that little dimple she loved. "No, it isn't hopeless, just -I overthink everything, and I just- have some feelings of hurt to push through, but I'm trying, I promise. I hate pushing you away."

Derek smiled, melting into her hand as she kept grazing his face. "I'll give you all the time you want, I just miss you."

Casey's eyes swam with tears, "Not as much as I miss you."

The next day, she came to the realization: it was futile, she was no match for Derek in any way. She felt her pride melting away, the more Derek kept repeating how crazy he was for her, the more that image of Sally seemed to vanish more and more. That morning he scooped her up and took her to the living room because Lizzie and Nora came over to spend time with her. Derek was extremely protective of her, the moment he opened the door he said, "If you mention a word about how weird our situation is once, I'm sorry Nora, but I'll have to ask you to leave. Casey doesn't need any emotional stressors, okay?"

Nora smiled a little, "Messaged received," but she gave Casey a speculative glance. And she blushed hotly. "George sends you guys his love, he's been sick," she said a little quickly.

Derek rolled his eyes, "Too sick to pick up the phone and call me? Right," he said angrily. Casey knew how much George's weird silence affected him.

Nora blanched, "He loves you Derek, he said he will be stopping by as soon as he recovers, alright?"

Derek just let them in and went over to Casey, "Try to have some fun, I'll leave you guys to hang out. Call me if you need anything."

Casey managed to nod, and he left, going up to his room. It was a little awkward with her mom, but it was so nice to have her close. It was clear it was hard to ignore the elephant in the room, but it was such needed family time. Derek would come down often to check up on her, and she'd just shyly tell him she was okay. She wondered if her mom could pick up on their chemistry, it was so palpable, someone would have to be blind not to notice. At one point Lizzie and Nora were talking about maybe taking her out for a day, on the wheelchair of course, but Derek came in like a ghost through a wall.

"Um, no. She's got three more days, and she's not going to be out of my sight until the doctor approves it. Don't mean to be a party pooper, but I'm taking this seriously, that's my baby in there," and he gave Casey a melted look, "And I need to keep Casey safe."

Lizzie smiled at him, "Wow, you're right Derek. We just wanted to cheer her up."

Derek looked so serious, it was scary, "I know, just telling you it ain't going to happen," and he left them again, leaving Casey with her mouth open. He was so hot, that side of him made her extremely sexually charged.

Lizzie's mouth dropped, "Derek has really changed, he keeps coming in here to check on you every few minutes, and he is so protective of you and the baby. I wish George could see this."

Nora looked away with guilt, "I'll give it to Derek, he's definitely surprising me. He's been…..very responsible, and the way he keeps taking care of you is just so not like him. You've changed his life, no matter how strange this is for us, that's the truth."

Casey smiled, trying to not look so obviously swooned, but she couldn't help it. "He has really changed," the reminder of everything they'd been through went through her in her waves. She knew it in her heart, she was going to end up giving in and soon. How could she resist?

That night when he came to bed, she slowly moved into him. He was shocked as she kissed his cheek softly. His eyes were liquid smoke, "What was that for?"

Casey shrugged helplessly, "I'm sorry," she said softly, "I've been really…..ungrateful. Thank you for taking care of me."

Derek blushed, it was so adorable. "You're welcome, I love taking care of you."

Casey couldn't help but smile, "I um, I'll try to be nicer," she said with determination.

Derek reached out, touching he mouth with complete softness, he smiled brilliantly. "Your smile is back," he murmured, "oh you shouldn't have done that, don't you know just how crazy it makes me? "

Casey couldn't help but flash him another smile, "Well, I guess you have too much charm to handle."

They stayed that way, just smiling. It was the first time in weeks she felt joy. Who could ever keep a grudge against Derek Venturi, as always he had a gift of making people forgive him on the spot. That night when he fell asleep, she kept looking over at him. She couldn't take it anymore, she tore the pillow wall apart. She just needed to hold him, she missed him, and she was losing all her reservations. Derek opened his eyes, alerted by her arms around him, and he turned around finding her with a shy smile.

"I'm cold," she tried to explain, "is it okay…."

Derek's arms went around her in an instant, and pulled her into him, "I get it, I'm the kind of hotness you need," he teased, and she couldn't help but laugh a little, "This feels so good." He played with her hair, and with the other hand he kept stroking her back. It was intoxicating being so close to him again.

Casey found herself nodding along, "So good," she admitted, "you're a natural cuddler, Der."

He laughed against her hair, "Just for you."

They didn't say anything else, she just closed her eyes, losing herself in his arms. She fell asleep swiftly, tucked into his neck, just aligning herself to the sound of his breathing, for the first time since the incident, she felt peace. No matter how hurt she was, he would always be her safe place.

* * *

When Derek woke up, he looked down to find Casey's arms around him. He slept like a rock, and that was probably why. He couldn't help feeling all warm and excited, they slept together. It had been torment sleeping beside her the past two weeks. He would constantly wake up and look at her, just longing to touch her, longing to kiss her awake, to plead for another chance. He was getting close to the point where he was ready to just beg on his knees for just a kiss, just a smile, anything she could give him. He'd never known pure hell as this, he was in pain. He tried his best to put his best version out there for her, when he was with her he couldn't help but flirt, tell her so much he wanted her, but when he was alone, he felt dead.

He knew Casey loved him, that was the worst part. At first he thought he'd lost her for good, but as the days progressed it became evident she was fighting against herself, he would catch her longingly looking at him at times, catch little glimpses of her smile when she thought he wasn't looking. She would tremble anytime he was near her, she would blush up a storm whenever he'd say anything flirtatious, but he knew she was deeply hurt. So deeply hurt, that he was prepared to have to fight for months at this point.

It didn't matter how agonized he felt without her, he wasn't going to pressure her. It was clear he had been too persistent and she freaked out, so he was trying to make her comfortable as much as possible. He went out to get her flowers, but he felt it was so little, he wanted to give her the entire world. It struck him how guilty she looked for snapping at him, and he knew it, she did love him. It gave him hope, and now he was happy for the first time in weeks. She was so cute all night, anytime he would pull away she would wake up in a haze, "Where are you going, get back here," and she'd pull him back into her.

He pulled her into him, tracing her face with utter softness, getting lost in the feel of her body against him, it was as if he could let out a breath for the first time. She was so beautiful. _"_ I love you, _"_ he whispered, "I'm dying to tell you this, and I promise you I will. I just want you to trust me, I want to romance you first, but I swear I have a plan. I love you so damn much."

Derek held her tightly for a long time until she woke up. She didn't let go of him, they stayed lodged against each other. "Hi," she breathed.

He smiled, "Morning, my god woman. How can you be this beautiful just waking up? You're a freak, Casey," he teased.

Casey let out the cutest giggle, "Shut up, you don't mean that."

He grinned at her, "Oh I mean it," and he was gone. So gone, and he touched her face, "You paralyze me, Case."

Casey blushed ardently, breathing a little hard. "You are also a freak Derek, I mean your hair is a mess, but you're still...so handsome."

He broke into a smile and thanked her shyly. They stayed in bed together for a long time, not saying anything. He needed to feed her, so he slowly pulled away, but it killed him. However, she was no longer hostile in any way, she told him to spend time with her all day. That night when she got ready for her bath, she very sweetly asked for help. She had refused his help with anything on that front.

He stuttered, "You want me to help you bathe," he said shakily.

Casey laughed, amused by his reaction, "I don't need help with actual bathing, I just need help getting in and out of the tub. Come on Derek, scared?" she taunted.

Derek gulped anxiously, "Should I wear a blindfold?"

Casey looked just as anxious. "Believe me, the thought of you seeing me….when I'm so huge isn't exactly fun for me either, but I've been dying to have a bath for weeks, please Derek. You told me to ask for anything, and you promised you'd never refuse me again, please," she pouted.

He felt colour go over his face, he needed to think of this as taking care of her only. It wasn't the time to check her out, or get all drooly over her. He could do it, just help her in, help her out. He could handle seeing her naked without losing it completely. Maybe he could appreciate her in silence, but it was definitely not the time to make any moves, even if he wanted to, he wasn't allowed. This was turning out to be the longest month of his life.

He managed a nod and led her to the bathroom, "Um, can you undress yourself or do you want me….."

Casey's breathing sped up, she was blushing wildly, "Does it matter? You'll see me either way….."

"I can close my eyes," he said quickly, "Um and help you when you're ready."

Casey looked down, "And you're going to help me blindly? Isn't that more dangerous?"

Derek's head was swimming, she was torturing him, and she knew it. He reached for her, and her eyes went wide. " I'm only taking care of you, I'm not making a move, alright?" She nodded slowly. His hands were shaking as he unbuttoned her blouse. He tried to keep his focus on the act, not her body, but it was impossible.

As he got to the last button, he slipped the shirt off of her, the feel of her skin under his fingers made him hot. She quickly covered herself, "I'm so huge," she muttered quietly.

Derek shook his head aggressively, "You're still hot, too hot for words."

He reached for the back of her bra, unhooking it. He looked into her eyes, he figured that was a safe place to look, but it only made him hotter. She was breathing unevenly as his fingers danced over her back. As the bra slipped off, Casey immediately, covered herself up. While he appreciated that she was so modest, it didn't do much, he was still going crazy for her. He could still see enough, she was lush, mouthwatering, her skin was pink everywhere.

"You don't have to hide," he said tightly, "I've seen you before."

Casey faltered, "Well, this is nothing like I used to be, it's different."

Derek tugged at her hands, "You can trust me, you know that. I can be a gentleman once in a while," he said with a little smirk. His hands went to her pants, tugging them off slowly, still keeping the eye contact. Everything in him was fighting against looking at her. "Besides you're going to make a choice pretty soon, you don't have enough hands to cover everything sexy about you, might as well not give a damn."

Casey laughed nervously, as she dropped her hands away from herself, and didn't even flinch just looked directly at him, as if her standing there like that was just an everyday thing. Oh she was so hot, his heart stopped. All she wore was his locket, and it made him feel like jelly, he was surprised he didn't just fall over from the impact. He wanted to pounce on her, wanted to devour her entire body. He pulled the rest of her clothes off shakily, trying not to linger or stare so obviously, but that was impossible. Oh he hated the doctor for giving such stupid rules. He couldn't do anything but just stand there. He couldn't help himself, he looked at every curve, every part of her. His eyes raked over her body like fire and imagined a million scenarios all at once.

"I'm hideous, I know," she said shyly.

Derek shook his head, trying to get his breathing under control, and cast her a dubious glance. "Clearly you're terrible at reading people, because I don't see how you could see my reaction and think that. You're fucking gorgeous."

Casey smiled shyly, "You swear?"

He grunted a few syllables out, trying to get words out was nearly impossible with the raging lust coursing through him. "Yes, you know I'm dying for you, and if you asked me to fuck you, I wouldn't think twice. I wouldn't make the stupid mistake of saying no to you ever again. But you're suddenly forbidden and it makes me want you even more. I'm sorry, I suck at being a gentleman," he had to cool it.

Casey smiled victoriously, "Well, aren't you going to help me then or are you just going to stare at me all day?" She was clearly enjoying the power she had over him.

Oh crap, Derek didn't even think of the fact that he would have to touch her, he was already brain dead, how the hell could he survive touching her? He reached for her hand and tugged her into him, the warmth of her body overwhelmed him, her scent, oh he was only human. To Casey's complete surprise he scooped her up, she squeaked, linking her arms around his neck. Her legs swung over his arm, and the other one went around her, keeping her close to his body. He looked at her face, she was flushed and, she looked at him with that damn kiss me face. The feel of her was exquisite, she was so sexy. Her body was trembling in his arms, and he just wanted to kiss every part of her, run his tongue all over her skin, make her moan his name just like she did that one night. It was clear she was self-conscious though.

"You're perfect," he said deliberately stroking her belly. "This makes you even more desirable. I swear I've never wanted you more. You're sexy as hell. You carrying my baby, it's….the most beautiful thing you've ever done."

"Really?" She turned scarlet, and licked her lips, driving him insane.

"God yes," he said shakily, "Are you ever going to ask again?" he asked roughly.

Casey blinked rapidly. "Ask for what?"

Derek swore under his breath, "Will you ever ask me for sex again? Or did I really screw things up so badly that I lost my chance?"

Casey's gaze was glassy and unfocused. "Even though I'm hurt Derek, I can't say I'll never ask again. You are too seductive, too attractive, and charming for your own good. I'm supposed to be as far away from you as possible, yet here I am, naked in your arms. Do you want me to ask?"

Derek was trembling, caressing her deeply. "Yes, more than anything. I regret turning you away that night. I have been thinking of sex with you since our night, I mean how could I not think about it? I want you now. I want to…..touch you, I want to kiss you until your breathless, I want to tease you, make you shudder. And not just for a night Casey. A night wouldn't be enough for me, ever again. I need to have sex with you for the rest of my life."

Casey bit her lip sexily, staring at his mouth. "Well," she said erratically, "If I wasn't on bed rest, I would have asked just now. You're too tempting, and I feel the same, one night could never be enough for me again. I'm sorry I'm taking so long to process my emotions."

"I know Casey. And you can take all the time you want to think, just know that I'm sorry," he moved slowly, placing her down in the tub. The sight of her being swallowed up by bubbles, but still seeing the swell of her boy just made him crazy. "Um, holler at me when you're done." He didn't wait for an answer, just booked it out of there before she exploded his heart.

* * *

Casey's heart was racing wildly, what madess was going through her? Maybe she had forgiven him already, she felt so out of control in his arms. He just said he wanted her for the rest of his life, how could any breathing human survive such erotic words? She couldn't contain her emotions anymore, she had been through so much in such a short time. Derek had been so relentless in making it known he wanted a life with her, and she was certain he loved her. All that resentment was melting away. She loved him so much.

When Derek came back for her, she couldn't help but ask for more of his attention, she had lost her mind now, "Um, could you massage my back?"

Derek managed a nod, but he was clearly flustered. He reached for a towel and handed it to her. "As hot as you are, there's only so much I can handle," he said faintly.

She smiled at him as he looked away, he was being so adorable. She rose and wrapped the towel around herself, "It's safe to look," she teased.

He glanced at her with a wry smile and reached for her, scooping her up once more. She was getting way too used to being picked up by him, and each time it just made her wish she could just be in his arms forever. When he laid her down, he brought her clothes to her, and she just looked at him shyly, "Um I thought you were massaging my back..."

Derek sputtered, "Oh...right," he muttered harshly, "Um Case, I want to make you happy, but...damn it Casey, I'm a guy. You're overestimating my capacity to hold back from attacking you, and touching you while you're naked would just make me snap. I don't want to do anything to freak you out."

Casey tugged at his hand, she had no clue what she was doing, she was mindless now. "I am in pain, I've been just lying down for days. I'll keep the towel on, I'll try not to tempt you, I promise," she said urgently. She wanted his touch so badly.

Derek laughed, "You're delusional, you don't need to try, you are tempting me 24/7."

Casey couldn't hold it in, she blurted, "Take care of me, please!" she was pouting, what was the matter with her?

He smiled brightly, "Damn it, how the hell could I ever say no to that face?"

Derek seemed so content over her asking, she could tell. He got on the bed behind her, and his legs bracketed on either side of her. She moved back until she felt the solidness of his body. She sighed, she couldn't help it. His breathing was heavy, clearly surprised by her closeness. His arms slowly went around her, and his face cradled into her neck softly. It was a lovely, intimate embrace. Her safe place. She felt his hands gently massaging her belly, "Does that feel okay?" he murmured.

Casey could only manage an inarticulate sound, and then he stopped the hug, and he rubbed her shoulders, soothing the achiness of her body with gentle kneading. And then his hands moved over her back, tantalizing, sexy, comforting. She couldn't help but moan softly. He massaged her for a long time, and she closed her eyes, this was heaven, absolute pleasure. And then to her surprise, she felt Derek's mouth on her back, kissing up slowly in a trail of fire, he nipped at her shoulder delicately, until he reached the side of her throat, kissing her softly but still enough to make her want to faint. She tilted her head back, accepting his delicious torment, but he stopped.

She looked back at him. His gaze was a galaxy of emotions, desire, care, love, and an intensity that stole her essence. Casey couldn't resist it anymore, and they moved at the same time, he seized her face in his hands, and he kissed her. The moment he did it was as if her heartbeat got a breathful of air again. His mouth moved slowly, without rush, entrancing her, filling her with shocking delight. His magnetism was overpowering, and she kissed him back with a melted, desperate longing. Oh she missed him so much. It was a soulful kiss, one that screamed of a need so much deeper than anything they could control.

When Derek pulled back, he groaned, "Casey…..I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. I just have been dying to kiss you for days. I know this Sally thing hurt you, I know it, and I would do anything to go back and change things. Forgive me Casey, please."

Casey could never stop loving him, it was impossible. He was in her blood, her lungs, her every breath. She needed to tell him the truth. She put on the clothes he left scattered on the floor, and laid down beside him. She reached for his hand, and slowly looked at him. He looked scared by her strange behavior.

"I lied," she said with emotion. "I was jealous and hurt. The reason I went to look for you was because I wanted to tell you that I wanted more too. I wanted to tell you what I felt for you was so much deeper, and so much more intense than just physical attraction. I wanted a relationship with you, a real one, a romantic one. I spent weeks overthinking, I was also scared to put my feelings out sooner, scared you didn't feel the same. But then I finally got the courage to tell you. I was so excited and then I found you kissing Sally. I felt like I wasn't meant to be happy. " She could feel her eyes blurring, and she was shaking.

Derek's eyes were glassy, clearly it hurt him to hear her say she was about to confess. She couldn't stop the words. "Of course I was jealous, Sally was kissing my man right in front of me. It didn't matter that we hadn't made anything official, you were still mine Derek! I tried to kiss you several times, I was throwing you all sorts of signals, I thought I was an open book but you just kept pushing me away. I understand why you would have doubted, I know I made you believe our night together meant nothing. I get why you would have seen my advances as just physical, but let me ask you this, when have I ever made a fool of myself over and over again for just a physical relationship? When have I ever been the type of girl to just look for sex, you know I need to feel emotionally connected. I thought you knew me, I've never been casual Derek, I am a hopeless romantic. " She felt the tears pouring down her face, her mouth opened and closed on wretched sobs.

Derek held her tightly, trying to soothe away the tears. He was shaking against her, she thought maybe he was moments from crying himself, which was crazy because he wasn't the cry type at all. "Oh Case," he said roughly, "I'm sorry, no wonder you repelled me, god just knowing how much I hurt you makes me sick. Forgive me, please," he looked absolutely guilt riddled, and she hated that he felt so responsible for her pain. "Just knowing how close we were to finally getting what we wanted just kills me. I am yours Casey, I swear. I was a blind idiot, you're right Casey, I should have known. You are the most romantic woman on earth, and I should have seen the clear signs your were throwing in my face, I have no excuse, just stupidity. God I feel so terrible."

Casey looked into his eyes, he stroked her back in slow, soothing movements, encouraging her to continue. "It hurt so much to see Sally kissing you, when you resisted my kisses all the time, but you didn't resist her, you didn't stop it right away, you let it happen. It made me feel like she was the one you wanted, I had never felt so lost and broken as to think I could never compete with Sally. I know it was a misunderstanding, but it's burned into my memory. This whole time, I believed you when you said you wanted me, but I've been through a whirlwind of emotions. I want you Derek, I do. I want you so much, and resisting you has been the hardest thing I've ever done. You were saying things I've always wished for, but I was too hurt to be able to let go of resentment."

Derek looked at her with complete brokedness, his hands went into her hair, stroking her neck with soft touches. "Case, I should have never resisted you, I can't believe how much of a moron I was. There is no competition, what I feel for you is a million times more intense than anything I ever felt for Sally, I swear. I was a wimp for resisting your kisses. Your kisses made me lose my mind, and I was one step away from just…..giving you everything, and I was worried you didn't feel the same. I now realize it was stupid of me, when you're right you've been showing me what you feel for months and I just didn't see. I was a coward, I was stupid, and blind. I'm sorry, tell me what I must do to make this right, please, I'll do anything."

Casey didn't respond right away, she was tried to process his words, and they were quiet for a long time. She felt all the bitterness melting away, now that she could express why she was hurt, it was as if it was lifting off her. "I am starting to get over it, okay? I'm honestly more angry at Sally for just not caring and kissing you anyway. But I can't completely blame her for wanting you, you're just...incredible in every way possible...I can't contain how I feel no matter how stubborn I am."

"You're silly Case, you're the one that's incredible. I know I don't deserve anything," he looked so downcast, "But I'm greedy and want you anyways."

They stared at each other, the soft plead in his gaze moved her. The past few months, weeks, and days went through her mind like perfect puzzle pieces. Everything he'd done for her, how sweet he'd been, how amazing of a father he was already without Noah even being born yet. He had been present, he took care of her, he had been so romantic, and she had been wanting this for so long. She would be stupid for letting him go. She reached over, tracing his face, playing with his soft curls, taking in every detail of his handsome face. That usual confidence he displayed was nowhere to be found, he looked so insecure, and it broke her.

She smiled at him, "You're silly if you thought for one moment I could resist this much longer. You have made me spin for days, made me blush, made me so...happy even though I may have acted cold. I can't take more. I want to give in Derek, help me forget. I need you. Kiss me, please."

Derek's smile broke through the darkness like shimmering gold, "Are you sure? I know I lost my mind earlier, but I can wait Casey, we don't have to-"

Casey tugged at him, she couldn't see past the desire. "Shut up and kiss me," she ordered.

Derek didn't wait another moment and moved in and captured her, pulling her into him with urgency, he lifted her and placed her on his lap until she was straddling him. He cradled her jaw and looked at her with so much depth, it shook her, "Forgive me princess, please."

He stole her soul the moment he kissed her. He possessed her with desperation, and grasped her hard against him. He kissed her with undiluted passion, claiming her mouth with intense, breathtaking sensuality. She wrapped her arms around him, offering him what he wanted as she tilted her head back, giving him full access. They kissed wildly, with abandoned passion, a tsunami of pleasure dismantled her senses. They couldn't kiss hard enough, deep enough, an insistent desire that made them moan and shiver, a desire that made them want more. The moment was untamed, hot, lustful, but also it was a kiss with the purpose of blotting out her thoughts, her doubts. Sally seemed to be a ghost now, there was no thinking of anything else, all that existed was Derek. His hands moved under her shirt, touching her back with heady seductiveness, he knew he was irresistible, knew how mindlessly crazy he was making her. She loved him so much she was dizzy, breathing erratically. Casey moaned softly as he tugged at her bottom lip deliciously, his kisses were persuasive, amazing, dissolving all angst, all resentment. His lips were her religion, lips made to be adored and devoured. She was aware of the slow, carnal movements, how she rocked in to him, how he reacted to the teasing friction, with his own, diabolical movements. It was insistent, and then his hand cupped her bottom and surged her against him, and the rocking escalated to full on grinding. She knew at the back of her mind it was forbidden, but the heat was climbing over her skin, and she couldn't think over the roaring in her ears. They needed each other with desperate intensity, and neither of them seemed to be able to tame it.

"I missed you," he spoke in between searing kisses. "god your mouth feels so damn good. You're my wild keener," he murmured.

Casey blushed from head to toe. She kissed him with all the pent up passion she had. "I forgive you," she sighed softly, "How could I resist you?I missed you too. I love your kisses, I'm greedy and way too jealous about sharing this with anyone, you're mine Derek."

Derek smiled against her mouth, "You've never been good at sharing," he teased charmingly as he broke the kiss with a heavy groan."Case, can I just say something? I swear it's important, believe me I wouldn't end this kiss unless it was important." Casey managed a nod, but stayed put on top of him as she tried to collect herself. "I have a suggestion. I know right now everything is still so fresh with the Sally thing, and I don't want to rush you in any way, we don't have to jump into a relationship until you're ready. I want you to trust me. But I'm asking for one chance Casey, let me take you on one date. We'll call it a do-over date."

Casey felt herself moving closer, intense curiosity radiated from her. "A do-over date?"

He looked shockingly serious, "Yes. You and I got pregnant out of a one night stand. And while the night itself was good, let's face it, it ended badly. I want a do over."

"Why?" she asked breathlessly.

Derek caressed her cheeks, looking at her softly. "Because I want to go back to the start Casey. I want to show you that romance isn't dead for you. All I ask is for one date to rewrite the way we started. That night was amazing in so many ways, but the way it ended has tormented me. Just one date, Case, and after if you're still feeling unsure and upset , we'll go back to whatever you want, there's no rush. I am willing to wait for as long as it takes Casey."

Casey felt a shock of emotion consume her, "You'd really do that for me?"

His smile blew up her brain signals. "I'd do anything for you."

Casey smiled at him, feeling warmth spread through her ravenously. "If it's a do-over, then I wouldn't be pregnant, and I don't want you to refer to me as your step sister once during that night. I guess we wouldn't...repeat everything,since we still have to um wait two more weeks." She blushed a little.

Derek grinned, a little blush went over his face and it was so cute, she couldn't help melt over it. "As much as it would suck to wait for sex, I don't want to wait to take you out on this date. It's urgent, this is the first time in my life where sex isn't the most important thing. Being able to give you the date you deserve, the one you should have had from the start is way more important. It just kills me that you were a one night stand, out of all the women on earth, you would have been the last person I would have wanted for just one night. You deserved more from me that night."

Casey couldn't contain it, and hugged him, "That's the sweetest thing," she murmured, "I'm sorry I've been such a…jerk to you."

Derek pulled back, stroking her head gently. "No, don't you dare apologize. I guess we have something to look forward to, so you need to get better as soon as possible."

Casey felt a ray of giddiness, "But it will be a real date right?" She wanted more than one night, but it was a start. One date just seemed like hope.

His eyes lit up, making her all hazed, "It will be a real date, I promise."

The irony that she had asked for just one night with him at the beginning and now he was asking for the same thing, just one date, was an incredible parallel, "I'd love to go on a date with you," she answered, smiling brightly.

He grinned, the happiness radiated over his face like a 100 watt light bulb. He knew she was giving him a chance. "You've got yourself a date, once we get the clear from the doctor that you can move again, it's going down. You're going to get dated hard core Case, prepare yourself."

Casey couldn't help it, the tears came out, she broke him. He managed to tear down every wall, with his sweetness, his presence, his attention. Derek wanting to take her on a do over date had to be the sweetest, most amazing thing he could have ever done for her, but he was crazy if he really thought she'd be content with just one date. Derek held her against him cradling her gently. She loved being able to get lost in his eyes. They stayed in suspended bliss for a long time, and then he kissed her tenderly.

"I have a confession," he said in a shock soft voice, his gaze was molten lava. "I want you more than anything, in my whole life you have always been what I wanted the most. I want to take care of you, flirt with you, tell you just how beautiful you are every single day. I want to date you, make you happy, I want to chase you around the house, romance you. I want all my nights to be with you, no more one night stands and wake up with you beside me. I want to be your safe place, always. I want to give you everything I have, because ..." He took her hand, and she was transfixed as he pulled it towards his chest, "You are the only one that has ever had this. My heart is yours Casey Mcdonald. I really doubt I'll be able to function without you. This date may be a do-over date, because you deserve it. But don't be silly into believing that I'm going to give up after this date. You have been warned, I'm going to fight for this," and he touched over her heart in such a gentle sweep, it made her tremble, she was barely breathing anymore. "I want your heart, your body, your mind, your cute keener tendencies, your smile, everything. I am greedy beyond belief, and I know it, but I promise if you give me your heart, I'll take care of it with my life."

Casey stared in complete awe, her mouth hung open. As Derek looked at her with pure emotion, as he told her his heart was hers, she felt the last remaining walls of bitterness disappear. She had to be dreaming, her broken heart seemed to be working on overdrive to put the pieces back, to let him in, to die all over him because his words were medicine. His beautiful words caused a tornado of pure delight. She wanted was to drag him down on her, kiss him, wanted to make love with him right there and then, but of course he was off limits, another reason to despise Sally.

She teared up and embraced him tightly, until there was no space between them, just the frantic beating of her heart against his. He basically told her he loved her, and she was dying, dying of love for him. "Derek, that was...so beautiful, I...for the first time in my life, I have no words. Who could ever hear Derek Venturi say such intoxicating words, and not die from a heart explosion? You really think I could hear that and just think, well let me think about it? God, you're not leaving my sight, you got it? You're mine and it's final. But you're welcome to continue um fighting because I'm now addicted to this version of you. Who would have thought it, you're a total romantic Derek Venturi and I'm not letting you go."

Derek let out a deep breath, smiling luminously. "Is that a promise? and I can't believe it either, but you rubbed off on me. I became what I always mocked, but I am no match for you," he said with that unbearable charm. "Don't tease me, please, I may look all confident right now, but deep, deep, down I'm just trying not to pass out from how nervous I am."

Casey kissed him ardently, just absorbing his words into the deepest part of her being, and then she covered his hand by her heart. She looked at him adoration. He was an idiot if he thought he hadn't won her, he was truly her idiot, the love of her life, her everything. "You have already won, do you feel that?" Her heart was pounding as he waited. "My heart is no match for you, it's yours. It's always been yours."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a long chapter, this is 2 chapters in 1 for sure. I thought of splitting it up, but I couldn't do that to you guys! You've all been so patient. This chapter from the anger, to the lust, to the do over date, to Derek building up through out the chapter just how much he wants her was my favourite chapter to write. But the next one guys, the next one will be my absolute favourite.


End file.
